Fool For You

by Megan Noelle

  “I try not to.” Corey’s arms pulled me into him and kept me tight against his chest, while I fought back the burning tears I wasn’t ready to expel.

  “Are you going to be okay? I’m not leaving here until I know you’ll be fine,” Corey said after a few more minutes of silence.

  “Yes, I’ll be fine. Once you leave I’m just going to go to sleep. It’s been a long day.”

  “You’ll call me if you need me?”

  I nodded and he placed another kiss against my lips. I looked into his eyes and could see him struggling over whether he should leave me or not. All I had to do was say the word and he’d stay by my side and take away all the pain. But I stood by my decision—it just wasn’t the right time.

  I locked up after Corey left and crawled under my covers to sleep the memories away.

  * * * *

  At five o’clock that next evening, I decided I was going to cut out a little early. Maybe catch a movie or go out to dinner. No harm in asking Corey if he wanted to join. Well, I could always grab dinner at his bar—I could tell him I was just in the neighborhood. Right—like he would believe that lie.

  My mind was elsewhere, which explains why I didn’t see them until it was too late. With my eyes focused on my cell phone—not where I was going—I ran directly into a hard body. A pair of strong arms caught me before I made an embarrassing tumble to the floor. A familiar laugh rang through my ears and I looked up into Oliver’s beaming face. There he stood looking absolutely perfect in fitted jeans, a blue button-up shirt that nicely accentuated his toned muscles, and then there was that to die for smile. Oh yeah—he was very swoon worthy.

  “Well, well I wasn’t expecting to run into you.” He righted me on my feet, as he continued a deep throated chuckle.

  “Ollie, what are you doing here?” I smoothed down my suit coat in an attempt to regain my business-like composure, that I had been lacking all day.

  “Having dinner here with my Grandparents.” Ollie pointed over his shoulder at the elder couple I knew very well. Oliver’s Grandparents and mine were in the same circle of friends, and greatly enjoyed the same activities. The men golfed, the women gossiped. Growing up, there were a few times when Ollie and I would be “forced” to play with one another while our families did their own thing. For Ollie, it was an annoyance to spend time with me, when he had tons of other friends waiting to hang with him. I was ecstatic to spend alone time with Oliver Garrison. Sure, I knew how to pretend as though I was just there because I was told to be. It was exactly those moments that started my unhealthy obsession with him.

  His Grandparents, Lillian and George, finished their conversation with another guest and came our way. The recognition was almost instantaneous, Lillian’s arms spread out wide to me. She was a lot like my Gram—looked great for her age, knew everyone’s business and always dressed to be seen. George on the other hand always looked like he should have a cigar in one hand and a whiskey on the rocks in the other. He seemed to be shrinking with age but that didn’t contain his bursting energy, closely matching that of his wife’s.

  Lillian hugged me close; a slow inhale confirmed she still smelt like a rose field. George gave my shoulder a squeeze and both beamed at me, as if I was one of their own.

  “Danielle darling, you look fabulous! George dear, doesn’t she look wonderful?” Lillian cooed.

  “Yes, very nice. Very pretty and filled out—men like that in their women.” It was moments like this I was thankful I mastered the constant smile. It didn’t falter as George summed me up the same way his grandson had—chubby.

  “Thank you! The two of you look great as well!”

  “It has been far too long since I last saw you, darling. Your Grandmother told me you have been living in New York, is that correct?” She asked.

  “Yes it is. I moved there in the summer after my senior year.”

  Lillian let out a tsk as she crossed her arms over her chest. “You know I always thought you and my Ollie here were going to get married.”

  “Oh—” I stammered out, looking to Ollie for a response. He stood there, perfectly at ease with a large mischievous grin plastered across his face.

  “There’s still time,” he said, fueling the fire.

  “That’s very true,” George added. “Now, let’s eat. I’m starved!” He took off towards the dining room but the other two stayed behind.

  “You must come eat dinner with us, Danielle,” Lillian said, placing her hand on my shoulder. “Oh no, I don’t want to intrude. You all go on and we’ll catch up some other time.”

  “Nonsense darling, you’re practically family. Ollie, tell her she must come.”

  Oliver looked at me and slung his arm over my shoulders; the smell of aftershave made its way into my nose. It wasn’t the smell I’d grown accustomed to, nor was it the one that clung to my pillow that I held close, after a certain someone left. Those arms though, and the way I felt every single time I was curled into them—was something that hadn’t changed. Oliver’s touch had a way of controlling every sense in my body; if he was near me, my body reacted with a tingling sensation, craving more. Which made it even more bizarre that I didn’t see him before crashing into him tonight. I really must have been lost in my own thoughts.

  “Oh come on, Dani. You know you want to.” Glancing back and forth between the two faces—I realized there was no real way out of this one. Thirty seconds after agreeing my phone rang in my hands. I was only allowed a quick glance before joining Ollie’s family—just as I suspected—Corey. Apparently he had the same thoughts of spending time together tonight as I had. I fixed my smile back into place, even though I felt myself sinking into sour-puss mode.

  By no means was I opposed to spending time with the Garrisons—it was the conversations I was dreading. They knew the history with my mom, how I abandoned—as my melodramatic Grandmother put it—my family and how much I cared for Oliver. None of this was stuff I wanted to converse about but I had no escape now.

  * * * *

  Dinner went exactly as expected. Question-after-question was thrown at me about my mother, the Inn and my Grandmother. There was the occasional, Ollie and I needed to marry comment, but the rest was standard. How have you been? Are you happy to be home? Do you plan to stay long?

  Overall the night was enjoyable—despite the mother questions. It was nice to have a chance to catch up with George and Lillian. They really were twp people of the few that didn’t make me cringe when I thought back to my history with them. Ollie was a different story all together. His arm often lingered along the back of my chair and on numerous occasions, he reached down and gave my thigh a little squeeze. The look in his eyes was one I had seen worn by many different men. He no longer saw me as the high school girl with the crazy crush on him—I was now an ‘option’ for him. I wasn’t sure whether to be offended or honored by the way his eyes scanned my body, lingering a little longer on specific areas of interest—boobs and hips.

  Corey’s voicemail from the missed call, told me to call him when I got home. The dinner lasted much longer than expected, since a meal with the Garrison’s was an event. It was now close to nine. The day had been long, and I knew as the week pressed on I was only going to be more worn out. Truth be told, I was ready for bed. Even worse—I wanted Corey over but not for a good and sweaty roll around between the sheets. I wanted to lie in bed next to him, tell him about my day and hear about his. Let him make me laugh and forget all the crap swirling around inside my twisted mind.

  This only left me with one feeling—YIKES!

  Corey was supposed to be my hookup. My no-strings-attached hookup. NOT the one I wanted to come home to. I deleted the voicemail and shut my phone off—there was no way I was calling him, especially after those feelings. This was going to be just one more night alone. So why did that upset me?

  * * * *

  Over the next few days I received a few other calls and messages from Corey. It took everything in me to ignore them, but I did. My need to be
with him was still there—greater honestly. I wasn’t in the mood for my foolish heart to think I was falling for another guy. Bailey continued assisting me with preparing the details for upcoming events—primarily Emily’s wedding. Then on Friday, my Grandma stopped by for a visit. She gave her stamp of approval on the way I’d run things—so far—and reminded me (like I needed it) that I was scheduled to see my mother the next day.

  All Friday night I tossed and turned, convincing myself it wasn’t a huge deal for me to visit. Truth—I was scared. It has been years since I saw my mother and the picture in my memory I doubted, would match the woman I would be seeing tomorrow. I have seen enough after-school specials to know that meth screws with a person’s physical features. I’ve seen the before and after shots on countless strangers, but seeing it in my own mother’s face— would be devastating.

  How was I going to manage this—without a mental breakdown?

  Saturday morning, I was up and showered bright and early. I applied some make up; enough to look natural, but more than usual so I’d feel slightly hidden. My hair was not behaving, so it eventually ended up being twisted into a French braid down my back. I even wasted time going through a few different outfits. Finally settling on jeans, a pink scoop neck sweater and for a final touch I added my white and pink polka dot scarf. Once I was all set to go—I found anything possible to keep me occupied and delay the inevitable.

  Which included, folding the rest of my clean laundry and putting it away, then cleaning the dishes, sink and the countertops in the kitchen. After making another pot of coffee, I paced around the kitchen and dining room. I straightened up my gossip magazines on the table in the living room, and resumed my pacing. About an hour after all that, I found the fresh pack of cigarettes at the bottom of my purse, that I had purchased after the last pack Corey had thrown out.

  My original plan was to just smoke them in the car the whole drive to ease my mind. Instead, I sat on the front steps and waited another twenty minutes before taking one out of the box. After another twenty, I knew I didn’t have the energy to smoke. My stomach churned and I felt the bile rising. No one should be this afraid to see their mother. What the hell was my problem?

  My head rested against my hands with my elbows on my knees, keeping me upright. A car pulled up behind mine but I didn’t bother looking up from the step in front of me. It could only be one of a few people and no matter whom it was—I wasn’t in the mood.

  “Are you okay, Dani?”

  Corey. I should have known. God—you don’t call the guy for a couple days and he shows up like a lost puppy. We weren’t a couple and I needed my space, damn it! Especially today.

  “Go away, Corey. I’m not in the mood.” I was even a bit startled by the harsh attitude in my tone.

  “I’m not here for that,” he responded in a voice so calm and soothing, it did nothing soften my rough exterior. And it pissed me off even more that I couldn’t remain stern.

  “Well, whatever it is, I don’t care. I can’t be around you or anyone else right now.” My eyes refused to look up at him; hoping he’d go back to his car, before I was forced to see those piercing blue eyes gazing directly into my soul.

  That plan failed, as I felt Corey take a seat next to me. My blood boiled with frustration while his hand gently rubbed my back; my spine stiffened, building the incomprehensible tension. I didn’t need this now—this compassion! I didn’t ask for it and I certainly didn’t want it.

  “Talk to me, Danielle.” The pleading words that poured from him, made my throat tighten from holding back the encroaching sob.

  “I said, go.” Finally, I lifted my head to make eye contact and immediately regretted the decision.

  Corey’s eyes held mine with concern and fear, for what could be weighing my heart so heavily. Even a fool like me knew he was here because he cared. I knew he wouldn’t just leave me alone anymore. What was worse was that now that he was here—I didn’t want him to leave me.

  “I need to go visit my mother.” His confusion changed to realization.

  His arms wrapped around my back holding me close. My hands tried to push away the comfort; enclosed in his warmth, scent and strength, was going to make me breakdown into tears. I wasn’t willing to be that little girl anymore. Not the one who cried over my mommy because she didn’t want me—the way I used to. I’m the tough woman now. Unbreakable, unbeatable, and can most definitely take of herself. That is me. At least, that was what I strived for but the safety Corey was offering was far too tempting.

  My cheek fell against his shoulder as I pulled him closer. A few tears spilled onto his soft cotton T-shirt but he didn’t seem to mind. I had a sinking suspicion if I wanted to stay that way all day—we could. Fact was—I didn’t have all day. My mother was waiting for me and the longer I waited to get there; the longer she was going to spend yelling at me for making her wait.

  “I should go.” I moved away, using the back of my sleeve to wipe away the fallen tears. Corey stood and held out his hand to me.

  “Let me come with you.”

  Yes—oh please—I can’t do this alone . Was my immediate reaction but that was not what came out. “No, that’d be— No—you don’t have to do that.” My words jumbled together at his request. I was torn between the want to take care of myself and the need to be taken care of.

  “Please, Danielle.” His hand reached out, and brushed softly against my jaw line. Sending a shiver throughout my body, that had nothing to do with the chill September air.

  “Why do you want to come with me? It’s over an hour drive; you wouldn’t be able to come in, so you’d be waiting in the car just to drive home again.”

  His eye contact didn’t falter from mine; assuring me that every word crossing his lips was sincere. “Because I want to be there for you.”

  “I can do this on my own.” The words were supposed to sound strong, not timid and afraid the way they did. “I know you can, I just don’t want you to.”

  Worse Than I Feared

  For reasons I couldn’t explain, I let him come with me. It was incredible that after being so dead set on doing this alone, I quickly caved—needing him there. Corey refused to let me drive and when we got into his jeep, he didn’t bombard me with questions. What I needed now was silence to process my thoughts and mentally prepare. When we were about twenty minutes from the prison I felt the nerves in my body going wild. My leg started shaking, fingers drummed against the center console and my poor habit of grinding my teeth came out. I nearly jumped out of my skin when something brushed against my hand. The warmth of Corey’s hand encompassed my trembling fingers, slowly raising them to his lips. After placing a kiss on them, he returned our hands to rest on the shifter without releasing me.

  “It’s going to be okay, Dani.” My eyes closed, the sincerity of his actions flowed through my anxious body. Little things like this solidified my joy in having him right there with me. Doing this alone right now—I would have been a total wreck. While I still need to face her alone, knowing Corey would be just feet away, gave me the courage to follow through.

  My fingers knotted together in my lap, as Corey found a spot in the visitor’s lot to wait. A deep breath escaped when I reached for the door handle. Before I could get out, I was twirled back around to see those consoling blue eyes. His compassion and strength reached out and surrounded me.

  “Everything will be okay, Dani. No matter happens, I will be here.” I nodded but Corey wasn’t convinced. So after, a soft reassuring kiss, I dove headfirst into the waiting chaos.

  As I went through the long line of security guards, I felt extremely violated; being scanned and searched for weapons and whatever else they thought I was smuggling in. My ID went from person to person—in the off chance I changed my identity from one room to the next. One guard called my name then escorted me into a room with a chair and a desk. A thick pane of Plexiglas between an identical set-up on the opposite side. Connection from one desk to the next was a single wall phone. The woma
n seated across from the spot I was directed to, was one I vaguely knew. Maybe having so many guards around to help escort you, wasn’t so bad, because I wouldn’t have recognized this woman as the one who gave me life.

  Audrey has always been one of the most beautiful women that most had ever seen. This wasn’t even just my opinion because she was my mother. When she was in high school—before she went off the deep end—she was popular and voted most beautiful; best eyes, best smile. Audrey Hamilton was someone to be jealous of. She’d known where she was going and nothing was going to get in the way of that—at least before she’d met my father, Kole.

  The two of them became one of the typical bad boy/good girl relationships and were irrevocably hooked on one another. They couldn’t stay away, even after my Gram forbid them to be together. My mother had gone to considerable lengths to hide their relationship until she ended up pregnant with yours truly. Here’s the weird part—my bad-boy-father became a wonderful dad. My mother was the one that hadn’t ever acclimated to the role. Well, to be fair my dad hadn’t always been wonderful, but he was better than her—in some ways.

  I needed to push the idea of my father far from my mind—now was the time to deal with her not him.

  In my memories she looked nothing like this. Her face was fuller, cheeks rosy, eyes brightened when she was happy, and then there was that smile that lit up a room. Thick blonde hair that flowed down her back with a sleek shine that celebrities paid top dollar to get.

  That person was just a faint memory at this point. This woman in front of me was not her.

  My mother’s once luxurious hair was stringy and looked to have a darker hue that could only be described as dirty. Her eyes didn’t shine with the smile that now looked alien on her sunken in cheeks bones and wan face. For just a moment, I could almost picture the mother I grew up with, but that image quickly faded. Forever replaced with the horror before me. My hand shook as I went to pick up the phone; the other was already to her ear.