Guarding Light

by Mckoy, Cate

  Jack ran an agitated hand through his hair as he looked at her. "Is it really that simple for you Catlyn?"

  "Yes."

  Her one word answer seemed to anger him. "Well, damn it, it's not that simple. I have had feelings for you since we were kids. I have agonized nearly to death over you in one way or another since that first day I found out what Dark was doing to you."

  Catlyn quickly stood and started for the bedroom. "I am not talking about that animal."

  Once again, Jack stopped her, using her own momentum against her, he swung her back to face him, holding her still in his arms. "Yes, we are talking about this."

  Catlyn struggled to get out of his arms. "You have no right to say this to me or t-touch me." She was starting to get emotional. She wouldn't be able to keep the tears at bay much longer if he didn't let her go.

  "My loving you gives me rights." Instantly they both froze. Both wore the identical expression of surprise. He hadn't meant to say those words, at least not yet. He released her.

  They stood about a foot apart each studying the other. Jack's strong jaw clenched and Catlyn looked at him from beneath her lashes. Jack spoke first.

  "Once again, I am screwing up a talk with you. God, this has got to be some kind of record."

  Catlyn just continue to watch him carefully as he started pacing again. "Listen Catlyn, I wanted to ask you tonight if you would consider making this 'new love interest' thing real. I mean, I know, we have to put on the show out there." He pointed towards the windows. "But, I wanted to know if we could really get to know one another again while we are alone, in private and maybe build on that."

  "Jack, I – "She started but then stopped totally at a loss. "I don't know what to say."

  "Well, you either do or you don't want to try being with me, really being with me."

  Catlyn sat back down on the sofa. "Jack, I-"Once again words failed her.

  With a frown, Jack asked, "Is the idea so far-fetched or repulsive to you?"

  Catlyn looked up into the green eyes she used to dream about, softly she answered. "Actually it's not repulsive at all. In fact, it's very appealing."

  "But?" He prompted when he realized she was not going to elaborate.

  "But, I am scared."

  Jack went to her, sitting close. "I am too. But, we can work through all our fears together. We both just have to want it." He took her hand. "Do you want it Catlyn?"

  Catlyn studied their joined hands. His larger, warmer, comforting, the color contrast looked good and it felt right. However, under all that, was a feeling of insecurity.

  "Jack, I did think about all the things we talked about earlier."

  "And?" He asked anxiously.

  "I want to believe in you so much. I want you to be that hero I fantasized about at fifteen."

  Jack cupped her chin bringing her face around to him, whispering, "Honey, this will never work, it will crash and burn if we don't have trust. We both have to trust the other fully. Can you do that?"

  Jack held his breath while she thought over her answer. After several minutes, Catlyn turned to him with a shaky smile. "I've been watching you since I returned home. I mean since I got to town, not walked in your office. I've actually been here longer." At this, Jack's eyebrows rose. "You're very much that same guy that used to stand up for those who couldn't stand up for themselves." He smiled.

  Catlyn released his hand, stood and took over the pacing. Jack's eyes followed her closely. "Jack, back then I would have done anything and everything you'd asked. That's how far gone I was on you."

  "I don't want that kind of blind adoration. I want a woman who is my equal, both emotionally and physically. I want a partner." Jack spoke with the certainty of a man who had seen it all and knew what he wanted. And he apparently wanted Catlyn.

  She studied him before giving an answer that surprised her and yet didn't surprise her. "I've decided that the man that defended weaker people against bullies, went into the military to protect his country and then went into law enforcement, could never condone, let alone be a part of, something horrific as rape."

  Catlyn stopped pacing but remained standing as she faced him, penetrating him with her eyes. "I want this to be clear between us. I am positive about the person who raped me twenty-five years ago." She held up her hand as she saw him about to speak, raising her voice. "But I think, somehow, the timeline got screwed up by both sides. I admit terror, pain and the realization I might die in those woods altered my perception. But I was perfectly calm and aware of the time before I turned and came face to face with J.T. Dark. There is no other way to explain it. Somewhere along the way we lost time. "

  She stopped talking and watched Jack through her lashes, waiting for his response. He looked somewhere over her left shoulder as he said. "That must be it, a messed up timeline." Then his eyes shifted to hers, holding her gaze, he stood and went to her. Cupping her cheek he whispered. "Does this mean we are going to try and be a real couple?"

  Smiling fully, she put her arms around his neck. "Yes, Jack."

  "Oh, baby, thank you!" He pulled her close. "Let's seal it with a kiss."

  "Mmm, I like your kisses." She raised her head so their lips could meet.

  Jack laughed as he gave teasing pecks to her cheek and neck. "I have it on good authority that my kisses are superhero status."

  She teasingly slapped his strong shoulder. "Uh, careful you don't fall over with that big head of yours."

  Pulling her tight to his chest he took her mouth in one of their most loving exchanges. He gently teased her mouth open with his lips and tongue before tasting her deeply.

  They parted on a simultaneous sigh. "Kitten, let's go to bed."

  Catlyn tensed up. "I don't think I am ready for s-sex just yet." She resisted his gentle guidance towards the bedroom.

  Jack looked at her, smiling. "As much as I've been dreaming about jumping your bones, I wasn't talking about actual sexual intercourse." He pulled her close again and spoke close to her ear. "Trusting me means you trust me to know you." He kissed her lips, gliding his tongue along her seam. "Trust me to know my lady. I am assuming you will tell me what you want, when you want it and," His eyebrows wagged suggestively, "how you want it. What I am talking about now is cuddling, sleeping with you in my arms, us getting use to each other's bodies."

  Slowly the tenseness left her body. Once again Jack took her hand and led her into the bedroom. He halted on the threshold, turning to look at her.

  Catlyn gasped at the sight. Her bedroom was turned into a very romantic, lover's bedroom. The sheets she had purchased at Bed, Bath & Beyond were replaced with silk black sheets, rose petals were scattered all around. Candles flickered invitingly along a small dresser that was also a new addition. Each night stand had a beautifully glowing candle. There was a lovely aroma in the air, strawberries or something floral. And sitting on another new addition, a chest at the foot of the bed was a medium sized blue gift box with a big white ribbon.

  Jack walked to the dresser. He picked up a bottle from an ice bucket. He turned the bottle towards her for approval. Catlyn raised her brows at the famous black and gold label, nodding she approached the dresser to stand next to him as he poured a pale liquid into two stemware glasses.

  "You were pretty sure of yourself, mister." Catlyn had to laugh at such conceit, taking the glass he offered as he smiled back, explaining, "Not sure. Hopeful! Without hope, we have nothing." He gently touched his glass to hers.

  Catlyn acknowledge the toast with a small sip, before setting her glass down. "For future reference, I don't drink."

  Surprised Jack frowned. "Is there a specific reason you don't drink?" He put his glass next to hers, facing her.

  Catlyn shook her head, grabbed the back of his head and began to devour his mouth, using all the technique he showed her.

  Jack instantly complied. When her tongue breached his lips, entering his mouth he moaned. Allowing her all that she wanted, he followed her lead. Her fingers went through
his hair. She pulled his shirt from his pants, popping buttons as she forced it opened to gain access to his bare muscular chest. She applied both her hands in the exploration of his chest, all the while ravaging his mouth with hers.

  However, soon it was getting to be too much as his cock rose eagerly against her stomach. Gripping her ass, pulling her tightly to him, he tore his mouth from the combustible heat of her mouth. "Baby, not that I am complaining, mind you, but if we aren't going to be having sex tonight, I need you to slow down a bit."

  Dazedly, she looked up from the marvel of his chest. "Huh?"

  Jack laughed. "I am glad my body pleases you." She barely noticed his words as she went back to learning the contours of his chest with her hands, her fingers gliding over the smooth muscles in admiration and wonder.

  When her fingernails racked over his nipple, making it hard, Jack gasped, gripping her ass tighter, caressing the firm cheeks. "God, Kitten."

  Catlyn's mouth formed a perfect oh and her eyes widened. "They're like mine!" She said in delighted discovery. "I didn't know men liked this too." She repeated her touch to his nipple and then began to gently pluck it as she watched it harden in something akin to amazement.

  Jack gave a sad smile, whispering. "Not all men do, just as some women don't. My body just happens to be very partial to the hand that strokes it now."

  At his tone Catlyn looked up into his eyes, seeing the pity she dropped her hands, blushing furiously and tried to step back. Jack held her tight. "Kitten, don't ever be embarrassed with me, about anything."

  She turned her face away, biting her lip. "I must sound like such an idiot to you."

  He gave a bark of laughter, making her turn back to watch him. "Sweetheart, you are forgetting I happen to know your I.Q., competed with it and lost plenty of times against it. Idiot doesn't describe you in anyway."

  "Yeah, right, I am not an idiot. What other 39 year old woman doesn't know men like their nipples touched too?" Her sarcasm was thick.

  "Catlyn, you are lacking knowledge in one subject! And I am guessing it was an intentional oversight on your part. So what?" His hands shifted from her ass to her waist. "I am very happy to be the one to school you in the subject of sex and interactions of man and woman."

  She put her hands on his shoulders, looking deeply into his eyes. "I feel stupid."

  "Well, don't. You reacted to a situation just as someone else in your place would. Any uninformed virgin would react the same way."

  Catlyn violently shoved against his chest, separating them quickly. She turned and made for the door. He caught her on the threshold, pulling her in his arms, her back against his chest, his cheek pressed along hers, his hands crossed against her abdomen.

  Her body shook as she cried deeply. Tears falling uncontrollably and unchecked, she yelled her anguish. "H-how can you say you care for me and throw that in my face?"

  He whispered urgently into her ear. "Catlyn, you have never willing given yourself to any man, have you?"

  "You k-know that I didn't! You are the only man I willingly allowed to touch me."

  She tried to push his hands off her. He spun her in his arms, his hands going to her face, shaky fingers wiped at her fast flowing tears. "Then you are a virgin!" He spoke emphatically, jaw clenching.

  "H-how can you say that?" She stopped struggling becoming still as she waited for him to answer.

  "Catlyn, you are still you. Back then, you were a sweet, shy, smart girl and a virgin." His eyes implored her to understand. "Your broken finger, cuts and abrasions, black eye, bruised ribs and the removal of your spleen didn't change who you were deep down inside. Those injuries didn't make you not be Catlyn. Your torn hymen was an injury." His voice broke as he explained this part. "Girls can tear their hymens in all kinds of physical activities, especially sports. That doesn't make those girls non-virgins. Yours was torn in the commission of a crime, a violent, hate-filled, controlling crime that has nothing to do with a woman giving of herself freely to the man of her choosing. You are a virgin!"

  She stared at him in astonishment. "Is that how you really feel? How you see me?"

  He nodded. "To my very core."

  She threw herself at his strong chest, pulling him to her as she cried. Jack held her, running his hands soothingly up and down her back.

  After a few minutes Catlyn pulled back, wiping her face along her arm. "I'm sorry. I am a mess. I have to go wash up."

  Jack took her hand, stalling her from leaving. "Wait, I want you to open this." He led her to the chest at the foot of her bed and handed her the box with the ribbon.

  She shyly smiled and glanced at him. "A gift for me? I have nothing for you."

  Jack gave her a wink. "This is for me too."

  Intrigued, Catlyn sat on the chest and opened the box. Under layers of soft tissue paper there were yards of white silk. Pulling the top item free revealed the briefest pair of panties Catlyn had ever seen. Not quite a thong but close. It's sheer lace left little to the imagination. She then pulled out a long silky sheer night gown with spaghetti straps. The bodice was made of sheer lace with embroidered flowers set in strategic places. The long flowing gown had two slits up each side which would certainly reveal most of her legs when she walked.

  She looked up into his eyes that had gone dark with arousal. "You want me to wear this for you?"

  Smiling tenderly, he held out his hand for hers. "Please."

  Placing her hand in his she accepted his help to stand. Slowly he lowered his head towards her, seeing her close her eyes and reach towards him, he made slow love to her mouth. Arching in his arms she opened her mouth to his questing tongue.

  Feeling as though she were spinning, Catlyn pulled back a few inches. "You really are very good at this kissing thing. You make me want to strip naked for you, make me wonder how good it would feel to have your mouth on other parts of my body."

  Jack smiled, giving her a lingering kiss along her neck. "Keep that thought. That's a good one."

  Catlyn laughed, playfully slapping his chest. "No sex for you tonight, mister." Catlyn grabbed her gift and left the room, shaking her head at his exaggerated frown at her statement.

  ****

  As soon as Catlyn was out of earshot, Jack answered his persistently vibrating phone. He took a quick glance at the wide screen before hitting talk. "Yeah, get anything?"

  The voice was stoic. "Of course, I don't know what put you on to this guy but there is something definitely hinky about him. Some things that shouldn't be and are, and other things that should be and aren't. It all leads to London, England. I have a contact getting back to me in a day or two."

  Jack's frown deepened, a bad feeling overtaking him. "Get it in 24 hours or less. I need it."

  The voice paused for a minute. "You never call in favors. And I hear from our mutual friend overseas that you've called in his marker too. Who're you protecting, the President of the United States?"

  "No, someone much more important," Jack clicked end and put his phone back in his pants' pocket.

  ****

  Catlyn looked at herself in the full length mirror on the back of the bathroom door. It was a beautiful gown that did flattering things to her figure. She knew early on that her body was considered a knock-out but after the rape she never gave her body's looks much thought. The exercise, she had become addicted to, had more to do with her peace of mind and the need to control what happened to her body. The very healthy, well-shaped curves were just a bonus, one she never gave a thought to until tonight.

  She stared at herself, feeling confused and surprised. She wanted to please Jack. She wanted him to like her body! She, Supervisory Special Agent Catlyn Lyte of the FBI, HCD actually cared about a man liking her body! Would wonders ever cease?

  Nervously, she entered the bedroom. Jack had stripped to his boxers. His massive chest glowed in the shimmering candle light as he folded his clothes, placing them on the chest at the foot of the bed. Catlyn watched him as he put his cell phone on one of the bed
side tables, plugging in the charger. His muscles shifted sexily in his chest, shoulders and abs that were a perfect 6-pack of sinewy sexiness.

  He must have sensed her for he turned suddenly towards the door. Brown connected with green. Slowly his eyes traveled from the top of her head to the tips of her toes, lingering on her breasts and the shadowy area of her lap. His eyes grew dark and his hard on grew bigger, tenting his boxers, as he continued to look his fill.

  Seeing her nervousness, Jack approached her, holding his hand out to her. "Come here, Kitten, you're beautiful."

  She gave an anxious glance towards his cock and slowly put her hand in his, allowing him to lead her to the bed. He pulled back the top silky sheet, scattering rose petals and revealing more underneath, releasing a floral scent. He slowly turned her back towards the bed and gently lowered her until she was seated.