In Search of Mr. Anonymous

by J B Glazer

  I noticed she bought two coffees, so I figured she had a boyfriend. Disappointing, but I saw it as a small hurdle. I always get what I want. I looked out the window and watched as she handed the other coffee to a homeless guy. Shit. She really is an angel. Normally I don’t go to Starbucks every day. I make myself a protein shake most mornings, but on my off days I’ll grab breakfast there. Ever since I saw her, I made it my business to go to that Starbucks every single day even though it was out of my way. I normally don’t go out of my way, especially for someone else. But there was something about her.

  I watched her, looking for clues to learn more. I could tell she was shy and I liked that about her. I could also tell she didn’t realize the depths of her beauty. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been with plenty of beautiful women. But they were all groomed to a T, almost too perfect. Hers was a natural beauty that seemed more than skin deep. Good thing she seemed oblivious or she’d probably use it to her advantage—have me at her beck and call. That’s what I would do. But somehow I suspect I would’ve done anything she asked, and willingly. So I took my time. I didn’t want to scare her away. My plan was to have her approach me, get to talking on what she thought were her own terms. And it almost worked. Until fucking Val found me.

  I paid for Lucy’s coffee that day. I knew she’d feel compelled to thank me. I attempted to look busy after she ordered, but I could sense her evaluating her options. And then I saw Val walk in. Damn it all to hell! I quickly pulled Val into the hall near the restrooms. I didn’t need Lucy to witness our confrontation. It would have scared her away for good. I wanted her to make her own judgments about my character. Val had some choice words for me. I tried to say all the right things to appease her. But she wouldn’t let it go. By the time she finished biting my head off, Lucy was gone. I figured she could thank me the next day but realized I was headed to New York. I never saw her again after that.

  My travel schedule picked up and my breakfast fixes at our Starbucks became less frequent. I figured it was payback for being such an asshole.

  I’ve never believed in God. Ever since my mom left us. My dad never made us go to church. I wouldn’t have gone anyway. Because what kind of God would allow a mother to leave her children and reward her for it? My mother is a successful actress. I’ve never told anyone that. But it’s true. Still, I prayed I would find the girl with the blue-green eyes again. And then I saw her at The Tin, and I couldn’t believe my luck. I knew I had to seize my chance, so I vowed not to leave the bar until I had her number. The Michigan State game was on, but I couldn’t take my eyes off her. I could tell she and her friend were talking about me, so I approached. She seemed nervous, and I liked knowing I had that effect on her. Her friend told me about their bet and said that she chose me. I thought, “Hallelujah. There actually is a God.” And He just answered my prayers.

  “Luke?” Melanie is standing in her doorway, wrapped in a towel.

  “Oh, hey. I was just looking at your pictures. I pick one up at random. “Who’s this?” I ask.

  “That’s Lexi. I’ve known her since high school. And here’s the rest of our posse. Liv, Sydney, Emily, and there’s Lexi again.”

  I feign interest. She goes on to show me her college friends and her family.

  “And here’s Lucy,” she says as she pulls the photo down from her shelf.

  “Ahh, let me see the infamous Lucy.” I study the picture. It takes all my restraint not to swipe it and stuff it in my bag. “How long have you two known each other?”

  “Since we were ten. We met at summer camp. We’re as close as sisters.”

  I inwardly wince. “If she’s important to you I’d like to meet her.”

  “Really?”

  I nod.

  “We could go on a double date.”

  “Didn’t you say she was seeing someone?”

  “Mmm hmm.”

  “Are things serious with—what did you say his name was?”

  “James. And I don’t know. Remember she’s the one who got her heart broken from that one-night stand. Well, it was technically a weekend. But I’ll ask her. Anyway, do you want to order in?”

  “Nah. I’ve got work to do.”

  “On a Sunday?”

  “What can I say? I’m a hard-worker.”

  “You sure are,” she says, planting a kiss on my lips as she lets her towel slide to the floor.

  I pick it up and wrap it around her shoulders. She pouts but I stand firm.

  “I gotta go. I’ll call you later.”

  She got her heart broken. I figured she’d be upset, but it kills me to find out I caused her pain. Considering how I felt after, I should’ve known. Hell, we’re two broken people who need to come together to be whole. And now we have a chance. I was never one to believe in signs, but what are the chances of my meeting Melanie, Lucy’s closest friend?

  As I wait for the elevator I decide it can’t be a coincidence. We’re meant to find one another. I just hope Lucy sees it that way.

  Chapter 30

  Lucy

  It was a long weekend and I welcome the distraction of work come Monday. As I’m booting up my laptop I notice the message light flashing on my phone. I put on my headset and discover I have only one. And it’s from him.

  “We need to talk. Meet me at our Starbucks at seven.”

  That’s it. He didn’t even leave me his number, which came up as blocked. Probably so I couldn’t call him back and tell him I have no intention of meeting him, which I don’t. What if I had something going on tonight anyway? Why does he assume I’m free? I am, but that’s beside the point. The hours tick by slowly. Suddenly the clock is my enemy. By noon my stomach is so full of knots I can hardly eat. All this time I’ve been looking for answers. Now I have the chance to get them. As much as I’d love to tell him to F-off, I need to know, especially now that he’s dating Melanie.

  Melanie. I’m still trying to wrap my head around the fact that Luke is her boyfriend. I don’t know how I’ll ever be able to get used to the idea. Or if there will ever come a time when seeing them together doesn’t make me physically ill.

  I spend the afternoon waffling back and forth on my decision. As much as I want answers, the thought of seeing him again fills me with dread. The humiliation of his rejection still stings. It’s hard to grasp that he misled me, but I’m angry that I allowed myself to get swept up in emotions. Me, the girl who’s always in control decided to let go and got burned. Never again. I head to the bathroom to freshen up. My hands are shaking as I pull a brush through my hair. Determined not to let him know he got under my skin, I take several deep breaths and push down the last traces of nervousness. He’s going to get cool, calm and collected Lucy, the version he met before I let him past my walls.

  I arrive ten minutes late but he’s there, waiting for me at a table outside. My heart hammers in my chest and I break out into a cold sweat, cursing my body for betraying me. He stands up when he catches my eye and I cross my arms as I make my way toward him. We stare at one another as I approach, those soulful eyes of his imploring me to understand things I’m not ready to forgive. The feelings I tried so hard to bury resurface, and the pain is just as raw as it was the day I realized he was never coming back. He offers a sheepish smile and he hands me a coffee—a tall skim latte—my drink of choice.

  “How about we take a walk?” he says.

  “Fine.”

  It’s then I notice the dog at his feet.

  “This is Martin,” he says. “Full name, Chris Martin.”

  I want to laugh that he named his dog after Coldplay’s front man. But our situation is anything but funny. “I thought you once said you didn’t do well taking care of living things.” My tone is accusatory and I realize it will be hard to mask my hostility.

  “I don’t. But after you left I found myself in need of a companion.”

  “After I left? You might want to rephrase that.”

  “Sorry, after things ended. But that’s why I asked you here. To expla
in.”

  I don’t say anything. Instead I sip my coffee and keep my eyes straight ahead.

  He stops walking and puts his hand on my arm. “Lucy, please just hear me out.”

  I yank my arm away and say, “So start explaining.”

  “I was delirious when I left your apartment. I was going on little sleep, I had a big meeting I hadn’t prepared for, but all I could think about was you. I took out my phone to check my messages, but I must’ve fallen asleep. The driver woke me when he was in front of my office. I was so out of it that I got out of the cab but left my phone behind. I called the cab company but they never found it. I got a new one that day, but your number wasn’t in my contacts. I guess it didn’t have time to get backed up in the cloud or whatever. That’s what the sales guy kept explaining to me when I was frantic about not seeing you under ‘A.’ I scrolled through every letter, but there was nothing. No trace of you.”

  I cross my arms, unmoved by his speech. “So that’s your excuse? That you lost my number?”

  “It’s not an excuse! It’s the truth. I didn’t know your name. I didn’t know where you worked. I knew nothing about how to find you. So I went to your apartment building. Every day for a week. I asked your doorman about you. His name was George. He wasn’t happy that I couldn’t tell him your name or unit number. I only knew what floor you lived on, but by then he was suspicious. He told me if he saw me hanging out around the building again he’d call the cops. I went to our Starbucks, I went to Cusp, hoping you’d try to find me there. I went to The Tin. I tried, Lucy. I swear to God I tried. I’m so sorry I hurt you. I didn’t mean to, but I know I did. And now I plan to spend every single day making it up to you.”

  I want to believe him. But he could be lying to placate me knowing I’m friends with Melanie.

  “Lucy, if there’s one thing I’ve never been good at it’s acting. I can’t fake the depth of my feelings for you. And I know you felt it too.”

  I close my eyes to think. He knows George! George wasn’t working the weekend he was at my apartment. And I spent most nights that week working late because I didn’t want to face going home alone. So it’s plausible I wouldn’t have seen him hanging around the building. Oh my God. He’s telling the truth! I can’t believe he was searching for me too. That’s why George offered to punch him out. He’d never seen me with a guy before, but I thought nothing of his comment. All this time I’ve made up endless scenarios about what could’ve happened. Losing my number was never one of them. Of course I had to be coy and suggest we keep things anonymous. If I had given him my name he could’ve found me and we wouldn’t be in this predicament.

  “Say something. Please.”

  “I honestly don’t know what to say. I’m still processing the fact that you didn’t willingly walk away.”

  He takes a step closer so he’s standing right in front of me. “I would never willingly walk away from you. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

  “What about Melanie?”

  “Melanie who?”

  “I’m serious, Luke.”

  “So am I. There’s no one but you.”

  I let out a frustrated sigh.

  “I’ll break up with her right now.”

  “No! You can’t do that,” I insist as I shake my head.

  “What do you mean?” He looks confused.

  “You can’t break up with her. She’s in love with you.”

  “But I’m in love with you.”

  His confession takes my breath away. I’m shocked by his words, this man that I dreamt about reuniting with for so long. And how I wished they were true, and that his feelings matched mine. But now that he’s said the words out loud, I want nothing more than for him to take them back. We can’t go down this road.

  “Don’t you see? It’s a sign,” I whisper.

  “What’s a sign?”

  “All this. We’re not meant to be together. The night you two met, I was supposed to be there. I asked Melanie to go in my place because I wasn’t up to attending a party. If I had gone like I was supposed to, none of this would’ve happened.”

  “Lucy, no—”

  “Look. I’m with James now. And I’ve never seen Melanie happier. Promise me you won’t break up with her over this.”

  “I can’t. Do you know it tortures me? Knowing that another man is putting his hands on you. I keep picturing him kissing you. Touching you. And I want to slam my fist into a fucking wall.” His jaw tenses and his hands clench into fists at his sides. He takes a minute to compose himself. “You were supposed to be mine,” he says in a gentler tone.

  “But I’m not.” The sad reality is I never was. “Please, Luke. Promise me you won’t hurt Melanie,” I say more forcefully. “It’s the only thing I’ll ever ask of you.”

  He rakes a hand through his hair and paces the sidewalk.

  Martin thinks it’s a fun game, which only seems to heighten Luke’s irritation.

  “You don’t know what you’re asking of me.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Not sorrier than I am. Why would you want her to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t love her?”

  “Because Melanie’s never found happiness. I had it, even it was only brief. And she deserves that. She’s happy with you. So please try to stick things out, if not for her then for me.”

  “You’re putting me in a horrible position. I’m the kind of person who sees things in black and white. Lying to her is wrong. Period.”

  “But us getting together at her expense is also wrong. This isn’t so clear cut, Luke. Sometimes you need to realize there are shades of gray in between. Please, do this for me.”

  “For the record I don’t agree with it. But fine. I’ll stay with her—for now. But only because you asked me to.”

  “Thank you. I know I’m asking a lot.”

  “Not a lot. Everything.”

  I think a small light inside of me just died.

  He’s still pacing. It’s making me more nervous, if that’s even possible. He stops and stands in front of me, so close that he’s invading my personal space. I take a step back. He’s already taking up too much space in my head.

  “So are things serious with you and James?”

  “They could be.”

  I hear his sharp intake of breath.

  “How do we do this? Go on pretending like nothing happened?”

  “That’s exactly what we do,” I say.

  “Don’t you think it would be better to tell the truth?”

  He presses the point again but I stand firm.

  “No. I know Melanie and it would kill her.”

  “But what about you?”

  “I’ll survive.”

  “I don’t know that I will,” he says. “Goodbye, Lucy.” And with that he walks away, leaving me to ponder his words.

  Chapter 31

  My second year at summer camp was better than the first. Melanie and I were in the same cabin again, and I was becoming friends with the other girls. We learned there was going to be a talent show and brainstormed ideas as a cabin about what we could do. Someone suggested a skit and everyone liked that idea. But we couldn’t agree on what it would be about. I came up with the idea of impersonating our counselors. Everyone thought it was a great idea, and I was put in charge of doing the writing. They saw me as some kind of expert. I wasn’t, but by then I had gotten more serious about it. And I took up writing poetry as well. I guess you could say Melanie inspired me.

  I was so excited about the skit. It was like I came into my element. The script was really good, everyone told me so. I couldn’t wait until the talent show. Until that moment I hadn’t ever felt passionate about anything. It was a good feeling.

  My parents would send me packages while we were away. Food wasn’t allowed, especially in the cabins. But I had complained to my mom about the food, so she would sneak me candy bars. When I opened a comic book I found a Hershey Bar taped to the inside. She did this often, and I a
lways looked forward to her packages. Hershey Bars were my favorite. Melanie knew that. I didn’t tell anyone about the candy bars, not even Melanie. I would tuck them under my waistband and hide them until I got to the bathroom.

  One afternoon mail came late, and I didn’t have time to eat the candy bar. So I left it on my bed hidden away inside a magazine. When we got back from activities there was a raccoon in our cabin. It found my candy bar and apparently invited some friends. Someone must’ve left the door open. Our cabin was a mess. The director was furious and said whoever was responsible would not be going to the talent show that evening. I was crushed. It was the first time my work was going to be on display, so to speak, and I wouldn’t be there to see it.

  The director held up the now torn Hershey Bar wrapper.

  “Who’s is this?” she asked.

  Her question was met with silence. My heart pounded inside my chest. It seemed so loud I worried she could hear it. Melanie looked at me and the tears welling in my eyes.

  “It’s mine,” she said.

  I shook my head at her.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t even realize it was there. My mom must’ve sent it for my birthday.”

  “You’ll stay here and clean all of this up, young lady.”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  “I’ll help,” I offer.

  “No. Melanie does this on her own.”

  I felt terrible. We never spoke of the incident. But that day I learned a lot about loyalty.

  Luke hasn’t contacted me since our meeting at Starbucks. He’s stayed true to his word and hasn’t mentioned anything to Melanie. I know Luke doesn’t understand. But he doesn’t have the faintest clue about how deep our friendship runs, and the lengths I’ll go to in order to protect it.

  It’s been eating away at me, carrying around this secret. Melanie and I have no secrets between us. At least we didn’t. So I throw myself into work and focus on moving forward with James.