Amish Love Be Kind 3-Book Boxed Set

by Rachel Stoltzfus

  “It worked, I know!” Abram didn’t dare to laugh. He’d been through that particular punishment himself.

  “Ya. And, if you want to go through it again, I can promise your daed will be happy to take you to his customers’ houses and have you clean out their stalls.”

  Abram closed his mouth. He knew his daed would do just that.

  SUNDAY WAS THE DAY of Abram’s meeting, and it dawned clear and cold. Everyone in the community came to the bishop’s house and separated themselves by gender. Sitting on benches in one large room, they heard the reasons that Abram had been called before them. Abram stood in the center of the room, between both sets of benches.

  “Abram Beiler, you may speak.” The bishop’s voice was solemn.

  Abram drew in a long, shaky breath. “Bishop Kurtz and community, I repent fully of my actions. I have no excuses, other than recounting a summer I spent with my uncle and his family. He treated his wife and children terribly. And, even though I knew how my own daed treated and still treats my mamm today, I thought that husbands had to begin treating their wives with sternness and strong discipline.

  “One day, recently, I backhanded Hannah, my wife. She came to meeting with a bruised cheek, which she tried to hide. Since then, I have been involved in meetings, public and private, with the Peer Council. Yet, I continue to struggle. I tell you this in the spirit of repentance and to ask for your help and prayers. I want to stop. I don’t want to hit Hannah or my babies. Yet, I get frustrated. When I try to avoid hitting her, I get angry and sarcastic. Out of concern for our baby, she chose to return home for a few days, until we know what is going to happen today.” Abram looked at the women’s benches and, spotting Hannah, he held her eyes with his own sorrowful gaze. “Hannah, I hope you know just how sorry I am for what I did. And I promise that if I stay here and don’t get the ban, I will work every day to respect your spirit, mind and body.”

  Chapter 6

  After speaking, Abram left the room so Hannah could present her side of their issues. He paced back and forth, nervousness in every line of his body. He bounced up and down on his heels, trying to dispel the anxiety. Every so often, he exhaled a long, loud breath.

  In the main room, Hannah recounted the episodes where Abram had yelled at her. When she came to the day that he hit her face, leaving the bruise, she teared up. All along, she tried to communicate Abram’s remorse for how he treated her. “I know he is so sorry for everything he has done. He’s struggling with two sets of beliefs. And I don’t want him to be banned.”

  Next, Big Sam and Ruth Zook gave their testimony, and then Martha Beiler and her husband, Isaac. “I don’t want to see him banned. He is a gut man but, as Hannah said, he’s struggling with mistaken beliefs. However, I don’t think the path to full understanding will be easy for him. If he stays in our community as a full member, we will need to keep close eyes on him to make sure that he understands the seriousness of the abuse he has afflicted on Hannah.”

  After everyone had presented their stories, the bishop expressed his belief about what should happen to Abram. “He is repentant, ya. But I am fearful that he will try to hurt Hannah or their children out of this mistaken belief. I agree that we should all, as a community, keep a very close watch over the two of them. He and Hannah must continue with the Peer Council. They need to learn coping skills. And Abram must learn that here in Peace Valley, our wives and girls are invited to participate in decision making, even though they are to submit to their husbands’ or fathers’ decisions overall.”

  The community quietly discussed their opinions amongst each other. After several minutes, a decision had been reached. “We’re ready to speak to Abram.”

  Abram came back into the main area, looking around. He saw Hannah’s lovely face looking pale and wan. Looking at his parents, he saw sternness and love in their expressions. When he looked at the Zooks, he was surprised to see the same expressions mirrored on their faces.

  “Abram Beiler, after prayerfully considering all of the evidence here today, we have decided not to ban you. But that doesn’t mean that you will get off with no consequences. You and Hannah will both continue working with the Peer Council. You will learn of and listen to other stories of familial violence. I am ordering that you visit the Englisch library and check out books on the marital relationship so you learn just how poorly violence between husbands and wives is viewed everywhere.

  Abram, we have chosen not to involve the Englisch law enforcement authorities. We feel you have enough consciousness that what you have done is wrong. And the possibility of a ban, as well as losing the comfort of your marital relationship with Hannah, we believe, may lead you to the right path of loving interaction with her.”

  Abram swallowed. He was so relieved that his limbs felt, by turns, icy and tingling. “Bishop, may I speak?”

  “Ya. Go ahead.”

  “Denki for keeping all of this in mind as you made your decision. I do love Hannah and I don’t want to lose my relationship with her. It will be difficult for me to leave that horrible belief that violence is acceptable behind. With every fiber of my being, I regret striking her and yelling at her. Hannah, when we were courting, I fell in love with your spirit and intelligence. Your independence drew me to you. So, I don’t understand why I feel so compelled to squash it out of you. I ask you, our families, and our community to help guide me as I learn healthier and more loving ways of thinking of you and including you in decision making.”

  Abram didn’t know it, but his words were prophetic. He would have a difficult time and come perilously close to losing everything he valued on Earth.

  SEVERAL WEEKS PASSED. After the meeting where Abram was brought before the community, he willingly followed every directive given to him by the elders. He attended Peer Group meetings, participated in private sessions in their house and went to the Englisch library, where he checked out textbooks about healthy family relationships and other books about unhealthy family relationships and the cycle of domestic violence.

  “Hannah, in reading this book, I recognize myself. It makes me sick.” Abram sat at the kitchen table, head in his hands as he contemplated the comparison of his actions to those of the examples in his books.

  “Do you see anything in there that shows you how you can avoid hurtful or harmful confrontations?” Hannah wiped her hands dry after she finished cleaning the kitchen.

  “Ya. If I feel tension building, I should let you know that. If we start to argue, I am to leave the room until I have more control over my temper. And I am still looking for advice on any time that I feel as if I am losing control and want to hit you against my better nature.”

  “May I say something?”

  “Ya. Go ahead.” Even though Abram was devastated about the comparison of his own actions against other abusers, he wasn’t tense.

  “It seems to me that if you feel like you want to hit me, simply tell me. We can both go to other areas of the house until we are both calmer.”

  Abram was quiet, thinking. “So, I tell you I’m losing control of my ability to control myself?”

  “Ya. Exactly. That way, I know to move out of your way.”

  “And, if it’s really bad? I mean, I can’t stop?” Abram was worried.

  “I hope and pray it won’t come to that. But if you feel like you truly can’t control your actions, let me know, and I will stay with my parents until you are, as this book says, ‘in a better place.’”

  “Hmmm. That could be hard. I mean, you can’t hitch the horses to the buggy now.”

  Hannah took the chance that Abram was truly calm and able to stay calm. “Let me talk to Linda about that.”

  Abram was reluctant to allow Hannah to stay elsewhere. But... He sighed. “Okay, that’s probably the best. I don’t want to lose you, the baby or our families.”

  For the next few months, as Hannah’s pregnancy advanced, her relationship with Abram soon smoothed out. Seeing her growing abdomen seemed to help him keep the need for considera
tion and gentleness in mind.

  Hannah relaxed, though not all the way. She had also read several of the books that Abram had checked out of the library. Sometimes, she felt like she knew too much, but a part of her was thankful for the new knowledge.

  JUST BEFORE CHRISTMAS, Linda and Eli Yoder visited with the Zooks and Beilers. They wanted to enlist their help in aiding Abram as he learned new ways of thinking about women and his wife in Amish society. “We would like you to become members of our group. They need your help. Abram is calm now, but the time will come when he is at risk of losing control.” Eli stopped speaking, looked at Big Sam, and then he swung his gaze over to Ruth.

  “Ya, I will.” Ruth’s decision was quick. “I can go to the meetings and learn what you need to teach me. Hannah and I have talked and made arrangements to bring her and the baby here if things get bad again.”

  “Denki, Ruth. Sam?”

  Sam sighed deeply. He pulled at his long beard, as was customary when he was trying to make a decision. “I don’t know, Eli. A part of me feels like a man should be able to work things out in his own family...”

  “Under normal conditions, ya, Sam. But these aren’t normal. She’s pregnant. Abram is struggling with opposing beliefs, unfortunately fed to him by a toxic family member.”

  “Sam. Husband, if he loses control and hits Hannah, he could kill the baby. And it doesn’t matter if it’s while she’s still pregnant or after she’s given birth to the child. You’ve wanted to see them having kinder, right? We don’t want to have to bury a child who died needlessly.”

  Sam looked into Ruth’s hazel eyes. He knew she was right...yet...he felt a strong conflict between his own beliefs and the needs of his family. “Okay. I will. But I hope you know that I truly don’t like to meddle in a man’s family concerns.”

  Ruth leaned back, her eyes closed in thankfulness. “Ya, husband, I do. But, as Eli said, these conditions are far from normal for any married couple. They need our support, Hannah in particular.”

  At the Beiler’s residence, Eli had more work to do. Martha was also willing to work with Abram and Hannah. “Eli, I told Abram the story of one of his uncles—my brother. He was banned and my sister-in-law has had a really terrible time just trying to keep things together for her and the remaining kinder. We thank Gott that they have learned how to treat their own wives and husbands with love, and that they help their mamm out.”

  “Isaac?”

  “I will participate. I’m shamed by how my own son has been treating his wife. Only... I don’t know how to approach him. I feel guilty, because we weren’t that close in his teens. I believe that’s why he started to think that his uncle’s way was right, even though he had the example of his own mamm and daed right at home. Eli, it frightens me what he could do to Hannah and the baby. Is there anything else I can do?”

  Eli was stunned. This was far beyond what he’d expected from any of the parents. “Ya, there is! I want to teach you about the cycle of violence. It goes up and down and, as the name implies, it just goes round and round. So, when you see Abram being apologetic, he truly feels that. But he is caught in that cycle, so when he feels tension, frustration, or even anger, it comes out like an explosion.”

  “Against Hannah.”

  “Ya, exactly.”

  “So, how do I learn about this cycle? I would like to see how it works so that if it starts to move again for them, I may be able to help out.”

  “Go to the library with me and we’ll find books. I think, if both of you read them, it will help you tremendously as you work to help them out. Also, the Englisch have what are called domestic violence shelters, where they take in women and children who have been abused by husbands or boyfriends. Even men will go there, if their wives or girlfriends have abused them.”

  “Domestic violence shelters? You mean places where they can live? And women beat up on men?” Isaac’s voice displayed all the surprise and disgust he felt.

  “Ya. They live there temporarily while they try to work on the issues in the relationship. Or, if they decide they can’t return home, they get assistance in setting up separate households.”

  “You mean...divorce.” Isaac’s voice was flat.

  “Sometimes, for the safety and even the lives of the families, it’s necessary. If the husband or wife is especially violent, they pose a real danger to the families. I don’t hold with divorce. But I allow the Englisch to live their lives as they see fit.”

  “Martha, you let me go to this shelter place. I’ll learn what I need to learn. It may not be a bad idea to take Abram, if he doesn’t make progress. What do you think, Eli?”

  “Let’s keep that in mind. He may need that kind of intervention, though I pray he won’t.”

  THE NEXT WEEK, ELI, Isaac and Martha went to the Englisch library, where they checked out books about domestic violence, toxic relationships and healthy family relationships. At the Beiler’s home, Eli hefted the books as he spoke. “Go through these books thoughtfully and prayerfully. Write down any thoughts or questions you have. And, between you, Linda, the Zooks, the elders and I, we will help Abram figure things out.”

  And so, a time of learning and introspection began for the Beilers. And they began to apply everything they learned to Abram and Hannah. “Abram, I hear your voice becoming tense. It may be time for you to retreat to the barn so you can calm down.” Isaac’s voice was stern as he walked into a discussion about Hannah’s desire to bake and sell more so she could put more money aside before the baby arrived. She was within weeks of giving birth, and her pregnancy didn’t seem to be bothering her any. She still had energy at the end of the day, though she fell asleep more quickly.

  “Daed, I can handle this!” Abram snapped.

  “Son! Go. Now.” He took Abram’s arm and quick-marched him to the barn, looking at Hannah as he did so.

  Martha sat Hannah down and made a cup of herbal tea for her. “I am thankful we decided to come out today. Is this the first argument or incident since the meeting?”

  “Ya. I want to make more baked goods. It’s still within my ability, and if I can sell more, I can put more money away for the time when I won’t be able to do so.”

  “So, why did Abram object?”

  “He wanted to make the decision.” Hannah was frustrated.

  “And... Is he letting you make decisions with him?”

  “Some. Not all. But I do see him trying.”

  “Daughter, do you feel you need to be away from him for a day or two?”

  Hannah nodded. “Ya, I do. Just for a day or two, until he gets calmed down and sees how ridiculous our argument was. I can bake at Mamm’s and sell everything later this week.”

  “Get your things together. I’ll leave a note for Abram and Isaac.” As Hannah packed her things for a day or two, Martha quickly wrote out a note and left it on the kitchen table. She included a line for Isaac. I am taking Hannah to her parents’ for a day or two. Please tell Abram that this will happen every time he loses his temper or won’t find a way of including her.

  PULLING UP TO THE ZOOK’S front door, Hannah waved at Big Sam.

  “Daughter, did you and Abram have an argument?” His eyes looked over her for any injuries.

  “Ya. Martha and I decided that it was best for me to stay here for a day or two.”

  That night, after Hannah had gone to bed early, Big Sam and Ruth discussed her situation. “Husband, I don’t like that she has to feel so worried and scared over Abram’s temper and possible actions against her. However, I am grateful that the Yoders are working with them and us.” She was silent for several minutes. “Sam, it’s high time for me to begin getting more involved with the Peer Council. Only Gott knows how this will work out. As much as possible, I want to be there for Hannah and Abram.”

  Ruth’s words helped Big Sam to make his own decision. “Ya, Ruth, I’m going to do the same. I’m driving out past Eli’s way tomorrow to talk to the Schrock boy about working for me once he’s out of school in t
he summer. I’d like it if the Yoders could teach us together.”

  After nearly two days, Abram drove to the Zooks’ and asked to speak to them and Hannah. “I have some things to say and would like to speak with all three of you together.”

  Sam invited him in. “First...are you in a temper or not? Because we won’t stand for you yelling at or physically threatening our daughter.”

  “I deserve that. Nee, I am not in a temper. I am calm and ready to discuss what was going through my mupsich head the other day.”

  Ruth called Hannah from the pantry. “Daughter, Abram is here! He wants to talk to all of us.”

  Hannah, cleaning her dough-covered hands with a large dishtowel, came out into the kitchen. “Abram, are you in a calm state of mind? Because I am not going to put up with meanness, no matter who it’s from. I have the baby to think of.” Her gentle face was set in stubborn lines and her brown eyes were watchful.

  “I’m calm and in a gut—though apprehensive—state of mind. I spent all of yesterday and the day before thinking of my words.” Abram rubbed his hands together, betraying his nervousness.

  “Let’s sit down. Coffee, Abram? Some cookies?”

  “Ya, denki. I...” Abram began to speak.

  “Wait. Son, I have something to say. I know you and Hannah love each other. But I am very disappointed in how you have been handling yourself in your marriage. Ya, I know you are struggling with two opposing sets of beliefs. I urge you, before you are banned, to keep the Ordnung in mind. It is that upon which you should rest your beliefs and actions toward Hannah.” Sam had wanted to say this to Abram for several days and chose to get his words in early.”

  Hannah and Ruth both nodded their kapped heads.