What We've Become (My Kind Of Country Book 2)

by M. Lynne Cunning

  He flinched, startled at the sound of the kettle clicking off, a rolling steam dissipating into the air above the spout. He shook his head at his own foolishness, digging through the cupboards in search of the box of tea he knew was in there somewhere. He preferred coffee, but his mother had instilled in him a desire for chamomile tea when things got tough, despite the chiding remarks his father had repeatedly made about it. Somehow, even decades later, the scent of chamomile tea settled his nerves and eased his rigid posture during times of tension and stress. It was just one more thing his father had been wrong about, as far as he was concerned.

  The door creaked slightly behind him and Chad turned, biting the inside of his lip as he took in the sight of Katie, her eyes uncertain and nervous, dressed in one of his t-shirts, her hair wet and brushed away from her face, leaving the shoulders of the shirt darker with the dampness.

  “I hope it’s okay.” She pulled at the hem of the shirt. “I just grabbed the first one I saw when I opened the drawer.”

  He nodded, swallowing the lump that was forming in his throat. The shirt was oversized on her small frame, hanging to just above her knees, and her jeans were the same style she’d always wore. It was mind blowing that even with a baggy t-shirt, boot cut jeans, and no makeup, Katie still looked beautiful to him. “Of course,” was all he could manage to utter. He turned back to the countertop, pulling two burgundy mugs from the cupboard above and tossed tea bags into both of them. Steam billowed upward again as he poured the hot water into them, and he silently cursed himself for having his own steam-filled, inappropriate thoughts again. “Here, this will make you feel better.” He offered the mug to her, and watched her eyebrow arch.

  “No chance you have got anything a little stronger?”

  Chad gave her a crooked smile. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but it’s probably better to stay sober at a time like this.”

  She reached for the cup, amusement dancing faintly in her eyes. “You’re probably right.”

  “You got to talk to Mason?” Chad tilted his head toward the bathroom door in askance.

  Katie merely nodded, not meeting his gaze.

  He didn’t want to push or pry, but also had no idea how to start off the conversation in order to get the answers he wanted. Instead, Chad chose to stay leaned against the counter, his own mug of tea grasped tightly in his hands despite the scalding heat seeping through the ceramic into his palms. His mother would be proud; he at least had the foresight to know this was going to be one of those times when tension would run high and chamomile would be needed. He just hoped it would help him remain calm now, just as it had in the past.

  “I didn’t expect your place to look like this.” Katie’s voice reached out to him from across the room and he followed the sound, watching her walk aimlessly around the living room. Her gaze flitted from the magazines beside the armchair to the scattered sheet music and other pages littering the coffee table. When her eyes honed in on the loose papers, realization washed over him and he crossed the room, holding his breath as he went. “Katie—”

  She bent forward and retrieved one of the papers partially buried in the pile, a series of words scribbled and crossed out in Chad’s own handwriting. “What is this?” Her eyes never left the paper, darting from left to right as she took in the phrases scrawled on it.

  Chad reached for the paper, but she quickly pulled it farther away from him and he sighed in surrender.

  “My name is on the top of this paper.” She kept it far enough away that he couldn’t reach it, but turned it around as though to prove what she was seeing. “You wrote a song about me?”

  Chad gave her a sheepish nod. “I would have told you, eventually.”

  “Were you planning to release it?”

  He wasn’t sure if he was getting scolded, or if she was hopeful that he would. “Probably not. I don’t know. I never would have done that without your permission, though.”

  “But you have recorded it.”

  Chad crinkled his forehead suspiciously. “How do you know that?”

  She held the paper up as though it were proof. “Because this is how your manager knew my name. He’s heard this song. Am I right?”

  He sighed again, shaking his head at her relentlessness. “Well, you’re not wrong.”

  A hint of a smile showed at the corner of her mouth, and Katie set the page back on the table between them. “So, let me get this straight. You wrote a song about me, yet you never planned to see me again?”

  Chad shrugged in response, moving some of the papers out of the way so he could set his mug of tea down. “Let me get this straight. You showed up here after I kissed you, after I have told you I still love you, after I haven’t heard from you since that kiss, and you’re the one standing here trying to decipher how I feel about you? I think it should be the other way around, don’t you?” He let his smirk shine through as he lowered himself onto the couch, reaching out to pat the cushion beside him.

  Katie took a seat beside him, albeit reluctantly. He watched as her eyes roamed the room in search of another spot to sit, a caged animal seeking out possible escape routes.

  “We have got to talk, Katie.” He spoke softly, and she finally nestled into the other end of the couch, pulling her knees up in front of her as she cupped her hands around the mug.

  “I know we do. It’s hard, though. There is so much that has gone unsaid, and yet I have no idea what to say now.” Her eyes seemed wider, and Chad recognized it as fear. Of what? It couldn’t possibly be him, could it?

  “How about you start by telling me how you ended up here on my doorstep?”

  “You mean, the way you told me everything when you showed up on mine?” She snickered, but the words cut through Chad painfully. Her smirk slowly faded when she saw him lower his gaze. “I’m sorry, Chad. That was uncalled for.”

  He took a sip from his mug and shook his head. “You’re cruel.” He glanced up at her sadly, waving his hand dismissively. “It’s okay. You’re cruel, but right, yet again.”

  It was Katie’s turn to bring her mug to her lips to fill the silence. “Jay told me to come here.”

  Chad’s forehead wrinkled in disbelief. “I find that kind of hard to believe, especially seeing as he visited me at my record label’s office not even a few days after I kissed you.”

  Her eyes became round. “He did? But—he doesn’t know that you—that we—”

  “That we kissed?” He bit his lip, suppressing his amusement that she couldn’t admit it out loud. “I didn’t figure he did, or else I probably wouldn’t have walked out of there with only an assertive request to back away from you and Mason.”

  “He had no right—”

  “Of course he did, Katie. He has every right. He’s feeling threatened, and rightly so. Wouldn’t you be, if the tables were turned?” He stopped, giving her a chance to respond. When she nodded weakly, he continued. “Exactly. No one wants to sit back and watch the one they love be in love with someone else.”

  Katie sat straighter, eyeing him cautiously. “You sound pretty sure of yourself, Chad.”

  He reached out and set his mug on the coffee table, ignoring the loose papers underneath it. “Sure that you’re in love with me, just as much as I’m in love with you? Yeah, I suppose I am pretty confident. You wouldn’t be here otherwise.”

  His statement hung between them, the air thick with tension and unease.

  “I don’t know what I want, Chad.”

  “Do you really not know, or are you just not letting yourself make such a decision because you’re afraid of what the consequences might be?” Chad held her gaze, fed up with dancing around the subject and giving Katie all the time in the world to figure it out. Fear was driving her indecisiveness, and her silence was a loud confirmation that he was, in fact, right. “I have got some bad news for you, Katie. Either way—him, me, or someone else entirely—there are consequences. It doesn’t matter what the decision is, there will always be consequences on both sides.
It’s up to you to decide which ones are worth it, though.”

  Katie exhaled loudly and stared firmly at the mug squeezed tightly in her hands. It occurred to Chad that her fingertips must be burning by now, but he didn’t voice his concern. Whatever words were uttered between them next, they would be from her.

  “Jay told me—”

  “Katie!” His voice was louder than expected, and he immediately felt guilty when he saw her wince at the sound. His hands jutted out as though to stop her from moving, stopping in midair between them. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to yell, but damn it, aren’t you tired of doing what’s right for everyone else? Especially when it’s hurting you so damn much?”

  “Somehow, I feel that’s what Jay thinks he is doing, too.”

  “You both are. But you are both so blinded by what you think you should be doing that you can’t see that you are doing more damage than good. You’re beating a dead horse.”

  “God, I hate that saying.”

  “I do, too. I hate watching it happen even more.”

  Katie’s head tipped forward in a slight nod, and she chewed her bottom lip nervously. “So...what are you suggesting I do, then?”

  A faint, tired chuckle passed his lips. “Katie, I’m not suggesting a damn thing to you. I’m just begging you—if you are going to make a decision—if you are going to do something—for the love of all that is holy, please let it be something you’re doing because you want to. No more trying to please everyone else. That’s all I ask.”

  Hesitantly, Katie leaned sideways and set her mug of tea down on the coffee table. As she turned to glance in his direction, Chad could tell her mind was reeling, an inner war raging within the confinements of her brain. She moved slowly, rising up onto her knees on the couch cushion, then crawling forward. Her hand slid gradually from the cushion to his knee, gently pushing his legs apart to allow herself to get closer to him. She eased herself between his knees, her arms on either side of him, as she slid her body onto his lap.

  Chad’s breath caught in his throat, and he didn’t dare to breathe, his muscles rigid with apprehension. He let her move onto him without touching her, despite how badly he wanted to. It wasn’t worth the risk of scaring her off.

  Every movement, every breath he heard escape from her throat, was hesitant. “Are you okay?” His voice came out low and husky. He could hear a heartbeat pounding loudly and, somehow, he wasn’t sure if it was his or Katie’s. She nodded, biting her bottom lip as her clouded eyes darted to his. He couldn’t help but watch her, perched so timidly on his lap while her hands slowly slid up his chest to his neck, her fingertips tucking into the hair behind his head. He realized she was trembling, and he slid his hand to the small of her back in encouragement.

  “It’s okay,” he whispered.

  Perhaps she had been waiting for permission of some sort, or perhaps she just made some personal decision on her own. Whatever it was, she lowered her mouth onto his, the heat of her lips and tongue mingling with his, the fog of hesitation and uncertainty lifting as they discovered each other again. Her fingers clutched his hair tightly, causing a groan to erupt from deep within his throat, but it was muffled as she kissed him harder, his hand reflexively gripped her hip, holding her to him. She was the first to pull away, her eyelashes fluttering against his skin as her face lingered closely to his.

  “You are exactly how I remember.” Katie’s voice was hoarse, and the thin smile she wore lit up her eyes. He hadn’t seen her eyes that full of life in months.

  “You’ve never kissed me like that. You’ve got nothing to compare it to.”

  She traced her fingertip under his ear, up across his cheekbone, sending a shiver through him. “That may be true, but I have done that a thousand times in my mind. I may not remember the exact kiss, but I remember the intensity—the attraction. That hasn’t changed in the slightest.”

  Chad leaned forward and kissed her jaw lightly, trailing his lips down the side of her neck. “You have no idea how long I have waited to hear you admit that.”

  Katie pushed herself off his lap and swung her leg around to straddle him, her eyes glinting as she let her hands roam across his shoulders. “I shouldn’t want you.”

  “But?” He slid his hand under the hem of the shirt she wore, letting his fingers caress up and down her spine.

  Katie lowered her face down beside his ear, kissing his earlobe tenderly. “But I do.”

  Chad squeezed his eyes shut, swallowing down a rush of emotion that threatened to overtake him at the sound of her confession. Just the sight of her straddled over the top of his knees, clad in his t-shirt, her mouth slightly swollen from kissing him with such fervor—it could all be his undoing. To hear her finally admit that she wanted him, though—that was everything he had ever wanted. “Finally...” He chuckled tenderly, turning to kiss her. He found her mouth again, and this time he gave in to his urge to put his hands on her. He curled his arms around her, under the baggy t-shirt, pushing her against him as his fingertips trailed from her lower back, to her shoulder blades, and back again. He felt her hands dip under his shirt, the warm pads of her fingers causing him to shudder in desire as they grazed the sensitive skin just above the waist of his jeans.

  In one fluid movement, he had her lowered back onto the couch, and she stared up at him with clear eyes filled so full of desire he didn’t dare try to speak. Instead, he reached behind his head and pulled his shirt over his head, tossing it to the floor. Katie’s eyes widened, and for a moment he wondered if he’d misread the signals. He stayed still, suspended above her with his arms on either side of her head, as she tentatively brought her hand up and ran a finger down his abdomen. A deep groan emanated from his throat at the sensation.

  “You’re beautiful,” she said in a hushed voice, not meeting his eyes, and Chad wondered if she meant to say it out loud. He swallowed hard again, still trying to calm himself, despite the electricity of her fingertips on his skin threatening to consume him.

  “If you only knew how beautiful you—” He was quickly cut off as Katie pushed him back, struggling to sit up. For a moment, he worried he had gone too far too soon, and she was retreating from him, but something much stronger than worry filled within him as he watched her pull the t-shirt—his t-shirt—over her head, revealing her olive skin and simple black bra with pink stitching. His gaze passed over the tan lines along her shoulders and chest—lines he had thought about seeing beyond many times before—and he exhaled a steadying breath. “Katie, you are—”

  She leaned forward and kissed him again, her hands outlining the edge of his belt before pulling him back on top of her by his belt buckle. Chad fell forward onto one hand again, trailing his other gently across the band of her bra. He broke the kiss, but made no movement to back away. “Katie, if we do this—”

  She shushed him, her eyes locking with his as her fingers fumbled blindly to undo his belt. “It’s okay.”

  “We can’t go back—”

  She brought a hand up between them and pressed her finger gently against his lips. “There is no consequence to me loving you. And if there is, to hell with whatever it is.” She slowly removed her finger from his mouth, replacing it with a sultry kiss. Chad kissed her back, letting his desire fuel his body. He pulled her legs around his hips, silently instructing her to hold onto him. Effortlessly, he lifted her from the couch, her limbs clutched around him. At the doorway to the bedroom, he stopped, pushing her up against the door jamb to kiss her more feverishly, a swell of satisfaction rising in him at the muted whimpers escaping her throat as he kissed down her neck, his tongue dipping into the hollow at the base of her throat.

  “Chad...”

  Her voice was riddled with hunger and need. There was no question in her statement, just his name on her tongue and a longing to have him. To hell with the consequences, indeed, was his last practical thought before he pushed away from the doorframe and carried her into the bedroom, kicking the door closed unceremoniously behind him.
/>   CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  KATIE

  The bedroom was still shrouded in grays and darkened corners when Katie reluctantly opened her eyes. Bright light peeked out from the sides of the window blinds, drawn down as far as they would go to block out the day. She didn’t remember Chad pulling them closed last night. He must keep them closed all the time, she thought. Though there were no memories of Chad drawing the blinds, Katie recalled many other things he had said and done within the darkness of the room, and heat flushed high in her cheeks as the vivid memories flashed like snapshots inside her mind. Her head felt fuzzy, thick with sleep deprivation, but those images still managed to seep through to her consciousness. A soft groan escaped her lips as she attempted to roll her tired body onto its side. A deep inhale of breath sounded loudly beside her in the darkness, and Chad’s hand snaked under the covers across her stomach, pulling her back against him.

  “You’re not running already, are you?” His voice was deep and sleepy, barely on the edge of wakefulness. His breath was warm against the nape of her neck, and Katie relaxed back into him.

  “Running? What makes you think I’m running?” She turned over to face him, his squinting eyes and tousled hair visible in the dim lighting.

  Chad breathed deeply again, and the sound of rustling covers sounded loud in the silence of the room. “I’ve laid here most of the night wondering if you would wake up this morning and change your mind again.”

  Katie pulled on the comforter, tucking it under her arm to cover her bare skin. She nuzzled in closer, and the feeling of his fingers on her hip caused her to sigh. “Only most of the night?” She bit back her amusement.

  “Yeah, the rest of the night was spent...well...I didn’t dream it, right?”

  Katie chuckled, brushing her hair from her face. “It wasn’t a dream, I can assure you of that. It did kind of seem like it, though. To me, anyway.”