Repair Me

by Jennifer Foor

  “So what happens now? This thing between us has to end because you’re going to run off and marry her, like the good southern boy you are? Come on Ford, I know you don’t want to be with her.”

  He turned and looked at me and I could tell from the look on his face that he wasn’t happy. He reached over and gently caressed my arm. “I should have waited until I saw the proof, but I can’t keep this from you. Ash’s dad came to tell me that she was pregnant. He showed me this tax bill that hasn’t been paid in years. Apparently, he thought he was doing me a favor over the years by not tellin’ me because I was involved with his daughter. Now that we ain’t together, he’s blackmailin’ me.”

  I was so confused. “What are you saying? You’re talking about two things at once.”

  “He says if I don’t stand by Ash then my family can kiss our property goodbye.”

  My heart was racing and it wasn’t because I was excited. “What does he mean when he says stand by her?” The question stung my throat as I held back the tears that I knew were coming.

  Ford hesitated and tried to grab my arm, but this time, I pulled away. “Sky, this isn’t what I want. You have to know that I want to be with you. If there was another way around it, I’d do it in a heartbeat.”

  I put my hand over his lips to make him stop. “Just tell me what is happening. Please, Ford.” I could feel the first tears falling down my cheeks.

  He reached up and wiped them away. I closed my eyes, unable to look at him. His sad face did nothing for my breaking heart. “We can’t be together anymore.”

  I sat up and covered my face. There was no way for me to hide my feelings. We’d spent so much time getting to know each other that trying to act normal wasn’t going to work. Ford knew me better than I knew myself sometimes. I felt him coming up behind me and putting his hands on my shoulders. “Please don’t touch me. It only makes it worse.”

  He didn’t let go. “Darlin’, this ain’t what I want. God, the thought of hurtin’ you is killin’ me inside. That’s why I couldn’t keep it from you any longer. I want you to know that the reason we can’t be together has nothin’ to do with you. If I had a choice, it would be you.”

  His words meant nothing, because all I heard was him saying that we were over. I wanted to be angry and lash out at him, but I knew he was hurting just as much as I was. For the first time, I was certain that he was truly being forced to break up with me. I hated Ashley and her pathetic excuse for a father. “Are you sure she’s pregnant?” I still refused to look at him. My face was soaked and I knew that if I looked into his eyes seeing the same pain I was feeling, it would cause me to physically lose it. “What if she’s just lying? She said she would do anything to get you back.”

  “Her dad said it. I swear to you that I don’t even remember that night and I wasn’t with her any other times. It seems impossible, but we both know I have the worst possible luck.”

  Ford leaned over and kissed me on the back of my head. “It’s not fair! You promised you wouldn’t hurt me, Ford. You said we were going to be happy.”

  He talked with his face against my head. “I know what I said and I meant it. You have to know that I don’t want her. She’s ruinin’ my life. Ever since that dickhead walked out of my apartment, I’ve been tryin’ to figure out a way for this to all go away. What am I supposed to do, Sky? If I don’t take his damn deal, he’s goin’ to force us off our property. My dad is happier than he’s been in forever. That business is all he has.”

  “It’s his fault for not paying his taxes. Why do you have to suffer?” I started to sob, while Ford tried to comfort me.

  He wrapped his arms completely around me. “What am I supposed to do? I have a fuckin’ kid on the way. Even if I walked away from my family, I can’t walk away from my own child. I ain’t sayin’ I want to be with Ash, but I want to be a part of its life. She ain’t goin’ to let that happen if I’ve got no place to live and no job. She’ll take me to court and make sure I never see my child. Jesus Christ, do you not understand how hard this is? I don’t want to hurt you or be without you. I don’t know what else to do here.”

  I wasn’t oblivious to his situation. It sucked and I knew he was stuck between a rock and hard place, but he still had a choice. Why couldn’t he just challenge the man. “How much money do you need? I’ll give it to you. My dad can help us.”

  Ford got up off the bed and walked over to my dresser. His back was facing me and I couldn’t have cared less that he was naked. Nothing could distract me from the fact that we were breaking up. “It’s over ten grand, Sky. I can’t and won’t ask you for that kind of money.”

  “If it meant we could be together, you wouldn’t take it?” I was so desperate to hold on to him. I didn’t care if we had to start robbing banks. I’d do anything to be with him.

  Ford walked over and kneeled down in front of me. He put his hands on my thighs and finally looked me in the eyes. It wasn’t just pain that I saw staring back at me. I could see tears forming in his eyes. “No. I won’t take your money. There will still be a baby. I know you don’t understand, but I promised myself that if I ever had children, I’d be a better parent than mine were. Ash doesn’t even matter. I need to be responsible. I have to do the right thing.”

  I took Ford’s hands and pushed them off of my legs. “Get your things and go home, Ford. I have nothing left to say to you.”

  The truth was that I had a lot I wanted to say to him, but being in the same room with him was killing me. I’d let myself fall in love with a man who was telling me that we couldn’t be together. Seeing his pain escalated my frustration.

  Ford was walking away from me and I couldn’t stop him.

  We were over.

  Ford

  Maybe I should have waited to tell her. Holding her one more time wouldn’t have made it easier, but at least I’d had that as a goodbye instead of the one I gave her. I left Sky that night, crying in her room, with no hope of us ever even talking to each other again.

  The thought of being without her was too much for me to take. After getting back to my place, I headed straight to my father’s to give him a piece of my mind. After unlocking the door, I burst into the house, looking to take out my frustrations out on the person responsible for getting me into this situation.

  As I walked into the living room I saw something that made me stop dead in my tracks. My mother and father were asleep in each other’s arms, on the couch. I watched them sleeping for a few seconds and then the guilt set in.

  What if this really was a second chance for them? What if faith and my father’s love was what my mother needed in order to heal and recover? How was I supposed to be selfish and not give them that chance?

  I found a few bottles of liquor and took them up to my apartment. I didn’t care if I drank myself to death. What did I have to look forward to? I’d finally found someone that I was considering spending my future with and I couldn’t have her. For all I knew she’d never even talk to me again. I missed her already and it had only been hours. How was I supposed to get by when those hours turned to days and then weeks? Was I ever going to be able to forget about her?

  My heart was numb and I wanted my mind to be the same. I downed one of the bottles of alcohol, never even noticing what it was that I’d drank. It burned going down, which meant it was going to work fast.

  Even a grown man can break down once in a while and I could feel it coming. The more I drank, the more I thought about Sky. Still, I kept going. I wanted to pass out, because it was the only way to not think about what I was losing.

  I don’t know how long I sat there. It could have been a few minutes, or even a couple of hours. It was such a disaster that none of that mattered anymore. A knock on my door woke me right out of my sulking.

  Thinking that it was Sky, I ran toward the door. All I wanted to do was pull her into my arms and tell her that I was never going to let her go again. Except, it wasn’t Sky. Shayne stood there, leaning against the frame of the door. �
�I heard you might need some company.”

  “Yeah, from who?”

  “Lacey called me from Sky’s house. Why’d you do it, man? Why’d you give up a piece like that?”

  I shoved him against the wall. “Don’t you fuckin’ call her that!”

  He put up his hands and tried to get me to calm down. “I thought you dumped her. Chill the fuck out, dude!”

  I shoved him away from me and walked back into the kitchen where I’d been sitting. “I didn’t have a damn choice. Ashley’s fuckin’ pregnant and her piece of shit father is forcin’ my hand at bein’ with her.”

  “What do you mean, forcin’?”

  I shook my head and took another hit of the bottle. Then I grabbed my smokes and lit one up. I’d been trying to quit, but I guess I didn’t have a reason anymore. “We owe back taxes. It’s enough for the damn state to seize our land. He made me a deal that I couldn’t refuse. I get a baby and my dad gets to keep his property.”

  “He can’t do that!”

  “He already did. Look, I don’t have a fuckin’ choice. You think I wanted to walk away from Sky? I’m crazy about her. I’d never walk away from what we have.”

  Shayne shook his head. “Man, I wish I could tell you what to do, but I guess you have your mind made up. This explains why Sky called Lacey freakin’ out. We could barely understand what she was sayin’.”

  I took another drag and appreciated the way the smoke was helping me relax. Since I’d cut back so much, the nicotine gave me a temporary sort of high. I closed my eyes and tried to clear my head. She consumed my thoughts. “I didn’t want to leave. Trust me when I say that. I don’t want anythin’ from Ash. That bitch has ruined my life, for the second damn time. I hate her!”

  “Maybe the baby belongs to someone else?”

  I appreciated my cousin having my back. “Yeah, like that would ever happen. She’s been obsessed with me since I got back. Hell, she practically raped me the night she apparently conceived. In my right mind, I never would have touched that bitch. I should have known not to even hang out with her.”

  “Man, I am real sorry. I wish there was somethin’ I could do.”

  “I just need to be alone. As much as I appreciate you stopping by, I need to figure things out myself.”

  We said our goodbyes and I was left alone in my apartment. Sitting there was getting me nowhere. I knew I should have given her time, but I wanted to hear her voice, so I walked outside, to get service, and called Sky. It rang until the voicemail picked up. Maybe I should have left a message telling her how sorry I was. Maybe I should have told her how much she’d always meant to me.

  I hung up and walked back inside, where I drank until I couldn’t keep my eyes open any longer. The damage had been done. Having a baby with another woman was a deal breaker. In Sky’s eyes, it was wrong for me to have slept with Ash in the first place. The fact that I’d made a baby with someone else, hours after sleeping with her, must have been devastating. Her hating me didn’t touch the surface when it came to how much I hated myself.

  Chapter 25

  Skylar

  I’ve heard people say that what’s broken can always be fixed, but that didn’t seem to be true in my eyes. My heart was not only broken, it was shattered into a million pieces. Ford didn’t just rip out my heart; he left a space that could never be filled by anyone else. My love for him remained and I think that is what hurt the worst.

  How could I not love a man that was willing to sacrifice his own happiness for the ones he loved? Loving him was the easy part. Getting over him was what was impossible.

  It took me a few days to come out of my room. My dad did everything in his power to cheer me up, including buying me a long overdue new vehicle. Not that I cared. The only thing I wanted was the one thing I would never have.

  My mother cancelled a business trip and tried to console me. Her efforts were useless. I felt like a zombie, living only to breathe in air, but having no real reason to exist.

  School started three weeks after our break-up. I put on my best face and attended, except my head wasn’t in it. Being out in public left me more depressed. Especially being on a coed campus where couples lurked in every corner. Each time I’d see two people kissing, it made me upset. I carried a box of tissues in my book bag and even stopped wearing makeup, because it never lasted after my first morning cry.

  As far as my courses went, well I had pretty much stopped caring what I did for a living. A future without a heart wasn’t worth having.

  I realize that I must have looked pathetic, but that’s exactly how I felt.

  I felt pathetic, alone, and empty inside.

  Ford invaded my soul and I thought about him every second. At times, I felt like he was a teenage crush that you never get over.

  My friends, especially Lacey, thought I was crazy for loving him, with no hope of us ever being together again. She’d mentioned setting me up with other people. Thankfully, Shayne had stood up for me and told me that I wasn’t crazy. He kept pulling me to the side, when we were together, and whispering to me how much Ford missed me.

  Looking back, he probably shouldn’t have given me false hope. In only three weeks he’d managed to move Ashley in. According to Lacey, they were looking for a bigger place to raise their child.

  Ford had called me constantly the first couple of weeks. I refused to take his calls. Once they stopped, I regretted not wanting to hear his voice. It got so bad that one night I was out to dinner with my parents and our waiter had a southern accent. I had to leave the table. Later, my mother found me locked in a bathroom stall, in tears.

  Nobody understood what it was like. I couldn’t get him out of my head, even when I knew he had moved on. The only thing that kept me going was my knowing that he wasn’t doing it because he wanted to. They didn’t know what it was like every time I showered and felt my piercing. They couldn’t imagine my angst when I glanced at my hip or saw it in the mirror when I was undressed. They couldn’t have known that I had reminders permanently drawn on my body. No matter if I moved on, I’d still have that. I’d still think of him every single time I saw it.

  As much as being without him was killing me, I had to consider what life was like for him. Sure, he was doing what he thought was right, against everyone else’s opinions. He was the kind of guy that a person could count on and I think Ashley’s father knew that. He knew he could manipulate the situation and get Ford to do whatever he wanted. Hell with that much hanging over his head, I could only imagine the things he would have Ford doing. It made me sick.

  Thinking that the only time I’d ever see Ford again would be if Lacey and Shayne married, I had started to get into a routine. Sure, I was far from being normal. I barely ate and socialized as little as possible. I even declined hanging out at my own house when Lacey suggested it.

  To pass the time, I started working at a clothing store. It was a boring job and I folded more clothes my first week than I had my whole life. It still kept me occupied, which was exactly what I needed.

  My dad’s new division was keeping him away from home and my mother was barely there. Going home to that empty house was miserable.

  I’ll never forget the night I pulled up and saw that old red truck sitting in my driveway. I was so flabbergasted that I left the car running and climbed out. I approached the passenger side door and saw him looking down at the steering wheel. He turned and looked at me, but didn’t smile.

  Ford looked terrible. He had circles under his eyes and looked so sad. I opened the door and climbed into the seat beside him, closing the distance between us. I said nothing as my arms reached around him. I closed my eyes and took in the familiar scent of him.

  That’s when I felt his body shaking and heard the sniffles coming from his nose. I looked up and saw his eyes full of tears. This was a man that never cried, but here he was, a total mess. I reached up and wiped a tear away, but never took my eyes off of him.

  “I love you, Sky. I love you so much that I feel lik
e I’m suffocatin’ without you in my life. I’m sorry for drivin’ here, but you won’t take my calls and I just…”

  I didn’t let him finish. My lips were on his and I held back nothing as our emotions led us to our passion filled reunion. Ford held me so close, as if he was expecting me to get out and run away from him. Didn’t he know that this moment had been one of the happiest moments of my life?

  When we stopped to catch our breaths, Ford looked over at my car that was still running. “You should probably turn that off. Gas is too expensive to waste.”

  I kept holding him. “I don’t want to let go.”

  “Invite me in.”

  “Where’s Ashley? How are you here right now?”

  He looked down and smiled. “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”

  I raised my eyebrow. “Try me.”

  “My mother took her out of town to shop for baby stuff, so that I could spend the day with you. It was her and my dad’s idea. They’ve been tryin’ to help me. I guess they feel bad about all that’s happened.”

  “How long do we have?”

  He touched my face with his course hands. “She’ll be home in the mornin’. All we have is tonight. That’s if you let me stay with you, of course.”

  I put my head against his and closed my eyes. “I miss you so much. I’m so sorry for ignoring your calls. It just hurt too much, Ford. I hate knowing you’re with her. I hate that she gets to have you.”

  “She doesn’t have me at all, darlin’. Sure, we are livin’ under the same roof, but that’s the extent of it. I don’t speak to her and she knows I don’t love her. We don’t touch, Sky. How could I think about doin’ that when you’re all I want?”

  His words were what I needed to hear. It didn’t matter to me that he had to go home. It didn’t matter if it was just for one night. I was willing to take whatever I could get. I needed to feel his love for me, even if it was just this one time.

  Ford

  I’d been miserable without her. Work seemed pointless and pretending to be nice to someone I couldn’t stand was damn near impossible. It had gotten so unbearable that talking to my mother wasn’t so bad. She hadn’t forced her way into my life, just offered this one thing to try to make me happy. I’d waited a week after leaving Sky to tell them why we’d actually broken up. My father said nothing, while my mother seemed genuinely offended that I’d been thrown into such a scandal, because my father couldn’t pay the bills. Then she blamed herself.