A Sinful Calling

by Kimberla Lawson Roby

  Alicia glanced over at her desk calendar and saw that it was July 1. Within seconds, her spirits dropped, because they were only three days away from the Fourth. Since she’d been a child, this had been one of her favorite holidays, but not anymore. Not since she’d married Levi and they hadn’t been able to spend it with her family. In the past, she’d sometimes spent holidays with her mom and stepdad and sometimes with her dad and stepmom, and she’d had the time of her life either way. If only they could love and accept Levi the way they were supposed to, she could still be close with all of them. She and Levi did spend time with his mom on holidays, along with some of his other relatives, but it wasn’t the same.

  She hated this, but no matter how she tried to weigh things, she just couldn’t allow them to treat Levi like he was the enemy. It was wrong, and this was the reason she’d stood her ground for so long. But nonetheless, her mom was heavily on her mind and she couldn’t help calling her.

  Tanya was a counselor, so she dialed her mother’s office number and waited.

  “Hi, sweetheart,” Tanya said.

  “Hey, Mom, how are you?”

  “Everything’s great. What about you?”

  “We’re good. Just thought I’d take a break and see what you were up to.”

  After a bit of silence Tanya finally said, “It’s good to hear your voice.”

  There was another pause, and Alicia could tell the conversation was just as awkward for her mom as it was for her.

  Alicia waited a little longer and then said, “I know you’re probably working, so did I catch you at a bad time?”

  “No, not at all. I have a few minutes.”

  “Good. So what are you and Dad James doing for the Fourth?”

  “We’re going away for the weekend. Heading down to New Orleans for the Essence Festival. I thought I mentioned that to you a couple of months ago.”

  “Actually, you did. I’d forgotten, though,” she said, thinking how the reason she hadn’t remembered was because she and her mom talked a lot less than they used to. Before her marriage to Levi, she and her mom had sometimes chatted on the phone two to three times per day, but now, they were lucky if they spoke twice a month.

  “We’ve never gone, so we’re really excited about it,” Tanya said. “Been wanting to get there for years.”

  “Mel and I went last summer, and it was a really great time,” Alicia said, referring to her best friend, Melanie Richardson. “One of the best events we’ve ever traveled to.”

  “That’s what I’ve always heard.”

  When her mom had first mentioned it to her, Alicia had wondered how two people her mom’s and stepdad’s ages would even be able to enjoy a music festival. But then she’d realized that there were so many keynote speakers, panels, and old-school singers, anyone could enjoy themselves.

  Alicia relaxed farther back in her chair. “It’ll be a lot of fun.”

  “I believe it will, and hey, how is Levi?”

  Alicia was a bit taken aback, because no one in her family ever asked about her husband. Whether they spoke to her by phone or accidentally saw her out in public, they acted as though she were single and lived alone.

  “He’s fine.”

  “That’s good. Please tell him I said hello.”

  Alicia wasn’t sure how to respond, mostly because she was still too shocked that her mom was asking about her son-in-law.

  “Honey, what’s wrong?”

  “I guess I’m just a little surprised that you’re asking about him.”

  “I know, and I’m sorry for feeling the way I have all this time. But I’ve also been praying about it and doing a lot of soul-searching, and I realize that it’s just not right for us to shun Levi or make things hard for you. We may not like the way the two of you got together or the affair you had, but what’s done is done and we all have to move on. I’ve been asking God for direction, and I know I was wrong.”

  Tears filled Alicia’s eyes. “Oh my God, Mom. You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to hear you say those words. I miss our conversations and visits, and it’s been so hard pretending that none of this bothered me. The hardest thing in the world is being married to someone that none of your family members love, or even like for that matter.”

  “I can only imagine, sweetheart, and I hope you can forgive us. Your dad James feels the same way, and I know he’ll be calling you later. I’ve been meaning to call you the last couple of days to apologize, but I just couldn’t get the nerve up to do it. I was too embarrassed,” she said, sniffling. “It was too hard to admit that I’d distanced myself from my only child and best friend, all because things didn’t turn out the way we wanted. So I’m really glad you called me today instead. It was all in God’s plan, and there’s something else I want you to know. Regardless of how we felt about Phillip’s death and your marriage to Levi, we never stopped loving you. You are my baby, and I love you with all my heart.”

  “I know that, Mom, and I love you, too. You mean everything to me, but this whole thing has taken a huge toll on me, mentally and emotionally,” she said, wishing she had the courage to tell her mom about the voice that kept torturing her.

  “I’m sure it has, and again, I’m very sorry. I also hope your father can eventually find it in his heart to accept Levi, because I know that hurts, too.”

  “It does, Mom. Daddy has talked about forgiveness in more sermons than I can count, yet he won’t forgive Levi and me. He says he has, but he hasn’t.”

  “I know this has been tough, but it’s just that your dad loved Phillip so much. He loved him like a son, and he’s just being stubborn about it. But you just keep praying for things to turn around, and I’ll do the same.”

  Alicia smiled and wiped her tears. “You have really made my day, Mom.”

  “I’m glad, because you’ve certainly made mine.”

  “I’m so relieved.”

  “Me too, and hey, I have a session I need to do shortly, so I’m going to have to hang up. But why don’t you and Levi plan on coming over for dinner one evening next week when we’re back in town?”

  “That sounds good. And Mom?”

  “Yes?”

  “I know I just said this a few minutes ago, but I love you so, so much.”

  “I love you, too, sweetheart, and I’ll make sure to call you tomorrow before we leave.”

  “Talk to you then. Bye, Mom.”

  Alicia hung up and wiped the rest of her tears, but the more she thought about her mom and how happy she was right now, the more she cried. Her heart was overjoyed, and she couldn’t wait to tell Levi the wonderful news. He would be thrilled to know that his in-laws had decided to accept him and that they were finally inviting him over for dinner.

  Alicia was beyond elated…until Phillip crossed her mind. However, just as quickly as negative thoughts eased their way in, she dismissed those feelings and thought only about the conversation she’d had with her mom. She hadn’t felt this joyful in a long time, and she was grateful. She was ecstatic, and she couldn’t have stopped smiling if she wanted to.

  Chapter 11

  Dillon moved to the side of Raven, breathing heavily, and all he could think about was Porsha. Here he’d just made love to his wife, the woman he loved, but she simply couldn’t satisfy him the way Porsha did. Raven held her own, there was no refuting that, and there had also been a time when Dillon craved being with her, but ever since sleeping with Porsha the very first time, his feelings had changed. It wasn’t something he’d counted on happening, and he wondered what it would mean for him and Raven down the road—how it would affect their future as husband and wife. He’d been thinking that he could handle this—being married and having a plaything on the side—but his feelings and attraction for Porsha had grown faster and more intense than he’d been prepared for. Things were escalating in a number of ways, and he had to find a way to keep them in order. He had to gain some sense of control over what was evolving.

  Raven nestled her head against the side o
f his chest and rested her arm across him. “No matter how many times we make love, it always feels like the first time. You still make my world complete.”

  Dillon wrapped his arm around her. “I’m glad.”

  “I hate it when we fight, and I’m so glad you called me this morning. Although, I have to admit, there’s nothing better than make-up sex.”

  “Yeah, I guess not. It’s always the best,” he said, trying to sound as enthused as she was.

  “So are you ready for round two?” she asked.

  Dillon laughed. “Whoa, I don’t think so. Not yet, anyway.”

  She drew circles on his chest with her finger. “Well, you’d better get ready, mister.”

  “What’s gotten into you?”

  “I don’t know, but I need more of you tonight. We had a bad couple of days, and I just want to be close to you.”

  Dillon rubbed her arm and closed his eyes. Only three months ago, he would have felt the same and he’d be raring to make love to her again. But that was pre-Porsha.

  “And baby,” she said, “thank you again for hearing me and for saying I can attend the elder board meeting next Tuesday. It really means a lot to me.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  “Was Levi okay with it?”

  “I never got to talk to him, but I will tomorrow, and of course it will be fine.”

  “I’m so excited about this new chapter in my life. I’ve been through so much over the years, and who would have guessed I’d be a pastor one day?”

  Dillon wasn’t sure whether to comment or keep quiet, but since he couldn’t think of the right thing to say, he chose the latter.

  That didn’t stop Raven, though. “We’re going to be able to do so many great things together, baby. Not only will we take the church to new heights, but we’ll be well on our way to go national. We’ll be broadcasting on television, just like your dad, in no time. And he only has about five thousand members. Although, the reason he’s able to do it is because of all the money they bring in through the ministry. Having a church is great, but the key to having any real success is when you create a ministry and treat it as a corporation. That’s when you can begin reaching out to people nationally and worldwide. Money comes in from all across the globe, and the next thing you know, thousands and then millions are contributed.”

  Dillon opened his eyes, but he still didn’t say anything. She’d gained a wealth of knowledge while working for his dad, and she knew exactly how to nurture and build a ministry to the highest levels. She thought everything through and knew exactly what to do and when, and Dillon couldn’t take a chance on losing her. He wouldn’t go as far as taking her on as co-pastor, but he had to be more careful when it came to his feelings about Porsha. He had to keep Raven happy.

  They chatted a few more minutes until Raven’s phone rang.

  She reached toward the nightstand for her cell. “I wonder who that is…Oh, it’s Dana.” She sat up on the side of the bed, then stood up. “Hey, girl.”

  Raven slipped on her robe and sat over in one of the chairs. Dillon already knew she was going to be on the phone for a while because when Raven and Dana spoke, it was rarely for less than a couple of hours. They were very close, and Raven also felt indebted to her because Dana had been the only person who’d stayed in touch with her while she was in prison. Dana had even visited her in person and periodically placed money on her books, and Raven did everything she could to make up for it. When they went to breakfast, lunch, or dinner, Raven paid for it. When they went shopping, Raven usually bought Dana something nice, and she was there for her no matter what.

  Dillon lay there, listening to them talking about everything and also nothing and enjoying themselves, so he flipped on the television. The first thing he saw was a commercial advertising the Fourth of July fireworks show that would be taking place three days from now. This made him think about Alicia and how excited she’d been earlier today. She’d literally walked down to his office just to tell him about her conversation with her mom. She’d been as giddy as a small child, and Dillon was glad for her. But for some reason, Alicia’s news and this commercial made him think about his dad. Why couldn’t his father love him and treat him like a son? That’s all Dillon had ever wanted, yet his dad continued to ignore him. Not to mention, he was likely in full planning mode for the holiday, preparing to spend it with his three prized possessions: Matthew, Curtina, and Matthew’s son, little MJ.

  Dillon got to his feet, pulled on his navy-blue silk pajama bottoms, and grabbed his phone. He walked out of the bedroom, through the hallway, and down the stairs. As he went into the family room, he clicked on his Contacts icon and scrolled down to his dad’s number. Maybe if he tried calling Curtis one more time, things would be different. Maybe if Dillon reached out to him and apologized—again—for all that he’d done in the past, his dad would adjust his attitude. He might have a change of heart the way Alicia’s mom had this afternoon.

  Dillon dialed the number and waited.

  Curtis answered on the third ring. “Hello?”

  “Hey, Dad, how are you?”

  “I’m good. You?”

  “I’m fine. I hadn’t spoken to you in a while, so I thought I’d give you a call.”

  “It’s good to hear your voice,” Curtis said, but there was no feeling behind his words, and that irked Dillon.

  Still, he kept calm and tried not to take it personally. “So what are you all doing for the Fourth?”

  “Not a whole lot. Just hanging around the house mostly.”

  Dillon paused, hoping his dad would invite him and Raven over. He knew it wasn’t logical, even more so when it came to Raven because of all the money she’d stolen, but still Dillon hoped…and prayed.

  But when his dad fell silent again, he said, “You know, Dad, if you’re interested, I would love to have you serve as guest speaker one Sunday.”

  “My schedule is pretty full right now, but I appreciate the offer.”

  “What about later this year?”

  “I don’t think so. My speaking calendar is already in place, and I’m not planning to add on much of anything else.”

  Dillon knew this was just an excuse, and that if his dad honestly wanted to visit his church he could.

  “I wish you’d reconsider.”

  “It’s not likely.”

  His words were nonchalant and cold all at the same time, and Dillon couldn’t take it any longer. He’d been living back in Mitchell for two years, yet his dad still wouldn’t let go of the past. He claimed he’d forgiven Dillon, but he treated him like an enemy or worse. He acted as though Dillon weren’t even related to him.

  Dillon wanted to curse him out and hang up on him, but it was the desperate little boy in him that couldn’t give up. He’d made the decision to forget about his dad and move forward with getting revenge on him, but deep down, he just wanted a relationship with him. He needed it, and he wanted to be a part of a family. If his dad would accept him back and love him like a son, Dillon was even willing to make amends with Charlotte and move mountains to get along with her if he had to. Whatever it took to make things right with his dad would be worth it.

  “Look, Dad, can I ask you something?”

  “What is it?”

  “When is this going to end? When are you going to genuinely forgive me?”

  “I forgave you a long time ago.”

  “But you couldn’t have meant it.”

  “I only say what I mean, so I’m not sure what the problem is.”

  “You can’t forgive someone, especially your own son, and still hate them.”

  “First of all, I don’t hate anyone. I love everyone just the way God expects us to, but I’m also not a fool. I know very well who I can trust, and who can never be trusted.”

  “But I’m not the same person. I did some awful things, but I’ve turned my life around. I haven’t hurt anyone since I moved back here. I became a pastor, and I’ve worked hard to live by God’s Word.”

>   “Good. That’s what you’re supposed to do.”

  Curtis was trying Dillon’s patience. “But that still doesn’t change the way you feel?”

  “You’re my son, but you’re not right. When you schemed behind my back with Mariah,” he said, referring to his second ex-wife, “and had me beaten nearly to death, I understood why. You blamed me for the death of your mom, and you hated me for not being a father to you. And I forgave you. But then, after I did all I could to try to build a relationship with you, including giving you a half million dollars, you still tried to cause a public scandal and blackmail me. And don’t get me started about the way you slept with your own brother’s wife. I’m certainly not some innocent saint, because Lord knows I’ve done enough dirt to last a lifetime, but when a man sleeps with his brother’s wife, it doesn’t get much lower than that.”

  “So that’s what this is about? Matthew, and what I did to him? Your precious little golden boy?”

  “Call him whatever you want, but Matthew would never hurt anyone the way you have. He’s a kind young man with a huge heart, and he doesn’t have a deceptive bone in his body. He’s nothing like the way I used to be and nothing like the way you are now.”

  “Wow. So this is how it’s always going to be with you and me?”

  “I don’t see how it can be any different. As my child, I love you, but I can’t allow you to hurt anyone else in this family. Some people live by the three strikes rule, but with you, two times was enough. You showed me who you were and what you were capable of.”

  “I’m sorry you feel that way, but I’m glad I know where we stand. I’m glad you admitted that you want nothing to do with me ever again.”

  Curtis didn’t respond.

  Dillon almost hung up without saying good-bye, but he changed his mind. “You take care, Dad.”

  “You, too.”

  Dillon removed his phone from his ear, staring straight ahead. His body felt numb, and though he was hurt, he now had full clarity. His father had written him off and mentally erased him from the family for good. This wasn’t what Dillon had hoped for, but he knew he had no choice but to accept it. His dad was very wrong about one thing, though. He claimed he knew who Dillon was and what he was capable of, but sadly, he had no idea. He didn’t have a clue, and Dillon would prove it to him soon enough. The amount of pain Dillon was planning to unleash would make national news. It would bring his father to his knees, and this made Dillon smile. It also made him laugh a little.