The Proximity Principle

by Ken Coleman

  1. How did they get to their dream job?

  2. How did they earn their reputation?

  3. What strategic choices did they make?

  4. How did they handle disappointment?

  5. What did they do when they failed?

  6. How did they overcome the fear of failure and rejection?

  7. Who did they learn from?

  8. How long did it take them to reach their goal or get the position they wanted?

  One fascinating example of how studying other professionals can pay off in a big way comes from a CEO who turned his shareholder meetings into dramatic showcases for new products. He staged huge, drama-filled events that often had live music and slides to demonstrate his cutting-edge products. That description probably had you thinking of the founder of Apple, Steve Jobs. If so, you’re wrong! Ever heard of Edwin Land? Land, a brilliant scientist, inventor, and the co-founder of Polaroid, was the architect of this type of technological showmanship in the late 1960s. He was also eventually fired from the very company he started and never quite got his career back on track.

  Steve Jobs learned so much from Edwin Land and credited him as one who inspired him to greatness. Jobs modeled his Apple product events after Land’s famous Polaroid meetings, and when Apple let Jobs go in the mid-1980s, he was able to learn from the failures in Land’s story and apply them to his own comeback. Jobs later returned to Apple and grew the company to unprecedented heights. Because of Jobs’s careful study of successful professionals like Land, he was able to truly become the best in his field.16

  And this is how you will become the best in your field—by studying other professionals who have a wealth of wisdom and experience, learning from their skills and techniques, and making them your own. These are the accomplished mountain climbers, the ones who have expertly navigated their own mountains, and learning from their setbacks and challenges will help you push through difficult times and inspire you to climb higher.

  The Proximity Process

  1. Research the pros who excel in your field.

  2. Decide which pros you’d like to connect with, then schedule a meeting and prepare for it by reviewing the sample questions in the “Understand that Wisdom Comes from Experience” section of this chapter.

  3. Identify alternative ways to learn from the pros you can’t meet with in person.

  Chapter 4

  The Mentors

  I don’t care what you do for a living—if you do it well, I’m sure there was someone cheering you on or showing the way. A mentor.

  —Denzel Washington

  Early in my career there was a moment when I desperately needed some guidance and encouragement. I pulled into my driveway one evening after work feeling completely down because several major opportunities had fallen through. I had been working incredibly hard, but I didn’t feel like I was making any progress toward my goals. I knew I needed to pull myself together before I went into the house to greet my wife and kids, so I picked up the phone to call my mentor, Don.

  Don answered my call, and he listened. He didn’t ridicule me. He didn’t tell me to stop expecting everything to fall perfectly into place. He gave me a piece of advice: “Ken, sometimes the best thing we can do is to be patient as we press forward.” He was able to cut right to the truth and tell me I wasn’t seeing the big picture, giving me the perspective I needed. Don was able to speak into my situation because he had experienced it in his own life. He continues to be a trusted guide for me, and his impact on my life and career is evident to me every day.

  THE POWER OF A MENTOR

  Mentors are people who can guide, encourage, and hold you accountable as you make the climb to your dream job.

  Pick up the biography of almost any successful person, and you’ll find that their accomplishments were supported by a mentor. Mentors are people who can guide, encourage, and hold you accountable as you make the climb to your dream job. The reality is that over 80 percent of American CEOs have have had a mentor.17 In fact, many of the world’s most recognizable and influential people attribute much of their success to the counsel of a mentor. Here are just a few of those examples:

  Media mogul Oprah Winfrey once explained, “A mentor is someone who allows you to see the hope inside yourself.” Winfrey was mentored by the renowned American poet Maya Angelou.

  Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg sought out the late Steve Jobs, founder and CEO of Apple, to be his mentor.

  Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. was mentored by Benjamin Mays, the president of Morehouse College.18

  My guess is you’ve already noticed the power of the mentor relationship. It’s reflected over and over in some of our favorite movies. Luke Skywalker couldn’t have defeated the Empire without Obi-Wan Kenobi; the Karate Kid needed Mr. Miyagi to help him win; Harry Potter needed Dumbledore to give him insight; and Katniss Everdeen wouldn’t have won the Hunger Games without Haymitch. Just like these movie heroes, we need a trustworthy guide to help us on our own journey. The right mentor can make a huge difference in getting you in closer proximity to a job you love.

  KEY QUALITIES OF A MENTOR

  So who are these people? What gives mentors the unique ability to help others stay grounded yet grow? And how are they able to guide and direct people in a lasting and meaningful way? In my experience, there are three key qualities that make up every great mentor.

  1. They Are Accomplished

  2. They Are Understanding

  3. They Are Caring

  I can say for certain that my own mentor has these qualities, and the mentors in your own life should have them too.

  Mentors Are Accomplished

  Mentors are people who are accomplished in an area of life or work where you would like guidance. Sometimes that area is work, but it could also be parenting, leadership, or just life in general. These are people you can look to for support and learn from the wisdom they’ve gained along the way. You may respect them for the way they raise their kids or serve the community. Maybe they are a hard worker or have reached a level of leadership in their company that you aspire to. No matter what accomplishments you admire them for, mentors understand how to climb the mountain you want to climb, because they’ve climbed a few of their own.

  Mentors Are Understanding

  The best mentors have faced their share of obstacles and understand the big picture of how to navigate hardships. Mentors demonstrate the experience, knowledge, and good judgment that only comes from the wisdom of having “been there and done that.” They are often empathetic because they’ve failed, picked themselves back up, and tried again. They know what it feels like to be afraid, but they have enough life experience to know when you push past the fear, that’s when the real magic happens. If they’re older, they may see a younger version of themselves in you. They’ll share their experiences and wisdom with you because they want to see you win. And more than likely they had their own mentor who did the same for them.

  Mentors Are Caring

  Mentors will tell you hard truths when you need to hear them.

  Finally, you want to find a mentor who’s caring, always keeping your best interest in mind. A great mentor understands the deep value of the mentor/mentee relationship, and they are more than willing to help others the way that they have been helped. They won’t just tell you what you want to hear. Instead, they will tell you hard truths when you need to hear them because that’s what people who truly care about you will do. They know that this builds trust and is a critical part of being a mentor. Otherwise they’d just be a cheerleader. They practice The Golden Rule, treating others the way they would want to be treated, and they genuinely and patiently care for others and want to see them grow.

  MENTORSHIP AT WORK

  Finding the right mentor to help you grow isn’t easy. You don’t want to rush the process. There’s not an Obi-Wan Kenobi around every corner. And even if you do find the right person to mentor you, let go of the idea that learning from them is a silver bullet that will unveil the ans
wers to all of life’s questions. It doesn’t work that way. A mentor is just one of many people you need on your climb. In fact, the reality is you’re likely to have more than one mentor along the way. As your path takes twists and turns, you should seek out multiple mentors to guide you in the different areas and stages of your life. Taking the time to pursue mentor relationships is an important key to your success, because when you strike gold and find one (or several) who is willing to invest in your life, you’ll get in closer proximity—not just to where you want to be—to who you want to be.

  So what do you want your career to look like in twenty or thirty years? Now look around. Who do you know, even as a distant acquaintance, whose professional life reflects the qualities that you want for your own? Remember that a mentor doesn’t have to work in your specific field or discipline. You can start by looking at your personal network—your family, friends, coworkers, and acquaintances. Then look for people who are a generation ahead of you.

  Once you find that person, be bold in asking them to mentor you. Don’t let pride or fear get in the way. Good mentors are usually products of good mentors, so they understand the importance of your request and will probably be honored that you asked. Remember, don’t rush the process of finding a good one. This may be someone who will be a part of your life for years, so be patient until you find the right person.

  Setting Expectations

  Like every important relationship, building a strong connection with a mentor takes time and intention. Once you find someone who agrees to mentor you, be clear about what you’re asking them to do, and communicate how much you value their time. When Oprah Winfrey was just a young Chicago news anchor, she approached Maya Angelou for the first time. She promised Maya she would only take five minutes of her day. After Oprah finished with her questions, Maya glanced curiously at her watch and noticed it had been exactly five minutes to the second. Maya smiled, paused in admiration, and asked, “Who are you, girl?”19 That short meeting was the beginning of a lifelong, influential mentorship. And I’m sure Oprah’s respect for one of Maya’s most valuable resources—her time—played a big part in that.

  Practically, you’ll want to sit down with your mentor in person and express your desire to grow. You should communicate that they are someone you admire and respect. And your attitude and actions should show a posture of humility and honor. These people have conquered many mountains. You want to learn from their wisdom, and you want to do that with a tremendous amount of respect.

  Meeting with a mentor doesn’t need to be intense, but it does need to be intentional.

  Next, you want to decide how often and for how long you and your mentor will meet. Maybe it’s once a quarter at first, and eventually that might lead to meeting once a month. It doesn’t have to be a set or regular meeting. It’s just important that when you meet, you work around your mentor’s schedule and come prepared with an agenda and specific questions. They need to see that this is a good return on their investment of time. This doesn’t need to be intense, but it does need to be intentional!

  Lance is a great example of someone with a healthy, intentional relationship with his mentor. Lance was managing a successful import business when he began to run into some serious challenges. He couldn’t seem to find the right sales person and was struggling to balance work and his marriage. I challenged him to find a mentor he could look to for some wisdom. Through a mutual friend he found Ralph, a guy who just happened to be the president of a successful flooring company. Ralph had a great family life, was very involved in supporting a local homeless shelter, and had many of the characteristics of a life Lance aspired to live. Lance asked Ralph to meet, and soon the two began meeting for lunch once a month. Ralph was able to provide critical guidance for Lance.

  As the years passed, Lance’s life began to reflect the same level of success as his mentor’s. But it didn’t happen overnight. This was a long-term investment for both Lance and Ralph. And the same will be true for you. If you treat your own mentor relationships with the same purpose and intention, they can act as rocket fuel for your personal and professional growth.

  You Are Never Too Successful to Need a Mentor

  Need more evidence of the power of mentorship? Take this example from one of the most recognizable businesspeople in the world, Bill Gates. As co-founder and CEO of Microsoft—and an incredibly influential philanthropist—you’d think someone so successful, so accomplished, and so bright wouldn’t need a mentor. But that couldn’t be further from the truth. In a 2013 TED Talk, Gates talked about the importance of mentors in his life. “Everyone needs a coach,” he said. “It doesn’t matter whether you’re a basketball player, a tennis player, a gymnast, or a bridge player. We all need people who will give us feedback. That’s how we improve.”20

  Bill Gates credits Warren Buffett as having a huge impact on his own life and career. Buffett is one of the world’s wealthiest investors, with a net worth of over $80 billion, and he’s the CEO of Berkshire Hathaway, a holding company that owns well-known brands such as Duracell, Geico, and Dairy Queen. He’s also famous for his commitment to give away 99 percent of his wealth to philanthropy.21 Buffett’s mentorship and coaching of Gates helped him better understand investing, platform building, and the value of his own time.22 Gates said of his friend, “He has lived by the same principles of integrity and creating business value since day one. He sets a wonderful example, and even though I have known him well for more than twenty-five years, I have never stopped learning from him.”23

  Gates joked that he had no choice but to look up to another one of his mentors, six-foot-seven physician Dr. William Foege, whom he credits for teaching him about public health. Gates said of his mentor, “One of the most valuable contributions Bill made to our learning was giving us a reading list with eighty-one different books and reports on global health issues. All these books opened a new world for me, making Bill’s passion for fighting poverty and disease a passion of my own.” Dr. Foege’s mentorship helped guide the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation’s medical efforts around the world, making them what they are today.24

  Gates’s relationship with these men is further evidence of the lasting impact mentors can have, no matter where you are on your path to success!

  Pass the Torch

  The beautiful thing about lasting mentor relationships is that you’ll eventually see so much personal growth in your life from the guidance and encouragement you receive that it’ll challenge you to mentor others. Think of it like this: you’ve seen the process of passing the Olympic torch from runner to runner, right? Each runner covers a certain distance and imparts fire to the next runner. That fire is such an appropriate metaphor for the wisdom of mentorship and how it should be passed on.

  When you take hold of the wisdom and knowledge you’ve received from your mentor and pass it on to the next generation, the mentor relationship has come full circle. You only truly realize how much mentors themselves received from helping you when you commit to mentoring others. So when you ask someone to be your mentor, do it with confidence! Then one day, when someone asks you to be their mentor, jump at the opportunity to pass the torch.

  You need mentors to guide you, to encourage you, and to equip you. Often when you have your head down and your nose to the grindstone, working hard to get to where you want to go, it can be hard to see if you are making progress. You need a guide who can see the big picture! Mentors can give you perspective because they have more life and career experience. They have already made many of the mistakes you haven’t made yet, and you can learn from their mistakes while navigating your own. If you can commit to listening and learning from them, you’ll begin to see the same traits you admire in them taking root in your own life. Then one day you can take all that you’ve learned from them and from your own experiences and pass it on to others.

  The Proximity Process

  1. Think about what you want your career to look like in twenty years, then make a list of people you know
whose professional life matches your long-term career goals. Include why you admire them and how you want to be challenged by them or learn from them.

  2. Determine what you want to learn from your potential mentor, then decide how often and for how long you would like to meet with them.

  3. Schedule an initial meeting to share your desire and expectations with your potential mentor.

  Chapter 5

  The Peers

  Don’t join an easy crowd; you won’t grow. Go where the expectations and the demands to perform are high.

  —Jim Rohn

  Tim was a successful sales person at a medical company when he decided to commit to a men’s fitness group. The group, dubbed F3 for their commitment to fitness, fellowship, and faith, was made up of highly successful and driven executives. They met three days a week at 5:30 in the morning to run, lift weights, and grab a quick coffee to talk about life. Tim joined the group to get fit and lose a little weight. But he got so much more out of it than that.

  As he kept meeting with these guys, Tim began to pick up some of their habits. After one full year in F3, Tim had the highest sales numbers of his career. Several months into his second year in the group, he was promoted to a regional management position. Tim had quickly become an executive-level employee just like the men he worked out with.

  Tim credited much of his success to how much time he spent with the goal-oriented guys in his F3 group. The momentum he received from hanging out regularly with other men who were winning professionally pushed him forward. They were striving together and challenging each other to work harder and to be better in the gym and in life.