When I am happiest
Page 2
Listen to this!”
Hi Dani!
I will think of you over the summer.
With best wishes from Meatball
Sven looks questioningly at Dani, but she looks away.
He reads the next piece of paper:
GO DANI! GO DANI!
From Benni
P. S. GO DANI!
Then comes a letter from Cushion:
HI DANI!
I HOPE YOUR FATHER GETS
BETTER SO YOU DON’T HAVE
TO GO TO AN ORPHANAGE!
73
Dani sniffs, even though she doesn’t cry any more these days. Sven puts down the letters and looks at Grandpa.
“Would someone like to tell me what’s happened?”
Grandpa straightens up.
“Dani’s father has been run over,” he says.
“Run over!” Sven shrieks. “How?”
“By a car when he was biking to work.”
“Is he very…run over?” Sven asks.
“We don’t know. He’s unconscious. We’re waiting to hear from the hospital.”
Sven sinks into the sofa and stares intently at the telephone with the others. But it stays silent.
In the end Grandpa picks up the phone and makes a call.
“Can I speak to someone in intensive care?”
he asks.
Then he goes out into the hall.
74
“They say his condition is unchanged,” he says when he comes back.
“What does that mean?” asks Sven.
“That nothing new has happened.”
“I want to see Dad anyway,” says Dani.
“Soon you’ll be able to.” Grandpa tries to calm her. “As soon as he wakes up.”
Then Sven says what mustn’t be said, let alone thought. “But what if he never does? What if Dani’s father never wakes up?”
Dani starts bawling her eyes out.
Grandpa takes out a big red handkerchief and wipes Dani’s nose.
“Calm down, Dani!” he tries to say.
But Dani can’t calm down. She cries as she’s never cried before, loudly and so hard that Grandpa can’t bear it.
76
“I want to see my Dad!” bawls Dani.
Grandpa gives in. “Come on, let’s go then,”
he says.
77
Chapter 9
And so it is that Dani, on the second-to-last day of school, goes to the hospital where her father lies sleeping so deeply that he might never wake up again.
She cries all the way there.
She cries all the way down the long hospital corridors.
She can’t stop even when they reach intensive care.
First Grandpa speaks to the doctor. Then the doctor turns to Dani.
“Are you sure you want to see your father right now? You might feel scared. He has lots of tubes in him!”
At last Dani stops crying.
“No,” she sniffs and wipes away tears with the back of her hand. “I won’t be scared.”
“Dani is very brave,” Grandpa agrees.
And the doctor takes her hand as they go into the room where her father is.
But she is scared, nonetheless, when she sees him.
82
Her father is lying absolutely still with his eyes closed, surrounded by machines that blink and beep.
It’s a long while before Dani dares to let go of the doctor’s hand and go over to the bed.
“Dad,” she whispers.
But he doesn’t move.
“Your father can’t hear what you say,” the doctor explains.
“Dad,” says Dani, louder this time.
Dad doesn’t move.
Dani takes a breath and shouts in her loudest voice: “WAKE UP, DAD! IT’S DANI!”
And then it happens! His face moves a little and he opens his eyes.
“Dani…” he mumbles.
Then he mumbles something else: “Amore! ”
That’s Italian, because Dani’s father is from Italy. And amore means love in Italian.
After he’s said it, he closes his eyes. Dani turns anxiously to the doctor and the nurse.
“Has he gone back to sleep?”
“Yes,” says the doctor. “But he woke up. And he knew you immediately! That is a very good sign.”
86
The doctor turns to Grandpa. “But it will be some time before he’s all better.”
“How long?”
“Probably the whole summer.”
“The whole summer!” cries Dani.
“Don’t be sad!” Grandpa is quick to comfort her. “You can stay with us. And have fun with Sven. And with me!”
Dani tries to swallow her disappointment.
Yes. She will have fun with Sven. And help him teach Tiger to talk.
And help Grandpa with his stamp collection.
Dani’s grandpa is a stamp collector. But not just any old stamps. Only the most valuable ones in the world. And stamps with sports on them.
88
Dani’s a collector, too. But only of stamps with whales on them, because they’re in danger of extinction.
When she thinks about how badly in danger whales are, she almost starts crying again.
She doesn’t usually cry any more, but today she’s crying over all kinds of things.
90
Chapter 10
As soon as they get home to Grandma and Sven, Grandpa tells them what Dani has done:
“She just went up to her father and ordered him to wake up!”
He describes how amazed they were, both he and the doctor.
Grandma’s amazed too when she hears what happened.
And Sven’s so impressed that he doesn’t say a thing for a long time.
It’s not until dinnertime that he becomes himself again, tapping his glass and standing up, as people do when they’re about to make a speech.
91
“You have to guess a riddle,” he says, because Sven always has a couple of riddles up his sleeve.
This one goes: “How many eyes does a herring have?”
He waits a moment so they can think.
“Well?”
Grandma guesses two.
“Wrong,” says Sven, pleased.
“Surely it has two,” says Grandpa.
“Still wrong!”
Then Dani puts up her hand as if she’s at school.
“One,” she says, because she’s heard that riddle before. It happens to be Ella’s best joke.
“Right,” says Sven.
“What!” cries Grandpa. “Only one?”
“Yes, because herring only has one i!” Sven crows.
92
When Sven has eaten dinner and emptied the bowl of M&Ms on the table beside the sofa, he disappears back to his own house.
And Dani fetches her hamsters, whom she’s hardly had a chance to see all day.
“The worst is over now,” she tells them.
“Come on, let’s go outside!”
94
Chapter 11
With her hamsters in her arms, Dani sits on the bench outside. That’s where she and Sven used to sit and hold hands when they were small.
And they would sing:
Dani and Sven
sitting in a tree,
K-I-S-S-I-N-G!
But that was a long time ago. That was when they were living with Grandpa and Grandma almost the whole time, because Dani’s mother was sick.
95
“There, there,” she says to Snow and Flake. “At last I have time to talk to you. I’ll try and tell you what’s happened…”
The hamsters creep into her lap and get ready to listen.
But there’s not actually much to say. Dani doesn’t feel like talking. She’s worried that her dad has gone deep asleep again.
She tries to think about something else. Ella, for example. But she can’t.
Today she can’t think about anything except h
er father.
Grandma comes out onto the steps.
“Dani,” she says. “Do you think you could pick some flowers for your teacher?”
Dani nods. Perhaps she should give the teacher a present as well. But what? A book…
Suddenly she knows which one: My happy life.
Her teacher thinks it’s so special, that book.
But if it’s going to be a present it has to be finished!
97
Just as she gets up from the bench, she hears someone call her name.
It’s old Jimmy coming with his dog.
Jimmy’s knees are so sore sometimes that he has trouble walking, but the dog is bouncy and needs exercise.
Now it’s heading straight for Dani and the hamsters.
“Dani, would you be so kind as to walk my dog?”
asks Jimmy, sinking down on the bench. “I have to rest my weary bones.”
98
Dani nods and leaves Snow and Flake with Grandma. Then she rushes after the dog to a corner of the woods where lilies of the valley grow.
Lilies of the valley are one of the things Dani loves best.
The scent! She can’t help being a little bit happy when she smells it. But is that all right, when your dad has just been run over?
The walk makes her feel better. She has always liked going around and sniffing things…
101
…a bit like Jimmy’s dog…
…but only if it smells good!
When Dani has picked some flowers for her teacher she walks back with the dog.
Jimmy thanks her and asks if she’d like to sit down and chat, but Dani is in a bit of a hurry.
103
Chapter 12
Dani has to finish the present for her teacher!
She dashes inside with the flowers and hunts for the book in her bulging backpack.
She turns to the page where she’d finished writing in the classroom.
The last time I was happiest, it read.
That was it! That was where she had got up to.
If only she could think what to write next.
She starts thinking so hard her brain creaks again. Although you can’t hear it.
105
The only sound is Grandma’s voice in the living room. She’s talking to someone on the phone.
Grandpa is there too, interrupting.
Dani doesn’t listen. She takes one of the flowers she’s picked and holds it thoughtfully under her nose…
Grandma calls her exactly at that moment.
106
“Dani!” she calls. “Listen to this! I’ve asked Ella’s mother if you can go with them to their summer island!”
Dani stares at Grandma.
107
“Would you like to?” asks Grandma.
What a question!
Would Dani like to go with Ella?
Her best friend in the whole world!
To an island for the summer!
The island Ella always talks about.
Where you can build huts.
And swim!
And sit on the edge of the cliff and dry off in the sun while you’re looking for swimming deer.
Dani has never visited the island, but she’s been wanting to go there her whole life. Without even knowing.
You can also row around it in a boat, Ella has told her.
And fish from the fishing cliff! For all kinds of fish. Perch and sole. And herrings with one i.
108
Of course Dani wants to go. Suddenly she feels a rush of happiness inside!
But it stops just as quickly.
“What about Dad?” she asks.
But Grandma keeps talking. “They’ll come and get you tomorrow evening.”
109
“But what about DAD?” Dani repeats.
“We’ll visit him on our way home from school,”
says Grandpa.
“So he can see how nice you look in your new dress,” says Grandma. “He’ll be so happy when he hears that you’ll be with Ella for the summer.”
“Do you think so?”
“I promise you! He’ll get better much faster if he doesn’t have to worry about whether you are having fun or not.”
“But he’ll miss me!” says Dani. “The whole time!”
“Yes, of course...”
“And I’ll miss him!”
“There are telephones,” says Grandma. “You can ring him every day and tell him all the fun things you’re doing. That will make him feel better.”
“That’s right,” says Grandpa. “It’ll be like pure medicine for him.”
Dani looks hesitantly from one to the other.
110
“But I need to talk to Dad first.”
“Of course, we’ll do that. Talk to Dad, then decide what you want to do,” says Grandpa.
“Okay,” says Dani. “I just need to write something first.”
Because now she knows exactly how the book will end!
This is what she writes:
The last time I was happiest was when I heard that I might be going to stay with Ella on her island.
We have so much fun together, she and I.
I don’t know why.
We are both quite alike.
We both have pierced ears!
112
We are both good at drawing.
We both have hamsters. But Ella only has one.
I hope she gets another one.
113
And we both think it is very difficult to imagine the way space never ends. We get headaches when we try…
Dani pauses and rests her hand. She doesn’t usually write this much. Not all at once, anyway.
But now, that’s enough.
Spit spot spun
Now my book is done
is how she finishes.
There. Now she can give it to her teacher.
She leaps up, runs to get the phone, and puts in the best phone number she knows: Ella’s!
115
“There you are!” cries Ella, thousands of streets and roads away.
Dani laughs, even though her father has been run over and everything.
You wouldn’t think you could tell just from a voice how happy someone is!
“My mother told me what happened,” says Ella.
“What horrible bad luck!”
116
Dani swallows and feels in her whole body how close she was to having horrible bad luck forever.
Then Ella tells her the good news that she has another hamster, called Roy.
“Is Roy as cute as Party Boy?” asks Dani.
“Cuter!”
When they’ve finished talking, it seems as if things are getting back to normal. At least a little bit.
Suddenly Dani remembers her father’s voice.
“Dani,” he’d said to her. And then, “Amore! ”
Those words! You’d hardly believe that two words could mean so much!
“Now the summer can begin,” she says to herself.
“What did you say?” asks Grandma who has come in to get the phone.
“I said: now summer can begin!”
Print edition first published in 2015 by Gecko Press This ebook edition published in 2015 by Gecko Press PO Box 9335, Marion Square, Wellington 6141, New Zealand info@geckopress.com
English language edition © Gecko Press Ltd 2015
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted or utilized in any form, or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying or otherwise without the prior written permission of the publisher.
First American edition published in 2015 by Gecko Press USA, an imprint of Gecko Press Ltd
First published by Bonnier Carlsen, Stockholm, Sweden Published in the English language by arrangement with Bonnier Group Agency, Stockholm, Sweden Original title: Sist jag var som lyckligast Text © Rose Lagercrantz 2014
Illustrations © Eva Eriksson 2014
The cost of this translation was defrayed by a subsidy from the Swedish Arts Council, gratefully acknowledged.
Translated by Julia Marshall
Edited by Penelope Todd
Hardback (USA) ISBN: 978-1-927271-90-2
Paperback ISBN: 978-1-927271-89-6
Ebook ISBNs 978-1-776570-21-8 (epub); 978-1-776570-22-5 (mobi); 978-1-776570-23-2 (pdf) For more curiously good books, visit www.geckopress.com
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