To Protect Her Son

by Stella MacLean

  With that, he got up and left the house without looking her way.

  For a few minutes she sat reeling in shock. Why had he simply gotten up and left? He’d done the same thing the other night after he’d kissed her. What was going on with him?

  He’d seemed so supportive and caring, and suddenly he was gone. Just like that. He was supposed to be helping Adam, and yet he’d brought him back to the house and said nothing about what had happened earlier with the two teens. And he’d left her feeling as if she’d done something wrong. That she’d failed some sort of test.

  Worst of all, why was it that she felt so lonely? She’d lived with loneliness all her life, but it hadn’t felt like this. A feeling that left her wanting to run after him, to convince him to come back and stay by her side, offer her support, anything but leave her alone like this.

  She was about to lock up the house and go to bed when Adam came out of his room. “Mom. I can’t finish my homework.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I left some of my notes at school. I need to call someone and see if I can borrow their notes.”

  She thought about what Nate had said. “Adam, this happens at least once a week. You have to be more responsible.”

  “Mom! Do you want me to fail? I need those notes,” he yelled.

  “Don’t yell at me. And no, you’re not calling anyone tonight. It’s late. I’m tired. You’ll have to get up early and go into the school and find your notebook.”

  He turned away. “I can’t wait to get out of this house. I’m sick of school, and I’m going to quit. My friends are right. School is for nerds.”

  “Don’t talk like that,” she said, anger flooding through her. “You have a good life here. I’ve sacrificed everything for you! Don’t you ever talk to me like that again. Do you hear me?”

  Tears oozed down her cheeks. “My whole life I’ve done what others needed me to do, and I’m tired of it,” she said, her voice faltering.

  “I’m sorry, Mom. I didn’t mean it.”

  She glanced up the stairs and saw a forlorn young man—her son. And her heart ached to go up and put her arms around him, but exhaustion held her back. Exhaustion and Nate’s voice in her head telling her she had to find a better way to deal with her issues around her son.

  * * *

  THE NEXT DAY on her lunch break, Gayle called Nate, relieved to hear his voice after her sleepless night. “Nate, I’m sorry to bother you, but I need to talk to you. You’re right about me and about Adam. I set rules for him, and then he breaks them.”

  There was a long pause on the other end of the line. “He needs real boundaries and a sense of being part of something that matters to him. If he had someone in his life he could relate to, someone who could help him through these critical years...”

  “Meaning?”

  “I guess I’m repeating myself a little, but he needs someone who could act as a father figure.”

  He let the words hang in the air as if he knew something. Did he? He was a cop, and they would have access to information sources she could only imagine. But he’d have to first know Harry’s last name and that he was in prison...not hard to find given Nate’s advantages.

  “What was Adam’s dad like?”

  Gayle squeezed her cell phone so hard it nearly popped out of her hands. “His dad? Why does that matter?”

  “Have you ever talked to Adam about his dad? About what he was like? Why you loved him? Have you ever told him about his father?”

  Nate did know something. Oh, no... “I told him about his dad,” she lied.

  “Adam says he doesn’t have any of his dad’s things. That you didn’t save even an old T-shirt.”

  Guilt swarmed her mind; anguish surrounded her heart. Nate was right. She hadn’t saved anything of Harry’s, because the last thing she needed was a reminder of the man who ruined her life. And now, fourteen years later, Nate was telling her that those very reminders would have been helpful to her son.

  He had to be wrong. If he wasn’t, it would mean that she’d made another mistake that, fourteen years after the fact, was still hurting her son. Another mistake that left her feeling guilty and alone. “Nate, I appreciate how much you missed your father’s things and its impact on you. I’m grateful that you believe Adam could be helped by having a few things of his father’s, but my life with his father and the circumstances were different.”

  “How?”

  “Harry was away a lot...on the boats. He didn’t have a lot of interests or hobbies.”

  The first part was a lie, but the last was true.

  “Was he a good father to Adam?”

  “Yes, I guess so.”

  “You guess so? He doesn’t seem to remember anything about his father.”

  “That’s because Adam was a baby when his father died.” She sighed. “Look, I appreciate all your help, but maybe it would be better if Adam and I moved to another town. I could sell the house and start over somewhere new.”

  There was a long pause on the end of the line, followed by a long sigh. “Gayle, you know that’s not going to be a workable solution. Your problems will only follow you as long as Adam feels the way he does about his life.”

  Tears formed under her lids. Her throat felt thick and tight. “I want Adam to experience a normal life. I don’t want him to be lonely and feel like an outsider like I have most of my life. You think I could have done more to give Adam a sense of family. The plain truth is that Harry didn’t have any family that I ever knew of, and my only living relative is a half brother who blamed my mother for ruining his father’s life and wanted nothing to do with me.”

  Oh, God. What had she done?

  She waited, holding her breath until her head began to feel light.

  “Oh, I didn’t realize that. I’m sorry. That must have been a difficult situation for you.”

  Anxious to change the subject, she asked, “How is Anna doing?”

  “She’s waiting to hear more from the neurologist.”

  “I’ll call her this weekend.”

  “Tell me more about Harry.”

  Her heart jumped. “Harry? There’s nothing to tell. He was my husband until I d...until he died and I became a widow. Why do you ask?” she said, making her voice as firm and demanding as possible.

  But she didn’t feel either. She felt empty and drained. She’d done everything she could to keep her life separate from Harry’s life, to create a story that would protect her son, even registering his birth name as Adam Sawyer, all to hide her connection to him. But what if Nate had discovered the truths she’d so carefully hidden all these years? If Nate had found something, and told her friends and her coworkers, she would be crushed and humiliated. She had managed to become part of the community, largely due to her job at Eagle Mountain Medical Center.

  When people found out the truth about her, everything would change. She would once again be an outsider. If Nate had uncovered her lies and was willing to talk about them, she couldn’t face living here any longer.

  * * *

  NATE WAS IMMEDIATELY sorry for upsetting her, yet it was clear to him that Gayle wasn’t telling the truth about her husband. “I didn’t realize that talking about your husband would be so disturbing after all these years.”

  “Well, it is, especially when you try to make it sound like I’m not a good parent because Adam’s father isn’t around.”

  “I don’t seem to be very helpful in your case, and I take full responsibility for that,” he said, trying to remain professional when all he wanted to do was go to her and hold her close. To explain to her that he genuinely cared what happened to her and Adam. He couldn’t imagine how it would feel to be alone with a child to raise, to take on a new career in order to provide a living. And do all this without family support and help.

&
nbsp; He’d looked forward to having children when he and Natasha married. He’d put off a family life to focus on his career, only to have both his career and his marriage plans snatched from him. He’d always assumed that he’d be a good parent, but how would he have managed if he’d found himself in Gayle’s circumstances?

  “I’m doing the best I can. I’m trying to take your advice on how to help Adam, and all you can do is dream up ways to make me revisit the past. I didn’t have the pleasant upbringing you did. I didn’t have family and friends I could call upon when things got rough. I had me. That was it.”

  There was a moment’s pause during which he could hear her quiet sobs, and it pained him to realize that he could have been so thoughtless. This woman had become important to him. He could hear the anxiety and fear in her voice, and one thing became crystal clear. Finding out about Gayle’s past wasn’t worth the risk of losing her.

  The thought startled him. Had he stepped over the line professionally? “I’m sorry, Gayle. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I like you, and I admire your resolve to make a good life for your son. You’re a very brave woman.”

  “Then please stop picking at my past and help us get on with our future.”

  He was doing a lousy job communicating with this woman, even though he really wanted to do what was best for both Adam and Gayle. “Maybe I should arrange for a different mentor for Adam.”

  “Maybe you should,” she said over muffled tears.

  The last sound he heard was the click of the phone cutting him off.

  Why had he been so damn impulsive? He didn’t mean it. He wanted to help her and Adam more than any of his other clients.

  Despite his determination to remain professional, he was now personally involved with Gayle and Adam. He stared at the phone as thoughts ricocheted through his mind. Would it help if he went over and apologized? Maybe he could take her out for coffee or lunch, anything to make up for hurting her. He didn’t want to hurt her, not Gayle of all people. He liked and admired her. No, it was more than that. A lot more...

  What was he doing? If he wasn’t careful, he could lose his objectivity where Gayle was concerned. What was even worse, he might end up doing what he’d said to her on the phone—be forced to hand Adam over to someone else.

  CHAPTER NINE

  AFTER A RESTLESS NIGHT, Gayle arrived at the clinic to learn that Anna had been called in to see the neurologist. She and Sherri exchanged anxious glances as Anna was placed in an exam room.

  “Does Nate know about this?”

  “I didn’t have a chance to call him. I picked Anna up and brought her here. Nate is away at a seminar in Boston. She doesn’t want him called until he gets home.”

  “What can I do?” Gayle asked, regretting that she’d rebuked Nate when he had his sister to worry about. If the news was what they expected, Anna’s life would be changed forever.

  “Nothing at the moment. I’m going in with her,” Sherri whispered, disappearing into the room with Anna.

  Gayle tried to remain calm as she checked in other clinic patients and placed their charts on the counter. She answered the phone, afraid each time that Nate had somehow learned that his sister was here. She didn’t want to be the one to tell him. Call it cowardice, but she was afraid of how he’d react. Not that he’d be unpleasant, but he would want to be here. His life would change as well, when he learned Anna’s future prospects. If the diagnosis turned out to be Parkinson’s, the whole family would be affected.

  Finally, the neurologist left the exam room and went across the hall to the doctor’s dictation room. Unable to stand the suspense any longer, Gayle walked down the hall to find the door ajar. She tapped lightly. Anna and Sherri were hugging each other and crying. She closed the door ever so gently to give them the privacy they needed, and went back to the desk.

  When they came out, Sherri’s arm around Anna’s shoulders, they approached the desk.

  “I’ll pick up Silas and Jeremy from school and bring them to the house on my lunch break if you want,” Gayle said, not knowing what else she could do. If she were diagnosed with Parkinson’s, she’d want Adam with her.

  Anna’s smile was gracious. “Could you? It’s a small community, and I don’t want the boys hearing anything from anybody but me. It’s going to be hard enough as it is.”

  Even though her heart was breaking for Anna, Gayle did her best to remain upbeat. “Maybe you can tell them the basics and then after that only what they need to know or what they ask about,” she offered tentatively.

  Anna looked at her, and in an instant they connected in a way that was totally different from before. Gayle felt as if they’d known each other all their lives.

  Anna hugged her. “Thank you for that. From the moment the doctor gave me the diagnosis, all I could think about was how to tell my boys. I’m going to take your advice and keep it very simple in the beginning and let them decide when they want to ask questions.” Anna hugged Gayle again so hard she nearly knocked her over. “You are the best friend I could ask for. I’m so glad you moved to Eden Harbor.”

  Gayle felt needed and included as she hugged Anna back. She appreciated those words. Words that made her feel valued and part of Anna’s life. She craved the feeling of belonging to a family unit where love and caring was offered freely. As she smiled at her friend, she realized that having an extended family was exactly what Adam needed, as well. She understood what Nate was getting at when he’d asked about her family. He wanted her and Adam to be surrounded by people who loved them. “I’m glad I moved here, too...so glad. I’ll pick up the boys and bring them home.”

  And she did. Yet the entire time she was driving to the school, her thoughts were on Nate and how he’d deal with the news. She wanted to call him, but it wasn’t her place to tell him about his sister.

  * * *

  NATE CHECKED HIS phone messages on the way to his car. The seminar had been interesting but he had this gut feeling that something was wrong. He couldn’t put his finger on it, but he’d always trusted his instincts. They’d proved especially valuable when he’d been a cop on the beat in Boston years before. Some of his friends from the old days had asked him to stay overnight and go to dinner with them, but he needed to get home.

  The traffic was surprisingly light driving out of Boston, and he was on Interstate 95 and nearly to the exit leading to Eden Harbor when his cell phone rang. He glanced at the number and pulled over to the side of the road. Anna wouldn’t call him during his workday unless she needed him. He clicked the phone on. “Anna, are you all right?”

  “I will be when you get home,” she said, her voice shaking.

  “What’s going on? Are the boys okay?”

  “They’re here with me. Nate, where are you? Still in Boston?”

  “No, I’m about to turn off I-95. I should be home in an hour. Is something wrong?”

  “I want you to come to my house when you get home. We need to talk.”

  “Sure. What’s up?” And then he knew. His heart shrank in his chest. His jaw tightened in a desperate bid for control. “You heard from the neurologist.”

  “This morning at the clinic.”

  “Sweetie, hang in there. I’ll be at your house as soon as I can get there. Is anyone with you?”

  “Sherri’s here. Gayle picked up the boys from school and brought them home.”

  “That’s good. Look, I’m going to be with you as fast as I can. Have you told Mom?”

  “No. I was waiting for you before I talked to her. Nate, this will break Mom’s heart.” Anna sobbed.

  He talked consolingly to his sister, giving her time to regain her equilibrium.

  Once he couldn’t hear any more tears in her voice, Nate pulled back onto the highway, moving into the left lane as he picked up speed. “Can I speak to Sherri for a minute?”

 
; Sherri’s calm voice allowed him a few precious moments of control. “Sherri, how’s she doing?”

  “You know Anna. She’s a strong person. The boys have been told and have gone next door to the neighbors’ house for a while. Then the neighbors are taking them out for pizza. I’m going to stay with Anna tonight.”

  “You don’t need to. I’ll stay with her.”

  “Why don’t we wait and see how she’s doing after the boys go to bed?”

  Anna’s job at the town hall was often exhausting, depending on how many tourist events were going on. It wasn’t a high-paying job, but Anna loved her work. If only Kevin was still with her. Her future would be so much easier to face with her husband by her side. “Sounds good to me. I’ll see you when I get there.”

  “Nate, drive safely please.”

  “I will,” he said, taking the off-ramp a little too fast. He closed his cell phone and concentrated on his driving.

  He couldn’t believe this was happening. Anna had been so confident that it wasn’t anything serious that she’d convinced the rest of the family, as well...or nearly. Nate had gone to see Neill, but he wouldn’t discuss Anna’s case, saying only that her symptoms needed to be investigated.

  Nate drove as fast as he dared along the two-lane highway. He realized he’d convinced himself that Anna was okay. He needed her to be okay. Not just for her boys, but for him.

  He clutched the wheel tighter in his hands as he tried to find the resolve to be upbeat and ready to face his sister when he got to her house. He couldn’t help her if he couldn’t manage his own fear and anger at the unfairness of life.

  Dusk was gathering when he pulled into her driveway. He jumped out of the car, leaving his cane in the seat beside him, and walked as calmly as he could to her door.

  Anna opened it and ran into his arms, sobbing. He held her tight, unnerved by his sister’s emotional outburst. She’d always been so calm, so reserved, and for some idiot reason he’d expected her to be like that now in the middle of the second-worst crisis of her life.