Sen and Neicey- Life After Love

by Briann Danae

  Neicey sucked her teeth. She loved Fallone and all, was actually listening, but she just wanted her to get to the point. “It always has. So, what point are you getting at?”

  “You think he left, so he wouldn’t hurt you more than what has already been done?”

  “If that’s why, he could have stayed. That wound was so deep; all he did was infect it more and left me to die.”

  Plopping back in the chair, Neicey crossed her arms over her chest. Talking to Fallone was okay, but she really just wanted to sit and talk to Sen. She needed to see where his head was at. The way she was feeling, she knew he had to be feeling ten times worse, but it wasn’t about him at the time. She needed him more than anything now, and he was nowhere to be found.

  Having ignored her phone calls, Neicey didn’t bother to call him none today, nor had she gone into work. She needed a few days to get her mind right. What she wasn’t going to do was chase Sen’s ass. Like the grown man he was, whenever he was ready to talk, he knew where she would be at.

  “People deal with pain in a number of ways. Now, I’m not saying Sen was right for just disappearing on you, but his decision may be for your safety.”

  Neicey sucked her teeth. “Why would he want to hurt me, when I didn’t do anything wrong?” The question came out more as a statement but, once she thought about it in depth, a frown covered her face before it relaxed. “If he can’t get to the person who hurt me…”

  Fallone gave her a blank look. She had never met Sen but, from her sessions with Neicey and the details she had gathered over the times they met, it sounded like he had anger issues. Not intentionally, but just his natural personality. In a way, she was thankful for Sen leaving. An upset person without a clear mind was dangerous, regardless of what people thought. Rational thoughts were not present at all.

  “He wouldn’t,” she said lowly and shook her head defiantly. “Nah. Sen wouldn’t do anything crazy to hurt me physically.”

  “And, that may be true, but the reason you’re here is because someone you thought would never hurt you, did.”

  As if an explosion went off, Neicey felt her body deplete. Those words were a blow to the semi-tough front she was putting up. She didn’t want to discuss why she had been seeking help, but why Sen had all of a sudden become an impetuous person with her. Neicey didn’t deserve that, and what Fallone was trying to get her to grasp was that until she could get over one man hurting her, she’d hopefully see why Sen had moved the way he did.

  Feeling like her composure was under attack, she repositioned herself in the chair and cleared her throat. “Don’t they all?” The question came from a place of hurt and uncertainty and Fallone wanted to hug Neicey, but this was a breakthrough moment.

  “No. And what he did to you was not okay.”

  Tears pooled Neicey’s eyes. She knew now, as an adult, what Kiran had done was wrong but, back then, she was clueless. She was in love with her brother’s best friend and didn’t want to get him in trouble. At fourteen, not once did she think she would get pregnant, let alone have an abortion and keep everything a secret. Not just from Nolan, but from Kiran as well. He knew nothing about her being pregnant or getting an abortion because soon after it happened, Neicey moved to Kansas City.

  “I know that now… I just. It’s crazy because he doesn’t even know how he ruined my life. Like, he has no clue. Seeing him with those two little girls broke me. I-” her voice cracked at the thought of never being able to have kids.

  After the doctor confirmed one time that she wouldn’t be able to reproduce, Neicey never questioned it again. And, the confirmation had hurt her in her younger years but damaged her as she got older. She was stripped of her opportunity to create and share life with the one person she wanted to spend her life with because of two reckless decisions. She still hadn’t forgiven her mama for basically letting her get an abortion. Grabbing a few tissues, Fallone passed them to Neicey and waited for her to continue.

  “It’s just tough knowing that one fuck up controlled my entire life. Ruined how I saw myself some days… most days. My relationship with my family is over at this point, unless a miracle happens. I can’t have kids, and the man I love is probably turned off by that. I know he is,” she sighed, unable to release any more tears.

  “You know what I’ve learned about you since we’ve been meeting?” Fallone asked, and Neicey shrugged her shoulder nonchalantly.

  “Enlighten me, please. I’m sure it’s not something I don’t already know.”

  “You assume a lot, instead of getting facts. Instead of clearing the air about certain things, you make up in your mind that whatever you think someone feels, it’s set in stone. From your brother, and how you thought he’d blame you for what happened. How you thought your mom purposely wanted to make your life tougher.”

  “I didn’t say that,” Neicey hissed, cutting her off. “If you’re going to quote me, then quote me correctly. What I said was that no mother should have let their fourteen-year-old daughter make such a decision. She should have known that would traumatize me for life.”

  “Assuming, again. Now, had you made the decision to keep the baby, who’s to say you wouldn’t have been traumatized, still?”

  “I guess we’ll never know, now will we?” Neicey sassed, completely over the session at this point.

  Fallone had pissed her off, but everything she was saying could be taken how Neicey wanted to interpret it. She wasn’t there to down her, but to help her come to terms with her problems and stop letting the past guide her life. Because, that’s exactly what it had been doing for years, way before Sen came into the picture.

  “I don’t want you to be upset leaving here, Neicey. That’s not how we end things,” Fallone said, as Neicey adjusted the strap of her purse on her shoulder.

  Sighing, she looked at Fallone and smacked her lips. “You irritate me, you know that?”

  “I do.” Fallone grinned. “I’m supposed to.”

  “Whatever. I’ll call you before I come through again. That’s if I’m not in jail by then.”

  “Now, why would you go and say that?” Fallone asked, with a shake of her head. “Remember what we talked about and how people deal with pain differently.”

  “Mhm,” Neicey hummed. “I do. If I don’t see or hear from Sen by the end of this week and don’t call you, you’ll know exactly how I dealt with mine.”

  A chuckle escaped Fallone’s mouth once Neicey was out of her office. She had been a counselor for over two decades and had come across tons of people. Neicey was one of her most entertaining and she wasn’t even trying to be. She was just being herself. Her smart mouth, quick tongue, and playful attitude had always been present, but it came out full fledge after the abortion. Something in her switched, and she never wanted to feel so low like she did completing the remaining years of high school. Once she moved, she took on an entire new persona and, amid her transition, Storm, the stripper, was created.

  Sitting in her parking lot while trying to decide her next move, Neicey’s mind drifted to how this entire fiasco started in the first place. She felt a little bad that Kiran had not a clue of what all had gone down, but she’d never make herself feel like she was in the wrong ever again. That’s why Sen’s actions were bothering her so deeply. She was blaming herself for him leaving, when Sen was struggling to come to terms with it all himself.

  Saturday nights were Neicey’s favorite. Not only was she glad that the school week was over with, but she got to spend the night over her friend Jasmine’s house. Neicey wasn’t really popular in school, but girls stayed trying to befriend her because Nolan was the senior captain of the basketball team. Not Jasmine, though. She rocked with Neicey because her personality was the shit.

  “Okay, Jasmine. Don’t be staying up until the wee hours of the morning. I’ll be home no later than one, and ya’ll asses better be in the bed,” Jasmine’s mama, Evette, said.

  Her back was turned and Jasmine rolled her eyes. “And, Shanice…”

/>   “Ma’am?” Neicey answered.

  “Call your mama from the house phone and let her know you are good.”

  “Okay,” she said, making a mental reminder to do just that when she left.

  Waving goodbye from the front door, Jasmine beamed with excitement once her mama was down the street. It was only nine o’clock and that gave her just enough time to put her plan into rotation. Looking over at Neicey, she smirked.

  “What?”

  “You know Greg from the basketball team?”

  Neicey scrunched her face up. “With the braids?”

  “Mhm. Fine ass. I’m about to invite him and Kiran over here. I know that’s your little boo or whatever,” Jasmine chuckled, making Neicey roll her eyes.

  Kiran wasn’t her boo, but she did have a major crush on him. He and Nolan had been best friends for years, and even planned to attend college together once they graduated in a few months. Whenever he’d come to the house, Neicey would play shy with him, secretly wishing he wasn’t friends with her brother. At school, everyone knew Neicey was basically off limits to talk to because of Nolan but, in Neicey’s mind, she didn’t care what her brother was talking about.

  Kiran was the boy in school, who was quiet but fine as fuck. He sat in the back of class, goofed around every once and a while with his boys, and was always dressed fresh as ever. He’d sometimes flirt with Neicey but jokingly, because he knew he could never take it there with her. Not just because she was a freshman and he a senior, but for his relationship with Nolan.

  “That is not my boo, Jas.”

  Jasmine waved her off. “Girl, whatever. You don’t have to lie to me. I know you have a crush on him. He’s not Greg fine, but he’s alright looking.”

  Neicey looked at her like she was crazy, and she had to be. Kiran was already pushing six foot something, had waves niggas’ dreamed about in their sleep, dimples in his cheeks, was a starter for the Varsity basketball team, and had his own ride. Though the last was a material thing, it didn’t take away from his appearance but enhanced his clout in the high school hallways.

  “I don’t really look at him like that, I guess,” she fibbed. Whenever he was over to the house, which was damn near every day, she gawked at him. It was hard not to.

  Jasmine sucked her teeth and slid into a pair of short shorts. They were a huge difference from the thick pajama pants she was just rocking. “So, you saying you wouldn’t sex him?”

  Out of all the girls she was friends with, which were hardly a handful, Neicey was the only one who still had her virginity. She’d listen to them go on and on about how this guy did what and how painful it was losing it, and she wasn’t interested. Not with just any guy at least. The only person she called herself attracted to and would possibly give it up to was Kiran. Neicey was a well-mannered teenager but sneaky as hell, and the thought of fooling around with Kiran had crossed her mind a time or two. Even if it were her imagining them sharing a kiss.

  “Why you saying it like it’s just so easy to do?” Neicey questioned.

  “Because it is. Well, not the first time,” Jas chuckled. “That shit is painful, but you’ll get used to it. Plus, why not do it? You’re the only one still holding on to your v-card, like you need it forever. Niggas ain’t out here checking for virgins.”

  “Niggas aren’t checking for me period,” she replied in annoyance.

  “Not yet.” Jasmine continued getting dolled, while Neicey found herself questioning whether Jasmine had a point. Having always been a leader and doing her own thing, Neicey didn’t want to just give it up because that’s what everyone else was doing. Plus, she remembered Nolan telling her to not be out there acting like those fast ass girls she called friends. But, there was only so much preaching big brother could do.

  Shortly after Jasmine finished straightening up her room, Greg was knocking on the backdoor. Having snuck in her crib a number of times, he knew the routine. Nervously, Neicey sat on the couch and acted like she was watching tv. As many times as she had been around Kiran, she had never been alone with him and she was a nervous wreck.

  “What’s good Neicey?” Greg spoke, before tonguing Jasmine down in front of her.

  She didn’t even respond as her nose flared. This nigga was fried. He must have something else going for himself, she said in her head.

  Smirking at the mug on her face, Kiran shoved her shoulder as he sat down. “Fix ya face, little girl.”

  “Don’t get fucked up Kiran,” she spat back, crossing her legs.

  Dressed in his normal everyday chill attire, basketball shorts and a white tee, Neicey couldn’t help but admire his handsome looks. A little peach fuzz called itself growing on his chin, and it was sexy as ever.

  “You so tough,” he chuckled, as a squeal came from behind the couch. Greg had picked Jasmine up and was headed upstairs to her room.

  Neicey rolled her eyes, with a huff. “What you come over here for?” she asked.

  “To see you,” Kiran replied smoothly, making Neicey chuckle.

  “Boy, whatever. You ain’t gotta try and run game on me,” she said, hoping her words didn’t sound shaky like they did in her head. Kiran scooted closer to her, and Neicey froze up. Her breathing had escalated and skin grew warm from his closeness.

  “I’m for real. Ain’t nobody running game on you. I’m a grown ass man.”

  Neicey laughed, as she rolled her eyes. “Yeah… okay. You’re only seventeen.”

  “Grown enough. Yo eyes gone get stuck one day, then you won’t be able to see me,” he joked, making Neicey poke her lip out.

  “Poor me, huh? Where my brother at?” she asked, trying to mask the attraction that was growing between them, but Kiran saw right through that shit. Like Neicey, he had a crush on her young ass as well and, though it was going against the code, he wanted her in the worst way possible.

  Scooting closer, he shrugged. “He ain’t here. Why you playing like you don’t like me, Shanice? I know you do.”

  Neicey stood from the couch. “I don’t like you. You’re my brother’s best friend.”

  Kiran licked his lips, letting his eyes sweep of her mature body. He had fucked plenty of younger girls, but their bodies weren’t nearly as developed as Neicey’s. He’d have to catch himself from staring whenever he was over their house.

  “But, you like me though. I’ve known you for years, girl. You can tell me if you feeling me or not. It’ll be our little secret.” He grinned, and Neicey caught herself doing the same.

  “You just talking a bunch of mess right now. You’d be able to tell if someone liked you or not. Trust me. I know,” she said more to herself, wishing he’d show a sign that he was feeling her like she was him. And, she didn’t have to wait long.

  “Shanice,” Kiran called in a low tone. “Quit playing with me and come here.”

  Neicey swallowed hard. The way he said her name and practically demanding for her to move her feet made her body tingle. With slow, measured steps, she walked over to where he was sitting and stood in front of him. Looping his finger through her belt loop, Kiran pulled her body toward his in a quick motion and sat her on his lap.

  “Kiran,” she breathed heavily, as he kissed on her neck. He had one hand wrapped around her waist and resting on her stomach, as the other one held her hand.

  “Hmm,” he mumbled, loving the feel of her against his lips.

  “We can’t do this.”

  Kiran moved to the other side of her neck and showed it the same amount of attention. Realizing that was her spot that Jasmine had mentioned to her before, Neicey shuddered and tried to wiggle from his grasp.

  “We ain’t doing nothing,” Kiran replied, slipping his hand under her shirt.

  Having wanting to touch her for so long, his dick lengthened in his shorts, and Neicey’s eyes went wide. What the fuck is that, she said in her head. His warm hands felt good caressing her body but, every time she closed her eyes, all she could picture was a pissed off Nolan.

  “Nolan will fin
d out,” she called out, but it was no use.

  “I told you, it’s our little secret. You feel how hard you got me. Damn, Shanice,” he hissed with a shake of his head. Scooting her over to one leg, he lovingly caressed the side of her neck.

  “Can I have a kiss?”

  She blushed. “Tell me why you call me by my real name and not Neicey, like everyone else does.”

  “I’m not everyone else. I get special privileges. Now, give me a kiss and hush, with your pretty ass.”

  Doing as she was told, Neicey bent her head some to meet his lips and she knew then that this was what love had to feel like. She felt like the heroine in those sappy romance books she recently stumbled across, who were rescued by the hero they never saw coming. A crush was one thing, but she knew for a fact now, after feeling his lips, that she loved Kiran. Not knowing what love was in the slightest or being in love, for that matter, she compared it to what Marlae said she had for Nolan.

  They had known each other for years, dated through high school, and were the ‘it’ couple. Marlae explained it as going through every single emotion when she saw Nolan. How her stomach did flips and her heart yearned to beat on the same rhythm as his, looking in his eyes and seeing just as much love in his as she felt in hers. Neicey didn’t know about that last part but, everything else, she could relate to. The look in Kiran’s eyes wasn’t love, but it was damn close. Feeling her body moving lower to the couch, Neicey’s body stiffened immediately.

  “You good?” he asked, and she nodded her head.

  “You promise not to hurt me?” she asked, not realizing the severity of her question. It meant more than what was about to happen.

  Leaning forward, Kiran secured the promise with a kiss. “I promise.”

  The next two minutes went by in a blur, and Neicey found herself laid back on the couch, ready to give up her prized possession because of… love, or what she thought it was. Parting her legs at the knees, Kiran positioned his unsheathed member at her opening and struggled immensely to slide in.