To Protect Her Son

by Stella MacLean

  “Yes.” So his dad knew about him and where he lived. “My mom told me you were just released from prison in California.” Adam could hear the man’s long sigh.

  “You have to understand I have a lot going on right now. I had no idea about you all these years. What has your mother told you about me?”

  “Nothing except that you were in prison.”

  “Did she say what for?”

  “No.”

  “Adam, I robbed a convenience store and shot a cop.”

  Adam gasped in shock. “Did you kill him?”

  “No, but I injured him pretty badly.”

  His father had shot a man for no reason other than wanting to steal. “How could you do that? How could you hurt another human being?” he said, suddenly very angry.

  This man couldn’t be his father. His mother wouldn’t have married someone capable of shooting another person. There had to be some sort of mistake...but his mother had said... Tears stung his eyes. He swiped them away and sniffed back the sobs threatening to leave his throat. This wasn’t fair. He’d wanted a real dad all his life. A father he could be proud of, tell his friends about.

  He’d dreamed about what it would be like if his dad had not died in a trawler accident, but this was worse. Having a father who was a criminal was way worse.

  “I have a lot to atone for, but with God’s guidance and the prayers of those around me, I will make good on my promise to live a Christian life. And I’m so glad to learn that I have a son. I realize that all of this must come as a shock, but with time maybe you’ll see that I’m a changed man. I’m not the same man who committed that crime.”

  “Are you saying you didn’t do it?” Hope rose in a wave through Adam. Was it possible that his father hadn’t shot that officer?

  “No, son. I did those awful things, and I’m sorry. I paid the price in prison time. I just wanted to somehow get you to understand that the man I am today, thanks to being a born-again Christian, couldn’t have done what I did back then when I was a sinner in need of being saved by the grace of God.”

  Adam didn’t know anything about being a Christian and didn’t really see the need to be one. But if Christianity had helped his dad, maybe it was a good thing. One thing he did know—he didn’t want to talk to this man. He was hurt and disappointed with everyone in his life; everyone had let him down, and that included the man on the other end of the line. “I have to go.”

  “Can we talk again?” Harry asked quickly.

  “I don’t see why,” Adam said, and hung up.

  “Are you all right?” his mother asked, startling him.

  He didn’t turn around. “Were you eavesdropping?” he fired back without looking at her. He didn’t want to see her right now. He didn’t want to see anybody.

  “I didn’t mean to. I’m worried, that’s all.”

  “Well, you can stop worrying,” Adam said, walking past her back into the living room. He had to get out of here before he said something that would hurt his mom. He didn’t understand why she’d kept this a secret. It wasn’t as if he’d want to visit the man in prison, far from it.

  “Adam, we need to talk,” she said, following him.

  He turned to face her. There were tears streaming down her cheeks, but he couldn’t care about that. If telling the truth made her cry, that was her problem. In his opinion, he was the one who had been hurt by his mother’s lies. He was the one who should be crying. “Mom, why didn’t you tell Dad about me?”

  “Because I was never in touch with your father after he was sentenced.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me my dad was a criminal?”

  She winced at his words. “Because I didn’t want you to have to deal with it.”

  “Why not?” he pressed.

  She glanced up into Nate’s eyes, then turned back to him. “I made mistakes back then. I was young and inexperienced. I married your father when I was eighteen, just a few years older than you are now. I didn’t have a family to help me, and I couldn’t forgive Harry for what he’d done to that officer, or what he’d done to you and me.”

  “Go on,” he said, trying to imagine what it would be like if he had to make those kinds of decisions a couple of years from now.

  “I was naive and didn’t know what Harry did for a living. He told me he worked for a construction company, but I didn’t know which one, and I never saw a check. But I was in love, or thought I was. I trusted your father to take care of me, and I needed to be taken care of. My family spent their time fighting and partying. I didn’t have an education. Any of the jobs I applied for required experience. After I dropped out of school, I waited tables. I met your father while I...worked in a local diner. He was so brash and funny, and he really liked me. I was naive enough to believe his flirting with me was the beginning of a romance between us.”

  “So why did you marry him?”

  “Because I thought that was what people did. I’d been living with him about a month when he proposed. I took his quick proposal to mean he really loved me and wanted a future with me. I should have done things differently, and deep down I knew I didn’t love him. But when I realized that being married to Harry wasn’t what I wanted, it was too late.”

  “What do you mean, too late?”

  “I was expecting you. And if Harry hadn’t gotten in trouble I probably would have stayed married as long as I could have stood it.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I wanted you to have a father.”

  “Well, I don’t think I want him in my life.”

  Relief swept over his mother’s face. “I can’t say I’m sorry about that.”

  “But I do want to meet him.”

  Her eyes darkened in disappointment. “Why?”

  “I want to know what he’s like, if I look like him and whether he has any family left. I meant it when I said I needed to find out what I could about my family.”

  His mother sat down hard on the chair. “Adam, this won’t help you. Believe me.”

  He shrugged. “We’ll see.”

  * * *

  NATE WATCHED IN silence as Adam and Gayle talked. He sympathized with both of them, but it was the tormented look in Gayle’s eyes that got to him. Harry Young was not the kind of person anyone would want to know, especially a vulnerable teen like Adam. Of course, Harry may have changed his ways because of his religious beliefs, but that remained to be seen.

  What worried Nate most was the toll all of this was taking on both Adam and his mother. There was no doubt that Adam wanted to meet his father, and Gayle had to respect that wish. He was entitled to as much. On the other hand, Gayle had spent the past fourteen years keeping a secret she believed would harm her son if he discovered it. The stress she’d lived with all those years must have been terrible. And she’d had no one she could turn to for support. His appreciation for this brave woman grew with every passing moment.

  But her life without the support of people who cared about her and Adam was over. “Okay, maybe I can help out here,” he said, looking from Adam to Gayle. “I’ll make the contacts and find out if Harry is willing to meet you.”

  “I don’t want to see him under any circumstances,” Gayle said.

  Adam looked a little anxious. “Would you go with me to meet my dad? It’s not like I want to spend time with him, really. I just want to meet him.”

  “That’s understandable. Why don’t I see what I can arrange?”

  “That would be awesome. I’m going up to my room,” Adam said.

  “Can I assume you’re not going to leave again?” Gayle asked. She sounded overwhelmed.

  “I’m not going to leave, Mom,” he said, his old smile firmly in place.

  “Where’s your duffel bag with your things in it?” Gayle asked. “We need to get it back here.”
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br />   “I’ll get it later.”

  When he’d gone upstairs, Gayle turned to Nate. “What do we do now?”

  “I’ll make some calls and see if I can set up a date for Adam to meet his father.”

  “Does that mean you and he will be going to California?”

  Nate saw the anxiety in her eyes. Pulling her close he whispered, “Let me do the worrying for a change. I won’t let you down. I promise.”

  She put her arms around him, her head resting on his chest. Something about the way her fingers worked along his back and her sigh of contentment made the moment one of intimacy and a feeling of connection he hadn’t experienced in a long time. He hugged her closer and let the sensation close around them.

  * * *

  AFTER THE STRESS generated by the arrival of Harry in her life, Gayle had missed work for the past two days. She wasn’t really sick, but she needed to get a grip on her feelings. So much had changed for her in such a short time. And while she struggled with her disrupted life, Adam seemed happier than he’d been in years. He’d even gone to school whistling, oblivious to the fact that she was home on a workday. Adam’s happiness made her angry. Angry that she’d done all the work of worrying, protecting and caring for him. All the anxious nights when she’d lain awake wondering if she’d have enough money, enough energy, enough of everything, to keep them going.

  When she had finally begun to believe that she had what it took to care for her son, Harry walked back into their lives, and Adam was happy. Just like that.

  Then there was Nate. She chewed her bottom lip, her coffee cooling on the table in front of her. Two days ago, the last time she’d heard from Nate, he’d said he would find Harry. But how complicated could that be given all the media attention the man had received of late? Or was Nate avoiding her? Had something changed? Or was she simply overwrought?

  She smoothed her hair from her face and concentrated on how she and Nate had connected in such a positive way. For the first time in her life she’d found someone who cared for her...in a romantic way. It was true that neither of them had made any kind of commitment. It was just that she’d assumed that from now on they’d be in touch with each other. She needed to know that she mattered as much to him as he did to her.

  Gayle felt totally abandoned.

  What a fool she’d been, confusing Nate’s job responsibilities where Adam was concerned with the beginning of some sort of caring relationship with her.

  But he’d kissed her. Maybe he kissed any woman he found mildly attractive. How would she know?

  Now that she’d met Nate, she regretted that her whole life had been spent avoiding relationships with men.

  But what hope did she have when she couldn’t be honest about her past? Hardly the best way to start a relationship, let alone a love affair.

  Her eyes stung, but she blinked the tears away and wrapped her hands around her now-cool coffee cup.

  She hadn’t seen it coming, her feelings for Nate, so overwhelming and magical they took her breath. She’d begun to dream of him, wake up to thoughts of him, of what they might have together.

  So embarrassing!

  He would have to come to the house at some point, at least until he’d finished working with Adam. Nate had promised that to her, hadn’t he? How was she going to survive being around him for the next little while, wanting him so much it hurt while terrified she’d make a fool of herself?

  She began to walk the floor in her agony, back and forth, as she faced another issue she’d been hiding from for two days. She didn’t know how to approach Sherri and Anna, her two best friends. She felt pretty certain that Nate would have said something to one of them, yet neither had called to find out what was going on.

  Were they angry with her? Or were they waiting for her to tell them in person? The old fear of exposure caused her to feel panicky. She breathed deeply, trying to calm herself.

  Without giving herself a chance to change her mind, Gayle grabbed her jacket and purse and headed out to her car. To her utter humiliation she found herself checking each vehicle she drove past for Nate’s SUV—like some sort of mad stalker.

  She gripped the wheel and concentrated on her driving until she reached the medical center on the edge of town.

  When she got to the clinic area, she was greeted by a giant hug from Sherri. “I thought you were home sick.”

  “Not really. I needed some time to myself. So much has happened,” Gayle said, returning the hug.

  “I’m sorry I didn’t call the other night, but Anna needed to talk about what’s going on in her life.”

  Gayle waved off her concern. “I understand. Family comes first.”

  “How are you doing?” Sherri asked, holding her friend at arm’s length and giving her an assessing glance.

  “Did Nate say anything?” Gayle asked.

  “He told me about Harry. It’s been all over the TV. I hope you don’t think I’m being nosy, but I’m worried about you.” Her words were rushed. “I wanted to call your house but didn’t know what to say. Are you okay?”

  “You’re not angry at me for the...lie I told?” Gayle asked.

  “Come on down the hall to one of the empty exam rooms. You and I need to talk.”

  Sherri closed the door and leaned against the exam table. “I can’t imagine how difficult your life must have been that you would feel you had to create a story around Adam’s father. But I do know that since I’ve taken on being a stepmother to Morgan, there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do to protect her.”

  Gayle had dreaded this moment ever since she’d joined the clinic and become a part of life in Eden Harbor. Now that it was here, she felt so much better that her lie had been exposed. “Adam has been my life for fourteen years. I didn’t want him growing up under the influence of a criminal, and that’s what Harry is. I was too young and dumb to realize what I’d gotten myself into.”

  “Tell me about it. All of it,” Sherri said, her eyes filled with concern and caring.

  And Gayle did. She told her everything about her past, and as she talked a weight lifted from her shoulders, allowing her to breathe easier.

  “The worst part for me was when Harry shot the police officer. He’d come home angry and brandishing a handgun, bragging that he should have used a shotgun. I was terrified. I pleaded with him to go to the police and give himself up. He threatened to beat me. I hid in the bedroom until he left.”

  Sherri’s voice was gentle. “You won’t have to see him now, will you? I understood from Nate that he was taking Adam to meet his father somewhere out West.”

  “I honestly don’t know. Nate hasn’t been at the house since the day Adam called his father.” She met her friend’s concerned gaze. “What if Nate hasn’t been in touch with me because he...doesn’t want to see me?”

  “No! But he does obsess when he’s working on something. I remember the day he went to Neill’s office and interrogated him about his intentions where I was concerned. Nate is Nate. He has to do things his way. Why are you so worried?”

  “Nate was shot on the job. Harry shot an on duty police officer. Maybe Nate believes that I could have done something to stop Harry.”

  Sherri’s eyes were kind. “Let it go.”

  “I can’t. I never went to see the police officer after the shooting, and I wish that I had told someone what I suspected about Harry.”

  “How would that have helped?”

  “I should have gone to the police when Harry left the apartment that day. I knew he was going to do something bad.”

  “But you can’t live looking back at what might have been. You’ve done enough of that,” Sherri said. “And remember what you told me when I was going through my issues with Neill. About how I had to forgive and move forward. You have to forgive yourself and move on with your life.”

&n
bsp; “Sherri, I don’t mean to pry, but what can you tell me about Nate’s shooting?”

  “Nate was on duty, and was shot by a kid. He and another officer were chasing two teenagers on foot when one turned around and pulled a gun. As Nate put it, he was lucky the kid was a poor shot because he was close enough to Nate that he would have died otherwise. Why do you ask?”

  “Just wondering, that’s all. We never really talked about it.”

  “Why don’t you ask him about it when you see him again?”

  “I’m not sure I will.”

  A slight frown crossed Sherri’s features.

  “That doesn’t make sense. He was at Anna’s last evening. I just assumed he’d been talking to you because he was telling us about what had happened... I don’t get it.”

  “Neither do I,” Gayle said, glancing toward the door, wishing she could leave before Sherri had a chance to ask her any more questions. She couldn’t trust herself not to break down and cry, or confess her feelings for Nate.

  If Nate didn’t share her feelings, she couldn’t bear to have anyone find out how she felt.

  “What’s going on, Gayle?”

  “Maybe learning about my past was more than Nate could handle, especially the lies.” Gayle gave an exaggerated shrug to hide the disappointment tearing at her heart. “Maybe after he had time to think about it, he couldn’t accept what I did.”

  Sherri moved away from the exam table, coming eye to eye with Gayle. “You’re in love with my cousin.”

  Gayle gasped in surprise and tried for a disarming smile. “I’m not Nate’s kind of woman.”

  “How do you know?”

  For a fraction of a heartbeat Gayle wished that Sherri had made some sort of comment about how Nate had talked about her the other night. Even the flimsiest compliment would have given her reason to hope.

  But his cousin didn’t. If Nate had any feelings where she was concerned, he’d hidden them from those he loved.

  Gayle wrapped her arms around her waist to stave off the loneliness seeping into every part of her being. “He’s into young, beautiful but unattached women. I’m attached to my son. What’s the expression? I bring a lot of baggage to any relationship in my life.”