To Protect Her Son

by Stella MacLean

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  GAYLE RETURNED HOME to her empty house. She scrubbed the kitchen floor and changed the beds, anything to keep her lonely thoughts at bay. She was just pulling on the last pillowcase when the phone rang.

  She answered after the second ring when the caller ID indicated it was Nate. “Hi, Gayle, how are you?” he asked, his tone sounding distant to her anxious ears.

  Was that how a man greeted a woman he really cared about?

  She sighed. What had she expected? He hadn’t given her any reason to believe he wanted to be involved with her. She was the one clinging to the dream of something more. “Have you been able to contact Harry?”

  “Yes. Harry has an agent now, and all arrangements are made through her,” he said, his voice all business.

  “You’ve been busy, I guess,” she said to make conversation.

  “Yes. I’ve had a teen in crisis.”

  She heard a curse and the sound of books and papers landing on the floor.

  Why had he called? Had Sherri talked to him, and now he felt he owed her an explanation?

  She didn’t need a sympathy call. “By the sound of things, you’re busy. We can talk later.”

  “No! I dropped a file and there are papers all over my office floor. I’m coming over. We need to talk.”

  “Yes, we do,” she said, unable to continue not knowing how he felt about her. She was so inexperienced when it came to relationships that she didn’t know what to think. All she knew for certain was that she loved this man.

  She had been watching from the living room window when he pulled in the driveway. He was wearing the same gray shirt and leather jacket as on the day she met him. He looked even more handsome than before. She held the door for him as he came up the walk, feeling ridiculously happy at the sight of him.

  She started to say something funny to prove she was not the least bit upset that she hadn’t heard from him. To admit that she missed him would expose her feelings. But when he reached her, he put his arms around her, blocking any thought she had of being clever.

  She didn’t feel one tiny bit clever. She felt warmed, comforted and safe. Her love for him stole her voice as he anchored her in his embrace.

  I missed you.

  He slid his arm around her in that easy way of his as they went into the house. He sat down on the sofa and turned off his cell phone. “Now finally we can talk.”

  He touched her outstretched fingers where they rested on her leg. “Gayle, I’m sorry about not calling you these past few days. I’ve had a lot on my mind.”

  No man had ever apologized to her before. If only she dared to let her heart do the talking... She settled for being as calm as she could. “No apology necessary. Anna needs you right now. You explained that. You’re helping me with Adam, and you have other children who need your expertise.” She leaned in close to him, her hands sliding involuntarily into his. “I’m not your responsibility. We’re just friends,” she said, feeling the lie settle at the bottom of her heart.

  Nate held her hands gently in his, playing with her fingers as his eyes watched her, leaving her nowhere to hide from her feelings.

  “I need to explain something about the past couple of days.” He paused. “I didn’t call you because I was afraid.”

  “You? Afraid? I don’t understand.”

  “You mean a lot more to me than just a friend, and it was those feelings that had me running for cover.” He shook his head as if what he’d said had surprised him. “You’ve changed me in ways I didn’t recognize...”

  She held her breath, waiting for him to continue. “Go on.”

  “I love being around you. My day is always better after I’ve talked with you. You’re different from other women. You’re real, and caring and loving. When I left here I missed out on an opportunity to tell you how I felt, but then I didn’t dare attempt to come here and explain myself for fear I’d screw it up, say the wrong thing.”

  “You couldn’t say the wrong thing. Ever.”

  “I’m not so sure about that.” He rubbed his hands together, a wry expression on his handsome face. “What happened with Natasha left me convinced that I didn’t know very much about women. Ever since the breakup I’ve been running from commitment because I couldn’t risk letting someone close enough to hurt me again. But then you came along.”

  Gayle wanted to hold him in her arms, to reassure him. Love for this man filled her heart and soul. She’d never felt this way. She’d never really ever been in love before. “Nate, I’ve spent the past two days thinking that you were only here because of Adam. That I was living a fantasy where you might care for me as much as I care for you.”

  There was so much relief in saying those words. Relief and excitement in equal measure.

  He kissed her so gently, with so much emotion, she clung to him for support.

  “Gayle, when this is over, when Harry is gone from your life, I’d like to...”

  The ring of the doorbell bounced along the walls with the ferociousness of a fire alarm. They both jumped, and then smiled at each other sheepishly. “Saved by the bell?” she joked to hide her disappointment that he hadn’t finished his sentence.

  “Hold that thought,” she said, going to see who was at the door. “I’ll be right back. It’s probably someone doing a survey.”

  When she opened the door, a man stood staring at her from under the hood of his jacket, dark glasses covering most of his face.

  “Gayle Sawyer?” the man asked.

  “Yes.” She took a closer look at the man. There was something vaguely familiar about him. “How can I help you?” she asked, her knuckles white where her fingers clutched the door.

  He gave a bemused chuckle. “I came to see you... You don’t recognize me.”

  His voice was soft, unfamiliar to her distracted ears. “No, I’m sorry.” She glanced back into the living room to reassure herself that Nate was still there.

  Nate cocked one eyebrow in question.

  She returned her gaze to the man. “I’m busy right now. Maybe you could come back later.”

  “It’s Harry.”

  It couldn’t be. She looked closer. There was a faint resemblance to the man she’d hidden from for nearly half her life. She wanted to slam the door in his face. She wanted to scream and yell and push him off her veranda. She clung to the solid wood for support. “What are you doing here?”

  “May I come in?” he asked.

  She felt rather than saw Nate move to stand next to her. “Are you Harry Young?”

  “I am.” Harry pushed his hood off his head, lifted his sunglasses from his face and looked from Nate to Gayle.

  “I’m Nate Garrison. We talked on the phone the other day.”

  Harry’s face lit up. “Yes. You’re the man who knows my son, Adam. I felt it would be best if I came in person to explain myself. May I come in?” he repeated.

  Nate placed his arm around Gayle’s shoulders, his tone gentle. “I think it would be best for everyone if we heard what Harry has to say.”

  Gayle stared at the man on the front porch, trying to absorb all the changes in him—the man she’d once both feared and loved. “I don’t want him in my house.”

  Nate held her close, his warmth and protection releasing a torrent of loneliness and sorrow so strong she couldn’t get her breath. Seeing Harry reminded her that she’d spent her younger years in the thrall of this man. When she’d left him to make a new life, his ugly behavior had hung over her like a dark cloud.

  Now he was here, wanting to come back into her life whether he had any right to do so or not. He clearly didn’t plan to leave until what was left of her life and her self-respect was shredded beyond recognition. In that instant she hated him more than she’d ever hated anyone or anything in her life. “I don’t
want him here,” she repeated, her voice a harsh rasp in her ears.

  Harry stood straighter. “I don’t blame you one bit. I was a horrible man back when you and I were together, but you stayed with me when most women would have walked. And yes, I used your youth and your naiveté to my own advantage and I’m sorry. You deserved so much better. I’ve become a born-again Christian, and I’ve changed. I’m here to tell you about that if you’ll let me.”

  “You have no business showing up on my doorstep unannounced,” she said. Choking back her anger, Gayle glanced at Nate...to the caring in his eyes. A look that made the air between them crackle with pent-up emotion. He was the only person she could trust when it came to dealing with Harry, or anything else in her life, she realized. She took a deep breath to ease the tension. “What do you think?” she asked him.

  “Why not get this over with? You’ll only have to do this once. Whatever Adam decides about his father is out of your hands, but it would help you to understand Harry a little better. It will give you closure.”

  She studied Harry for a long couple of minutes. He didn’t flinch, and he didn’t try to coerce her the way the old Harry would have. Besides, Nate was here, making her feel safe. “Come in,” she said in resignation.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  NATE MOVED TO sit down next to Gayle, whose whole body quivered with anger. He couldn’t blame her for that. He’d gotten access to Harry’s file, and he had been one miserable man in his younger years. He claimed to be a Christian now, but Nate didn’t necessarily believe that. Once a con artist, always a con artist in his estimation. He reached out and took Gayle’s hand, and was rewarded with a questioning half smile from her.

  He squeezed her fingers reassuringly. “So why don’t you tell us why you came here to see Gayle?”

  “Is Adam here?” Harry asked.

  Gayle started to rise, her face suffused with red blotches. “If you came here to gain access to my son...” she warned.

  “Oh. No, I didn’t mean that. I want to see Adam, but I didn’t want him to overhear what I have to say to you. He needs time to process what he’s learned about me, about our life back then. I’m aware that you’ve kept your past with me a secret and I want you to know I believe it was a good idea. No child should live life knowing his father was a convicted felon.”

  Gayle visibly relaxed and leaned into Nate, a surprising move but one that gave him a rush of unexpected pleasure.

  Gayle looked to Nate for reassurance.

  He nodded.

  Returning her attention to Harry, she said, “Go on, then.”

  “You’ve probably seen the news about my work, and my release.” He rubbed his hands together, ducked his head and gave her a faint smile. “What am I saying? Of course you have. I’m not here to hurt anyone. No one will be coming here to interview you or Adam. No one knows about you or where you live, and they won’t find out from me. I’m a changed man. I know I can’t make amends for my rotten behavior, but I want you to know that if I had it to do over again, I would have thanked God every day for giving me such a good wife, such a good mother for my son.”

  “So what are you doing here? Is it because you want my forgiveness after all this time? Forgiveness is not a piece of candy to be passed out freely.”

  He sighed and seemed to grow smaller in the chair. “You’re right. I went to see the police officer I shot. He wasn’t into forgiveness, either.”

  “Can you blame him? You destroyed his life.”

  “Then you’ve seen him?” Harry asked.

  “No.” She raised her head and met Harry’s glance head-on. “But I plan to at some point. I felt so guilty about what happened to him.”

  “But you didn’t shoot him. I did.”

  Something in Nate shifted at Harry’s words. He’d met with his attacker and understood what had driven the kid to do what he did. But somewhere out in California a police officer was living the nightmare of never being whole again, of having left behind the life he had planned on—all because of the actions of the criminal who sat just feet from him.

  He glanced at Gayle’s face and wondered how she had coped with the memory of that time in her life, how she had managed to create a happy life for her son despite her past. He was well aware of the statistics on the failure rate among single mothers living below the poverty line. Until she’d gotten an education, she would have been among that group.

  He didn’t know another woman who could have done what she did, and that thought made him so proud of her.

  Gayle shifted closer to him. “If I had to do it over again, I would have gone to the police about you, about your lifestyle and the things I heard you talking about to some of your buddies. I should have and I didn’t.”

  “I understand how you feel. I’ve lived every day of my life since I went to prison wishing I could make up for what I did. But I can’t, except to live my life by the dictates of my faith in God.” Harry didn’t speak for a few minutes, his eyes misted with tears. “If you could find it in your heart to forgive me for leaving you alone, for not caring and loving you the way you deserved...I would like that.”

  “What you like or want doesn’t matter to me anymore, Harry. I have a life here now, and my son is doing well.”

  “You mean our son.”

  “You may have a biological right to call him your son, but not much more,” Gayle said, her fingers crushing Nate’s as she spoke.

  Nate could see how hard Gayle was struggling to remain calm, to listen to what Harry had to say. He admired her for even trying. But she’d worked too hard and given up too much to have Harry’s influence change her relationship with her son.

  However this played out, one thing was certain: he would be there for Gayle. As he sat close to her, breathing in her scent and the intimacy created by her nearness, he faced one unassailable fact. He was falling in love with her.

  “Adam deserves a good life, free of any relationship with you, and if I had my way you’d never see him again. But I love my son, and if he thinks he needs to see you, that will be his decision.”

  * * *

  “THANKS, MOM,” ADAM said from the entrance to the room. He’d overheard every word between his parents.

  “Adam. I didn’t see you there,” his mother said.

  But it was his father’s face that caught his attention. His dad appeared uncertain. He didn’t have thick dark hair like his own, as he imagined, and his eyes were a faded blue color. He looked really old. He had assumed that his dad had been tall, rugged and strong from his work on a trawler. Not like this man. Not at all.

  His mom seemed to be holding up okay with his dad there, a big surprise to him. Yet maybe not, he mused. After all, Nate and she were holding hands, and he’d seen the look in Nate’s eyes as he watched his mom. Nate cared about her, and that pleased him. As for Harry, he didn’t feel much of anything for him.

  In fact, he was a huge disappointment. He didn’t look like...like his dad. He didn’t look like anybody’s dad.

  Harry stood and came toward him. “Adam.” He held out his hand. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, son.”

  Adam shook hands with him, feeling awkward and out of place in this room of adults, who seemed to be watching him as if they expected him to explode or something.

  “I didn’t mean to interrupt. I just got in from school.” He felt he needed to explain his presence, if only to diffuse the strange atmosphere in the room. As he met his mother’s agitated glance, he realized that most of the tension he felt was coming from her.

  “How was your day, Mom?” he asked her lamely.

  “My day was good,” she said, the love in her eyes meant only for him.

  His mom was something else. Other kids might have more things, and lots of his friends had brothers and sisters, but no one had a mom like his. She was really
cool.

  Harry came toward Adam. “I’d like to speak to Adam alone, if you don’t mind.”

  “Adam?” his mother asked, her eyes never leaving his.

  “It’s all right, Mom. Totally.”

  “We’ll be in the den if you need us,” she said.

  * * *

  ONCE IN THE den, Nate closed the door and followed her to the sofa. “What do you think will happen, Nate?” Gayle asked, pushing the unruly curls off her face.

  Nate pulled her gently into his arms, using his strength to hold her up when he knew all she wanted to do was cry on his shoulder. “Trust Adam to know what he wants. His conversation with his father is important to him. Whatever comes out of it, we’ll deal with it.”

  “You said we.” Suddenly she was sobbing into his shirtfront.

  He rubbed her back soothingly. “Gayle, you’re a good parent, and Adam loves you very much.”

  That only seemed to make her sob harder. He wrapped his arms tightly around her and let her cry. Rocking her gently in his arms, he realized that he’d never experienced this feeling before. That he was essential to her and she to him. She was everything he’d ever wanted. The other women he’d known had never really needed him in the same way. Sure, they had lots of demands cloaked in sweet talk, but never anything like this.

  He needed to be needed. He wanted the woman he loved to lean on him, not in a possessive way, but based on real need. When she’d squeezed his fingers earlier, he’d recognized something he’d been missing in his other relationships. Gayle made him feel good about himself, about his importance in her life.

  “You have had a rough life, and I don’t know anyone who could have done a better job with Adam than you did.” He gently rubbed her back, and kissed the top of her head.

  She turned her teary face up to his, her expression open and vulnerable. “You mean that?”

  “I do.” He kissed her forehead, her cheek, edging down to her mouth. When his lips touched hers, desire sizzled through him. He felt her intake of breath, the touch of her hands reaching around his neck. He pulled her closer to him, drawing her into his space, feeling her body arch to his, demanding him.