A Sinful Calling

by Kimberla Lawson Roby

  Tears filled Dillon’s eyes. “I’m just so tired. I just want to forget about my dad and go on with my life.”

  “Well, you say that, but I can tell from the look in your eyes that you’re constantly thinking of ways to get back at him. Even when you’re quiet, it still shows. You’re letting your pain control your thinking, and son, hear me when I tell you this…no good can come from that.”

  Dillon wasn’t sure how she knew what he’d been planning, but she did. She’d always been a wise woman; it was part of the reason he loved her and went to her for advice, but he didn’t understand how she knew he spent every day of his life figuring out the perfect plot against his dad.

  “Everything is going to be fine. Eventually I’ll get over all this and that will be that.”

  “I wish you would hear me on this. You need to go to your dad in person. Talk to him, and then if he still doesn’t change the way he feels, you’ll know you tried everything. You won’t have any regrets, and if nothing else, you’ll finally have some sense of closure.”

  Dillon didn’t want to tell her no, but he didn’t want to say he would go to his father, either.

  “Promise me you’ll at least think about it,” she said, smiling. “You asked me if there was anything you could do for me, right?”

  Now Dillon smiled. “Isn’t that kind of thing called a guilt trip?”

  “Yeah, exactly. But just do it, all right?”

  “I’ll think about it.”

  “Good. That’s all I’m asking. That’s all anyone can expect.”

  Chapter 30

  Alicia couldn’t remember the last time she’d sat on the sofa in the family room, eating high-calorie snacks and watching old sitcoms. It had been one of the best afternoons she’d had in years, and now she knew sleep deprivation wasn’t good for anyone. She’d known that all human beings needed a certain amount of sleep to function properly, but she’d learned to live with her situation. She wouldn’t settle anymore, though, and she couldn’t wait to take another sleeping pill tonight. However, this time she would cut it and only use one-half.

  When her phone rang, she picked it up from the rectangular leather ottoman in front of her.

  “Hey, Mel,” she answered.

  “Hey, girl, how are you?”

  “I’m great. How about you? You at work?”

  “No, I left early today so I could go to my appointment with Dr. Brogan. Just leaving there now, and that’s why I’m calling you.”

  Alicia started thinking of a good lie to tell, just in case Dr. Brogan had told Melanie she’d tried to call her back. “Why, what’s up?”

  “I told her that I had a friend who was going to be calling her for a reference, and she told me you already had.”

  “I did, and I left her a message.”

  “She said she got right back to you, but you didn’t answer.”

  “I took a nap this afternoon, so I didn’t realize I’d missed her call until a few minutes ago. I’ll call her tomorrow.”

  “You don’t have to. I told her you needed someone who specialized in marriage counseling and grief. So she gave me the name of someone who could help you with both.”

  “Oh, okay. What is it?”

  “Her name is Janice Smith, and she’s been counseling for more than twenty years.”

  Alicia wrote her name in a notebook she had sitting on the table, and Melanie also gave her the counselor’s phone number. Alicia went along with this whole scenario just so she could prove to Levi that she’d done what he asked. But she wasn’t calling anyone.

  “Why were you taking a nap in the middle of the day?”

  “I took a sleeping pill last night, and I think it was too much,” she said, lying again.

  “Are you sure you’re feeling okay?”

  “I’m fine, and I’m fully rested. I just needed some downtime today.”

  “That’s good, but you’re definitely going to call Ms. Smith tomorrow, right?”

  “Absolutely. Why wouldn’t I?”

  “Because I know how you are.”

  Alicia picked up the remote control and pressed the Guide button. “No worries. I promise I’ll contact her.”

  “Oh and hey, have you talked to your mom since she got back?”

  “I called her yesterday.”

  “I’m glad they made it home safely.”

  “They did, and they had a great time, too,” Alicia said.

  “I’m sure.”

  “Levi and I are driving over to have dinner with them tomorrow.”

  “Gosh, girl, isn’t it amazing how God can turn things around?” Melanie said. “And when you least expect it, too.”

  “I know. This has been a long year, and I never, ever wanted to stop seeing my parents. But when I married Levi I decided that if a person didn’t like my husband, they also didn’t like me.”

  “But you know that’s not true. Your parents never stopped loving you.”

  “No, but I’m making a point. When two people get married, they become one. So all I’m saying is that if you don’t like Levi, you don’t like Alicia.”

  “I hear you on that. I felt the same way about Brad.”

  “I really wish you would talk to him. I know he messed up. He messed up really bad, but I know you still love him, Mel. You can say whatever you want, but I know you do.”

  “Doesn’t matter. I can’t live with the fact that he went out and got someone pregnant behind my back. He had an affair, and he had a baby.”

  “But both the woman and the baby died in that car accident.”

  “Yeah, and?”

  “It’s not like you’ve ever had to see them. I’m not saying that this diminishes what Brad did or that it makes it any less painful, but I do think it’s different than most situations.”

  “How?”

  “When other women go through this kind of thing and they stay in the marriage, they still have to deal with the other woman and be a stepmom. But that’s not the case for you.”

  “No, but it still happened, and I can’t pretend that it didn’t.”

  “I’m not saying you should, but if you love him…”

  “Even if Brad never messed around on me again, I’m not sure I could ever trust him.”

  “Not everyone who has an affair keeps having them.”

  “Yeah, well, this is one of those times where you and I have to agree to disagree. I might feel differently down the road, but right now, I say once a cheater, always a cheater.”

  Alicia flipped through the Guide again, checking to see what she could watch next. “I just don’t like seeing you alone. You’re a good person with a big heart, and you deserve to be happy.”

  “I am happy. Being alone doesn’t automatically mean a person is miserable.”

  “No, but I also know how much you loved Brad and how much you loved being married.”

  “I did, but since my divorce? Not so much.”

  Alicia heard her phone beep and pulled it away from her ear. Her heart skipped what seemed like several beats.

  “Oh my God, Mel, this is Daddy calling.”

  “Are you serious?”

  “Yes. I saw his cell number.”

  “Well, answer it, girl. Bye.”

  Alicia took two deep breaths, closed her eyes, and hit the icon on her screen.

  “Hello?”

  “Hi, baby girl.”

  “Hi, Daddy.”

  “Can you talk?”

  “Uh-huh.”

  “I didn’t catch you at a bad time, did I?”

  “No.”

  “Well, I’m sure you know I spoke to your mom.”

  “Yeah, she told me she talked to you last week.”

  “And she also called me again this morning. We were on the phone a whole hour.”

  Alicia sat quietly, listening because she wasn’t sure what to say or why he was calling.

  “I’m so ashamed, I don’t even know where to begin. But I guess the first thing I should say is that, sweetheart
, I’m sorry. I was wrong about so many different things, and I never should have put my pride and selfish wants before my own daughter. I was being self-righteous, and you didn’t deserve that,” he said, sighing. “But your mom took me way back in history. She made me remember things about myself that I had tried to forget about. She reminded me of the unspeakable things I did to her when we were married…things that you had to witness as a child. Then she asked me the million-dollar question.”

  Alicia still held the phone steady but didn’t say a word.

  “Baby girl, are you still there?”

  “Yes.”

  “Well, what your mom asked me was how you were any different from me. She wanted to know why I’d expected you to love and accept Charlotte as your stepmother, but I wasn’t willing to love and accept Levi.”

  “I don’t understand,” Alicia said.

  “Your mom made the point that I got Charlotte pregnant while I was still married to her. I had an affair just like you did, and then I married Charlotte. I married my former mistress, which is no different than what you did, and you forgave me for it.”

  Alicia heard every word he’d said, but what shocked her was that she’d never looked at things that way before. She hadn’t even considered comparing her dad’s affair with Charlotte to the one she’d had with Levi.

  “So can you ever forgive me?” he asked.

  “This has been so hard on me, Daddy. Harder than you could ever imagine.”

  “I know, and I never should have put you through something like this. I kept telling myself that you were marrying the man that helped you kill Phillip, and that’s where I made my mistake. I know you didn’t physically kill him and neither did Levi, but that’s how I saw it. Everyone knows I loved Phillip like a son, but I never should have let that cloud my judgment the way it did. I’m your father and a pastor, and I’m supposed to be better than that. I’m supposed to forgive others the same as I expect God to forgive me, and I didn’t do that.”

  “I never wanted to end my relationship with you, Daddy. Not with you or Mom, but I couldn’t let you treat Levi like he was the enemy. He and I both made mistakes, but we love each other. We’ve always loved each other, and that hasn’t changed even today.”

  “I receive that, and I understand it. I would never allow anyone to treat Charlotte badly, either. You and I both know that.”

  “I have really missed you, though, Daddy. I’ve missed all of you.”

  “We’ve missed you, too, and I’ve already spoken to Matthew. He was angry because of what happened with Phillip, but he was more hurt over the way you and Levi joined Dillon’s church. He forgave Dillon, because Matthew is a forgiving kind of person, but he doesn’t want anything to do with him. And I won’t lie, when you left Deliverance to become Dillon’s chief operating officer, I resented you even more. It was wrong, but I’m just being honest.”

  “But Daddy, Dillon isn’t the same person. He’s changed, and he wants to make things right with you. He just wants to be your son. He wants you to love him.”

  “I hope that’s true, the part about him being changed, because I don’t want you to end up hurt.”

  “With the exception of Levi, no one has been there for me more than Dillon. Not over these last two years. He even stood by Levi and me that whole first year before we got married, and he never judged us.”

  “Well, I’m not saying that Dillon and I will never have a relationship, but it’ll take some time. Trust has to be earned.”

  “I really hope you’ll try, though, Daddy. Dillon did do a lot of horrible things, but so have all of us. And you know that one saying, right?”

  “What’s that?”

  “Don’t judge me because I sin differently than you.”

  “You’re right, but this thing with Dillon is a lot more complicated than that. It’s not just that he committed sins. He violated me and Matthew. His own father and brother.”

  Alicia wanted to remind her dad about the way he’d falsified the DNA test he was supposed to take when Dillon was a baby, but she didn’t.

  “But enough about Dillon,” Curtis continued. “Can you forgive me?”

  “I do forgive you, Daddy, but I want you to call Levi. I want you to welcome him into our family.”

  “What if I told you I already have?”

  “When?” Alicia said, but looked behind her when the doorbell rang. “Daddy, hold on a minute.”

  “Okay.”

  Alicia hoped it was only a delivery person because she looked a hot mess. She hadn’t even combed her hair. But when she peered through the glass to the side of the door, she took a step backward. She opened the door, and tears streamed down her face. There stood her dad, Charlotte, Matthew, Curtina, little MJ, her mom, and James. But the person who warmed her heart the most was Levi, who stood at a distance, smiling. The only way any of her family could have known that she was home and hadn’t gone to work was if Levi had told them, which meant he’d orchestrated this entire reunion. She was so overwhelmed, yet so happy. She couldn’t love her husband more. She hugged each and every one of them for more than just a couple of seconds. She was reunited with her family and so at peace. Finally.

  Chapter 31

  Dillon stood by the large window in his office, admiring the property New Faith was built on. The landscaping was immaculate, but it was time to freshly seal the asphalt parking lot. He then scanned the reserved spots for staff and zoned in on the two that said Pastor Dillon Whitfield Black and Lady Raven Jones Whitfield Black. Dillon thought about how he’d wanted Raven to eliminate her maiden name altogether because to him, using Whitfield Black was enough. Whitfield was his birth surname and Black was the name he’d added legally, but Raven had wanted to keep Jones and hadn’t relented. She was just that kind of woman, though—the kind who knew what she wanted, when she wanted it, and how she was going to get it. This, of course, was the very reason she was so livid about what had resulted at the board meeting. He just couldn’t allow her to have equal position with him, though. He wouldn’t allow anyone to do that, and as much as he loved her, if her not being co-pastor meant the end of their marriage, he would just have to accept that. He wouldn’t, however, allow her to leave him or divorce him before the church was bringing in a lot more money. She’d already talked about taking half of everything—she’d threatened him twice now—but it was obvious that she still didn’t know him very well; didn’t know that he would do whatever it took to keep all that he’d worked for, and that loving her wouldn’t change what he was capable of.

  He didn’t want to do anything cruel to Raven, but when he’d gone into her office an hour ago, the nonchalant, I’m-through-with-you look on her face had told him he’d better be prepared for anything. His hope was that she would settle down, accept that she couldn’t be anything more than first lady, and go back to being a happy wife. Because, again, he did love her, but he wouldn’t let her take a dime from him.

  Dillon looked toward the light-blue sky and thought about Miss Brenda and her cancer diagnosis. The news had hurt him to his heart, but he was trusting and believing that God was going to heal her. He just couldn’t lose another mother figure. He needed her in his life, and he had a feeling that with the way things were going with Raven and his father, he would need Miss Brenda more than ever. Of course, Miss Brenda now wanted him to go to his dad, and while he didn’t want to ignore her request, he wasn’t sure he could do it. He didn’t know if it was worth taking yet another chance of being rejected. As it was, when he talked to his father, or on the rare occasion when he ran into him, he felt like a pitiful little boy. He felt scorned, discarded, and like a secondhand toddler whom nobody wanted. He was so confused about what to do. And what Miss Brenda didn’t know was that Vincent was carefully arranging things. He was gearing up to carry out their plan so that Dillon could replace his dad as the go-to pastor in Mitchell. New Faith would become the place to be on Sunday mornings instead of Deliverance Outreach. Dillon did have his moments when he won
dered if he was going too far, but he also knew his dad deserved what was going to happen and then some. Dillon was doing it for himself, but he was also getting justice for his mom because his dad still hadn’t paid for what he’d done to her. As far as Dillon was concerned, he hadn’t even apologized the way he should.

  Gosh, why hadn’t he gone to buy more liquor so he could refill his flask? He had so much troubling him at one time that he needed something to soothe his pain. Something to quiet his racing thoughts and alleviate all the uncertainties that were steadily mounting before him.

  But maybe his earlier thought about driving over to Benny’s, having a drink, and calling Taylor was his answer. So he reached and picked up the phone from his desk and searched for an entry in his contact list that read Pastor Thomas Taylor. In the address section, it stated Met at the minister’s convention in Atlanta. He liked how he was able to turn Taylor Thomas into Thomas Taylor without having to think up another male name.

  He dialed Taylor’s number.

  “Hello?” she said.

  “Hey, how are you?”

  “I’m good, what about you?”

  “I could be better,” he said, moving back closer to his window.

  “I was wondering if I’d ever hear from you again.”

  “I wanted to call before now, but I’ve had a lot going on.”