Salt of Their Blood

by Gerald Wixey

  I said, ‘Neutral ground – I don’t have to be polite in here.’

  But he just ignored me.

  I tried again, ‘Where’s Ron hiding, then?’

  ‘Who knows?’ A distracted response as Kenny’s eyes were in the mirror, resting on Suzie. His eyebrows came up as he said, ‘Doesn’t she work in the restaurant?’ He said it like it was one down from working in Auschwitz. Then he said, ‘Kathy doesn’t smell of chip fat.’

  Kenny brought his eyes into mine and I wanted to tell him that I knew exactly how Kathy smelt. Instead, I bluffed a smile and said, ‘When you see Ronny, tell him I need to talk to him.’

  We stared at one another for a few seconds, before I picked the drinks up and turned away. Suzie had sat in a small booth, directly opposite the bar with two small tables neatly compressed into the gap. I nearly spilled the drinks when I saw Kathy sat on the next table, a couple of feet away and looking assiduously at me. Eventually she slowly took her eyes towards Kenny and fixed his whereabouts before coming around and staring at me again.

  ‘Kathy, what a surprise.’

  More than a surprise, a shock that sent palpitations up and down my spine, inducing vertigo and a panic attack all at the same time. All these symptoms were accompanied by a complete, never ending delight. My smile spread wide, despite trying to affect my best poker player’s expression, I was suddenly holding a straight flush instead of the usual pair.

  No hesitation from Kathy; a wide smile, then, ‘Stuart.’ Kathy nodded at Suzie, then came back to me. ‘Aren’t you going to introduce us?’

  ‘Suzie, this is Kathy, Kathy this is…’

  Kenny slammed Kathy’s drink into their table, sat down and stared out of the window as he drank his beer. We all sat in a tensest, tightest, most awkward little group. I turned back to Suzie, she raised an eyebrow, then stared at the table. Not a word between any of us, until Kenny stood and spat one word.

  ‘Ready?’

  Kathy sighed and raised her eyebrows as she stood. She quickly glanced my way and said, ‘Have a good night.’

  Kenny had disappeared and Kathy kept her eyes firmly on the floor as she clipped her way out of the door. Kathy might as well have said have a good fight; predictable as a Caribbean hurricane in September, Suzie lit a cigarette, smoked in silence, looking at the frosted windows, itching for an argument. Finally she said, ‘Who was that?’

  ‘Kenny.’ I tried for casual, but it sounded defensive.

  ‘Not him.’ Suzie began the preparations for a full frontal assault. ‘That woman, she kept staring.’ She attacked me like a bull fighting banderillas, placing his darts, every time, unerringly between my shoulders.

  ‘At what?’ Questions became my wall.

  ‘Mostly you, but me as well.’ She stubbed her cigarette out, a vigorous hammering into an empty ashtray. ‘You looked at her a lot too.’

  ‘I’ve known her – both of them – for years.’

  ‘She’s trouble.’ Suzie lit another cigarette. ‘What did you say her name was?’

  ‘Kathy.’

  ‘She’s as big a bitch as that whore of a mother-in-law of hers.’

  ‘What did you just say?’ I felt the blood rush to my cheeks, ‘What’s Shirley got to… Don’t talk about her like that.’ I stopped and took a deep breath, ‘I was at school with both of them.’ I shook my head and tried to shrug it off casually. ‘Anyone would think you’re becoming obsessed with it all.’

  It sounded anything but casual, abrupt, more like. Subject closed I think.

  We walked the few yards up to the Golden Palace in silence. I enjoyed the food but we ate in a frosty hush. It took two more vodkas before she loosened up enough to say, ‘You called me Kathy – the other night.’ She was talking to the table as she spoke, explaining in an unsteady voice, ‘When we were making love.’

  Deadpan, I forced myself to make eye contact and – say nothing.

  ‘I know you said it – I saw how you looked at her. I know who she is, I nearly fell off the chair.’

  Despite the tears that dribbled down her long face, I sent another lie her way.

  ‘You’re dreaming, you’ve made a mistake, that’s all.’ I held her angry gaze, ‘I’ve known them years. Shirley is a lovely woman and I never called you Kathy and just because I talk to another woman, it doesn’t mean I’m giving her one.’

  I sighed. That was far too brutal, but I remained deadpan and held her stare. I’d said too much; let her blow the storm out herself. I stirred my coffee and waited for her.

  Still tearful, Suzie said, ‘I know what you said.’

  I was angry, not because people at other tables were showing an interest in our murmured exchanges. Annoyed because Suzie might be right and irritated because I didn’t want to upset her. ‘Listen, if you don’t believe me, I’ll just take you home now and we’ll call…’

  With the ante raised, Suzie folded, her face that of a poker player folding a flush, bluffed out of it by someone who held a pair. I tried to calm down, still fractious because I’d managed to hurt her.

  ‘I’ll get the bill and take you home.’

  She lit a cigarette, resignedly, I thought, accepting my asperity; until we got in the car and she started effing and blinding, called me a fucking liar. Well, I couldn’t lie anymore; beaten down, tired of this life, the crude cheating. One thought – I want the war to end, I don’t want to fight anymore. Drained by it all; the spinning of webs, the plotting of plots, the spiralling half-truths that sounded like truth, the offering up of a fact just to prop up an earlier lie.

  I wanted to tell the truth for a change. Tell the truth and end the war. I wanted V.E day and a new dawn tomorrow. Instead, I sent another lie her way.

  ‘I’m not having an affair with her. I’m sorry you think that. It’s best if I don’t see you anymore.’

  ‘I hope you know what you’re doing – Patrick told me her husband’s a horrible man and she’s just a bitch.’

  Patrick?

  I said nothing, battened the hatches down and waited for the final barrage before an uneasy peace treaty. She wept and shouted for most of the way back, got out of the car, called me a fucking bastard and slammed the door. I sat there for five minutes, fighting for breath, half expecting her to come back. I took a couple more deep breaths and drove home, wondering what Patrick had told Suzie. As I parked the car, my mind kept coming back to the vitriol Suzie had directed at Shirley.

  ***

  Wednesday lunchtime; I had a few customers and a gestating anger. I knew how this rage had been conceived, but I’d been confused about how the birth would manifest. Upsetting Suzie had upset me. Ron had gone sea fishing for a week. No one knew where, so there was no chance of creeping up behind him while he was sat on the edge of a pier. A gentle shove to tip him into the fast-running tide. I sighed. Worse than that, Kenny came in just after opening time to see Shirley; bringing his fragile, irritable mouth and disdainful air in with him, a weak chin pushed out.

  I thought, the smallest little thing and you’re just going to fall apart. I stared at Kenny and fingered Kathy’s classy gift at the same time, once again sheltering behind its metaphorical wall. Just a small fishing boat, struggling to remain afloat as huge waves of confusion crashed around me. I stared at him, all talk – that was Kenny and he knew that I knew. But he still upset me; he always did it and always would. What he did twelve years ago, forever chiselled onto my frontal lobe.

  I passed him his change and stared; it forced a nod of acknowledgement from him and that made me feel better. I was polite to the point of being genial; underneath it all, I wanted to punch his smug lights out. Kenny sat with Shirley and they talked, his face creased, his eyes set deep and tired. I kept watching them; he never looked my way once and I never noticed either of them leave.

  ‘Stu – wake up.’ I jumped as Bert pushed an empty glass under my nose, ‘You’re miles away.’

  His marvellously fat face trembled away
close to mine, three or four chins and, in amongst all that flesh, little pig-like eyes that were both persistent and miserable at the same time. He fumbled around in his pockets, pulled a half-smoked cigarette out, stared at it and his expression took on that of a Klondike miner striking a rich seam of gold. He gazed at it before lighting up.

  I passed his change over as the door opened and Kathy came in, acknowledged no one and clipped her way up to the bar. She smiled and watched me watching her legs as she climbed the stool, flashing her lovely thighs on the way up. Kathy gave me a look, fancy kissing them later?

  She said, ‘Vodka and lemonade, please bar man – loads of ice.’

  A deep breath and I smiled back as I scanned – the usual Wednesday lunchtime, eight or nine of them either playing crib or dominoes, or just watching the world. Some stared at Kathy’s slender calf muscles, some stared out of the window and some just stared into their beer.

  ‘Not working?’

  She smiled again, then shook her head, ‘Half day. Is Shirley around?’ Kathy’s loud and assured voice sending the right messages towards the spectators.

  ‘Did you want to see her?’ She nodded. I shrugged. ‘You’ve just missed her, she won’t be back until half six.’

  Kathy looked in the mirror behind me, pushed her hair back and glanced around at the drinkers. ‘Bugger – what a shame.’

  Without changing expression, she lowered her pitch a couple of octaves, ‘Can we talk. What time do you shut?’

  I nodded, a greedy I’m-about-to-be-fed-soon type of nod. ‘I’ll be an hour or so, when no ones looking sneak around the back.’ I leant in close as I passed her change over, Kathy and her perfume tormented me – sleep had deserted me. I whispered, ‘I used to be an insomniac till I met you, now I can’t sleep at all.’

  ‘Don’t worry, I’ll put you to sleep later, big boy.’ Her eyes held mine and we both laughed.

  It dragged, longer than an hour; it felt like a Monday morning of a slow week on a production line. They’d all left by half past two. I walked through the sitting room door and saw Kathy lying across the sofa, holding her empty glass out for me. ‘I’ve missed you.’

  The air rasped out from me, a sighing, groaning release of tension at hearing her say that. Thirty minutes later, we were a tangle of bodies and sheets and an eiderdown in mid-bedroom. We held on to each other, our faces were together. Kathy did it again when she beamed, the muscles in her face stretching as she smiled. The thing that I found the most intimate; a little thing and its effect so powerful, I imagined that if she ever stopped doing it, everything between us would wither.

  ‘This is so stupid – using your bedroom and Shirley less than a hundred yards away. My mum’s always close by, you know she never misses a trick – it’s crazy.’ We gazed at one another; I didn’t know what to say. Kathy frowned and sounded confused, ‘I feel so bewildered by it all. I thought you and me were just a quick fling, get it out of my system and move on. I don’t understand – what’s happening? It’s more than just the illicitness of it all… Isn’t it?’

  ‘Yes.’

  Her head went down onto my chest, ‘I love turning you on. It makes me feel so sexy. Sometimes, when there’s no guilt, I’m so happy. Other times you just worry me; I certainly know how to pick men.’

  ‘I don’t want it to end.’ I tried for natural, but it sounded like a mother petitioning King Herod.

  ‘I saw you go into the pub.’ She took a deep breath, ‘We weren’t going for a drink, but I saw the pair of you go in the Grapes and we followed you in.’ Kathy smiled, ‘I was surprised – it’s just that you never told me you had a girlfriend.’ I must have looked confused. She explained, ‘You made it sound like you were just fucking her. I didn’t realise you took her out as well.’

  Her hair had been cut short again, a tight black bob framed her cheekbones, I stared up at her and said nothing. Annoyance drifting back in her features, Kathy said. ‘She’s beautiful.’ Then the tease came back into her voice, ‘She looks at you like she loves you.’

  I shook my head.

  ‘I saw her in Patrick’s car.’ Kathy wouldn’t look at me as she talked, ‘The other evening. Taking her to work I suppose, she had her waitress gear on.’

  Patrick again; I knew he liked her. I wondered, how long?

  I pulled Kathy close and we kissed, she pulled back and said, ‘I didn’t know whether to tell you.’

  Then I told her, ‘It doesn’t matter anymore, she’s given me the bum’s rush.’

  Another lie and I never told her of Suzie’s suspicions either.

  ‘Why?’ Kathy looked remorseful, a genuine concern. ‘Are you upset? I’m sorry, I didn’t want to hurt you – her.’ Remorse proved but a fleeting visitor, her eyes were jubilant, all mine now. ‘What happened?’

  ‘She thinks I’m having an affair with someone else. I denied it.’

  Kathy lowered her head, ‘I’m sorry, this isn’t easy, is it?’

  ‘I don’t want all the lies, I’ve had enough of the lies.’

  Her head dropped. ‘Enough of me?’

  I thought she might cry; Jesus, two women in a week. I shook my head, ‘Listen, I can’t get enough of you.’ I was irritated at Kathy, angry at everything; her eyes came up as I snapped, ‘You bitch – I can’t get enough of you.’

  I buried my face in her neck. We were quiet, perhaps my temper – something acted as the catalyst, anyway. Something kick-started things; she talked and talked – quickly becoming distressed, crying, angry, upset, shouting, railing against the world and Kenny; Shirley as well. Kathy talked as if she lived in a war zone, talked about Kenny like a war correspondent would Vietnam. It all came out; I became Joshua standing at the gates of Jericho, watching the walls come tumbling down. I didn’t know what to say. She talked for the best part of an hour; a long, slow sixty minutes.

  ‘Ron knows about us.’

  ‘What?’

  She placed a finger on my lips. ‘Listen, he’s blackmailing me and the best part is,’ Kathy choked back tears. ‘He said, just remember that we were all together a few weeks ago and you can carry on seeing your fancy man.’

  Alarm bells clanged away, I hissed. ‘What are you saying? You’ve given them an alibi?’ I sat bolt upright. ‘You’re joking? An alibi for what?’

  ‘I thought we were all together, Shirley as well.’ She shook her head, ‘I wasn’t thinking. Ron said that he and Kenny got up to a bit of mischief. Three card brag in the Shears. It was nothing serious, police asking questions, something about a three hundred pound pot. Is that illegal?’

  ‘Yes – there’s no gambling in licensed premises. Its nothing too serious, though.’

  Gambling might not have been, but an old woman smothered and a house burgled… I raised my eyebrows and waited for more.

  ‘The police never told me what was going on, just asked if we were all together. A Saturday afternoon, I’m sure we were.’ Kathy took a couple of deep breaths, ‘Ronny just said remember, we were in all afternoon, together. He kept going on about it. Now whenever I see him, he asks about you. In fact, he’s started to ask horrible things.’

  ‘Like what?’

  ‘Asks me how the sex is with you. Well he doesn’t say that, he asks me if you’re still fucking me. The last time he asked if you really give it to me hard. He’s horrible and I can’t take much more.’

  ‘So let me get this straight, he knows about us, but hasn’t told Kenny?’

  Kathy nodded, ‘worse than that, in a way, is Kenny himself. Since they found Declan’s body, Kenny’s cracked up completely. I thought he was just upset for me, but now… Well, I don’t know anymore. She sat up. ‘Do you know what makes me so angry?’ I shook my head. Kathy snapped the words out. ‘He’s always the victim; he’s the one getting hurt all the time. Declan’s my brother, I’ve just about coped – why can’t he?’

  A blackmailer and a man cracking up. I sighed, then we became quiet. Consequences were ente
ring our world, an approaching tropical storm whipping up an ocean of turbulence around our sultry island where until now, pleasure ruled and consequences were banned. Just like a sweet-smelling, overripe fruit basket had suddenly become contaminated by a Tom cat with a weak bladder.

  I nodded, ‘You need the priest.’

  Kathy turned onto her side and put her left hand on my bicep. ‘That’s it – I’ve finished, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to load all this on you.’

  ‘That’s okay – really, I mean it.’

  We kissed a relaxed and generous kiss.

  She jumped up, the redness gone from her chest, traces of sweat still between her breasts. Undressed, she became a fragile deity, small boned with a tiny waist, but despite the little boy’s hips, a good arse. Kathy searched for her clothes, picked up her dress and bra, ‘Can I take a bath? Have you seen my handbag?’

  I felt beat up, punched about the face and kicked in the ribs. Kathy had left me exhausted, with every emotion sucked out. I was left, suspended in a vacuum, trying to drag in air. And all the time, a distant memory nagged away inside me; a conversation overheard from years ago between Wyn and mum. It niggled and twisted and I couldn’t remember why.

  I shook my head and followed her into the bathroom, declining the chance to wash my face and hands, I wanted her on me every living minute. As she adjusted the taps I said, ‘I’ll leave you to it, I’ll make a pot of coffee.’

  ***

  Kathy came down, apart from her wet hair slicked back she was immaculate once more. She came up close, stared into my eyes and said. ‘I have to go, we have things to sort out Stu.’

  I was about to lean in to kiss her, when the back door opened and my uncle’s smooth voice preceded his entrance. ‘Freshly brewed coffee, just in time…’

  Wyn came through the door, stopped abruptly and stared at Kathy.