by Nikki Rashan
“That’s a lot of pressure, Angie. I don’t know what to say.”
“Nothing. Just come home later. I’ll see you when you get back.”
I tried to stand again, but she pulled me close. “I love you, Kyla.” She kissed me hard. Her lips covered my mouth, eating away the lipstick I had just applied. “Say you love me too,” she whispered heavily.
What had gotten into her? I didn’t answer, and she kissed me more forcefully, sucking my lips into her warm mouth. Finally, she released me. She was breathless.
“See you later,” she said, then abruptly crawled underneath the covers again.
I left before she could stop me again and called David on my ride to the park.
“You know, I was about to call the cops on you and Angie. Girl, don’t ignore me like that again,” David screamed at me when he answered the call.
It was wrong of me to have left David hanging and not to have kept him updated about Asia after his many years of supporting me through all my battles and rooting for me during success stories.
“I’m sorry. It’s been crazy.”
“That’s your middle name lately. Everything all right?”
“I’ll let you know later today. I’m on my way to see Asia now.”
David shouted like a woman stricken by the Holy Ghost. “Hallelujah, praise Jesus.”
I laughed through my nerves. “What a difference twenty-four hours makes. Yesterday I went home and took the rest of my clothes—”
“Shame on you, girl,” he interrupted.
“Whatever. She said some horrible things to me. Things I never thought I’d hear from her. It hurt.”
“Baby, what did you expect? For her to give you a handshake and a pat on the back? These kinds of things go down like a Black Panther riot.”
I shook my head. “This morning she called, real calm, and asked if we could meet.”
“Hmm.” David thought for a second. “Either she got nervous after you wanted to take the rest of your stuff, and she wants you to come home, or the meeting is to finalize the breakup officially. Lord Jesus. No hootin’ and hollerin’, fussin’ and cussin’, you hear me? Too early in the morning for that.”
No, it’s not. I thought of Angie and Deidra.
“I’m trying not to anticipate how the conversation will play out. I’ll see what she has to say first. I still really want to know when she started cheating on me.”
“Mmm, baby girl, I understand. If you’re right about Sam, I think you have a right to know what’s been going on with them.”
“Me too. I’ll let you know how it goes.”
“Will you be back at Angie’s tonight?”
“Right now I don’t have anywhere else to be, but she’s being real strange right now, acting like we’re a couple already.”
“Are you surprised? You kept choosing her over Asia, so what did you expect? You go handle your business the right way, and don’t make me come banging on Angie’s door tonight. I expect to hear from you.”
“I’ll call. Promise.”
“Let me go so I can go update Marlon on the latest in the Kyla saga. Girl, you never fail to keep us entertained.”
“Glad to be your comic relief.” I laughed, but I really didn’t find him funny.
“I’m teasing, baby. Talk to you later.”
I heard him call Marlon’s name before the call disconnected.
I drove the rest of the ride with my music blasting. It was loud and annoying, but the booming bass provided me with the distraction I needed. A couple blocks from the park entrance I found a place to park and started my walk. The area was already busy, even though it was a Sunday morning, owing to the many nearby restaurants and the park itself.
I passed Asia’s truck on the first block I walked down. It was empty, which meant she was already waiting for me. My pace quickened. I was suddenly eager to be in her presence again. Toward the end of the second block, as I prepared to cross the street, I saw her standing on the opposite side, near the large open gate. My phone vibrated.
You look nice today, she said to me via text.
When I looked up again, she smiled at me.
So do you, I responded quickly. She wore leggings, boots, and an oversize top that hung off her left shoulder. Her straightened hair was silky and soft, and it brushed across her skin.
We met less than a minute later. The moment was both comforting and awkward. It was strange because we didn’t know how to greet each other. Her posture seemed to indicate that she welcomed my presence, and it was nothing like the last visual I had of her, which was of her standing in the bedroom window, with her arms crossed. She stepped forward in response to my approach, then stopped. I stopped too, automatically, and then stepped closer. We were face-to-face, and the current of energy decreased. I wondered if we would still be face-to-face an hour from the moment. Would we have reconciled, or would we have said good-bye forever?
Twenty-eight
Asia
On the ride to meet Kyla, I thought of Jovanna. I had come across many women who had stayed silent after learning of their girlfriend’s skeletons, out of fear they could do no better. Those were women who clung to their woman’s arm, their self-esteem so diminished, they remained passive in response to their partner’s affairs. Jovanna was not that kind of woman. She was the opposite. She was secure enough in herself and the relationship to understand there would be mistakes. She was wise to know there would be moments of action and regret. There might be times when a partner lost focus. In her case, Melanie had erred, and Jovanna had had the strength to forgive silently.
I hadn’t done that. When Kyla had come to me about her feelings toward Angie, I could have taken the opportunity to talk to her. Instead, I had given her the thumbs-up to date someone else. I was still mad at Kyla and in no way agreed with her actions, but I had come to understand that we both could have handled the situation differently. After I witnessed the smooth way in which Jovanna revealed what she had known all along, her commitment became an example to me. She had gotten past Melanie’s mistake, and she trusted both Melanie and Ali enough to remain loyal companions to both of them. I tried to remember this as Kyla approached me.
“Hi.” Kyla said softly when we met.
“Hey.”
We were quiet for a few seconds.
“Let’s find somewhere to sit down.” I tilted my head toward the interior of the park. We didn’t say anything while I led her to a bench. I stayed near the path, far enough away that our conversation would remain private, but close enough for passersby to break up a fight.
“This is all so crazy,” I began. “I don’t know where to start.”
Kyla picked at her nails, as she tended to do while she thought of what to say. “I have questions for you. But you go first.”
“How’s Angie?” I asked. If she told me Angie was great and they were madly in love, then I would have a different kind of conversation with her. Would she have agreed to meet me if they were? She could have told me on the phone there was no reason to meet, because she and Angie had officially reunited.
She stared ahead and searched through the trees for answers. “Angie’s fine.”
“She’s fine? That’s it?”
“Yeah, I mean, she’s Angie, you know. She’s ready for a relationship.”
“Of course she is. She made that clear to me the other night.”
“She did? She said you two didn’t say anything to each other.”
“What? Get the fuck out of here. Angie made it clear she’s a backstabbing bitch who wanted you all along, kissing you and shit in my face.”
Kyla was dumbfounded. “I can’t believe she lied to me,” she said softly.
“Trust me, she did if she pretended like I was cool with her bringing you home drunk. I was ready to kick her ass.”
Kyla lowered her head. “Speaking of, she had a little encounter with Deidra this morning at the apartment.” She turned her head to me. “Did you know they’ve had physical
fights?”
“Hell no, I didn’t know that. They had a fight while you were there?”
“Deidra popped up, and they started arguing about Deidra moving the rest of her boxes out. I didn’t see it happen, but Deidra slapped Angie hard as hell. Then Angie told me it’s happened before. And that she’s hit Deidra too. Deidra was yelling all kinds of shit, like Angie is really abusive.”
That knowledge about Angie had affected her feelings toward her. I could tell by the weary twist of her lips that Angie had disappointed her. Was that the only reason she was there?
“You’ve never seen that side of her before?”
Kyla shook her head from side to side. “No, never. She has always been nothing but gentle and kind with me.”
I ignored that. “Well, Deidra never said anything to me about them fighting, but it happens. Plenty of women I know have been in fights with their girlfriends.” That was one green check mark on the positive side for Kyla and me. Even though I joked about it, and had somewhat prepared myself for it, I truly could not imagine either of us laying a hand on the other.
Kyla looked directly into my eyes. “I can see getting into a fight with the woman your girlfriend is cheating on you with,” she stated firmly.
“Why her? Isn’t it the girlfriend you should be mad at?”
“Of course. But knowing the woman has been around you, smiling in your face, while cheating with your girlfriend behind your back is enough to make any woman want to fight her.”
“Exactly,” I agreed.
We stared hard at one another. She seemed like she wanted me to say something else.
“Look, I asked you to meet me because I wanted to know where you are with Angie. This all happened way too fast. One day you told me you had feelings for Angie, and the next you were fucking her on your lunch break.” I stopped and took a breather. “What do you want to do? Is being with Angie where you want to be?” Kyla snorted and then inhaled and exhaled just like I had. “Shouldn’t I be asking you that question? Is Sam where you want to be?”
“Sam,” I repeated. “That was nothing.”
“You made it a whole lot more than nothing yesterday.”
“Yesterday I was mad. You came home and packed up the rest of your shit. I had to say something.”
“What does me packing up have to do with you fucking Sam? Nothing.”
“It has everything to do with you and Angie.”
“Is that right? Why do you keep trying to put Sam on me, when you were the one screwing her before I even told you about Angie?” she asked loudly.
“What? What the hell are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about you cheating on me with Sam. You fucking Sam the same day I moved out? That must have been real convenient for you, Asia.” Her body shook with anger.
“I did have sex with Sam. I won’t deny that. What’s this about me cheating on you? I never cheated on you.”
“Bullshit.”
“Bullshit my ass. What are you talking about? And how in the hell did you know about Sam, anyway?”
“Ask her.”
“I did. Funnily enough, she told me to ask you. What kind of game is this?”
“No games over here. That’s you talking about getting me back for all the women who couldn’t. That’s a game if I ever heard one.”
Two joggers slowed their pace to witness our heated exchange. I waited until they picked up their pace again before responding to Kyla.
“Getting you back for all the women who couldn’t? What the hell does that mean?” I asked.
“You said it, so you tell me. Talking about doing what every woman couldn’t.”
“Right. Getting you back for your inability to stay committed. What was I supposed to do? Let you fuck around with Angie while I sat back and did nothing?”
Kyla shook her head back and forth and threw her hands in the air. “You were fucking Sam, anyway!”
“No, I wasn’t,” I said. “Where did you get that from?”
“I don’t believe last week was the first time you were together. Don’t try to play me stupid like that.”
“Well, it was, believe it or not. I never cheated on you.”
Kyla lowered her head again, her eyes pinched tightly closed. “Look,” she said, without opening her eyes, “how long were you cheating on me?”
Why was she so confident I had cheated on her? “Listen to me carefully. I’ve never cheated on you. I slept with Sam to get you back for sleeping with Angie.”
She opened her eyes, frustrated. “You’re trying to tell me that the same day you kicked me out, you happened to go to your nurse’s house and fuck her? Really?”
“That’s what I’m saying, and that’s what happened.” I squinted my eyes. “How did you know I was at her place?”
Kyla ran her fingers through her streaked strands. “I called you while you were there.”
“I didn’t get a call from you.”
“Sam answered,” she told me. “She made it very clear why you were there.”
I jumped up and started to pace. That lying bitch. I knew she had lied. I recalled her smug expression when I returned from the bathroom that day. She must have just hung up the phone with Kyla.
I stood in front of Kyla. “What did she say to suggest we had been sleeping together?”
“Nothing.” Kyla looked up to me, squinting her eyes at the sun. She bit her bottom lip. “She didn’t say anything about you two having an affair. Nothing more than that day. I assumed you had been with her before.” Her confident tone faltered, her words uncertain.
I sat back down. “Why?”
“Because you don’t fuck around. At least I didn’t think you did. I assumed you had been having an affair for a while. Yesterday you made it sound like it had been your plan all along. To cheat on me. Get me back for all the women I didn’t treat right.”
I didn’t know whether to laugh at her, cry for her, or hit her upside the head for being so stupid. “Kyla, who does shit like that? You really think I waited nine years to cheat on you to get you back for what? For women you hurt in the past? If that’s not the stupidest shit I’ve ever heard. I slept with Sam because I was hurt. I was angry. I thought it would make me feel vindicated. You must know, Kyla, that I would never do anything to intentionally hurt you.”
Kyla was quiet for a long time. What she was thinking about, I couldn’t decipher from the blank stare she directed at the ground. She didn’t blink, only focused on a pebble in the dirt next to her foot. Finally she spoke.
“I want to come home.”
Twenty-nine
Kyla
For several minutes I processed Asia’s words. I compared them to what Sam had said to me, to what I knew and believed about Asia, to what I had assumed about their situation. Asia had told me that the day she went to Sam’s apartment was the first time they slept together. When I spoke with Sam, she hadn’t insinuated there was anything more to their interaction beyond that lunch date. From what I knew about Asia, she didn’t give up her sweetness just because. After I listened to her explanation, I believed she had been hurt enough to seek revenge by sleeping with Sam. It was I who had assumed it wasn’t their first time. My decision to return home might have seemed swift and hasty, but it felt right.
Asia inhaled deeply when I told her I wanted to come back home. I couldn’t read her expression as she held her breath, her cheeks puffed while she thought about her response. Finally, until she could hold her breath no longer, she exhaled. “You can come home,” she said, her voice steady, her tone uncertain. “What about Angie?” she asked.
My final verdict—that I didn’t want to pursue a relationship with Angie—probably seemed rushed and impulsive, since I made it the day after I moved the remainder of my clothes out of the house and only hours after I left Angie’s bed. In my heart I had no doubt Angie would love me to her fullest ability. I believed she would try to grant me every wish I ever had, would love me through every hurt, and would prote
ct me from any harm that came my way. It was unfair, but I didn’t believe I would be able to forget 100 percent that she had hit Deidra in the past. I would always be on edge, unsure if a disagreement with her would result in a black eye or a busted lip. I agreed with Angie that different people could bring out different sides of us, positive and negative. Asia had done that for me. Most women hadn’t been able to bring out the emotional love I had to give. I had allowed unexpected feelings for Angie to overshadow the deeper connection Asia and I had established. I didn’t believe I could love Angie the way that I loved Asia.
“I hope Angie will be all right.” I lowered my head and recalled the intense kiss she had forced on me before I left her place. How Angie would actually respond when I told her I planned to moved back home had yet to be determined.
“What about you? How can you be so sure this is what you want? Isn’t your ass still warm from Angie’s bed? How do I know this isn’t only because you found out Angie has violent tendencies?” Asia asked, testing me.
“This is what I wanted when I came to you that day after the conference. I wanted to be honest about how I felt. I didn’t expect those feelings about Angie to arise, and I wanted to talk about it. You . . . it was you that told me to explore.”
Asia got defensive. “You didn’t have to.” Her tone was sharp and edgy.
“I didn’t. You’re right. You wanted me to grovel, beg for your forgiveness? If there’s one thing I have always expected from you, it’s honesty. You taught me that. If you didn’t really want me to explore more with Angie, I wish you hadn’t told me to.”
“Say I came to you and said I had feelings for somebody else. You would have said what?”
“I don’t know. I would have been mad too. But I hope I wouldn’t say anything I didn’t really mean.”
“I can get with that,” Asia admitted. “These past couple of weeks may have been different had we talked it out. But . . .”