Everything You Told Me

by Lucy Dawson

  ‘I’ll bet,’ I said, relieved. ‘I was saying to one of my friends the other day, I’m seriously thinking about relocating us all to California.’

  ‘Oh, not all that again!’ Caroline laughed. ‘You’ve only just moved here, for goodness’ sake!’

  ‘All what again?’ I looked at my mother-in-law, confused.

  ‘You had that job offer to move to America, didn’t you?’ She took another sip of tea. ‘When you and Matthew hadn’t been together very long. You must remember, surely?’

  ‘Wow! You’ve got a good memory. That was years ago! It was New York, though, not California.’ I sat down opposite her. ‘Do you know, I’d almost completely forgotten that! It so nearly happened too – they’d sorted out an apartment, flights, everything… We both gave notice on our jobs… I wonder if we’d still be out there now, if it hadn’t all fallen through at the last minute? Living the American dream. Imagine!’

  ‘Indeed.’

  ‘Matthew was amazing about it,’ I realized suddenly. ‘We’d hardly been together any time at all, and yet he was prepared to just up and leave everything here, for me.’ I shook my head in disbelief. ‘How weird is it to think of Chloe with a little American accent? And Theo might have ended up being called, I don’t know, Jayden, or Ethan, or something. Anyway,’ I paused and took another sip of tea, ‘there you go. Funny how life works out, isn’t it? There’s no way we’d do something similar now.’

  ‘I’m very glad to hear it.’

  ‘I couldn’t uproot Chloe, and my mum and dad would hate being that far away from the children, just as much as you would.’

  ‘How are your parents? Still working hard in the shop?’

  I nodded regretfully. ‘’Fraid so. I can’t see them retiring any time soon. I worry about Dad in particular, what with him having the two heart by-pass ops now, but…’ I shrugged, ‘Mum keeps him on the straight and narrow.’

  ‘And what about your brother, Will. How’s he?’

  ‘Very well, I think, thank you. I haven’t seen him for ages. It’s crazy given – like you – he only lives about twenty-five minutes away, but he’s been flat out with work.’

  ‘He’s still with the same girlfriend, I gather? The famous one?’

  ‘Kelly? Yes. She’s just finished her run on EastEnders.’

  Caroline shrugged, nonplussed. ‘I don’t watch it, I’m afraid.’

  ‘Me neither,’ I said firmly.

  ‘Oh dear. Still not so keen on her, then?’ Caroline sympathized.

  ‘Um, that’s one way of putting it. I wish it wasn’t that way and I – we – could get over it, but…’ I sighed. ‘Have I not ever told you what happened the first day I met her?’

  Caroline shook her head. ‘I don’t think so.’

  ‘Really? Well, Will asked me to come over to his flat for dinner to meet this new woman he’d started seeing. I was about four months pregnant with Theo, and when I arrived, there was a girl standing in the middle of the pavement, pretty much blocking it completely, on her mobile, with her back to me. I didn’t want to step into the road, but I was already pretty big – what with it being my second – so I went to squeeze around, but she moved at the last minute, and instead, I kind of bumped into her. I apologized instantly, but she didn’t even look at me, instead she said–’ turning to make sure Chloe wasn’t listening to us, I mouthed – ‘“you fucking stupid bitch” over her shoulder as I walked past, and then carried on talking.’

  Caroline raised an eyebrow.

  ‘I went upstairs, and had only got as far as taking my coat off, when the bell went and his new girlfriend, Kelly, arrived, who was – as I’m sure you’ve guessed – the girl who had sworn at me downstairs.’

  Caroline made a face.

  ‘I know,’ I agreed. ‘So I wait for her to look embarrassed and apologize, but she gives me this enormous fake smile, and cries, “Oh! You’re so beautiful! Look at that neat little bump!” I was completely thrown by such a Jekyll and Hyde turnaround. My first thought was that maybe she wasn’t aware I was the woman she’d just sworn at – I’d taken my coat off, and you couldn’t ignore my bump – or she knew exactly who I was, and just brazened it out in front of Will. In which case it worked, because I was so stunned, I didn’t say anything.’

  ‘Hmmm,’ said Caroline. ‘It sounds like either way, you saw a flash of some true colours there. People often reveal so much about themselves in the most seemingly unimportant moments.’

  ‘Exactly!’ I said. ‘It was an awful first impression, and a scary demonstration of her ability to turn on the charm when required…’ I shook my head. ‘I wouldn’t go as far to say I took an instant dislike to her because of what I’d seen…’ I stopped. ‘Actually, you know what? If I’m being honest – I did take an instant dislike to her. Anyway, it was obviously mutual, because not long after our first meeting, she made it pretty clear she and I were never going to be the best of friends. We were all in our sitting room – she and Will had been seeing each other for about two months – Will and Matthew went into the kitchen, and to make conversation, I started to ask her how work was going, and she just said, “Look, Sally, it’s obvious we don’t like each other. Let’s just leave it there, shall we? I’ve nothing more to say to you.”’

  ‘Ouch!’ Caroline said. ‘Yes, there’s not much mistaking that, is there?’

  ‘No. There isn’t. It’s not improved, but the important thing is, we manage to be polite for Will’s sake.’

  ‘Do you think he’s going to stay with her long-term?’

  I fidgeted on my chair. ‘I hope not. They’re very… different. They’re already living together, which I think happened too fast, but they’ve also only been together for eleven months, and she’s still young – well, six years his junior – so,’ I shrugged uncomfortably, ‘plenty of time for it to burn out yet.’

  ‘The trouble is, there’s no telling people, is there? It’s difficult, but you have to let them find out the hard way sometimes.’

  ‘True,’ I agreed. ‘She—’ My phone buzzed on the table in front of us, and I stopped to see who the message was from. ‘Well, how weird is that?’ I said, amazed. ‘Talk of the devil – that’s Will, asking if he can come over after work today.’

  ‘Please don’t say no on my account,’ Caroline said immediately. ‘I can easily pop out for a bit and leave you to it.’

  ‘No, no. You don’t need to do that.’ I frowned at my phone. ‘How funny. He’s practically never around on a Friday night.’

  ‘Perhaps he’s got something important to tell you?’ suggested Caroline.

  I paled, and looked up at her horrified. ‘Oh my God, you’re right…’ I stared at the message on my phone again. ‘He’s going to propose to her, isn’t he?’

  We sat in silence for a moment, before Caroline got to her feet, gave my shoulder a sympathetic pat, and put her cup in the sink. ‘Sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything. If it is that, though, can I give you some advice? Smile and tell him you couldn’t be happier… Because regardless of whatever you have to say about Kelly, he will go ahead anyway. I promise you that. My father hated Peter – loathed him, in fact – but it didn’t stop me from marrying him. There are some things in life you can either make the best of, or let them get the best of you. At least it’s Will, and not Chloe or Theo marrying someone you can’t stand. It could be a lot worse.’

  I shuddered. ‘Don’t. I couldn’t bear that, but I think you’re right. Will is going to marry Kelly…’ I trailed off as the horrible realization began to sink in. Kelly wasn’t just going to disappear off over the horizon, she was about to become part of our family. Even if I didn’t have to see her that often, every Christmas, birthday – any celebration at all – she’d be there. I felt sick. It wasn’t just that she was so unpleasant, and I wanted so much more for Will than her; she was the kind of person who would take great pleasure in altering the existing happy dynamic of our lives, as she trampled all over them.

  Everything was about
to change.

  *

  ‘But when’s Uncle Will getting here?’

  ‘After you’re in bed, sweetheart.’ I dished up casserole and sweet potato mash onto Chloe’s plate, before putting another couple of dollops into the blender jug and blitzing them up for Theo, who was sitting at the table in his highchair sucking yet another carrot.

  ‘Why?’ said Chloe.

  ‘Because by the time he’s finished work and arrived, you’ll be asleep.’ I plopped the puree into one of Chloe’s old pink plastic bowls, then grabbed a selection of equally pink spoons for Theo to chew and fling around the room.

  ‘Ohhh!’ Chloe put her head in her hands and slumped at the table, then as I put her food in front of her, pushed it away and said, ‘My tummy doesn’t want this.’

  ‘I’m sorry to hear that, darling, but can you tell your tummy I’m afraid it’s all there is?’ I said, sitting down and starting to spoon the puree into Theo. ‘So what was the best bit about school today?’

  Chloe sighed. ‘Playing with Alice.’

  ‘That sounds fun,’ I said, trying to focus and stop thinking about Will and Kelly. Was Caroline right? Should I just say nothing apart from congratulations? But Will and I had always had a very honest relationship. I wasn’t really going to stand there and outright lie with something crap like ‘I hope you’ll be very happy together’. Was I?

  ‘Muuuuummmm!’ Chloe tugged on my sleeve. ‘I said I want you to feed me.’

  ‘Um, OK,’ I said absently, and put Theo’s spoon down so I could do a forkful for her.

  ‘Shall I help you with your tea, Chloe?’ offered Caroline.

  ‘No thank you,’ Chloe said. ‘I want Mummy.’

  ‘OK.’ Caroline smiled, unruffled, and then turned to me, sympathetically. ‘Are you all right?’

  I gave her a small smile. ‘Yes. I’m just a bit—’

  ‘More please, Mum.’

  ‘Sorry,’ I said, doing another forkful. ‘OK, Theo, yes, you’re next… I’m just a bit taken aback, really. Like I said earlier, it’s only been eleven months. I suppose in the back of my mind I thought – open wide please, Chloe, sweetheart, I can’t do it if you’re turning the other way – that they might just have a fling and that would be it. She’s a fling sort of girl, if you get my drift. This is pretty much my worst nightmare. Actually, that’s not true. My worst nightmare is he gets her pregnant… OK, Theo, here it comes… Although, I suppose if they’re going to get married, that’s going to happen too anyway, and—’

  ‘Sally! STOP!’ said Caroline.

  ‘What?’ I paused, chastened, spoon in mid-air.

  ‘You’re about to give Theo a mouthful from Chloe’s plate.’

  I looked down at the spoon, aghast, and hurriedly put down the large forkful of solid chicken. ‘Oh God! I could have choked him!’

  ‘He’s fine,’ Caroline said. ‘And Will might be coming for some other reason entirely. I feel dreadful. I shouldn’t have said anything. This could have nothing to do with – sorry, what’s her name?’

  ‘Kelly,’ I said grimly. ‘And I’m sure it’s got absolutely everything to do with her.’

  ‘You know what we should do?’ Caroline said half an hour later, as Chloe happily squeezed a flannel over her knees in the bath and Theo chewed a plastic duck. ‘Try and sort a weekend away for you and Matthew, together. You need a break. I’d have the children for you.’

  ‘That’d be nice,’ I said, considerably more flatly than I intended. I couldn’t help it. The longer the day had gone on, the crappier it had become, and at the thought of Will’s news lying ahead, I felt almost bleak.

  ‘Oh, Sal!’ she said sympathetically. ‘I so want to help. I can tell things are –’ she picked her words with precision – ‘tricky for you – and Matthew – at the moment, and I hate to see you struggling.’

  I assumed she was now talking about what had happened before tea, unless Matthew had told her what was actually up with him, rather than me. ‘They’re not great, no,’ I said quietly. I lifted up a dripping Theo, sat him on the towel on my lap, wrapped him snugly, then shivered. There was a hell of a draught coming from somewhere. ‘Can you watch Theo a minute?’ I passed him over to her and got to my feet.

  Out in the hallway, I realized it was coming from Matthew’s office, and went in. He wasn’t there, but his window was wide open. As I walked across the room to close it, I noticed my earlier note to him, tossed on the floor. How nice. I picked it up and put it in my pocket, shut the window, then hurried back to the bathroom.

  ‘Come on then, Clo!’ I said brightly. ‘Time to hop out!’

  ‘I want Granny to do my stories,’ said Chloe, and Caroline beamed.

  ‘I think I can manage that! If it’s all right with Mummy?’

  ‘Of course it is.’

  ‘Try not to worry about this evening, Sally,’ Caroline said gently. ‘I know it’s hard, but what will be, will be. There’s no point trying to fight it.’

  ‘Hi.’ Matthew looked up as I came into the sitting room to find him on the far sofa, next to his mother. ‘Kids asleep?’

  I nodded.

  ‘Thank God. I’m going to get a takeaway so you don’t have to cook tonight, and I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have spoken to you like that earlier, you’re right.’

  I glanced at Caroline, who was looking studiously down at her feet. She’d obviously had a word.

  ‘Thank you,’ I said. I wasn’t really sure what else to say.

  ‘I’ll order now and go straight away. You’ll want to be all done eating before Will and Kelly arrive?’

  ‘Kelly?’ I said instantly. ‘She’s not coming – it’s just Will.’

  Matthew looked at his mother immediately. ‘Oh right. Sorry, I—’

  ‘He’s coming to talk to me about Kelly,’ I explained. ‘I expect that’s what you meant, wasn’t it, Caroline?’

  ‘My mistake. It doesn’t matter,’ Matthew said quickly. ‘The thing is, the football lot are having a few drinks tonight, and I’d like to go, mostly because my contract finally came in, but if you need me to be here…’

  ‘Congratulations. I don’t mind if you go, but…’ I glanced awkwardly at Caroline. I couldn’t blame him for not wanting to stay in, especially when he hadn’t left the house all day – but my mum would be gutted if I went out as soon as she arrived for a visit.

  ‘Oh, don’t worry about me,’ Caroline said. ‘I’ll just take myself off to bed after we’ve eaten, if that’s all right?’

  ‘Thanks, Mum,’ Matthew said absently, frowning down at his phone. ‘I’m getting the usual, I take it? Bugger, my battery is about to die, I can’t get the menu up. Can I borrow yours, Sal?’

  I threw it across. ‘The spare bed hasn’t got clean sheets yet, I’m really sorry,’ I confessed to Caroline. ‘I will do it, though.’

  ‘Don’t be silly.’ She waved a hand. ‘I can sort it out. It’s no problem. I know where everything is.’

  ‘Sal, what’s your code?’ Matthew looked up at me. ‘It’s locked.’

  ‘Two, three, four, five,’ I said, and he rolled his eyes.

  ‘I think—’ he began, then stopped suddenly, just staring at my screen.

  ‘What?’ I said.

  He paused and then looked up at me, his face blank. ‘Nothing. So, chicken passanda, is it?’

  *

  My phone began to ring seconds after they’d both left to collect the food. I almost didn’t pick up, I was so desperate for five minutes to myself, but it was Mum, and I knew she’d just keep calling until I answered.

  ‘Hello love!’ she said cheerily.

  I pictured her sitting in my parents’ Dorset cottage, in our little seaside village, fire lit in the sitting room, washing up from tea all neatly put away in the kitchen, draining board dried with a tea towel. She’d have her knitting in her lap, and Dad would be in his chair watching TV, no doubt. Just for a moment, I wished I was there, being looked after by her too.

  ‘How’s your day
been?’ Mum said. ‘And how are those little dots?’

  ‘Your grandson has slept a grand total of about three quarters of an hour today.’ I leant back on the sofa and closed my eyes. ‘And I’m on my knees.’

  Mum tutted. ‘He’s a little tinker. The one thing I could always rely on with you and your brother was that you both slept two hours a day, like clockwork. I don’t know what I would have done, without that.’

  ‘Felt like you were going completely mad, probably,’ I said.

  ‘You’re not going mad, Sally.’

  ‘Really? I don’t know how much longer I can cope like this, that’s for sure.’ I curled up miserably. ‘He just doesn’t sleep, Mum. Last night, he didn’t go down till eleven. And then…’ I paused. That was right, wasn’t it? Was it eleven or twelve? I couldn’t quite remember. ‘Anyway, the point is, I’m not sure I can hang on for another month until I can do sleep training with him.’

  There was a moment’s silence and then Mum said, ‘Well, I don’t see what choice you have, really. I’d come down and help you, but there’s no one who can mind the shop. That woman we took on – she’s already left because her husband had a stroke. We’re interviewing again next week. We’ve got to get someone trained up before the summer season starts. What about your brother and Kelly? Can’t you ring them? They’re only half an hour away. Will would love to come and help you. In fact, hasn’t he rung you himself yet?’

  ‘Well, hold that thought for a second, but Caroline actually turned up out of the blue earlier. I think Matthew must have called her as she only arrived back from Spain today.’

  ‘Really? Oh, I am glad. That was very sensible of him. At least you’re not totally on your own now.’

  ‘True,’ I admitted. ‘Although, obviously, I wish it was you and Dad here instead.’

  ‘We do too. The house felt so quiet after you all left last weekend. It was such a lovely Easter.’ She sighed. ‘That beautiful little girl collecting her eggs for her basket, when we did that hunt in the garden. So why did you say hold that thought about Will?’

  I took a deep breath. ‘Well, I think you know why. He’s asked if he can come over tonight, completely out of the blue. What’s he coming to tell me then, Mum?’