Everything You Told Me

by Lucy Dawson

  ‘OK,’ he said uncertainly. ‘Well, just for the record, and in answer to your question, I am very happy. Happier than I think I’ve ever been.’

  There was a moment’s silence. ‘Well then, there’s nothing more to say, is there?’

  ‘Give her a chance, Sal. You’ll like her if you do, you really will. Could you try – for me? Maybe start again?’

  We both looked up as Kelly appeared back in the room. ‘Well, now, I’d just like to say I’m sorry,’ I said, as I picked up my glass, ‘because you were obviously nervous about telling me what is a huge deal for you, and I don’t want it to be that way. This is happy news, not something you should have to subdue. I’d like to raise a toast to you both – the happy couple.’

  They both lifted theirs, but I suddenly thought I heard Theo, and simultaneously remembered I’d left the monitor in the kitchen. ‘Sorry, excuse me a minute,’ I said, jumping up and putting my glass down. I stood at the bottom of the stairs for a moment, listening, when the door opened and Will appeared again.

  ‘Sally, seriously – are you all right?’

  ‘Absolutely!’ I whispered, putting my fingers to my lips. ‘I thought I heard Theo, that’s all. Just let me grab the monitor and I’ll be right back.’

  When I returned, Kelly passed me my glass. ‘To the happy couple,’ I repeated, and we finally chinked glasses, before drinking.

  Kelly cleared her throat. ‘I actually have something to say too. Sally, you are very important to Will, and therefore important to me. I love Will very much, and I want to make him happy. If you’ll let me, I’d like to do my best to become a part of your life, as well as a part of your family. I know it won’t happen overnight, and it will take time and effort, on both our parts. But I’m willing to invest that time, and I hope you will be too.’ She exhaled, and Will reached for her hand, kissing it briefly. She smiled at him, then she turned to me and looked me straight in the eye.

  If I hadn’t known that she was an actress, or witnessed first-hand the kind of unpleasant, immature behaviour she was capable of, I would have believed every word she said, but as it was, we both stared at each other for a moment, before I said, ‘Of course I will.’ There was a pause, and I added, ‘So obviously Mum and Dad know about this, and I think Matthew does too?’

  Will nodded. ‘You’re the last to know, yes – but by no means the least. Like I said, I didn’t want you to have to hear this alongside everyone else, it needed a better moment than that.’

  ‘We’ve already told my family as well, but obviously we wanted to tell you in person before releasing the details to the press,’ Kelly said seriously, and I supressed a smile. ‘What?’ she snapped, irritated. ‘There will be a great deal of interest, actually.’

  ‘Kelly…’ murmured Will.

  ‘Sorry, I’m sorry,’ she said immediately. Perhaps I’d misjudged them. Will didn’t seem to be letting her get away with much at all, if anything.

  We drank the champagne. I asked them if they had set a date. They had – December the tenth.

  ‘I’ve wanted a Christmas wedding for as long as I can remember!’ said Kelly with child-like excitement. ‘A fur-trimmed cloak, candles and Christmas trees!’

  They asked if Chloe would be their bridesmaid, and I said of course she could – she’d be thrilled. Will told me he was going to have two best men, both university friends of his, and then they asked me if I would consider doing a reading at the service. I politely said if it was what they wanted, I’d be happy to. They told me about venues they had already considered – including, to my horror, the hotel in Cornwall that had long been mine and Matthew’s secret bolthole.

  ‘Will told me how much you two love it there, and we looked at it, only it was a bit too small,’ Kelly said crushingly, but to my relief. I didn’t want it to be taken over by their memories. Instead she showed me pictures on Will’s phone of some vast stately home they had already booked. It was no joke, this really was going to happen. I poured myself a second glass.

  ‘Please don’t tell anyone where it’s going to be, though, will you?’ Kelly said. ‘Reporters will call you and try to find out, but the best thing to say, all the time, is “no comment”. We’ve got an exclusive deal with one of the magazines –’ oh, how naff. I looked at Will in dismay – ‘and they won’t want anything leaked.’

  ‘We might be doing a deal,’ Will said firmly. ‘I’m still up for sneaking off and doing it on a beach somewhere, just the two of us.’

  Just for a second, Kelly looked fed up, but then sighed and said, ‘OK. We might be doing a deal. Anyway, just don’t say anything, Sal… If that’s all right,’ she added quickly.

  ‘Of course. A bit more?’ I offered the bottle to them. They exchanged a quick glance. ‘Sorry, yes, I have finished mine rather fast,’ I said instantly. ‘But hey, we’re celebrating.’

  Kelly shook her head primly. ‘I’m driving, thank you.’

  ‘I’ll join you,’ offered Will, but as I lifted the bottle to his glass, Theo woke up.

  By the time I got him back down, another half an hour had passed, and I came back downstairs to find Will and Kelly waiting in the sitting room, ready to make a move. ‘I’ll just go and get my shoes,’ said Kelly, and disappeared.

  ‘We’d happily stay longer, but I can see you’ve got your hands full,’ Will said.

  ‘Yeah, sorry about that,’ I said tiredly. ‘Everything’s a bit mental at the moment.’

  ‘Hang on in there. I think you’re doing an amazing job.’

  ‘Thanks,’ I said, and to my huge annoyance, and out of nowhere, my eyes filled with tears. ‘Oh for goodness’ sake!’ I wiped them away with my sleeve. ‘Ignore me, I’m just exceptionally sleep deprived. This is not me being sad about your wedding, I promise.’

  ‘I’ve got a problem… I’m going to have to borrow some of your shoes, Sally, because mine seem to have—’ Kelly reappeared and then frowned at me. ‘Why are you crying?’

  ‘I’m fine.’ I waved a hand defensively. ‘Sorry, why do you need a pair of my shoes?’

  ‘Well, the heel has just snapped off mine, which is completely bizarre. I don’t think I’ve ever known that happen. Ever.’ She held them aloft.

  Was she suggesting I’d nobbled them? Why on earth would I do that? ‘There are some of my boots in the cupboard under the stairs.’

  ‘You mean wellies?’ Her eyes narrowed.

  ‘Yup. They’re probably a bit big, but you can hang onto them as long as you like.’

  She left the room to go and find them and I felt pathetically pleased at the thought of her having to clump off home in them under her pencil skirt. Sure enough, she looked completely ridiculous as we all stood by the front door. Her earlier goodwill seemed to have vanished alongside her style.

  ‘So I won’t tell Chloe about her being bridesmaid yet?’ I said politely.

  ‘What, in case something goes wrong and we call it off, you mean?’ Kelly snapped.

  ‘I meant because you’ll want to tell her yourself, won’t you?’

  ‘Oh,’ she said, clutching her broken shoe to her body like a child. ‘I see. Sorry.’

  ‘You tell her, Sal, it’s fine,’ Will said quickly. ‘Listen, it’s been lovely to see you, and I hope Theo stays down now. We’ll sort out a lunch soon or something.’

  The second they’d gone, I rushed into the kitchen, grabbed my phone and called Mum. ‘I asked you outright if they were getting married and you said you had no idea,’ I said, not even bothering with hello. ‘How could you not tell me?’

  She sighed. ‘Oh love, he asked me to keep it to myself, and it wasn’t my news to tell in any case. I take it they’ve just left?’

  ‘Yes, they have. So you also knew Kelly was coming too, just like Matthew and Caroline did? Why is everyone being so weird and tiptoeing around me like this? OK, they’re getting married, and yes, I don’t like Kelly at all – and no, I wouldn’t choose in a million years for Will to marry her – but what can I do about it?
I just have to get on with it, don’t I? So why are you all acting like I’m about to go off on one?’

  ‘No one’s being weird, Sally. Your brother just wanted to be gentle with you about this, that’s all. You’re right, it’s no secret that you two girls don’t see eye to eye. Mostly, though, we all know you’ve been finding things very difficult recently, so—’

  ‘Mum, I haven’t been “finding things difficult”,’ I interrupted. ‘They are difficult. My son doesn’t sleep, my husband has been stressed out to hell and back, and – oh, for fuck’s sake, Theo! Give me a fucking break! Mum, I have to go. Theo’s up again. I’ll call you back later, OK?’

  Once Theo was finally back in his cot, I returned downstairs and collected up the glasses and the remainder of the bottle. I took them into the kitchen and reached for my phone, on which I was keeping a record of Theo’s sleeping, in a pointless attempt to spot some sort of pattern. All the list of times was actually proving was that I was up a lot, and that there was no pattern. Nonetheless, I dutifully entered ‘up 8.30, asleep 9.15’.

  We all know you’ve been finding things difficult…

  Recalling Mum’s earlier comment – as I sat down heavily at the table – really hurt. I’d like to see any of them get up seven times a night and still function rationally the next day. I took a sip of my half full champagne and bleakly thought about Kelly’s smug little grin.

  The floor creaked and I looked up to see Caroline.

  ‘Hi,’ I said flatly. ‘You were right.’ I raised my glass to her. ‘They’re getting hitched, but then, of course, you already knew that… Although,’ I thought back to her advice about how to react to Kelly and my brother, ‘I do appreciate you trying to give me the heads-up. That was kind.’ I picked up the bottle. ‘Would you like some?’ I stood up to get her a glass before she could answer, and when I turned back, she was sitting at the table, head in hands.

  I stared at her, puzzled. That was a slightly melodramatic reaction on my behalf. She breathed out audibly and let her hands fall away to the table. She had her eyes closed, screwing them up, as if she were in pain. She seemed to be on the brink of some momentous decision. Just as suddenly, she sat up straight and looked me right in the eye, making me jump.

  ‘Sally, if someone had close proximity to Chloe and Theo, and I was concerned that person was potentially dangerously unstable, and might be going to behave in a toxic manner that would do severe damage to both Chloe and Theo, you’d expect me to intervene and prevent it, wouldn’t you?’

  ‘Of course,’ I said instantly.

  She reached out and clasped my hand urgently. ‘You can’t even allude to the conversation we are about to have. I could lose everything. You understand that, don’t you?’

  ‘Caroline, what are you talking about, who has proximity to the children and is toxic…? Oh my God. You mean Kelly, my brother’s girlfriend – fiancée?’ I corrected myself, looking at Caroline in disbelief. ‘You know her?’

  ‘I can’t answer that.’

  My eyes widened. ‘You’ve treated her?’

  Caroline said nothing, but looked at me steadily for a moment, and then repeated, ‘I can’t answer that.’

  ‘Jesus – you have, haven’t you?’ I whispered. ‘And she’s dangerous?’ I picked up my drink in shock and took a large mouthful. ‘I knew she was extremely unpleasant, but… I can’t believe this!’

  Caroline cleared her throat and adopted a light, conversational tone. ‘You know, part of my job sometimes means I bump into clients, or former clients, when I least expect it. My protocol, and it may well be different for other practitioners, is to take my cue from the other person. If they are comfortable to acknowledge me socially, then I respond in like, appropriately. If they pretend they don’t know me, then in turn, I won’t divulge our relationship. Instead, I act as if it is the first time I’ve met them – as quite possibly they might be with a friend, or partner, who is unaware that they’ve had treatment, and that must be respected as part of patient confidentiality. It’s an interesting conundrum.’ Her voice wobbled slightly. ‘I think I will have a little of that champagne, if I may.’

  I hurriedly poured her some and she took a grateful sip as I drank some more of mine too. I got what she was trying to say, without saying it. She did know Kelly.

  ‘But you’re a child psychiatrist,’ I said after a further moment of uncomfortable silence. My mind was racing.

  ‘That’s right,’ she agreed. ‘And adolescents.’

  ‘You deal with eating disorders.’

  ‘Among other things, yes I do. It’s my area of specialism, though, you are correct.’

  I tried to concentrate; my head was beginning to swim. Kelly was exceptionally slim. But an eating disorder? I’d had no idea.

  ‘In what way is she dangerous?’

  ‘It’s important to remember, of course, that people can do things as children that they would never do as adults, and with rehabilitation, they can turn their lives around,’ continued Caroline, as if she hadn’t heard me. ‘But sometimes, you do seem to come across patients who, despite your best efforts, appear to be beyond help.’

  ‘Jesus…’ I said. ‘What the hell did Kelly do?’

  ‘I didn’t say she did anything,’ Caroline said instantly.

  ‘OK. So you can’t tell me. Fine.’ I tried to think. ‘Hang on, she’s famous. I mean, not mega famous, but surely if she’d done something really horrific, some journalist would have found out by now, wouldn’t they?’

  Caroline said nothing.

  ‘I have to tell Will this.’

  ‘You mustn’t,’ said Caroline immediately. ‘I will lose everything, Sally. While I can’t stay silent in the knowledge that someone might have, shall we say, an agenda, and could potentially be placed in sole care of Theo and Chloe, Will is different. Adults can make decisions for themselves. Children can’t.’

  ‘You’re really freaking me out now. What do you mean, an “agenda”, and how does it involve my children?’

  Caroline exhaled. ‘I’m not saying I know anything specific at all, or that she has disclosed any direct threats towards any of you to me. She hasn’t. If that were the case, I’d be going straight to the police. This is so difficult… How can I put this?’ She paused. ‘Did you know that there are links between eating disorders and infertility?’ She looked at me, and waited.

  ‘Infertility? Kelly can’t have children?’ My mind was reeling.

  ‘I didn’t say that, no.’

  ‘Right,’ I said slowly, ‘but – hypothetically, of course – someone who couldn’t have their own children might be in danger of developing an unhealthy attachment to someone else’s, perhaps?’ Incongruously, I yawned.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ Caroline said. ‘I’m really not saying I have proof of anything that might be a reality now. Look, I’ve kept you up later than you should be and we don’t need to do anything tonight. We’ll talk more about it all in the morning, OK? Try not to panic.’

  ‘But I couldn’t possibly go to bed now!’ I said, astonished. ‘I need to know exactly what—’

  Before I could continue, my phone lit up suddenly on the table in front of us, with a message. I picked it up and peered at the screen. ‘It’s Will. He’s at home, but Kelly’s on her way back over! She’s left her phone here, apparently. Oh God. Do you think she’s actually coming back to see you?’

  Caroline looked anxious. ‘Hell.’ She put her head in her hands for a moment, then lifted it just as suddenly. She stood up quickly. ‘I’ll go back up to bed now. If she asks for me, which I’m sure she won’t, tell her there was a change of plan and I’ve gone home.’ She hastened out into the hall, and then came straight back in, holding an iPhone. ‘This must be hers. It was on the side, next to your keys.’

  ‘Here, give it to me.’ I reached out – just in time to hear a car pulling onto the drive. ‘That’s her now. You’d better go!’

  I looked down at the screen, which was showing the start of a text message
that Kelly had received from someone called ‘The BFF’. God, what were they, twelve? It read: How did it go telling the mental bitch sister then? Did she… But the rest remained frustratingly hidden, and the phone was locked. Mental bitch sister? How charming.

  I made my way out to the hall and waited, arms crossed apprehensively, only to jump when eventually a figure quietly appeared on the doorstep. Through the glass, a hand lifted and a soft knock followed. I took a deep breath, reached out, and opened the door.

  ‘Hello.’ Now that my brother wasn’t with her, she wasn’t smiling anywhere near so fulsomely as she held out the wellies. ‘I thought I might as well bring these back, too. Nice touch, by the way. So you want to tell me exactly what this is all about, then?’

  ‘I don’t know what you mean,’ I said, warily appraising her through new eyes.

  ‘Oh, come on, Sally. Four-hundred-pound shoes don’t just snap themselves, and I don’t believe you just wanted a kick out of me looking a dick in those boots either. Let’s talk about why you took my phone out of my bag. What were you looking for on it?’

  ‘I didn’t take anything!’ I exclaim. ‘You’re sure you didn’t leave it here deliberately so you had a reason to come back? I didn’t notice your mobile on the side, because I was saying goodbye to my mother-in-law, who has had to go home unexpectedly.’

  ‘What are you on about now?’ Kelly briefly looked up in irritation. ‘Of course I was going to come back and get my phone! You seriously think I’d leave it here with you?’ She returned to the screen and her eyes widened as she saw the message, obviously realizing I’d read it. ‘That’s awkward,’ she murmured, then laughed and shrugged briefly. ‘Oh well, that’ll teach you. People who go snooping rarely find out anything nice about themselves.’

  I swallowed, refusing to rise. ‘Is that everything then?’ Then I yawned again. I actually couldn’t help it – I wasn’t trying to be provocative.

  She snorted slightly. ‘Sorry. Am I keeping you up? Well, just before I go, Sally – seeing as now we are on our own – there is something I want you to know.’

  So she had left it here on purpose, giving her an excuse to return, alone. I tensed immediately.