Bumper Book of Humphrey's Tiny Tales 2

by Betty G. Birney

  Garth looked unsqueakably upset.

  I was unsqueakably sorry that everybody was so disappointed.

  ‘What did you do with it, Humphrey?’ Garth asked me. ‘Where did you hide it?’

  ‘I didn’t!’ I squeaked. ‘The thief took it.’

  ‘Humphrey’s just a hamster,’ Garth’s dad said. ‘What could he do?’

  ‘You don’t know Humphrey,’ Garth said.

  Some of my friends laughed. They knew I’d had a lot of amazing adventures.

  ‘Humphrey wouldn’t do anything bad,’ Miranda said.

  ‘BOING!’ Og added.

  My other friends all agreed.

  Garth shook his head. ‘But how could the real treasure disappear like that? And how did the chocolate coin get into Humphrey’s cage?’

  ‘I’m happy with the treasure I found,’ Sayeh said. ‘Don’t worry, Garth.’

  But Garth was still upset. ‘I don’t know how that coin got in there. It was on my desk.’

  ‘Do you think a thief came in and stole your treasure?’ Garth’s mum smiled. ‘And then replaced it? That’s silly.’

  ‘No, it’s not!’ I squeaked.

  ‘Somebody could have taken it while we were searching,’ Garth said. ‘We weren’t looking at Humphrey’s cage the whole time.’

  ‘True,’ Garth’s dad said.

  ‘False!’ I said. ‘You’re WRONG-WRONG-WRONG!’

  Everybody laughed at my squeaking. I wish they’d at least try to understand me.

  ‘Only Humphrey really knows what happened,’ Miranda said.

  She was almost right. Og and I were the only ones who knew that the thief had stolen the treasure the night before.

  She didn’t know that we had no idea who the thief was.

  I thought about who it could have been.

  The only humans who were in the house were Garth, his mum, his dad, Andy and A.J.

  Garth wouldn’t have taken his own treasure. If he had, wouldn’t he have told me?

  Garth’s mum and dad were too nice to steal anything.

  A.J. wasn’t a thief. But had he been playing a joke on Garth?

  And Andy had been asleep in bed when the treasure was stolen.

  I looked at Garth’s little brother.

  He didn’t look like a thief.

  But he did look funny with chocolate smeared all over his face.

  ‘Andy! I told you, no chocolate cake until later!’ Garth’s mum said when she saw him. ‘You sneaked some chocolate last night, too.’

  ‘Yum, chocolate,’ Andy said. ‘YUM!’

  Garth said, ‘Sssh!’

  Andy said, ‘Sssh!’ right back.

  The thief had smelled like chocolate. Andy loved chocolate. And he’d been eating it last night.

  The thief had said ‘Sssh!’ Garth and A.J. said ‘Sssh!’ But Andy liked to say ‘Sssh!’ a lot.

  Andy had been in the house last night. But now I knew he hadn’t been in bed.

  I raced to the front of my cage.

  ‘You did it, Andy! You’re the thief,’ I squeaked. ‘Turn yourself in!’

  All my friends giggled at my SQUEAK-SQUEAK-SQUEAKs. But I didn’t giggle.

  ‘Andy is the thief!’ I said. ‘He did it!’

  ‘Humphrey seems mad at Andy,’ Garth said.

  ‘Yes, he does,’ Garth’s mum said.

  She turned to Andy. ‘Did you take the treasure out of Humphrey’s cage?’

  Andy looked down at the ground. ‘Yes,’ he said softly.

  ‘Why?’ Garth asked.

  ‘I like treasure,’ Andy said.

  Garth had another question. ‘And did you put the chocolate coin in the cage?’

  ‘I like chocolate,’ Andy said.

  It wasn’t a real answer, but Garth didn’t notice.

  ‘Go get the treasure,’ Garth’s dad said. ‘Now!’

  Andy went into the house and soon came back carrying the little treasure chest.

  ‘Give it to Sayeh,’ Garth’s mum told him. ‘And tell her you’re sorry.’

  Andy handed Sayeh the chest.

  ‘Sorry,’ he said.

  He looked REALLY-REALLYREALLY sorry, too.

  Everyone gathered round while Sayeh opened the tiny chest.

  ‘Oh!’ she said as she reached inside. ‘It’s a gift card for Tilly’s Toy Store!’

  All my friends said, ‘Oooh.’

  Sayeh handed Andy the chocolate coin. ‘This is for you, Andy. Because you told the truth.’

  Andy smiled happily, until his mum took the coin to save for later.

  ‘Thanks for solving the mystery for us, Humphrey,’ Garth’s dad said. ‘You’re quite a treasure yourself.’

  ‘BOING-BOING!’ Og agreed.

  ‘Og, you’re a treasure, too,’ Garth’s dad laughed.

  Garth’s mum announced it was time for cake and ice cream so my friends ran off to the food table.

  But Garth came straight back.

  ‘Humphrey, I’m sorry I blamed you,’ he said. ‘I should have known that you’d never steal anything.’

  He opened the door of my cage and put a small piece of carrot inside.

  ‘Here’s a treat for you,’ he said.

  Yum! That lovely orange carrot looked like sparkly golden treasure to me.

  I hid it under the bedding in my cage for later on, when I’d have a treasure hunt all by myself.

  ‘Thanks for making it a great party,’ Garth said.

  ‘You’re welcome,’ I replied. ‘It was a GREAT-GREAT-GREAT party.’

  And I REALLY-REALLY-REALLY meant it.

  a frog, is the other classroom pet in Room 26. He makes a funny sound: BOING!

  is a grown-up who cleans Room 26 at night. He’s a special friend who always brings me a treat and seems to understand my squeaks better than most humans.

  is our teacher. She really understands her students – even me!

  is Aldo’s nephew and a classmate of mine.

  loves to giggle – and so do I!

  is unsqueakably smart, but she’s shy and doesn’t like to speak in class.

  is always quick with an answer.

  is a FUN-FUN-FUN friend!

  I think you’ll like my other friends, too, such as Wait-For-The-Bell-Garth, Lower-Your-Voice-A.J. Mrs Brisbane and Don’t-Complain-Mandy.

  It was Friday afternoon in Room 26 of Longfellow School, where I’m the classroom hamster.

  I was nibbling on a yummy carrot stick when I heard Mrs Brisbane say, ‘Class, don’t forget to bring in your science projects on Monday.’

  That was such exciting news, I almost dropped my carrot.

  My classmates had been talking about their experiments all week and they sounded unsqueakably interesting!

  I turned to Og, the other classroom pet.

  ‘Did you hear that, Og?’ I said. ‘We’re going to see everyone’s science projects on Monday!’

  ‘BOING!’ Og replied. He makes a funny sound, but he can’t help it. He’s a frog.

  ‘Who would like to give us a sneak peek of your project now?’ Mrs Brisbane asked.

  ‘I would!’ Raise-Your-Hand-Heidi called out.

  ‘Heidi, what did you forget to do?’ Mrs Brisbane said.

  Heidi raised her hand. ‘Sorry,’ she said. ‘I’m testing different liquids to see how long it takes for them to freeze.’

  ‘Interesting,’ Mrs Brisbane said. ‘What have you tried?’

  ‘Plain water, sugar water and salt water,’ Heidi said.

  A.J.’s hand shot up. ‘I don’t get it,’ he said in his loud voice. ‘Won’t they be melted by the time you get to school?’

  ‘Lower-Your-Voice-A.J.,’ Mrs Brisbane reminded him.

  ‘All right,’ he said in a softer voice. ‘But won’t they melt?’

  ‘Yes,’ Heidi said. ‘So I’m taking pictures and keeping a chart. That’s what I’ll bring in.’

  Just thinking about things that are COLD-COLD-COLD made me shiver, even though I have a fur coat! />
  ‘How about you, Sayeh?’ Mrs Brisbane asked next. Speak-Up-Sayeh didn’t raise her hand because she doesn’t like to talk in class.

  Sayeh smiled shyly. ‘I’m growing beans on my windowsill,’ she said. ‘Some will have full sun and some will be covered.’

  Stop-Giggling-Gail was growing mould in her fridge. Mould sounded yucky but Gail said it was fun.

  Pay-Attention-Art talked about magnets and Golden-Miranda said something about making a rainbow.

  Then I noticed Richie Rinaldi waving his hand.

  Mrs Brisbane asked him to speak.

  ‘Mrumsum,’ Repeat-It-Please-Richie said. At least that’s what I heard. And hamsters have very good hearing.

  ‘Repeat-It-Please-Richie,’ Mrs Brisbane said. ‘And this time, say it so I can understand it.’

  ‘May I take Humphrey home this weekend?’ Richie asked. ‘I need him for my experiment.’

  I was happy to hear that. Classroom pets like me love to be needed.

  ‘I thought your project was about ants,’ Mrs Brisbane said.

  ‘It was,’ Richie replied. ‘But my mum didn’t like having ants in the house. Now I have a better idea using a hamster.’

  Mrs Brisbane checked her list. ‘Yes, Richie,’ she said. ‘It’s your turn to take Humphrey home. Do you want to tell us about your new experiment?’

  ‘Yes, tell us!’ I shouted.

  Of course, all my friends heard was SQUEAK-SQUEAK-SQUEAK.

  Richie thought for a moment. ‘I think it should be a surprise.’

  Kirk Chen raised his hand. ‘I know what it is,’ he said. ‘Richie’s going to turn Humphrey into a monster!’

  Then he raised his arms straight up in front of him and made a scary face.

  ‘And when he’s a monster, he can have a ghoul friend!’ Kirk added.

  Everybody laughed.

  It was funny, unless you were the hamster who was going to be turned into a monster!

  And I really didn’t want a ghoul friend!

  ‘BOING-BOING-BOING-BOING!’ Og sounded unsqueakably worried.

  After all, his tank sits next to my cage on the table by the window.

  He probably didn’t want to have a monster for a neighbour.

  But Richie had a big smile on his face.

  I was happy for him.

  I would have been even happier if I’d known what the experiment was going to be!

  ‘I have a surprise for you at home,’ Richie said on the school bus that afternoon.

  I slid from one side of my cage to the other because the bus is bumpy and thumpy.

  ‘Just you wait,’ Richie said. ‘It’s a giant surprise.’

  A giant is something like a monster. Did Richie already have a giant at home?

  ‘Eeek!’ I squeaked.

  Richie just laughed. ‘You’ll find out soon enough,’ he said.

  *

  The surprise had a name: Poppy.

  Poppy was a puppy.

  She was small, with curly fur, and she loved to bark.

  All that barking made my ears twitch and my whiskers wiggle.

  ‘Isn’t she great, Humphrey?’ Richie asked as he set my cage on the desk in his room. ‘I’ve wanted a dog for years and finally my parents let me have one.’

  I didn’t really think Poppy was a great pet.

  I didn’t think any dog was great.

  Dogs have large, pointed teeth and wet noses.

  They have big tails and sharp claws.

  And they aren’t usually friendly to small creatures like me.

  ‘Woof!’ Poppy barked as she tried to jump up and see me.

  Luckily, she was too short to get all the way up to my cage.

  ‘She likes you, Humphrey,’ Richie laughed. ‘She wants to be your friend.’

  ‘Woof!’ Poppy barked.

  She even wagged her tail.

  But I still didn’t think she wanted to be my friend.

  ‘Wait until Uncle Aldo comes over tomorrow,’ Richie said. ‘He’s going to help me with my experiment.’

  Richie’s Uncle Aldo is also our school’s cleaner.

  At night, when he comes into Room 26 to clean, he talks to Og and me. Sometimes he balances a broom on one finger and gives us treats.

  I was glad I’d be seeing Aldo the next day.

  I wasn’t glad about the experiment, though.

  Especially after we watched a scary film on television later that night.

  Richie put my cage on a high shelf so Poppy couldn’t get near me, but that didn’t stop her from trying.

  She looked up at me and barked and barked and barked some more.

  ‘WOOF-WOOF! WOOF-WOOF! WOOF-WOOF!’

  Richie’s mum finally put the puppy in the kitchen so we could watch the film.

  It was about a mad scientist called Frankenstein who created a monster. He hooked him up to a scary machine.

  There was lightning … and the monster came to life.

  He had a flat head and bolts sticking out of his neck.

  The sight of him made my fur stand up on end!

  Richie came over to my cage.

  He made weird faces at me and said ‘Humphrey-stein’ in a creepy voice.

  Then he laughed. ‘Mwa-ha-ha!’

  He didn’t sound like Richie at all.

  By the time Richie brought me into his room and went to bed, it was raining outside.

  Would there be lightning?

  Would I end up with bolts in my neck, like Frankenstein’s monster?

  Would people call me ‘Humphrey-stein’?

  I crawled into my little sleeping house but I didn’t sleep a wink.

  I LOVE-LOVE-LOVE being a hamster.

  But I would not love to be a monster.

  During the week, I get to see Aldo every night, but I hardly ever get to see him outside of school.

  So I was HAPPY-HAPPY-HAPPY when he came into Richie’s room on Saturday afternoon.

  ‘Greetings, my fine furry friend,’ Aldo said.

  ‘Glad to see you, Aldo!’ I squeaked.

  ‘I think you’re glad to see me, too,’ Aldo laughed.

  I love to make Aldo laugh because when he does, his big, furry moustache shakes so hard, I sometimes think it’s going to fall off.

  ‘I hear Richie has planned an experiment with you,’ Aldo said.

  I didn’t mind if Richie did an experiment with me.

  I just didn’t want him to do an experiment on me.

  ‘Thanks for helping me, Uncle Aldo,’ Richie said.

  Just then, Poppy came racing into Richie’s room.

  ‘Whoa, slow down, pup,’ Aldo told her.

  Poppy must not have heard him, because she ran in a circle around his feet.

  ‘Poppy, no!’ Aldo said in a firm voice. ‘Sit.’

  Poppy did not sit.

  Instead, she jumped up and put her front paws on Aldo’s legs.

  ‘Down, Poppy. Sit down,’ Aldo told the dog.

  Poppy did not sit down.

  She wagged her tail and barked.

  ‘You’re going to have to train your dog,’ Aldo told Richie.

  ‘I will,’ Richie said. ‘But she’s just a puppy.’

  Just then, Poppy noticed me. She raced up to the desk and looked straight at me.

  ‘WOOF-WOOF!’ she barked.

  ‘Go away!’ I squeaked.

  My squeaking only made Poppy bark more.

  ‘Look!’ Richie said. ‘Poppy wants to play with Humphrey.’

  The thought of Poppy playing with me made me shiver and quiver.

  Poppy kept on barking. ‘WOOFWOOF-WOOF!’

  Her voice was so loud, it made my tiny hamster ears hurt!

  Richie’s ears must have hurt, too.

  He covered them with his hands and shouted, ‘Quiet!’

  But Poppy was anything but quiet.

  ‘Time for you to go,’ Aldo said.

  He picked up the little dog and carried her out of the room.

  Then he came
back in without Poppy and closed the door.

  ‘Now we can get to work,’ he said.

  ‘THANKS-THANKS-THANKS, Aldo!’ I squeaked.

  Aldo said, ‘I think Humphrey is glad that Poppy’s outside.’

  Aldo is a very smart human!

  Richie and Aldo pulled chairs up to the desk and looked into my cage.

  ‘HI-HI-HI!’ I squeaked.

  ‘So, tell me what you want to do,’ Aldo told Richie.

  I scrambled to the front of my cage so I could hear Richie’s plan.

  ‘I want to see how many times Humphrey can spin his wheel in a minute,’ Richie said.

  I love spinning on my wheel, so that sounded GREAT-GREAT-GREAT to me.

  ‘That’s a good idea,’ Aldo said. ‘How are you going to do that?’

  Richie shrugged. ‘I’m not sure. He spins pretty fast. Don’t you, Humphrey?’

  I scampered over to my wheel and began to spin.

  ‘Hey! Humphrey must have understood you,’ Aldo said.

  ‘But that’s impossible,’ Richie replied. ‘He’s a hamster.’

  Aldo laughed. ‘You never know with Humphrey.’

  They both leaned in closer as I began to spin faster and faster.

  ‘I see the problem,’ Aldo said. ‘He spins so fast, it’s hard to count how many times the wheel goes around.’

  ‘Yes,’ Richie agreed. ‘Should I tell him to slow down?’

  Aldo shook his head. ‘No. Then it wouldn’t be a real experiment.’

  I kept on spinning while Richie and Aldo thought about the problem.