Salt of Their Blood

by Gerald Wixey

  My God, a beautiful woman.

  ‘Kathy, my dear.’

  That’s all he said, no surprise in his voice, features under control, his gaze steady. I’m sure there’s a perfectly innocent explanation.

  Kathy never missed a beat either, but she was cold like a freezer. It wasn’t Wyn’s usual calming effect; Kathy had turned into a block of ice.

  All eye contact and sincerity, Wyn dragged his eyes away from Kathy and winked at me, ‘Coffee, shall I pour? Kathy?’

  ‘No thanks, I have to go.’ Kathy never made eye contact with me. Just turned and left.

  Wyn glanced around the room and raised his eyebrows, he asked. ‘Kathy had to rush off?’

  I nodded.

  Wyn stirred his coffee, smiled up at me and said, ‘Want a cup?’

  I nodded and waited for the inquisition to begin.

  ‘Married woman.’

  Not even a question; a statement, black and white. Married woman; my face tightened. ‘She was looking for Shirley.’

  ‘And you just happened to be in your dressing gown?’ Wyn held his hands up. ‘Don’t worry, it’s none of my business.’

  Silence from me, no secrets in my little town.

  Wyn carried on, ‘I hope you’re both enjoying each other’s company? I take it you’re both detached and in control? Just having some harmless fun? Or is it more serious than that?’

  I said nothing, concentrating on stirring my coffee. I needed some sand, enough to bury my head at least, but he compelled my eyes which took on ferrous properties. Up and inexorably up they came, until Wyn’s magnetic brown eyes were sharply in my focus, trapped.

  ‘Tell me to mind my own business, I can’t tell anyone how to behave. Is it serious?’

  ‘Yes.’ I sighed, it became a deep reluctant moan. ‘It feels like I’m out of control. Its seems the secrets out as well.’

  His lips pursed and he hissed like a tired old steam train. ‘Well your secrets safe with me. But you must be more careful; get away from here, there’s no kids involved – get away.’

  ‘I don’t know what she wants to do – I don’t think she knows what to do.’

  ‘Asked her?’

  ‘Too frightened.’

  I always thought Wyn absorbed other people’s concern, rather like a dry sponge sucks up water. My own worries slipped away momentarily, until he said, ‘Run away with her. Remember, it’s all wide lawns and narrow minds around here.’

  This made me jump; mum said the same words to Wyn.

  Now, they came back to haunt me.

  ***

  Wednesday nights always broke up just after closing time. Mid-week and money tighter than a fan belt, Tommy’s wallet wouldn’t get fed until Thursday evening, so it tended to be just me and Shirley. I fancied myself as a night owl, but Shirley was in a class of her own. Wednesday became our night, drinking and talking our way through the small hours. We drank, she smoked, we laughed, she talked, I listened and loved it. Night people, I found her sexy in an exceptionally earthy way; up close it was easy to see why she excited men so much.

  Shirley had cheekbones like Ursula Andress, the shoulders of a tennis player and legs like a dancer. She tiptoed past fifty without a mark, teased me about things, gently mocked my clothes and the fact that I never had a girlfriend for longer than a few weeks. All true, but I loved her daughter-in-law and hated her son. Deep down, she knew about the latter and must never find out about the former.

  Shirley talked about anything and everything, no taboos – she became shockingly frank at times. I enjoyed listening; it wasn’t like some poor imprisoned barman listening to a tiresome, gloomy drunk. She moved her glass around; hardly enough gin left at the bottom to move the lemon.

  I said, ‘One for the road?’

  ‘Thanks lover – nice to see you’re not as tight as your old man.’

  I smiled, feeling obliged to defend the indefensible, ‘He buys one now and again.’ I glanced over my shoulder as she looked at herself in her powder compact. ‘No need, Shirley, you can’t improve on perfection.’

  ‘Careful what you say to women of a certain age.’ She fished around in her handbag for a light, the unlit cigarette bouncing around in her mouth as she spoke. ‘We’re easily led.’ She stared hard at me, an invitation? Should I see if she fancied a coffee? That question had been on my lips and steadfastly remained there, afraid to ask, wondering what her response would have been.

  A drunken Christmas Eve kiss gave me my answer, anyway. I had got home just after midnight to find a party in full swing. We flirted – a harmless drunken late night flirt. Then I went to the toilet, vomit all over the floor in the gents, I couldn’t face it, turned and went into the ladies. She waited outside, surprised to see me come out. Shirley leant against the wall, amused, such a gorgeous smile. ‘What’s wrong with your own toilet?’

  ‘Nothing – I thought if I wait here long enough, you’re bound to come along eventually.’ I showed her the palms of my hands, ‘And here you are.’

  A happy, natural, drunken kiss. Shirley neither pushed against me, nor pulled away; she kissed with her mouth slightly apart and her hand touching my cheek. We broke away and stared at each other for a second before kissing again. I slid my hand under her sweater, my fingertips on her right nipple causing her to pull away.

  ‘I don’t think so.’ Smiling, no offence taken, ‘You’d better be getting back.’

  I placed my cheek against hers and whispered in her ear, ‘Shirley – Shirley, you’re such a sexy woman.’

  ‘And you – just like all men your age, I’ve said it before enough times, you’re more trouble than you’re worth. What’s up, draw a blank in town tonight?’ She pulled back, her hand still on my neck, ‘Something to have a laugh with your mates about, an older woman?’ Shirley smiled again, ‘Happy Christmas.’

  We kissed again, briefly – a full stop that’s far enough. Her full stop to my comma; that’s when I saw Ron, stood still behind Shirley and staring hard at me. Our eyes met briefly before he looked away and disappeared through the toilet door.

  Momentary alarm flashed across Shirley’s face as the toilet door slammed close by.

  She said, ‘Who was that?’

  I shook my head, ‘No one.’

  Should I have told her? Probably as things turned out, but I felt too drunk, too insensitive. I was more concerned with her rebuff, she wasn’t interested in me when I thought that I was irresistible. But that’s the beauty of a fantasy, unfulfilled, always a thing of electrifying purity. I used to think of her as I went to sleep – often, every night sort of often, an older woman fuelling my dreams. Deep down, I wanted the question unasked; I liked it that way. It kept my daydream untainted, my fantasy had changed focus; now I’d found Kathy, lost Shirley and discovered madness at the same time.

  ‘Give us a light lover.’ I passed a box over; she lit up and put the box in her handbag. ‘What were you thinking about?’

  I shook my head and shrugged, ‘Nothing, can I ask you something?’

  That steady, unnerving gaze came my way again, ‘What? Do you want me to tell you some of my dark past?’

  My eyebrows shot up and my heart jumped about, banging against my ribs, ‘Yes please.’

  Smoke drifted from Shirley’s nose and mouth as she said, ‘It’s your lucky night, I feel like talking. Your question first.’

  I took a deep breath. ‘When I was smaller, Ron always frightened me. I suppose he had it so tough – in the war I mean.’

  ‘Hmm, while I messed about with Americans, is that what you mean?’ Her eyes never blinked, ‘I still feel so bad. I’ve treated him so badly at times. He changed so much when he got back after the war. I always ask myself if it was the war, or the way I treated him?’

  ‘You still look after him, do his washing. Feed him most days.’

  ‘That will never make up for what went on. I’ve loved the same man twice and Ron, well, he wasn’t that man. Th
at’s shocked you, look at your face, I’m not sure I should say any more.’ But she did, ‘I fell in love with a man who owned a club in London.’

  Shirley obviously didn’t know what I knew. I almost said something, my mouth hung open for a few seconds, but then I thought better of it. I wanted to hear another side to all of this. I beckoned her to carry on.

  ‘Peggy and me were school friends, she wrote to me from time to time. 1942 and she was on an anti-aircraft battery on the east of London. Told me she was having a whale of a time, whereas I’d been having a tough time in a village, people watching my every movement. I just upped and joined your mum. We went out together when she was on leave, I went out on my own when she was on duty. I had a ball, then met this club owner and I fell head over heels.’

  ‘Ron never knew?’

  She snorted smoke my way, ‘He’d been away nearly six years, I did write a few times.’ She shrugged, ‘But I dreaded his return; I was a few weeks pregnant when he left and a few weeks pregnant when he got back.’

  My mouth hung open again. Finally I said, ‘Bloody hell, that’s some gestation period. How did you get around that one?’

  ‘It’s complicated; you couldn’t have known that we had to get married in the first place.’

  I shook my head and said. ‘I remember dad making Tommy laugh. Tommy said that Ron would have been in Poland when the baby was born. Dad said that balanced things nicely because he wasn’t anywhere close when you conceived.’

  Shirley laughed, ‘Harry’s told me that one enough times.’

  ‘When Ron’s not around, I hope?’

  She nodded and her eyes misted a little at some distant memory. ‘Just before he shipped out, we got married in a rush. I was pregnant, and for your information, Ron was the father. Two months later he got caught at Dunkirk. I lost the baby and it broke my heart to tell him in a letter. When the war ended, I kept imagining him on his way home, thinking about me and the six-year-old child we’d lost. I did the wrong thing, I should have told him everything; tell him I was pregnant again and loved someone else.’ She gave her head a gentle shake and then a little sigh.

  ‘Jesus, what did he do when you told him?’

  ‘I lied, he was upset enough about the baby we lost, but what would you have done? Same as me, I expect; I had never told him I was pregnant.’ Shirley stared, I shook my head and looked at curtained window, ‘Good job as it happened, something had happened anyway, between me and my big-shot lover. Ron told me that he ran off with one of the dancers in the club. I’m sure Ron’s always thought that he was Kenny’s father, I know what you lot think about him, but don’t forget he owed me nothing and I think he knew about the affair. But he looked after me when I was alone.’

  Her icy eyes stared at me, rock solid, unsettling, am I shocking you? I’d spent all of my life trying to outrage women and all the time it’s me that ends up disturbed. Any women talking the way she did would have bothered me, not that I minded – I enjoyed it, an enjoyable indignation.

  ‘I take it you behaved yourself. Until Wyn came along anyway.’

  Her lips came together, thoughtful for a few seconds before, ‘I behaved myself – just.’ Shirley fumbled for her cigarettes. She frowned, as if an important decision was about to be made. Shirley nodded a couple of times and said, ‘Just before Wyn came on the scene, I had a fling with a younger man. I never loved him, but he was good fun.’

  Was he a mechanic?

  A question for another time, but Shirley was flowing nicely at the moment. She might just tell me anyway. ‘I hope you were discreet?’

  ‘Of course. He had a terrible accident and that’s when your wicked Uncle came along. Consoled me like only he could.’

  ‘Ron never knew about your fling?’

  ‘It was more than a fling.’

  ‘Not with Wyn – the younger man?’

  ‘No. I’m certain of that.’ Shirley shook her head and snorted quietly to herself, ‘Am I bad?’

  I lowered my gaze, Kathy used exactly the same words a few days ago.

  Shirley lit another cigarette, ‘Despite what everyone says about me, I’d never messed about much. You listen to Harry and his cronies, you’d think I’d slept with every man in the county.’

  ‘Bar one.’

  She rested her warm palm on the back of my hand, stared at me. ‘Poor Stu – yes, bar one, but it wasn’t like that. Wyn made me feel like a million dollars. He’s a very sexy man.’ She gazed at me and smiled, ‘You’re like him in many ways – not so smooth, you’re both a dangerous combination, good-looking and a bit vulnerable.’

  ‘Me! like Wyn?’ Startled that anyone could think that, I said. ‘I’m not a short arse.’

  Shirley smiled, then suddenly her eyebrows slumped and the tobacco smoke hissed out. She shook her head then brought her eyes up to mine and frowned.

  ‘I pretty much ignored Kenny with all this stuff going on; God, what a mother I never turned out to be.’ Shirley shook her head in patient sadness, ‘You see, Wyn and I decided to run away. Wyn begged me not to tell anyone; I couldn’t do that. I had to tell them, before they both left in the morning. Kenny’s fifteen by now and I told both of them – I’m off. Neither of them said a thing. Ron put his jacket on and went to work – never said a word. Kenny – well.’

  ‘I can guess when it was, the first day back at school?’

  She seemed impressed that I knew. ‘Oh, you’re clever tonight, I told the pair of them; Wyn had found a Post Office in a small town in Norfolk. Move right away – it would have worked, I know it would have worked. Of course, Ron knocked things on the head well and truly.’ Shaking her head and pushing her glass my way, ‘I’ll regret it for the rest of my life, saying anything to Ron. I should have just upped and gone. Kenny would have been all right. When Wyn came out of hospital, he tried to whisk me off. Kenny begged me not to see him again, but what could I do? Ron was in prison by now, I had no choice. So I waved happiness goodbye and became a mother again. Despite me, Kenny’s turned out okay.’

  I felt a passing cloud drift in front of my eyes; Shirley latched onto it; she was so sharp tonight. ‘No need to look like that – Kenny never tried to push you off the scaffolding. That’s Harry and Tommy again; the pair of them are worse than any woman.’

  I couldn’t argue with the last bit, gold medal gossipers and no doubt about it, but…

  She brought me back, ‘He’s done really well.’ Shirley’s profound satisfaction at Kenny’s manifestation from nasty bastard bully into a member of the human species was apparent. ‘Kathy gets all the credit – she’s the loveliest girl, we get on so well. They’re such a lovely couple.’

  I looked down at my shoes, desperate to change the subject. ‘If you only loved the same man twice, does that make the wartime club owner Wyn?’

  She nodded; I think Shirley expected me to ask the obvious question. But I kept looking down at the floor; I didn’t need her confirmation that Kenny was my cousin.

  ***

  Connections – so many to make, and the veracity of all of them more questionable than a lurid headline in the News of the World. Curiosity drove me on, I rang Suzie. Icicles came out of the phone at me.

  ‘What do you want? If you think I’m going to see you…’

  ‘Please Suzie, listen. One question and I’ll leave you alone forever. It’s very important.’

  A freezing silence followed and I took that as permission to proceed. ‘Did you know who your husband was having an affair with?’

  A nanosecond later, ‘Shirley Catmore, the fucking bitch, of course. The whole world knew, apart from me of course. Why?’

  I said, ‘Did Ron know? Did her husband know?’

  ‘That’s two questions.’

  ‘Please Suzie, it’s important to me.’

  ‘I don’t know – now please leave me alone.’

  The phone went dead. Suzie had cut me off, forever, I guessed.

  I needed Jack rig
ht now, to saddle up my new and improved hobby horse and ride it past him. Ron’s strike rate of attacking his wife’s lovers had doubled. Surely there was a correlation? I thought about ringing Jack; now, that would annoy him. I sighed at the phone and as if to answer my resignation, it clattered into life. I picked it up and got a few seconds silence. Kathy never spoke until she’s established who she’s talking to. It could be mum, or worse – Shirley.

  I said, ‘Hello?’

  ‘Stu – are you alone?’

  I nodded, like she would see me nod.

  Breathless as she said, ‘It can’t go on. He’s going mad.’ Kathy was talking in machine gun bursts. ‘I can’t stand it, it has to stop.’ A final burst, ‘We can’t see each other again. I’m moving away, leaving this whole mess behind me.’

  ‘Kathy, no!’ Another punch in the chest, ‘Not like this, we’ve never even had an argument, a disagreement, anything – please… Please don’t end it like this… Please!’

  It was a plaintiff whine from me; I don’t know what response she expected. I think that I surprised her by the feeling, the hurt and anger in my voice. It seemed as if she tried to keep a hard edge to her voice.

  ‘I’m so unhappy – no more, it has to end. Meeting your uncle like that totally unnerved me. I freaked all the way home – no more.’

  I shouted, ‘Fuck you!’

  The world fell silent for a few seconds, perhaps she was holding her breath just as I was. I broke the silence with an exasperated cry, ‘Say it to my face.’ My head span like a planet about to fly off its axis, my chest ached as I raged into the mouthpiece, ‘Say it to my face.’

  She cringed down the phone, just as she could see me nodding down the line I could sense it coming back at me.

  Please don’t be like this.

  ‘Stu, please – I have to do this, I’m so frightened. He’s in trouble, won’t tell me what. Don’t lose it with me now please, I’m so confused and unhappy. Ron undid a button on my blouse yesterday, leered away as he did it…’

  ‘I’ll kill…’

  ‘No, Stu – it’s easier if I just leave.’