by Nikki Rashan
“Shut up and get the fuck out of here.” Angie spoke through her teeth.
They quieted down. I heard footsteps and then the sound of boxes being tossed into the hallway. The door slammed next, and then there was total silence. A few minutes later Angie knocked on the bathroom door. I was sitting on top of the toilet cover, with my head in my hands.
“Kyla.” She slowly opened the door and peeked her head in.
The redness on her face had vanished, though a small welt remained where Deidra’s ring had made an impact.
“You might want to put ice on that.”
“Later. I want to make sure you’re all right. I’m sorry about Deidra.” Angie’s anger had cooled, and her eyes were no longer filled with fury. She had returned to the gentle Angie I’d always known.
“Deidra? That wasn’t just about Deidra, Angie. You two fight like that?”
Angie stepped inside and leaned against the sink. “We’ve had moments, times when we’re both pissed off and acting irrational. It happens.”
“Pushing, shoving, hitting. Really?”
Angie hesitated. “I admit we’ve had some real intense arguments, and it’s gotten out of hand, yes. She was on some bullshit today. I got mad and threw her boxes. She hit me because I wouldn’t stop.”
“Stop tiptoeing around the complete truth. You’ve hit her before, like she said?” I prayed the answer was no.
“It’s happened before, Kyla,” she confessed. “But you have to know me better than that. It’s not my normal character.” Angie shook her head. “Deidra is just one of those people. No matter how boojie she tries to be, she’s got some hood in her. She brings out the worst in me.”
As tender as Angie had always been to me, and from what I had witnessed of her and Deidra over the years, I couldn’t imagine her putting her hands on Deidra. How could you hit someone you claimed to love? Maybe the same way you could cheat on them, my subconscious replied.
“I bet her wrist is bruised,” I said.
Angie waved my comment off with a flip of her hand. “Maybe. I didn’t want her fighting me, or you, for that matter. I don’t hit women. I’m not an abuser. But I do protect myself and those I love.”
Angie’s words came across as sincere, as they always did. Indirectly, she had again professed her love for me. It felt different, and I was suddenly uncomfortable. I was inclined to consider a relationship with someone whose sexual past was as extensive as mine. But could I be with someone with a violent history, no matter how infrequently the incidents occurred?
“Please don’t let this mess us up,” she pleaded.
“Those moments are in the past.”
“The past? It was ten minutes ago,” I challenged.
“You know what I’m saying. You’re not her. I’d never hurt you. Just let this go. Deidra is officially history. There’s no reason for her to come around anymore. Nothing else connecting us.”
Angie reached for my hand and lifted me up to her. I rested my breasts against the ribbed texture of her tank top. She lowered her mouth to my neck and kissed it.
“Now you separate your things with Asia, and we can be together,” she told me. “It’s time for us to be together.”
I closed my eyes and tried to allow her lips and tongue to cloud the visions in my mind of her and Deidra’s altercation.
“Soon,” I responded. “This will be figured out soon.”
It had to be. As soon as I talked to Asia I would know what to do.
Twenty-six
Asia
“You should call her.”
“Call who?”
“Kyla.”
“Why?”
Melanie and I sat at the kitchen table, while Jovanna prepared a breakfast of fried ham and eggs. We sipped on freshly squeezed orange juice and waited.
“Because you two need to talk this out before too much time passes. Find out how she knew about Sam. Address that. Then, depending on how the conversation goes, you’ll know if you need to pull the divorce list out for her. Me and Jo are here for your support.”
“Why don’t I invite her, Angie, and Sam over and we make it a party?”
“We can do that,” Jovanna said as she flipped two eggs. “I don’t have a problem confronting women.” She shot a small smirk at Melanie.
Melanie returned it and then looked at me. “See why she can never find out?” her expression said.
I nodded. “Sure. I’ll call,” I announced. I wanted to get it over with, whatever would happen, because to continue just thinking about it would get me nowhere. I didn’t think I needed their help, although I was happy to have Melanie’s and Jovanna’s backup. I didn’t think Kyla and I would ever become overly aggressive with one another. You never knew, though. She could say something to piss me off, or I could do the same to her.
“After breakfast. Let me let her and Angie get their morning screw in.”
“You are so crazy,” Melanie said.
“I’m just saying that’s what they do.” I turned to Jovanna. “Sure you don’t need any help?”
“No thanks. Got it.” She slid two sizzling fried eggs onto a plate. “On a serious note, Asia, say you talk to Kyla and she begs your forgiveness. You will not forgive her?”
“I’m not one to forgive cheating. It happened to me a long time ago, and I hated the feeling.” I stared at my hands. “But honestly, now I’m not sure anymore. You two have almost convinced me to be open-minded.”
Jovanna set a plate before Melanie and another in front of me. “I don’t believe anyone should be a doormat and allow a person to get away with just anything,” she said. “However, mistakes happen, you know? Sometimes a person gets caught up in a moment. It happens.”
Melanie eyed Jovanna curiously. Jovanna met her gaze directly. “At least it’s out in the open. You two can talk this through, not hold anything back. No secrets. Can you imagine what it would be like if Kyla hadn’t told you and had come home and acted as if nothing ever happened? Can you imagine how that would make you feel once you actually found out? Because the truth always comes to light, you know.” She continued to stare at Melanie. “More juice, Melanie?” Melanie didn’t answer, so Jovanna picked up the pitcher of juice, along with Melanie’s glass, and poured.
“I understand how you feel, Asia,” Jovanna continued. “I used to be a hard-ass too, with rules about what I would and would not accept. Pero sometimes we can be so set about what we will not allow that we forget that love can survive anything. That everyone deserves a second chance. More for you?”
I raised my glass silently, afraid to take my eyes off of Jovanna to sneak a look at Melanie.
Jovanna went on. “If you love her enough and believe it’ll never happen again, then she may be worth forgiving. Especially if she didn’t really intend to hurt you. Thing is, you have to know in your heart that if you decide to forgive, you truly have to forgive. No holding on to it, no throwing it in her face later. Trust me, she knows it was wrong. It may not be fair what she did to you, but it wouldn’t be fair to remind her of it, either. Making her feel guilty won’t help. I bet she feels badly already. I’m about to make my own plate. Do you two need anything else?”
“No,” I answered quietly.
Melanie shook her head from side to side, and Jovanna went back to the stove.
“As I said, once you forgive, if you decide to forgive, you also have to trust that she’ll be true to you,” Jovanna said. “That can be hard sometimes, especially if you think you see opportunities for her to be unfaithful again. It might make you act a little crazy, because you want to believe she wouldn’t have stayed with you if she were going to mess up again, you know? Trust your instincts in those moments, as hard as it may be.”
Jovanna returned to the table with her food. “Moving forward, make sure you surround yourself with a few good people. People you can rely on. People you know will always tell you the truth, even if it hurts. If they know something, they will tell you. They trust you with the truth
because they know you deserve it.” She stared at Melanie and spoke to both of us. “They will be honest with you, even if Kyla can’t. The truth may hurt, but releasing it is the best feeling in the world.”
Jovanna took a bite of her food. “Mmm, this is so good, if I say so myself.” She closed her eyes and relished the smoky flavor of the ham. “Anyway, it sounds to me like Kyla is pretty honest, though. That’s a good start in my book. I agree with Melanie. I recommend talking it through, and if you two can work it out, wonderful. Now, if she happens to mess up again, well, then you have the right to cut her loose.” Jovanna laughed heartily. “You’re not eating, Melanie.” She pointed to Melanie’s untouched food. “So that’s my two cents,” she continued before Melanie could respond. “I’m glad I could share that with you. I don’t think Melanie knew I had anything I could share on this trip. Well, surprise. I do know a little something, after all.” She winked at me.
I cleared my throat and finally glanced at Melanie, whose gaze was locked on Jovanna. She was no longer on the witness stand. She had already been convicted and had been given a once-in-a-lifetime get-out-of-jail-free pass.
“Thanks, Jovanna. We, um, I needed to hear that,” I said.
“No problema. Love is a powerful emotion, and every relationship has its moments. The true test of strength and love is whether you stay in those moments or you flee.” She sipped her juice. “Now that I got that out, let us know how we can help.”
The situations were different, yet the principle was the same, I thought. Someone in each relationship messed up, Melanie and Kyla, and the other person, Jovanna, and I, had the choice to forgive or not to forgive. Jovanna had chosen to forgive. What would I do? I was suddenly convinced I wanted to talk to Kyla.
I wanted to take advantage of their presence and call Kyla with them around. I grabbed the cordless landline phone from the counter and dialed Kyla’s number. She didn’t answer. I was upset, mad that my joke about her and Angie having sex might be true. That was probably why she didn’t answer. A few seconds after I hung up, the phone rang. She’d called back. Jovanna and Melanie smiled.
“Hi,” I said.
“Hey,” Kyla said back. “You called?”
“I did. I was hoping we could talk. Today.”
“Yes. I wanted to talk to you too.” Her voice was subdued, softer than I’d expected.
“Great. Where would you like to meet?”
“Um . . .” She was quiet for about a minute. I waited. “It’s another nice day out, so what about Piedmont Park, the entrance on Eleventh? Meet me in a couple hours?”
I checked the clock. It was 9:05.
“I’ll see you at eleven.”
“Okay. See you then.”
I put the phone back on the charger.
“Two hours,” I announced to Jovanna and Melanie, even though they’d heard.
“How did she sound?” Melanie asked.
I thought for a moment. “You know, if I had to choose one word, I’d say she sounded grateful.”
“That’s a good sign,” Melanie said. “You’ll call us if you need us?”
“I will. We’ll be at the park, so if anything goes down, someone should be able to call nine-one-one.” We laughed.
“We’ll clean the kitchen,” Jovanna said. “You can go up and start getting ready.”
“Thank you both. I’m so glad you came.”
“I am too,” Melanie agreed, directing her words to Jovanna. “Thank you for breakfast, Jo. Thank you . . . for everything.”
Jovanna walked over to Melanie. They kissed.
“I appreciate you more than you’ll ever know,” Melanie whispered.
“Te amo,” I heard Jovanna say as I walked away.
Twenty-seven
Kyla
My heart jumped when my phone rang. I hoped it wasn’t Deidra calling to harass me next. Angie and I had gotten back into bed. I had lain on the edge of one side, with the hope that she would keep a little distance between us. She hadn’t. She had scooted behind me and had wrapped her arm around my stiff body, locking me underneath her strong hold. When I picked up the phone from the nightstand and saw Asia’s name on the screen, I left Angie in bed and headed to the bathroom. I looked back at Angie, who had a concerned look on her face. I waited too long to answer and missed the call. I cleared my throat, exhaled to calm my nerves, and called right back. I didn’t want the stress I felt to be apparent in my tone.
She wanted to see me. That wasn’t what I had expected her to say. I thought maybe she had called to curse me out further, to dig her verbal fingernails deeper into my thin emotional skin. Or maybe she had called to tell me she and her lady friends had packed up half the house and had put it on a moving truck, which was on its way to Angie’s place. She had to make room because Sam was about to move in. She did neither, and I was both happy and nervous that she wanted to get together. Her voice comforted me.
“We’re meeting at eleven.”
Angie was uneasy. That morning’s incident and her admission to hitting Deidra in the past had eroded the confidence about us that had been building. She walked over to me and put her arms around me.
“Good,” she said. She squeezed. “Now you two can figure out the next step to finalize this.”
Silently I told myself I didn’t know what was next anymore. I said another silent prayer and asked that the whirlwind events and emotions of the past few weeks come to end after I talked with Asia.
I wasn’t going to rehearse a script, as I had before. I wasn’t going to plan what I would say or anticipate Asia’s responses before they were spoken. I would talk to her openly and honestly and would find out what had happened that caused her to cheat. Had she really only wanted to get back at me for the hearts I had carelessly disregarded in my past? Or maybe, instead, we both had felt the same weariness in our relationship, and she found an outlet with Sam. Whatever her explanation, however the discussion progressed, I dedicated myself to accepting her words and prayed she would accept mine.
“I will be back later and will let you know how it went,” I told Angie.
“I’ll be ready for you.”
Angie ran her hand down my arm and rested her fingers around my wrist. I tensed and tried to pull my arm away. She held on.
“Don’t do that, Kyla.” She stroked my wrist with her thumb.
“I’m sorry. It’s just, you know, I don’t know what to think right now.”
She sighed. “Think about the way I’ve treated you. That’s all you have to focus on. You’re not Deidra. You . . . you bring out the very best in me, not the worst. I’d never lay a hand on you.”
I didn’t say anything.
“I don’t know how all this will turn out, but you have to trust me. The same way we don’t judge each other by our pasts with women intimately, don’t judge me about Deidra. All that shit happened with Deidra. It wouldn’t happen with you.”
I tried to respect Angie’s words and understand her point. In my heart I believed she would never bring physical harm to me, but my knowledge about Deidra had punctured the protective armor I tended to feel in her embrace.
“I understand what you’re saying. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t bother me some. I’ll try not to let it interfere,” I lied. It was too late. I could shake off the high number of women Angie had slept with. I couldn’t pretend she hadn’t been abusive to one of them.
“That’s fair. Do you need anything before you go? I can make us some breakfast.”
“I think I’m okay. Thank you. I’m going to shower.”
“Sure, okay. I’ll let you get ready.” Angie kissed my neck again and got back in bed.
In the shower I first washed the spot where she had kissed me. The damage was done. Even if Asia didn’t want me back, I didn’t think I could stay with Angie. After I dried off with a lavender towel Deidra must have left behind, I searched for relaxed jeans and a fitted sweater in my suitcase. I added a colorful scarf that Asia loved on me. I didn’t want to
be overzealous in my preparation, but I still wanted to look nice. I was reminded of our first date, in the middle of the night. and the effort I had exerted to find the appropriate outfit. I had wanted to make a good impression on her then, and now I wanted an appropriate look for the meeting that might formally renew or terminate our relationship.
Once dressed, and with my make-up applied, I packed a small purse and went to Angie. She was still in bed and had fallen back asleep. Her eyes opened when I grabbed my keys from the dresser.
“You look really nice,” she told me.
“Thanks. I’ll, um, I’ll be back.”
“When?”
“I don’t know how long this will take. We have a lot to sort out.”
“Right. I’ll be here whenever you get back.”
“Okay.” I started to walk out of the room.
“Hey. Come here.” She sat up against the headboard.
I returned and sat next to her on the edge of the bed. Angie ran a hand over her tousled, loose curls. In her I saw Stephanie years ago, when she was troubled by our relationship, unsure where it was headed. I also saw Asia’s face nine years prior, willing to love me, but only if I was certain I could love her back. In Angie’s expression I saw something else, something I couldn’t pinpoint. She seemed an agitated combination of the two as she struggled with how to handle our status.
“I feel responsible for what’s happened. I know Asia cheated and everything already, but I know this didn’t make it any better. For that, I’m sorry. But think about this. You might not have found out about Sam if me and you hadn’t rekindled what we’ve had all along. Did you think about that?”
“Angie, I told you, we didn’t have anything all along. What are you talking about?”
“I don’t believe you would have come back to me so easily if you hadn’t felt something too. Look, I know what you said and all, but that’s what I believe. And right now I want more than anything for you to come back to me tonight.” Angie looked toward the window. “If that doesn’t happen, I don’t know what I’ll do.”