by Wiley, John
They stand in silence for a few long seconds. “So, I have no idea how to get out of here,” Joey finally says.
“I’ll show you out.” Liam leads Joey down a maze of hallways back to the entrance. “Good luck with the job,” he says once they get to the lobby. “I’ll put in a good word for you with Madeline.”
“Thanks, that’d be awesome. Later.”
“Bye,” says Liam, turning to go back to the gallery.
Once in the parking lot Joey pulls out his phone and calls Rhys.
“Hello?”
“Hey,” says Joey.
“Hey, what’s up?”
“Just had my interview at Art Institute.”
“Oh yeah, how’d it go?”
“Pretty shit; I was late and the woman wasn’t very nice. But Liam says that’s just how she is.”
“Liam?” asks Rhys. “My Liam?”
“I don’t know that you can call him yours if you’ve never spoken,” laughs Joey.
“We spoke that one time in Pop Culture class. He asked me when the exam was.”
“Mhmm,” says Joey as he unlocks his car door and gets in. “So the main reason I called was to tell you that the woman that interviewed me was called Madeline and she looked just like Madeline Kahn in Clue.”
“Yes. Yes, I did it. I killed Yvette. I hated her, so much... it-it- the f - it -flam - flames. Flames, on the side of my face, breathing-breathl- heaving breaths. Heaving breaths... Heathing...” says Rhys, quoting his favorite line from Clue.
“I knew you’d appreciate it,” laughs Joey.
“Yep. Well let me know if you get the job, but I have to go now. I have an audition!”
“Good luck!” says Joey.
“Thanks,” says Rhys before hanging up.
***
Rhys walks into a small building and sees about fifty guys that look similar to him sitting in the hallway on folding chairs. “Shit.”
“What’s wrong?” asks a guy sitting just behind where Rhys is standing.
Rhys turns and sits down in the empty chair next to the guy. “This is my first audition. I didn’t expect so many guys that look so identical to me. How am I supposed to stand out in this crowd?”
“With your acting skills?”
“I’m not sure I have any of those,” says Rhys, nervously.
“Then why are you here?”
Rhys shrugs. “I’ve always wanted to act. I acted in high school, did one play a year at college, and decided it’s something I wanted to pursue.” Rhys looks closer at the guy sitting next to him. “Hey, I think I know you. Weren’t you in that Mandy Hill movie a few years ago? Alistair Crosby, right?”
Alistair smiles, “Yeah that was me. Clearly it led to lots of great opportunities,” he motions to the hallway. “I get to go from a staring roll in a Razzie Award-winning film to playing the love interest of the week on…what show is this for again?”
“Umm, I don’t actually remember,” laughs Rhys. “I hope that’s not a problem! I’m Rhys, by the way,” he says turning to shake Alistair’s hand.
“So how long have you lived here?” asks Alistair.
“A week. I’m working at Coffee Café to pay bills.”
“They make really good cupcakes,” Alistair says.
“So do you make a living acting?”
“Basically. I live in Franklin with some friends, so I don’t really have many bills. And Zack helps out a lot too.”
“Oh my God, I forgot that you were dating Zack Norton! I have a sexy calendar of him in my room. You’re a lucky man.” Rhys checks out Alistair. “He’s pretty lucky too.”
“Thanks,” chuckles Alistair. “We’ve just decided to move in together, so that’s…nerve wracking!”
“Why? Aren’t you in love?”
“I think so. I’ve just never lived with a boyfriend before.”
“Well I hope you guys work it out. You’ll have adorable adopted babies.”
Alistair smiles. “I think it’s your turn.” He motions to the lady at the door to the audition room calling for Rhys and holding his headshot.
***
“And how was it?” asks Alistair when Rhys walks out of the room – ghost white.
“Shit. It was complete shit.”
“Forget the lines?”
“Oh no, I got the lines. But unless whoever it is I’m supposed to be dating is dating a robot I’m not going to get it.”
“Oh. So you more recited them than really acted them?”
“Well, kind of. Except for when I realized how mechanical I was reciting the lines I decided to try to act like I was doing it on purpose. So I started to make robot movements and trying to talk like a robot.”
Alistair starts to laugh out loud.
“It was a nightmare.” Rhys smiles, but at the same time looks kind of defeated.
“Well let’s go out for a drink or coffee or something.”
“Drink, definitely. Let’s forget this happened.” They start to walk down the hall to the exit but Rhys stops them. “Wait, what about your audition?”
“Oh I had a shit audition hours ago too. I’ve just been waiting here as to not get back to the house too soon.”
***
“What are you doing after work tonight?” Adele asks Erick, leaning on his desk.
“Don’t really have any plans. Rhys was going to bring pizza home after his audition and he was going to make me watch season one of Designing Women on account of it being ‘an outrage that I have never seen that show’,” he says with air quotes.
“Ew,” says Adele, pulling a face.
Erick laughs and nods. “Yeah, I’m not looking forward to it. He said we can make it into a drinking game though.”
“How?” she asks, pulling a chair up to Erick’s desk and sitting down.
He pulls his phone out of his bag and opens the text messages. “Uh, drink when someone is wearing shoulder pads. Drink twice whenever they mention a social issue, such as abortion or interracial marriage. Drink when – “
“OK, that sounds terrible,” says Adele, waving her hand for him to stop.
He smiles and puts the phone away. “Yeah, but he’s really looking forward to it. And he says I’m still paying him back for the time I made him watch straight porn.”
“He sounds a little bit like a moany gay. Is he?”
Erick shrugs and looks at her with confusion. “Can’t we all be moany from time to time, straight or gay?”
“I guess,” says Adele, leaning back in the chair. “He just sounds like one of those stereotypical gay guys that’s into the Golden Girls, Sex and the City, and Girls Aloud.”
Erick nods. “He does like all of those, actually.”
“And he doesn’t like sports or any other guy things?”
Erick shakes his head. “He wouldn’t appreciate that comment, that there are guy things and girl things.”
Adele holds up her hands in surrender. “I’m not trying to start anything, honest. I just wanted to go out with you tonight and was trying to convince you. I’m not homophobic; some of my best friends are friends with gay people.”
“Yeah…”
“So anyway, a few of us younger people here are going to Club 18 tonight after work. Do you want to come?”
“Well like I said …”
“I’m not trying to be a bitch, but I only invite people once. Besides, you might get lucky if you come with us tonight.” She smiles and licks her lips.
“OK, yeah, I’ll go.”
“Excellent.” She glances at her watch. “I’ll see you in an hour.” She turns and walks back to her reception desk, shaking her hips as she goes.
Erick pulls out his phone and texts Rhys.
Erick: Have to cancel tonight. Sorry.
***
“ – and there was one time when this girl that was my good friend in high school, she started watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer and wanted to be a witch. So she tried to be a witch and I guess it worked because she turned
us all into cats. Most of us turned back, but I have one friend that is still a cat,” Alistair says. He takes a drink from his mojito and waits for Rhys to respond.
“Wow,” he says nervously. He chuckles and takes a sip of beer. “So…you were cats?”
“Yeah. There was another time we went to the North Pole to help Santa Claus and we got turned in to elves. Surprisingly, it was better being cats than elves.”
Rhys puts his elbow on the counter of the bar and rests his chin in his hand. He looks deeply into Alistair’s eyes.
“What?” asks Alistair, breaking eye contact.
“I’m just trying to see if you’re serious or not.”
Alistair nods. “I am. But I can understand you not believing me.”
“I just don’t understand how –”
“So I’m going to have to get going soon; my friends are probably pissed that I haven’t helped them unpack anything today.”
“Yeah, that’s cool,” says Rhys, chugging the rest of his beer.
“If you want to come over, though, and hang out you can.”
“Oh no thanks. Thanks though. I should get going; my roommate is off soon and we have big plans tonight – Designing Women marathon and pizza.”
“Awesome,” says Alistair, smiling. “Well it was nice meeting you, and if you ever need anything give me a call.” He hands Rhys a sheet of paper with his number on it.
“Thanks, I really appreciate it.”
Alistair stays at the bar to settle the tab while Rhys leaves and starts walking home; Alistair took him to a bar near his house, so it should only be about a ten-minute walk. Rhys pulls out his phone and orders two large pizzas (one cheese, one barbeque chicken). As soon as he hangs up, his phone vibrates with a text. He opens the message and frowns at the phone as he reads it.
Erick: Have to cancel tonight. Sorry.
Rhys: Is everything ok? Will u be back at all tonite?
Rhys stops walking, waiting for the phone to respond, but nothing happens. He sighs and gets home right as the pizza is being delivered. Rhys takes it into the apartment and sits it on the kitchen counter. He takes a bottle of Naked Juice from the fridge and sits on the couch to watch TV. During the commercial he goes on Facebook on his phone and at the top of the news feed he sees Erick checked into a location.
Good times with good (new) friends! – with Adele Olsen and 6 others at Club 18
“Seriously?” Rhys says at the status. He texts Erick again and a few seconds later his phone vibrates with its response.
Erick: Have to cancel tonight. Sorry.
Rhys: Is everything ok? Will u be back at all tonite?
Rhys: When u coming home? Any idea? Pizza is going to get cold
Erick: IDK
Rhys gets up from the couch, grabs the two boxes of pizza, and leaves the apartment. He walks to number 200 and pounds on the door, harder than intended.
Chloe opens her apartment door, annoyance on her face at the pounding. “Oh, hey,” she says, her expression softening.
“Sorry about pounding so hard,” he says, smiling. “I have all this pizza and thought I’d see if you two wanted some.”
“Sure,” she says, stepping aside. “Come on in.”
Rhys notices that the layout of this apartment is the mirror reflection of his own. The paint is pale lavender and the floor is bamboo.
“Just because I helped you out today doesn’t mean we’re besties,” says Cindy dryly from the chair she’s curled up in, reading on an e-reader.
“Please, I wouldn’t be your friend if you begged,” he says, sitting on the sofa next to Chloe. “But you I’d be friends with regardless,” he says, smiling a cheeky grin to Chloe.
Chloe smiles. “Aw thanks. So what kind of pizza is there?” she asks, opening the boxes.
“Cheese and barbeque chicken,” he says, taking a piece of the cheese pizza.
“Here,” says Cindy, handing him a paper plate. She gives one to Chloe as well and sets three beers on the glass top coffee table.
“I hope I wasn’t interrupting anything,” he says between bites.
“We were just going to have a little movie marathon,” says Chloe. “Feel free to stay.”
Cindy puts a couple pieces of pizza on a plate, puts the plate on the side table next to her chair, instructs Newman not to eat the pizza, and goes to the DVD player to put in the first disc.
“What’s the theme?” asks Rhys. “Ew, it’s not a lesbian theme, is it?”
“No!” laughs Chloe. “It’s 2004.”
“The theme is 2004?” asks Rhys.
“Yeah,” says Cindy. “Garden State, Anchorman, and if we’re not too tired, Napoleon Dynamite.”
“Oh cool,” says Rhys. “I love those movies.”
“So is it safe to assume that we weren’t your first choice of plans for the night?” Chloe asks while the previews play.
“Yeah. Erick and I were going to have a Designing Women marathon tonight.”
“Ugh,” Cindy groans. “You are so gay.”
“Anyway, right after I ordered the pizza he texts me that he’s canceling. I asked why and he didn’t respond. So I get home and see on Facebook he’s out with a bunch of people at a bar. So I texted to see when he thought he’d be home and all he said is ‘IDK’.”
“I hate ‘IDK’,” says Cindy. “You can’t even spell out that you don’t know? Like, OMG and LOL are understandable, but IDK is like a slap in the face.”
“I hate that I agree with you,” says Rhys.
Chloe laughs at them and shakes her head. “You two are nuts.”
“Well not only did he ‘IDK’ me, but he didn’t even bother to tell me that he was going out with friends, or anything! He ignored my text and then ‘IDK’-ed me!”
“OK, you need to calm down, or else I’m going to ask you to leave,” says Cindy, a smirk on her face.
“Sorry,” Rhys says, taking overly exaggerated deep breaths. “I understand he’s going to make new friends; I hope to also. But so far the only people I’ve met are a lesbian, an ex-lesbian, a frat boy, and a boss that doesn’t talk, so my friend list isn’t necessarily growing. Ooh! That’s not true! I met Alistair Crosby today!”
“His boyfriend is hot,” says Chloe.
Cindy rolls her eyes.
As the movie begins, a pounding is going on outside. “What’s that?” asks Rhys.
“Dunno,” says Chloe.
“I think someone might be at your apartment,” says Cindy.
Rhys looks out the window and notices that it’s getting dark out from storm clouds rolling in. “What if it’s a murderer? Cindy, you’re a butch lesbian, come with me and protect me.”
“I’m not that butch really,” says Cindy, getting up and walking to the door. “Pause the movie,” instructs Chloe as she and Rhys go out on the rooftop. “Ugh, it’s just Jennifer.”
“Hey,” yells Rhys to Jennifer, who’s still pounding on his door.
“Oh hi,” she says, turning in surprise. “I was just looking for Erick.”
“He’s out,” says Rhys.
Jennifer’s face falls. “Oh.”
Rhys looks at Cindy who rolls her eyes and sighs. “You want to come watch some movies with us?” she asks.
“Can we watch Legally Blonde?” she asks, skipping across the rooftop.
“No,” says Cindy. “And there’s no talking during the movie unless spoken to. That goes for both of you.” She sighs and walks back to her apartment. “I hope we have a lot of alcohol,” she says to herself as she goes back in.
As Rhys reaches the door he hears someone coming up the stairs to the rooftop. Hoping it’s Erick, he turns expectantly, but just sees Homeless Man. He curls up in a ball against the side of apartment 204 and falls asleep.
“I wonder what he gets up to during the day that gets him so knackered out,” says Rhys as he goes in the apartment.
***
“I’d like a large caramel latte and small hot chocolate. And a sugar cookie,” a w
oman says to Rhys the next day.
“That’ll be $9.75.”
“Here you go,” she hands him a ten dollar bill.
Rhys puts it in the register and hands her the receipt and quarter.
She takes the receipt but not the quarter. “Oh no, you keep that dear.” She takes her daughter’s hand and walks the two feet down the counter to where their drinks will be waiting for them. “You see, it’s very important that you tip those types of people; they rely on it.”
Rhys’ jaw drops and he spins around to Jared, making the drinks on the counter behind him. “Did you hear that?” he whispers.
Jared nods and puts whip cream on the hot chocolate.
Rhys shrugs and drops the quarter in the tip jar. “I guess she’s not wrong, I am poor.”
Jared smiles at him and calls out the drinks for the woman and her daughter.
***
“Why did I decide to take such early classes?” complains Cheryl as she runs down the stairs.
Joey looks up from his Crunch Berries and sees Cheryl trying to get her hair in a ponytail while checking her email on her phone and drinking a red bull. “Why did you decide to take summer classes?”
She looks at him and sighs. “I don’t know. I guess it seemed like a good idea two months ago when I wasn’t completely burnt out on classes!” She runs to the breakfast bar where Joey is sitting and kisses his cheek. “Love you, see you tonight.” She runs to the door but turns back to him once she reaches it. “Crap, no, you won’t! I have to work tonight.”
“OK, well I’ll see you when you get home.”
“Love yo –” she slams the door closed and he can hear her running down the steps to her car.
***
“I’m glad you came out last night,” Adele says to Erick when he walks into work.
“No, thank you for inviting me! It was definitely better than watching Designing Women!” says Erick. He walks to his desk and Adele follows him with the morning coffee list. “It was nice going to a bar where people are dressed up and you don’t feel like you could get an STD in the bathroom.”