Sen and Neicey- Life After Love

by Briann Danae

  “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

  “Neicey, it’s just a lil’ get together. Quit tripping,” Mena voiced, pissing Neicey off.

  Jaw clenched, she looked her way. “I said no. Now, let’s go.”

  She didn’t have to tell her twice. Pivoting on her heels, Mena headed out the aisle toward the checkout line. The guy, whose name Neicey wouldn’t dare utter, stared at her in disbelief, but he shouldn’t have been. Though there were more reasons than one why she didn’t want him coming by, he knew one of them.

  “It doesn’t have to be like that, Shani-”

  “Do not say my fucking name.” The threatening tone of her voice made the two girls cling to his side. Just the thought of him saying her name aloud again had her seeing red. Neicey had never hated anyone in her life more than she did him and, by the look of shock, then disappointment that crossed his face, he knew it too.

  A quick nod was given before he ushered his girls out of the aisle. Much more could have been said but, under the circumstances and for his daughters’ sake, he’d keep it pushing. He and Nolan were still on speaking terms through business and, if he had it his way, he’d like them to still be after today.

  Face flushed with humiliation and anger toward herself for letting him see her so shaken up, Neicey stomped over to the liquor aisle and grabbed another six-pack for Shawn. Even under the startled stage she was in, she didn’t want to go out like that. She wouldn’t allow him to have control, not this time.

  The echo from her closing the driver’s side door made Mena look her cousin’s way. She had never saw Neicey so… helpless, like she did in that moment. Eyes straight ahead, Neicey told herself to keep it together. Don’t ever let them see you crack under pressure. You a mufucking diamond out here, girl. Sen’s words echoed through her head, and she blinked back tears. She’d hate for him to see her saw distraught because there would be hell to pay.

  “You want me to drive? You just ran a stop sign,” Mena suggested, as Neicey coasted through the stop sign as if it weren’t there. And it wasn’t, in her eyes. She didn’t see anything except for her future vanishing. Her life with Sen was gone. The love they shared, gone. The man who had her heart, gone. With trembling hands and a churning stomach, she was only operating the vehicle by the grace of God.

  With labored breaths, she pulled into her mama’s driveway, and Mena climbed from the car and grabbed Neicey’s bag for her. One terrible car ride while you’re high would ruin you, and that one was damn close. In her lonesome, Neicey felt anxiety creep up her spine. Inhaling, she took in a deep breath, held it for a few seconds, and exhaled. Her throat was clogged with a cry she desperately needed to release, but she needed her mama. Strangely, she needed Nakita to help calm her down.

  How she got from the car to the kitchen where she was so happy Nakita was standing, Neicey didn’t know. The last twenty or so minutes of her life had been a blur and, had her chest not been caved on from where it was stabbed earlier, she’d think she was dreaming.

  “Ma,” she choked out, as the first warm tear coated her puffy cheeks.

  Nakita knew that sound of her daughter’s voice, and her heart dropped to her feet. The only other time she had heard Neicey cry out for her was that day. A day they were both mentally still getting over. Rushing over to her, she grabbed her hand and ushered her down the hall to her bedroom. Closing the door, Nakita begged her daughter to tell her what was wrong. Déjà vu flashed through her brain, and she held her chest as Neicey tried to explain.

  “Maaaa,” she cried, letting more tears fall. She didn’t care at this point. “I saw him.”

  Holding her daughter tight, Nakita told herself not to cry. One of them had to be strong in this moment, and she’d rather for it to be her.

  “Let it out, baby. It’s okay,” she soothed.

  “I-it’s not okay. Why did I have to see him?!”

  At this point, Neicey had broken from Nakita’s embrace and was bawling crying as she held herself. Deep sobs raked her insides, and she was letting them out. Many of nights, she had done the same thing, so she was used to it; used to loving herself, being her own shoulder to lean on, and wiping her own tears.

  “I hate him so much!” she cried, banging her fist on the dresser.

  “Neicey, calm down sweetie.”

  Frustration and anger coursed through Neicey’s veins as she shifted to glare at her mama. Those were the same words she used years ago, when Neicey came crying to her. This entire scene was a remake, just years later, and a bunch of bottled up emotions that were about to pop the cap.

  “Calm down?” she questioned, releasing a shaky breath and an amused chuckle. “I should have never come here in the first place. I’m like this because of you.”

  Nakita lost her balance at the harsh words. Having beat herself up for years for the decision she let her child make, she never thought she’d hear the day that Neicey blamed her. It hurt, pained her so bad, she was at loss for words. When the silence echoed throughout the room, she went to speak, but the bedroom door opened.

  “Ma, where are the… aye, what’s wrong with ya’ll?” Nolan asked, seeing their tear stained faces.

  “Close the door,” Nakita told him, but he wasn’t trying to hear that. Seeing two of the women he loved most so hurt had him livid.

  “Nah, what’s going on in here? Neicey,” he hissed, looking her way. “The fuck you in here crying for? Somebody die or something?”

  At the question, Neicey wept louder. She couldn’t control her own thoughts, let alone her tears as this point. Nolan questioning her was only making it worse. A loud suck of his teeth was heard next, and Nakita pleaded with him to calm down. She didn’t know why she thought saying that would work because it did the total opposite.

  “One of ya’ll better start talking or I’m shutting this shit down.”

  “Tell him, ma,” Neicey cried. Nakita shook her head no and sat down on the bed.

  “I can’t baby.”

  “Tell me what!” Nolan hollered, making Neicey then try to quiet him down. The last thing she needed was for Sen to come back there. But, it was too late. Outside of the door, he was waiting for the wrong thing to be said and he was busting in there.

  “Nah. Don’t tell me to quiet down. You don’t ever cry, so why the fuck you back here bawling your eyes out Shanice? I’m not asking you again and, if I have to, I’ma go get Sen.”

  His cold stare drilled into her, and she cracked hearing his name. Placing her hand over her face, a flashback of that day popped in Neicey’s head and she swallowed the bile that threatened to spew from her lips. For years, this was the moment she had played over and over in her mind. She’d confront her brother, stop blaming her mama, and live happily ever after. Nowhere in her imagination did it reveal telling the truth to be this difficult.

  “I saw him earlier,” she said in a hushed tone.

  Nolan’s top lip curled, as he scoffed, “Saw who?”

  “Neicey, please honey. You don’t have to do this.”

  “I do!” she screamed in her direction. “Just like I had to back then.” Nakita whimpered at the reality of the situation, and Nolan stepped closer to his sister.

  “Back then, what? What happened back then?”

  Squeezing her eyes tight, vivid images of his toffee brown skin above her invaded her mind. The way he whispered her name in satisfaction as he slowly slid in and out of her echoed loudly, and Neicey gasped before letting out a cry. She hated him. Not just him, but Nolan and her mother as well. For every insecurity she found about herself, she blamed the three. For not letting Sen completely have her heart, she blamed them. The counseling sessions she couldn’t get through, she blamed them. The reason she couldn’t have kids, she blamed them.

  “Neicey,” Nakita hissed in a warning whisper. She knew her daughter’s revelation was about to burn the house down.

  “Kiran raped me, Nolan.”

  He stared at her, baffled, understanding the words she said, but n
ot when they were associated with Kiran’s, his former best friend’s name. “What?”

  Neicey felt screams of frustration at the back of her throat. “Rape. Your best friend forced himself onto me when I was fourteen.”

  Her once tense shoulders dropped, as another tear fell from her hurt eyes. She was looking her brother right in the face and told him what she had been wanting to say for the last decade of her life. Nolan’s face flushed with an immense amount of emotions. He wanted to grab his sister and hug her, but his mind wasn’t registering his feelings quick enough. Sen’s were though.

  Bursting through the room, his face was a glowering mask of rage. Neicey’s bottom lip trembled and eyes glossed over at the look in his eyes. Revenge. He had warned her before today, and she knew there was no stopping whatever damage was about to be done because of her past.

  “Neicey,” Sen spat, trying to control his anger toward her.

  She wasn’t the person he wanted to put a bullet in right now, but he sure could have, just to cure the ache in his chest. Sen wanted to cry, honestly. He had never in his life saw Neicey this broken, vulnerable, and undetached from him. Her truth had him questioning if she had always been that way and, if not, when did it start?

  “Pack your shit and let’s go.”

  “Hold up. She not about to just leave. Mama, you knew about this?” Nolan asked, praying she had no involvement of the scandalous secret. Nakita looked over at her daughter, who looked every bit of fourteen years old again, and nodded her head.

  “Naaaah,” Nolan grimaced, rubbing a hand over his head. Pacing over to Neicey, he stood in front of her. “Why you ain’t say nothing, huh? That bitch ass nigga raped you, sis?”

  Angry tears fell from his eyes, as Neicey’s fell from hers. She couldn’t look him in the face if she tried. She and Sen’s eyes were connecting, and he was staring at her so intensely, she was almost afraid to repeat her answer. But, being afraid was what had them all in this room to begin with. So, she answered and did it with the little bit of confidence and pride she felt like she had left.

  “Yes. That’s not all, though,” she said, and Sen’s jaw tightened.

  Nakita looked up at her and pleaded with her eyes to not go any further, but the door to the closet of skeletons were already open. She might as well go ahead and set them free to roam.

  “Ma made me get an abortion.”

  Before he could control his actions, Sen aimed his gun toward Nakita and pulled the trigger. A high-pitched scream left Nakita’s mouth, and she saw her life flash before her eyes. Rushing toward him, Neicey pushed Sen backward, making him stumble out the door. Looking at the bullet hole an inch above her head, Nolan didn’t know whether to knock Sen’s ass out, or thank him for not killing her but scaring the shit out of her.

  Scared to get up from the crotched position she was in, Nakita glanced upward instead. “I didn’t make you get an abortion, Shanice! You know that! I asked you what you wanted to do!”

  “She shouldn’t have had to make that fucking decision, bitch! You her mama!” Sen spat from the door. He wanted to body her ass for real this time, for the dumb shit that just came from her mouth.

  “Sen. Please baby. Let’s just go,” Neicey pleaded in a low tone, grabbing his arm. Her family members were starting to come inside the house after hearing the gunshot, and she did not want them in her business.

  Shaking himself from her grasp, Sen stepped backed with a scowl on his face. In the harshest tone he had ever spoken to her, he rocked Neicey’s soul and shattered the remnants of her already brittle heart. “Don’t fucking touch me.”

  Surprise instantly siphoned the blood from her face. Mouth agape, Neicey was too startled by the demand in his voice to be defiant. His cold stare broke her heart more than it did to see Kiran with two little girls by his side. Too stunned to release anymore tears, Neicey placed a hand over her chest to salvage what was left of her being. In fact, she wanted to hand it over to its rightful owner now that he had done away with it. Searching his eyes for any type of remorse for his words or actions, Neicey saw none. She stared, wordlessly waiting for him to say something as her heart pounded, but he never did.

  “I know you’re pissed off, but watch how you talk to my sister and my mom’s,” Nolan addressed Sen with bass in his voice. He was still a man at the end of the day and was going to ride for his, regardless of who was wrong in the situation.

  “Nah, nigga. Watch how you talk to me, before you be lip syncing to my glock,” Sen spat and glared in the room at Nakita. She was still positioned on the side of the bed with her knees pulled to her chest. Only because he loved Neicey to death had he not sent a bullet through her skull. But, if she ever made such a request, he’d gladly fulfil it.

  “You lucky she loves you, or I would have ended your life like you did the one she was carrying. Now, I see why she doesn’t like coming around ya’ll, but it’s all good. Trust and believe, this is the last mufucking time.”

  “This ain’t got nothing to do with you, Sen. Let family handle this,” Nolan spoke. Sen never had a problem with him until now. The nigga talked entirely too much.

  “Like ya’ll handle everything else? Didn’t your wife have a baby on you by another man? Nah. That ain’t the way I handle shit. She,” he said, pointing in Neicey’s direction, “is my family. Where the fuck was family at when ya’ll mama was around here killing-”

  “SENSAY!” Neicey belted out, having heard enough.

  Slowly, Sen turned his head in her direction. She was trying her best to get him to reconnect with her. Somewhere in the last ten minutes, they weren’t mentally on the same page. Physically, Neicey wanted him to just hold her, but that was the furthest thing from his mind. It was the second thing, but killing Kiran was at the top. The amount of hurt etched across her face had Sen on go mode, but the urgency and pleading tone of her voice when she called his name made him take a step back.

  “Let’s go. Now!” When Neicey followed behind him down the hall, Nolan tried stopping her, but it was of no use.

  “Sis, come on. You can’t leave like this. I don’t even know the full story.”

  That comment made Neicey stop. Does he think I’m lying? She battled with herself on whether to ask that question but decided not to.

  “Rape is rape. That’s all the story you need.”

  Chapter Nine

  “He left me.”

  Hearing the words spoken loudly, rather than said in her head, made Neicey cringe. Though the first place she had plans on visiting once they returned was to Erica and Meechi’s crib, Dr. Fallone’s office was more important. Neicey had been a mute since Sunday morning when she and Sen pulled into their driveway. They left Nakita’s home immediately after everything went down, and the entire trip was silent besides the tunes from the radio.

  Though the silence was killing them both, Sen was sure he was going to really lose it if Neicey tried to explain what all had gone down when she was fourteen. He wanted to know, but the state he had been in wasn’t one where he could think, talk, or listen rationally. Having cried for the first hour of the trip, Neicey realized that the tears weren’t doing anything but pissing him off even more, so she stopped. A nap to cure her pounding headache would have been great, but she was scared to fall asleep, afraid that Sen might really do something nutty like really leave her. And, that, he did.

  “Did he end the relationship, or did her just leave you in the house?” Fallone questioned. She knew that her clients could sometimes exaggerate the severity of their situations, and in no way was she calling Neicey a liar, but she wanted her to label the situation for what it was.

  “I haven’t saw him since he dropped me off. You go missing on me for a day, and you’re single,” she said with a shrug.

  “That doesn’t mean he left you, Neicey. Have you ever been so upset that you have to physically remove yourself from a place to control your anger and actions?”

  Neicey nodded her head in agreement but not in agreement of Sen�
�s decisions. Sure, he could be upset about what went down. Any man would and, if he wasn’t, she’d be questioning him. She and Sen were different though. He didn’t just leave and not face his problems like a man. What shocked Neicey most was the fact that he had remained quiet the entire five hours home, when it originally took six. The way he was acting had her spooked as hell.

  “I have, but this is different,” she confessed, blinking back tears. “I, he knows something about me that I’ve never shared with anyone, besides two people. How does he just not have anything to say?”

  “Maybe he has too much to say and doesn’t want to hurt you? I know him leaving like this hurts, Neicey. I do. The skeletons were finally freed from your closet and it’s like they chased him away, right?”

  Neicey chuckled at the analogy and wiped a tear from her cheek. “Yeah, I guess you can say that. I just thought, no… I know we are better than this. We don’t crack under pressure. We’re fucking diamonds. Solid.” She swallowed hard and bit back tears.

  Neicey’s feelings were crushed. Heart pulverized into red dust that she wanted to sprinkle somewhere in the middle of the damn ocean and let it go where it must. Clearly, the mufucka didn’t belong to her anymore and Sen didn’t want it, so she was ready to say to hell with it. What hurt her the most was Sen’s reaction to everything. The truth being unveiled was a hard pill to swallow, but not harder than Sen disappearing on her. The act itself felt like swallowing acid or that nasty ass pill that tasted like metal when he gave her an STI. Sad to say, she’d take that over heartbreak, even though both could cause death.

  Fallone gave her a minute to gather herself before speaking again. “Often times when people are placed in a situation they’ve never encountered, their actions aren’t the most understanding. Not to them or anyone else. You referred to yourself as diamonds, not being able to crack under pressure?” she asked for clarity.

  Neicey nodded her head. “Yes.”

  “Even the prettiest, most expensive diamonds get blemishes. You may not crack, but you’ll get pretty bruised up. When loving someone, there’s usually no warning label or instructions on how to love them. It comes naturally.”