A Sinful Calling

by Kimberla Lawson Roby

  “Hey, man, you got a minute?”

  “Of course,” Levi said, closing the conference room door and sitting back down. “What’s up?”

  “I know I’ve said this many times before, but today is one of those days where I just want to thank you again. You know, for everything you’ve done to help build up the ministry. We certainly wouldn’t be where we are without your support.”

  “It’s no problem, and you’re quite welcome. I was glad to do it.”

  “You’re like a brother to me, and you’ve made a world of difference here.”

  “All I knew was that when I got out of prison, I wasn’t going back. I also knew that I was going to live for God and not find myself pulled back into the life. Selling drugs made me a lot of money, more than most people make their whole lives, but it was wrong. That’s why I wanted to make sure every dime was put to good use. Before I met you, I was going to open a restaurant, but investing in God’s work has been a lot more rewarding. The church has grown tremendously, and I’m glad to be a part of it.”

  “I’m glad you are, too, and you already know how happy I am that my sister and I worked out our differences. We couldn’t stand each other, but what the devil meant for bad, God had a much bigger plan for.”

  “Amen to that.”

  “The other thing I wanted to talk to you about is the marketing campaign. I want you to play an even larger role than you have been when it comes to promoting the church. Particularly when it comes to our twelve ministries. We have a lot of people in the city struggling with addiction, and what I want is for you to share how you were once a drug dealer who did prison time, yet now you’ve turned your life over to God and will help anyone any way you can. I know this will mean becoming even more transparent about your past than you have been, so we’ll only do it if you’re okay with it.”

  “It’s true that I will always be ashamed of the life I led, but I’m not ashamed of the way I’ve turned it around. So whatever you need me to do, I will.”

  “I really appreciate that.”

  “Although, I have to say, while I’m fine with helping anyone I can, I’m starting to think that your sister and I are the ones who need help the most.”

  “How so?”

  “You know I love Alicia with every breath I take, but for the first time since we got married, I’m not so sure we can survive the whole Phillip situation. I believe she loves me completely, but since Phillip died things haven’t been the same. There’s been a slight disconnect between us. We’ve never been able to get back to where we were.”

  “I’m sorry to hear that. Have you talked to her about it?”

  “I have, as recently as yesterday. But she won’t admit that the problem is as bad as it is. She doesn’t see that her guilt is affecting her more and more…and that it’s starting to wear on our marriage in a pretty harsh way.”

  “Do you want me to talk to her?”

  “Do you mind? She’s not going to be happy that I told you anything, but I don’t care about that. I just want us to get help. I’ve been trying to handle this on my own and praying things would get better, but they’re not.”

  “I’ve been praying for God to give her peace as well, because I can tell Phillip’s death still haunts her. I’ll make sure to talk to her today, though.”

  “Thank you for that. I hate putting you in the middle of this, but…”

  “Don’t say another word. Consider it already done.”

  Chapter 7

  When Dillon heard a knock at his door, he knew it was Alicia. “Come in.”

  “Hey,” she said, walking into his office. Hers was only a few doors down, and Dillon had called her ten minutes ago, asking if they could have a quick chat.

  “Have a seat,” he said.

  Alicia sat down in the supple wood-framed leather chair in front of his desk.

  “So what’s going on?”

  “Well, first of all, I wanted to update you on our elder board meeting this morning. I brought up a new idea in terms of how we should market, and I really think it could work.”

  “That’s good to hear.”

  “Yeah, well, I thought it was good, too, but I’m not so sure all the elders agree. Especially Elder Freeman.”

  “Why do you say that?”

  “What I want is for us to promote the idea of our twelve elders as being similar to Jesus’s disciples. But of course, Elder Freeman took it the wrong way. He suggested I was comparing myself to Jesus.”

  Alicia laughed a little. “You don’t think he really thought that, do you?”

  “Yeah, I’m sad to say he did.”

  “Did you explain what you meant?”

  “I tried to, but you know how Elder Freeman is. Once he gets something in his head, that’s the end of it.”

  “Well, I think promoting all twelve of our primary ministries is a good thing, and it wouldn’t hurt to promote our women’s ministry as well. There are a lot of women in our community who are hurting in many ways, and we could really help them a great deal.”

  “I agree, and I’ll talk to Raven about that tonight.”

  “Yeah, better you than me,” Alicia said.

  Whether Alicia realized it or not, Dillon had always known that there wasn’t a love fest going on between her and Raven, but he’d never said anything to her. As a matter of fact, until yesterday, Raven had never gone as far as saying anything to him about Alicia.

  “Why do you say that?” he asked.

  “Well, for one thing, I don’t think she was too happy about the way I reacted to her news on Sunday.”

  “What? About her becoming co-pastor?”

  “That would be it.”

  “She’s been talking privately about it for a while, but now she’s at a point where she wants to move forward with it.”

  “And you agree with her?”

  The old Dillon hadn’t shown much loyalty to anyone, but for some reason, he’d always felt that he owed a certain level of devotion to his wife. He wasn’t perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but he did love Raven and he tried to respect her the way a husband should—that is, with the exception of the affair he was having with Porsha.

  Still, he felt compelled to be honest with Alicia. “To tell you the truth, I don’t.”

  Alicia didn’t seem shocked. “Did you tell her that?”

  “I did, and she wasn’t happy. We had a big argument about it.”

  “I just don’t think it’s a good idea. Maybe somewhere down the road the church will be ready for a female pastor, but not now. Not when we’re trying to grow the membership.”

  “You’re right, but I don’t see Raven backing down from this. She wants to be co-pastor, and she doesn’t see a reason why she can’t.”

  “Look, I don’t want to speak against Raven, because she’s your wife, but if you allow her to become co-pastor, you’re headed for a lot of heartache. Both with your home life and the way you run the church. Raven is strong, smart, and independent, which is all great, but it also means she’s going to want a certain amount of control. Something I don’t see you being okay with.”

  Dillon sighed. He knew Alicia was right, but he also didn’t like what all this would mean for his marriage. He and Raven loved each other and had gotten along fine. Until now.

  “I’ll just have to deal with this the best way I can,” he said. “Try to get her to see that becoming co-pastor isn’t a good idea.”

  “I’m sorry I don’t feel differently about this, but I have to say, I don’t see any of the elders voting yes to it, either. Not even Levi.”

  “I just wish heading up the women’s ministry was enough for her. She does an amazing job, and there’s so much more to be done with the ladies who attend New Faith.”

  Alicia crossed her legs. “I don’t understand why it’s not. Our stepmom has done great things with their women’s ministry for years, and I don’t think I’ve ever heard her as much as mention anything about being co-pastor.”

 
Charlotte wasn’t Dillon’s favorite person, but Alicia was right about her. She wanted to run things and certainly enjoyed having a noticeable amount of power—churchwise and statuswise—but she didn’t want to stand side by side with their dad.

  “Maybe you could ask her to talk to Raven,” Dillon said, laughing.

  “Well, it’s actually not a bad idea. Maybe Charlotte could talk some sense into her—that is, if Raven hadn’t betrayed our dad.”

  Dillon shook his head. “After all this time, I still can’t believe how close you are with her.”

  “When she and Daddy first got married I could take her or leave her, but as I got older, she and I got to know each other a whole lot better. Then when Matthew and I became close, Charlotte treated me more and more like a daughter than a stepdaughter. Plus, she’s only eleven years older than me, and I think that’s how we became good friends.”

  “I guess, Sis, but to me she’s treacherous. That’s why I nicknamed her Charlotte the Harlot as soon as I met her.”

  Alicia shook her head, laughing. “You just need to give her a chance.”

  “I doubt it, because it’s not like she can stand me, either. And then after I did what I did to Dad and Matthew before I left Mitchell…”

  “I know, but anything is possible. Look at you and me. Who would have guessed that we could connect and have the relationship we have now?”

  “That’s very true, but I don’t think Charlotte, Matthew, or even Dad for that matter, will ever fully forgive me.”

  “Well, not being around them is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. Charlotte and I still talk pretty regularly, because she gave Levi and me her blessing a long time ago. But Daddy and Matthew just won’t do it. With Daddy, I’m not as shocked because he loved Phillip like a son, but Matthew was my heart. He always loved me and saw me as the big sister he looked up to for everything. And I miss that. I miss him. I miss everything.”

  Dillon heard all that his sister was saying and he understood how she felt, but what she didn’t know was that he wanted the same things. He was very good at pretending that he didn’t care whether he saw his dad or not, but he did care. And he thought about his brother, Matthew, a lot, too. Curtina was the baby of the family, and while he’d never seen her as anything more than a spoiled brat, he sometimes wondered what it would be like to have a baby sister to love and dote on.

  He still couldn’t admit his feelings to Alicia even now, though. “I hate that you’re not as close to all of them as you used to be, but who knows. Maybe they’ll eventually come around. Especially once they continue to see how honest and genuine Levi is. They may not know it or want to believe it, but Levi really does love God. You can tell that just from being around him.”

  “He’s a great guy, and I couldn’t love a man more.”

  Dillon looked at her, and he could tell she knew something was wrong.

  “What is it?” she asked.

  “Well, I hope you don’t get upset, but Levi confided something to me.”

  Alicia scrunched her forehead. “When?”

  “Right after our meeting.”

  Alicia stared at him emotionless, but Dillon could tell that she wasn’t all that happy about what he’d just told her.

  “What did he say?”

  “He’s worried about you and your marriage.”

  “Wow, and he decided to bring our problems to you? Although, I don’t see what problems we have in the first place.”

  “I don’t think he saw it like that. He loves you, and he knows I would never repeat your business to anyone.”

  “He still shouldn’t have bothered you with this. Especially since we’re fine.”

  “I know, Sis, but Levi doesn’t think so. He says the whole Phillip issue is really bothering you.”

  “He’s exaggerating. I do feel bad about what happened, and it’s only common sense that I blame myself for it, but I’m good.”

  “Maybe you should talk to a professional or join a support group.”

  “Look, Brother,” Alicia said, standing up and trying to appear normal, happy, and confident. “I know you mean well, and I appreciate that, but I really am okay. There’s nothing for you to worry about. I promise.”

  “All I want is the best for you. I know when we first met, we didn’t hit it off very well, but now that we have I can’t help but worry. You’re the only family I have a relationship with, and as your big brother it’s my job to look out for you.”

  Alicia laughed. “You’re only two years older than me, remember?”

  “I know you think this is funny, but I’m serious. If you need help, I’m here for you.”

  “For the last time, I’m good. Really. Now, I’ll see you later, okay?”

  Dillon nodded but then sighed when she left his office. She didn’t seem like herself, and while she’d tried to cover it up, she’d seemed almost depressed. But at least he’d tried to talk to her the way he’d told Levi he would, and he’d let her know he was in her corner. Dillon and Alicia were siblings for life, and he would do anything he could for her. He could only do that, though, if she let him.

  Chapter 8

  Alicia paced back and forth, wringing her hands, while her heart raced faster and faster. How dare Levi go to Dillon behind her back. She couldn’t wait to confront him, something she’d desperately been wanting to do ever since learning from her brother that Levi had told their business. She’d left Dillon’s office hours ago, yet she hadn’t pondered about much else, and she wouldn’t be content until she told Levi what she thought of him.

  At first she’d had a mind to question him right there at the church, but it wouldn’t have been fair to the other staff members. So instead, she’d held her tongue and feigned a smile for the rest of the day. Now, though, she waited for Levi in fury.

  She paced for another twenty minutes, and finally Levi walked in. Alicia rushed into the kitchen toward him. He seemed startled, but lay his black briefcase on the granite island in silence.

  “Why, Levi?” she asked.

  “Why what?”

  “Oh, so now you’re going to play dumb, I see. You know exactly what I’m talking about. Why’d you tell our business to Dillon?”

  “Look, baby, I apologize, but I didn’t know what else to do. I tried talking to you, but you don’t think anything is wrong.”

  “Because there isn’t.”

  Levi sat down in one of the counter-height brown chairs.

  Alicia walked closer to him. “What you and I discuss is between us and no one else. So I hope this makes your first and last time doing something like this.”

  “I understand why you’re upset, but I’m not going to just accept what’s going on. You have some real issues, and it’s affecting our marriage.”

  “Maybe you have issues, but I’m fine.”

  “Isn’t that the same kind of thing your friend Melanie used to say when you accused her of being anorexic? She didn’t even know she had a problem until she got sick enough and almost died.”

  Alicia’s heart pounded harder. “Excuse me? I just know you’re not comparing my situation with Melanie’s.”

  “I am, because you’re in denial.”

  “Why are you talking to me this way?” she asked. “And why are you betraying me like this?”

  “Baby, how in the world am I betraying you? Because I went to your brother, who loves you? Because I’m trying to get you to see that when you tried to tell your best friend she had a problem, she wouldn’t hear it?”

  “That’s exactly what I mean. All this time, you’ve been a loving, loyal husband, and now, out of nowhere, you’ve turned into a traitor?”

  Levi looked at her like she was crazy, but what he didn’t know was that she was just getting started.

  “I gave up everything for you! You hear me? Everything! My parents, my brother, my baby sister, my entire reputation. When Phillip died and word got out that he and I had tussled over a gun because of you, even some of my readers sent me nasty ema
il messages. Then others were posting so many awful comments on my social media pages, I had to suspend every one of them.”

  “I’m really sorry you feel that way, but this is part of the reason I think you need to see someone.”

  “Like who?”

  “A psychologist. Someone who specializes in what you’re dealing with and can help you.”

  “Well, isn’t that a coincidence. Dillon suggested the same thing this afternoon, and now I know why. You told him to. You filled his head with so many lies that now he thinks I’m unstable. Maybe even insane.”

  “That’s just not true, baby. I never told him anything like that.”

  “You’re such a liar.”

  “Honey, what’s wrong with you? Why are you so angry and being so mean?”

  “Because you betrayed me. You went behind my back like it was nothing. For the whole year we’ve been married, you’ve professed your undying love for me, but now the real Levi is coming out, I guess.”

  Levi stood up and walked over to her. But when he tried to hold her she snatched away from him.

  “Don’t touch me.”

  Then the voice in her head told her much more. If you trust this fool, you’ll regret it for the rest of your life. Can’t you see what he’s up to? All he’s doing is trying to turn Dillon against you. The only family you have left.

  “Baby, why are you so worked up?” he asked. “And all because I told your brother I was worried about you?”

  Alicia tried to ignore the voice in her head, but it spoke again. You know he’s lying, right? He’s not worried about you. He’s just trying to destroy you. Cause problems between you and your brother, because he’s jealous of the close relationship you and Dillon now have. No matter what he says, he can’t be trusted. He also doesn’t love you. He doesn’t care a thing about you.

  Alicia pressed the sides of her head, trying to gain clarity. Then she looked at Levi. “You never should have done that. Whatever problems you have with me are between you and me. Period.”

  “Okay, look. I’m really sorry, and I’ll never discuss you or us with anyone again.”

  “Good.”