Don't Even Think About It

by Sarah Mlynowski

She couldn’t resist. “But tell me this. If it’s not the five—maybe ten—pounds, then what is it? I know he thinks I’m cute, I know he likes spending time with me. According to you I have better—” Breasts. “So what is it?”

  “Have you ever heard him thinking about your weight?” BJ asked.

  “No,” Tess admitted.

  “Then it’s not that.”

  “But maybe he just doesn’t see me as sexy because of the extra weight. It’s subconscious.”

  BJ shrugged. “Maybe he’s just never thought of you that way. Maybe he’d change his mind if he knew how you felt.”

  “That’s what Mackenzie said. When we were talking to each other.”

  “You won’t know unless you try. Throw down the gauntlet. What do you have to lose?”

  My dignity?

  BJ laughed.

  Tess flushed. Like you know anything about dignity.

  “Ouch!” He held his hand to his heart. “I’m not the enemy here.”

  He was right. He wasn’t the enemy. Teddy was the enemy. Sadie was the enemy.

  “Just cover yourself in chocolate frosting and show up naked at his apartment.”

  Tess smacked him on the arm as a group of junior guys approached their booth.

  All you think about is sex, Tess thought.

  All anyone thinks about is sex. All the guy in front of us thinks about is sex, and he’s thinking about sex with his stepmom. Now, that’s wrong.

  Tess laughed. Not everyone thinks about sex all the time. I don’t.

  Oh, please. Don’t tell me you don’t think about Teddy when you’re alone at night.

  Tess’s jaw dropped. She did not! Only sometimes! Omigod.

  BJ smirked.

  She turned her back to him. Agh! Stop listening to me!

  You’re a good kisser. You should just kiss Teddy. See what happens.

  I am?

  He nodded. One of the best kissers I’ve been with.

  Her heart swelled. She couldn’t help it. Swear?

  Swear. His eyes brightened. Do you know what you should do?

  What?

  Kiss me right now.

  Are you crazy?

  Think about it. How jealous would Teddy be if you kissed me?

  Not jealous at all. He doesn’t like me.

  He just doesn’t think of you in that way. But if he sees you making out with me, he’ll start.

  You just want to make out with me. Or any other girl with a beating heart.

  He shook his head. Not any other. But you, yes. It’s true.

  This whole conversation was ridiculous. Tess saw BJ’s point, but she was not just going to make out with him.

  You’ve probably made out with a hundred girls since eighth grade.

  Forty-two.

  She rolled her eyes. Yeah, right.

  It’s the truth.

  Liar.

  You can’t lie in your thoughts.

  You can if you want to.

  He smiled. Point is, we kiss. Teddy realizes he loves you. I win, you win.

  Tess stood on her tiptoes and looked around the room. She spotted Teddy near the balloon booth. “I’ll think about it,” she said. Incidentally, BJ wasn’t altogether repulsive.

  Why thank you. BJ made a small bow. “I’m at your service should you need me.”

  “Hey, guys,” Mackenzie said. “I’m up. Who am I replacing?”

  Here she is, BJ thought. The scarlet M.

  “I heard that,” Mackenzie said.

  “I know you did. I’m sure you’ve heard worse. And scarlet is my favorite color. I still think you’re hot.”

  Case in point, Tess thought. You’d hook up with anyone.

  Mackenzie looked hurt. Hello? I thought we were friends.

  We are friends. But I’m still mad at you about the weight thing.

  I’m sorry! I’m a moron! That isn’t news!

  You’re not a moron. But I’m not ready to forgive you yet. She didn’t look at Mackenzie while she thought it. “You can stay with BJ.”

  Mackenzie peered into the tent. “Who’s inside?”

  “Olivia and Pi.”

  “I think Levi is switching with me at some point,” BJ said.

  “Oh, joy.”

  “Is Cooper here?” BJ asked.

  “I don’t think he showed,” Mackenzie said.

  “Can’t really blame the guy,” Tess said.

  We couldn’t blame him one bit.

  * * *

  Spotting Mackenzie across the gym made Cooper even more miserable. She was talking to BJ as though everything were fine with the world.

  Everything was not fine. Everything was a mess.

  “Can I get my face painted now?” Ashley asked him, pulling his hand.

  “Yup.” He hadn’t wanted to come, but he knew Ashley would enjoy it and he wanted to make his sister as happy as possible before her world imploded.

  He took her to get her face painted by two senior girls. She sat on a bar stool trying to stay perfectly still as the girls painted cat whiskers on her cheeks. After this Cooper planned to take her to hair braiding.

  Truth was, Cooper was enjoying spending the day with her. She was the only person he wanted to be around, since she was the only person who didn’t lie. She said what she thought. She thought what she said.

  Hey, Cooper, in defense of us and the rest of the world, Ashley was only three. She hadn’t fully learned how to filter her thoughts yet.

  Cooper just couldn’t stand being around liars.

  He knew he was sounding a little Holden Caulfield–esque calling everyone a phony, but he really did think everyone was a phony.

  The senior taking his twenty bucks to get in the door? A phony. “Hey, man, how are you, good to see you. Glad you could come.” What’s that kid’s name again?

  The junior who sold him and Ashley cookies: “I hope you like them! I made them myself!” I bought them at Crumbs, but no one will know.

  Cooper knew. We all knew.

  Oops, thought the girl painting on a whisker. Messed that up a little. Oh well.

  “You messed it up,” Cooper blurted out. “Please fix it.”

  “What’s wrong?” Ashley asked him. “Is it pretty?”

  “Very pretty,” Cooper said, “once she fixes her mistake.” He glared at the girl and said, “Make it perfect, will you?”

  The girl blinked. And then blinked again. He wants me to make a perfect cat face?

  Yes. That was exactly what he wanted. A perfect cat face. Was that too much to ask? Did everything in life have to be messed up? He took a deep breath. He was overdoing it. It wasn’t the face painter’s fault that everyone was a liar. It wasn’t her fault that Mackenzie had cheated and lied to him. It wasn’t her fault that his parents’ marriage was falling apart. He sighed. “Just make it as good as you can, okay?”

  The girl nodded. She took a paper towel and wiped away a small line.

  “That’s better,” Cooper said. Honestly, he couldn’t tell the difference. But he appreciated the effort.

  Cooper looked back across the room. Mackenzie was collecting money from a junior who was going into the Madame Tribeca tent.

  She’d left a message on his phone that morning, asking if he was going. “I miss you,” she’d said. “I heard what’s happening with your parents. I’m here if you want to talk.”

  He missed her too. A lot.

  He wondered if they should get back together. Sure, on the surface, breaking up seemed like the right thing to do. Girl cheated on guy, guy broke up with girl.

  But now he saw that things weren’t so black and white. Everyone lied. Everyone cheated. Everyone was full of it. At least Mackenzie knew she’d made a mistake. At least her lies were on the table. And he really could use someone to talk to.

  Ashley jumped off her chair. “Meow!” Meow meow meow meow!

  Someone who wasn’t three.

  “Can my brother go next?” Ashley asked the senior. “Can you paint Spider-Man on him? Or
Superman? Or maybe Wonder Woman?”

  “Sure,” the senior said. “Is your brother a superhero?”

  “He is,” she said proudly.

  “I can do Spider-Man,” the girl said.

  “Go for it,” Cooper said, and sat down in his chair. Cooper did not feel like a superhero. But what the hell.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO

  I HEAR YOU

  Pi stretched her arms above her head.

  Olivia had done a fantastic job at the fortune-teller booth. And thanks to Olivia, Pi had never felt more powerful. In her little hot hands, she now had everyone’s secrets.

  She’d gotten the goods on everything that was happening at our school. Crushes, college dreams, whatever. And it wasn’t just the kids’ secrets she knew. Grown-ups too. Bankers. Lawyers. Psychologists. Mostly parents who’d come with their kids, but still, the parents in that area ran most of New York. She now knew about drug addictions, affairs, abortions, investment-banking deals, and more.

  What could she do with all that information? How could she use it? Without, you know, resorting to bribery? Before she’d become an Espie, she’d barely bothered to learn people’s names. Now she, alone, knew everything.

  Olivia too.

  But Olivia was hardly a threat.

  Although Pi knew secrets would spread to the rest of us pretty fast. Not for the first time she wished she were the only one with telepathy.

  “Hi!” she heard Olivia say now.

  “Hey there, pretty,” the guy said.

  Pi opened her eyes. Who is that?

  It’s Lazar, Olivia thought.

  Who?

  My boyfriend.

  “So what does my future hold?” he asked. “Does it see us going to another play tonight?”

  “Should it?” Olivia asked.

  “I think it should. Because I got tickets to Night Walkers!”

  Another play? Olivia thought. Can’t we go out for dinner?

  What’s wrong with plays? Pi wondered.

  Nothing. But the ones he gets tickets to are so boring. Musicals I get, but these are the talking-talking-talking-about-nothing plays. And the seats are really uncomfortable.

  Then tell him you don’t want to go, Pi thought.

  I can’t do that!

  “So?” Lazar asked. “Does it? Time Out New York gave it five stars!”

  Maybe no one at Bloomberg was affected, a new voice thought from the other side of the tent window. A woman’s voice.

  Pi’s back stiffened. Who was that?

  I told you, Olivia responded. My boyfriend.

  The voice continued: Maybe that’s why no one has come forward. Or maybe they’re keeping the ability a secret.

  The hairs on the back of Pi’s neck stood up. She didn’t recognize the voice. It sounded older. It definitely wasn’t one of us. Is she talking about us? Pi needed to see who it was. Immediately.

  Pi tried to lift the side of the tent, but it was fastened down. She pressed her face against the small mesh window but couldn’t see anyone. Pi had to find out whom those thoughts belonged to before the woman got away.

  She dropped her notebook into her knapsack—no way was she misplacing that—slid the bag over her shoulder, broke through the sheet, pushed her way past Olivia and a surprised-looking Lazar, and stormed out of the tent. The light made her blink. It was busy out there. Really busy. But whose voice had she heard?

  She circled the tent, listening for voices and thoughts of the people swarming around her.

  Why does my son always smell like BO? I know he showers.

  Can anyone tell how high I am? Cupcakes! Want cupcakes! More cupcakes!

  I think I have lice.

  Pi circled around and around the tent, trying to find the woman. Who was it? She’d definitely sounded like she knew about the vaccines. How did she know? Had someone spilled the beans? No. Pi would know if one of us had. We wouldn’t be able to keep it from her.

  This was not part of her plan. Not at all. She was in charge here. She would have to figure out who else knew what, and soon.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE

  ONE MORE CHANCE

  After an exhausting day at the carnival, Mackenzie wobbled home.

  Just as she was unlocking her front door, she saw a text from Cooper.

  Meet me at that bench in Battery Park at 9 tonight if you want to talk.

  Yes. Yes, yes, yes, she did want to talk. She wanted to do more than talk. She wanted to wrap her arms around his neck and kiss him until he forgave her.

  Now here she was, sitting on their bench at Battery Park in front of the water, still waiting for him. He was going to show, wasn’t he?

  A few minutes passed before she heard his footsteps behind her. She also heard, She’s here.

  “Of course I’m here, I miss you,” she said, and turned around. She couldn’t help laughing. He had red paint all over his face.

  I miss you. “I’m Spider-Man,” he said instead.

  “I figured. Listen, Cooper, I am so, so, so sorry about what—”

  In the moonlight she saw that tears were dripping down his cheeks through the paint.

  She hadn’t seen him cry since … well, since second grade when he fell off the seesaw and had to get stitches. It broke her heart right in half. “Oh God, Cooper, I can’t believe I did that to you.” Her voice cracked. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.

  “It’s not just you,” he said slowly. He wiped the tears away with his sleeve, staining it red. It’s my parents. Everyone. The Yankees.

  “The Yankees?”

  He hiccup-laughed. “Yeah.” He stood beside her and stared at the water ahead. “It’s everything. Do you want to walk?” he asked.

  “Sure.” As she stood up, she took his hand. He didn’t stop her.

  As they walked south, following the railing, he told her about his mother and father and about how everywhere he went he heard lies, and it was killing him.

  “I’m sorry you had to learn such crap stuff about your parents,” she said.

  “Have you heard things about yours, too?”

  “I heard them having sex,” she said. “But that was it.”

  At least they’re having sex with each other. “Lucky,” he said.

  “It didn’t feel lucky at the time,” she replied. From where they were standing, they had a perfect view of the Statue of Liberty.

  “Let’s run away,” she said.

  “To where?”

  “Anywhere but here.” She took a step closer to him. “Do you think you can ever forgive me?”

  He looked deep into her eyes. I don’t know.

  You don’t?

  No. But I’m willing to try.

  “You are?” she asked. Her throat choked up.

  “Yeah.”

  She gulped and the next thing she knew, tears were streaming down her cheeks too. She threw her arms around him. “I just love you so much.” I’ll never take you for granted again.

  “I love you, too,” he said. “I just hate everyone else right now.”

  “Me too,” she said. “Especially the other Espies.”

  “I know.”

  “And they listen to everything. With their beady little purple eyes. Let’s ignore them. What do we need them for?”

  “They’re hard to ignore.”

  “We can do it,” she said, lacing her fingers through his. “We can make our own little bubble. It’ll be us against them.”

  “Us against the world,” he said.

  She leaned toward him. Can I kiss you?

  You’re going to get red face paint all over you.

  I would love to get red face paint all over me.

  I hope I don’t regret this, he thought, and then closed his eyes and kissed her.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

  STILL GOING

  We were so over it the next week.

  We were used to our parents pretending to listen to us while they were really thinking about meetings, or what to make for dinner, or
in Mackenzie’s case, her dad’s new Viagra prescription.

  And we were getting increasingly annoyed with each other.

  Homeroom was the worst. Renée and Adam—on the rare occasion he showed up—were suddenly the most popular people in the class. They were a wall of interference. Otherwise our thoughts spread through the room like germs after a sneeze.

  Still taking those Addies, Courtney? … Levi, why don’t you go to a dentist? … Are Cooper and Mackenzie back together? … Clearly—they’re sitting in a corner together. … What about Bennett? … I guess Cooper forgave her. … I wouldn’t have forgiven her. … Good thing I’m not you. … Cooper, ignore them. … I’m trying to but they’re so loud. … Hey, Olivia, how’s Lazar? … Did you have to go see another boring-ass play? … They’re not that boring. … Don’t lie. You were just thinking about how boring they are. … Is something up with BJ and Tess? … Why? … She’s ignoring him. … Tess is in love with Teddy. … But Teddy likes Sadie. … Is he using mouthwash yet, Sadie? … It was only one time! He had souvlaki for lunch. … Hey, Tess, are you fantasizing about me yet?

  Tess froze. Then she slammed her eyes shut. She might have spent a few minutes reminiscing about her seven minutes in heaven. But BJ could never, ever know.

  He knew. We all knew.

  We all closed our eyes for as much time as we could, but Ms. Velasquez was starting to get frustrated.

  “Are you guys not getting enough sleep? Next person I find napping in class is getting detention!”

  Just what we wanted—more time in school. At least in our apartments no one could hear us.

  Except for the twins. We all felt bad for the twins, who shared a room.

  The rest of our classes weren’t as bad. Every hour of every day was a barrage of other people’s thoughts—their secrets, their lies, their stupidities—but we didn’t have to worry about being heard ourselves. We put multiple non-Espies between us as buffers. We needed space.

  Except at test time. Then we all parked ourselves next to the smartest person in the room. Pi hated it. She hated it more when Jon was in our class and we all crowded around him. Jordana and Courtney even got into a telepathic fight about who sat next to him. Chair grabbing was involved. Jon thought it was because of his new cologne.