by Wiley, John
“Erick, we need to go," says Rhys tapping his invisible watch.
"Yeah, come on Chloe, we need to take Newman for a walk,” Cindy says, ignoring her friend’s last comment.
“Newman?" asks Erick.
"Our bulldog," says Chloe.
Rhys rolls his eyes.
"What?" asks Cindy. "You prolly got a cat, don't you?"
Rhys nods. "I left it with my cousin, but yeah, so what if I do?”
“So gay,” she mumbles.
"So butch!" says Rhys squeezing past the girls, causing the stairs to wobble.
“I'd better go," says Erick.
"We're cooking out tonight if you guys want to come," says Chloe.
“OK." Erick looks up and smiles at her. "We'll be there."
***
Erick climbs in the truck and shuts the door. "So you don't like them then?"
"I can't help it!" yells Rhys. "It's chemical or something. Gays and lesbians just don't get along. It's like…vampires and sunlight…cats and dogs…penises and vaginas! They just don't fit!"
"Um actually you’ll find that they do fit together quite – "
"OK! Eww, enough! I saw that porn about the girl with all the moles in Paris you eye raped me into watching." He buckles his seatbelt. "I still have nightmares.”
They drive down the road in silence. A few minutes later Rhys sighs.
"What?" asks Erick.
"How are we going to get home?"
"Your car," says Erick.
"You mean the one that vanished at the casino?"
"So we’re talking about it now?"
“No!” Rhys leans his head back. "We aren't off to a good start. But at least we had some adventures on the drive out."
"I know…" Erick turns into the Mover and Groover parking lot. "But let's just get this dropped off so that we don't have to pay for it."
They get out of the truck and walk to the door to the office. Erick tugs on it but it's locked. "Dammit! We're gonna have to pay an extra day now!"
"Maybe not," says Rhys, pointing at the sign on the door. “It looks like they’ve gone out of business.”
“Do places really go out of business within three days and have no idea it’s going to happen?” Erick turns to Rhys who is standing over by the truck and on his phone, nodding.
Rhys hangs up his phone. "I just called the office and the company really has shut down. We can keep the truck! It’s really convenient actually, like in a TV show."
"Sweet! That means if we run out of money and can't afford rent we can live in the back of the truck! It’ll be like The Boxcar Children…only in a moving truck…and we’re not children. We can be the Moving Truck Men!"
Rhys shrugs. "Or we can drive home now instead of hitchhiking."
"That too." Erick climbs in the truck. "Let's rock and roll."
***
“How was class?” Joey asks Cheryl later that night.
“It was OK. My English professor assigned us half of Moby Dick to read tonight, so that sucks.” She drops her bag on the floor with a sigh. “Oh, and please no dick jokes,” she says, as he opens his mouth to speak.
“Rhys and Erick would have liked it. Besides, I was just going to comment on the fact that your professor assigned you to read a book I read in the tenth grade.”
Cheryl shrugs as she looks around the kitchen for something to eat. “I’m going to go start reading. Can you wash the dishes, fix something for me to eat and then go buy me a red bull? Thanks.” She kisses his cheek and runs upstairs, dragging her bag behind her.
“This sucks,” he says to himself as he walks to the kitchen. He grabs a pan and fills it with water before putting it on the stove. While waiting for the water to boil he takes out his phone and texts Rhys.
Joey: What’s up?
He puts the phone down and starts washing the dishes. “I bet California is more fun than this.”
***
"Omigod! It's a Carl’s Jr! We don't have those in Ohio!" Rhys grabs the wheel from Erick and swerves to go to the fast food chain.
"What are you doing?" yells Erick.
"I wanted a shake." He opens his mouth and coughs a little. "I'm tickly."
"You nearly killed that man," says Erick, pointing to a bald homeless man shaking his fist at them from the sidewalk.
Rhys rolls down his window. "My bad." He looks to Erick. "C'mon, the tickle isn't gonna go away on its own."
When they walk out of the restaurant the homeless man is sitting on the back bumper of the truck.
"Sir, I am very sorry for nearly killing you. Here, have a French fry." Rhys hands the man a fry, which he throws back at Rhys, hitting him in the face. "Agh! You got salt in my eye! That smarts, you ass!" Rhys takes a fry and throws it at the homeless man.
"Ow! You got hot grease on my head!" yells the man.
"Then grow some hair, bald-o!" yells Rhys.
"Oh Lord." Erick does that ‘oh-my-what-a-day-hand-on-forehead’ thing.
"I'm going to sue you for everything you own!" yells the homeless man.
"I just gave you my last French fry!" yells Rhys.
"So?"
"So that's everything I own!" Rhys looks to the ground and then Erick. "Wow. We're really poor, aren't we?"
Erick nods his head.
"Look sir," Rhys says to the homeless man. "I'm sorry for nearly killing you and grease burning your stupid bald head. But if you want, you can come stay with us."
Erick hits Rhys’ arm. "And stay where?" he asks.
“I’m sure we can make room for a little homeless man,” says Rhys.
"If you have a yard you can put a dog house out there and I can sleep there."
"OK!" says Rhys.
"Oh Lord…again. This is not going to end well." Erick walks to the truck and gets in. "Oh sorry sir, but there's no room for you up here. You'll have to ride in the back."
The homeless man shrugs. "Fair enough."
Rhys closes the door to the back of the truck behind the homeless man and locks it shut. He walks around the truck to the passenger side and climbs in so they can drive home.
***
"Well this is home," says Erick to Homeless Man when they get to the apartment. "Are you sure you want to sleep in a dog house? I mean, we do have a couch. And we’d have to go out and buy a dog house, which is a bit of an inconvenience."
"Oh who is this?" asks Chloe running up to Homeless Man and scratching his back. "He's sooooo cute!"
"This is our Homeless Man," says Rhys. "You can call him Homeless Man."
"He's not our pet," says Erick. He looks to Homeless Man and sees him scratching his neck.
"Aw, he's got fleas!" says Rhys. "Someone needs a flea bath tonight!"
"I need a beer," says Erick, going inside.
Cindy walks out of her apartment with a tray of hamburgers for grilling. Rhys looks at her. "I need to be not here!" He goes inside. "Erick?" he looks around for Erick but can't find him. Rhys walks into the kitchen and sees the window open. "Damn! Did another roommate kill himself?" Rhys walks to the window and sees Erick sitting on the small fire escape.
"Hey," he says quietly. "What's up?"
Rhys shrugs. "Can I come out?"
"I'd already say you are pretty out," says Erick.
“Hardy har,” says Rhys. "Are you OK?"
Erick nods. "Yeah. It's just…weird. The last few days of driving have been like a vacation. But now we're here at our new home and…it's finally sinking in…the reality of it all." He takes a drink from his beer.
"Can I have one?" Erick takes a beer from the six-pack next to him and hands it to Rhys. "Yeah, and being so far from home. I've never lived further than three hours away, and that was comforting. Now I'm like…a billion miles away."
"I don't think it's quite that far," says Erick.
"But you know what I mean," says Rhys. "It's scary."
Erick nods.
"But," Rhys drinks from his beer, "sometimes the scariest thing is the most wort
hwhile."
"Boys?" yells a woman's voice.
"We're out back!" yells Erick.
Jennifer sticks her head out of the window. "The landlord left this for you while you were gone." She hands them a letter.
"Thanks," says Erick, taking the letter from Jennifer. "Are you going to be at the cookout?"
"Yeah, I think so. See you there, lover." She waves at him and leaves.
"Creepy," says Rhys. "So what's the letter say?"
Erick opens it and scans it. "Just our copy of the lease. I guess it’s officially official now."
Rhys sighs and chugs his beer. "Looks like it."
Back in their kitchen Rhys and Erick look at their new home, full of unpacked boxes and clink their beer bottles together.
"To new beginnings," says Rhys.
"To fresh starts and to getting so drunk you forget your name," says Erick.
"To clichés,” says Rhys. They both laugh and drink the beer down.
They put the empty bottles down and walk out to the rooftop for the barbeque.
***
Three time zones away, Joey and Jeremy stand on their back porch grilling some burgers. The sky is pitch black, but full of stars and a bright moon illuminating the outline of a forest on the other side of the corn field that surrounds three sides of the apartment complex.
“So when’s Allison going to come up and see you?” asks Cheryl as she comes outside with Tiffany, each carrying two beers. They keep one for themselves and give each of the guys one.
“She probably won’t be visiting anytime soon,” says Jeremy, avoiding eye contact and drinking from the bottle.
“Why?” asks Joey. “I’m surprised she wouldn’t want to see you.”
Jeremy shrugs. “We broke up, I guess.”
“You guess?” asks Cheryl. “How do you guess?”
“Did she dump you?” asks Tiffany. She holds out her hand to Jeremy and shakes his hand. “I’m Tiffany by the way; I’m going to be your new roommate too.”
Jeremy laughs at the awkward and late introduction. “Yeah, Joey told me earlier today that you were taking Erick’s old room.”
“I would have moved in today, but that room needs a good cleaning before I feel comfortable moving my stuff in. The walls are literally covered in spunk.”
Jeremy spits his beer out and laughs.
“I used to live across the parking lot with Annie and a couple others you probably never met or heard of,” says Tiffany as she jumps up on the railing. “But Annie and Ali graduated and Lisa decided to move back on campus to be an RA, so now I’m here!”
“And I’m sure Jeremy is really interested in all of this,” says Cheryl, leaning against the railing that Tiffany is sitting on.
“It’s good to know where people come from, I guess,” says Jeremy.
“Well I wasn’t born there, I was born in a hospital,” says Tiffany. “I’m actually from Florida; well, born in Florida but moved to Michigan when I was six months old. How funny would it be though if I was born in that town house and grew up there, and then decided to go to college here and decided to stay in my childhood home but move my friends in and kick my family out? Gosh, you could call me Sabrina if I did that.”
Jeremy shrugs and shakes his head.
“You mean like the witch?” asks Cheryl.
Joey nods and puts his beer down, spilling a little as he does so. “Yeah, because in the last two seasons of the show Sabrina moves back into her aunts’ old Victorian house, but she moves in with Punky Brewster and that red headed girl from Clueless and her aunts just vanish.”
“How the hell do you know this?” asks Cheryl, laughing at her boyfriend.
“Rhys. There was that one summer we couldn’t afford cable so we watched DVD’s and he had a lot more than I did. He educated me on Sabrina the Teenage Witch, Wonderfalls, Coupling…what else? Lots of sitcoms and teen dramas, and I made him watch Jericho, Firefly, Adventures of Brisco County Jr, and Invader Zim.”
“That really is every DVD you own, isn’t it?” asks Cheryl.
“Well I have a couple movies too.”
“And porn,” adds Jeremy.
“Yeah, I made him watch some straight porn too. His reaction was so worth it.”
“Where are you living until you get the spunk off the walls?” asks Jeremy, almost keeping a straight face.
“My floor,” says Cheryl, slight annoyance in her voice.
“Why do you each have a room if you sleep in the same room?” Jeremy asks his brother and Cheryl.
They both look at each other and shrug.
“Cheryl’s room is basically just her walk-in closet though,” says Tiffany. “I’m staying in there on the floor. Not because she’s using the bed; but because there is no bed.”
Joey nods. “I wanted to put my Xbox and stuff down there but I lost that discussion.”
Cheryl smiles and kisses his forehead. “You sure did.”
“Oh, sorry for going off topic just then,” says Tiffany jerking her head up like she fell asleep. “But you were telling us if Allison dumped you or not.”
Jeremy bites his lip in frustration. “It was mutual. That’s all I really want to say about it.” He stands up from the patio table and goes inside. “Anyone else need another beer?”
***
The next day Rhys wakes up to the alarm on his cell phone at 4:45am. He turns it off and gets dressed quickly, all in black. He grabs his phone, keys, wallet, and a hat and runs into the kitchen and grabs a bagel and Red Bull. He walks to the bathroom door but hears Erick in the shower. He sighs and goes out the front door, locking it behind him.
On the rooftop he sees Chloe walking Newman. She’s in boxers and a t-shirt; her red hair resembling Medusa. “Hey,” he says.
“What are you doing up so early?” she asks.
“I have the early shift,” he says, taking a drink of his energy drink.
“Where are you working?”
He points across the road at Coffee Café.
“Cool. I go there every morning. I’ll see you in a few hours, back to bed now though,” she says as she shuffles back to her apartment.
“OK cool.” Rhys walks down the stairs and pushes the cross walk button when he sees Homeless Man peeing on the side of the building. “Homeless Man! Stop it!” yells Rhys. “Bad Homeless Man!” Homeless Man zips it up and walks away. “Don’t wander too far!” warns Rhys as the light changes. He walks across the road and sees the manager unlocking the door so he runs to sneak in with him. “Hi, I’m Rhys,” he says as he grabs the door behind the manager.
“Oh, yeah, it’s nice to meet you. I’m Jared. So what kind of experience do you have, since I’m not the one that hired you?” he asks as he locks the door behind them.
“Oh plenty, I’ve worked at various coffee shops for about five years now.”
“Excellent, so you know the opening procedures?”
Rhys nods. “Yup.”
“Right, well follow Brad for the day just to get the layout of the shop.” He points his head toward a hung over guy in a tight black t-shirt and baggy pants.
***
Across the street Erick struggles to lock the door behind him while holding his bag, coffee, and granola bar.
“Need a hand?” asks Chloe from her door. She has Newman’s leash around her wrist and is struggling with her own lock. She leaves her key in the door and walks over to Erick.
He hands her the keys and takes the unwrapped granola bar out of his mouth. “Thanks a lot.”
“You’re welcome.” She hands him his keys back. “You guys sure are early risers.”
“Not by choice,” he says as he makes his way to the stairs. “My last two years of school I didn’t schedule any classes before noon.”
Chloe smiles. “Sounds like my ideal schedule.”
“And speaking of early risers, pot-kettle-black…”
“The one thing I hate about having a dog is the late night potty breaks. Especially when the lock sticks
and I can’t get back in.”
“Do you need help?” he asks, glancing at his watch.
“Nah, I’ll get it. And if I don’t, I’ll just pound until I wake up Cindy, which will wake up Janie, so it’s win-win!”
Erick smiles as he walks to the stairs on the edge of the building and stumbles on the first step. “Do you need any more help?”
“No, I’m fine,” he says as he descends the stairs. He gets down without incident and sticks the key in the door of the moving truck and climbs in. “I’ll see you later,” he waves up at her.
Chloe gives a small wave and walks back into her apartment.
***
“So, do you guys do anything special here?” asks Rhys, “or is it basically the same as all the other shops?”
Brad shrugs. “I have no idea, dude. I just kinda look busy whenever Jared walks by. Dude’s a douche.”
“Like a ‘doudche’?” says Rhys, chuckling at his joke.
“What? Dude, I don’t know. Just make some coffee, OK?”
“But we don’t open for 45 more minutes…it won’t be fresh by then.”
Brad shrugs. “Whatever.”
Right before the store opens, Brad sends Rhys to the back freezer for some supplies for the day. Rhys pulls out the plastic containers of scones, cookies, coffee cakes, cupcakes, and rice cereal treats. He kicks the freezer door shut as he balances all the treats in his arms. Spinning around he walks right into someone – spilling all the containers on the floor.
“Oops, I’m so sorry, I didn’t see you there – Oh. It’s you.”
Rhys looks up from the floor where he’s gathering all of the dropped food items and sees Cindy, his favorite neighbor, dressed in a black barista costume. “Cindy!” he exclaims, standing up. “My favorite neighbor.” He rolls his eyes and walks past her.
“You know you can’t serve anything that was on the ground,” she says as she walks past him to the break room, to drop off her belongings.
“No shit.” He marks down the wasted items on the waste log before throwing them away.
“I can’t believe you’re the new guy they hired.” She knocks into him with her shoulder.