Forbidden Love (Needle's Kiss Book 3)

by Lola Stark

  “Nope. You’ll go back when Scar says you’re ready, and not a minute sooner.” I attempted a half-assed glare in Mace’s direction, which he shot down with a shake of his head. “The rent on your apartment has been paid up a couple more weeks anyway… and Haven, there’s something you should know.”

  “What?” Was I being evicted? Had I forgot some bills? I wasn’t sure I could handle anything else.

  “Dylan made some arrangements before…well, before he went.” His voice was slightly distorted as I tried my hardest not to focus on the blinding pain that seared though my chest when Dylan’s name was said aloud. “He left you some things.” Mace cleared his throat and reached over to the bedside drawer.

  “I know. He didn’t have any family left.” I looked around the bedroom at Dylan’s meagre belongings. His clothes hung in one side of the open closet. A small chest rested in the corner containing the last of his own memories of his life, photos, mementos, paperwork and documents. “That teddy bear is my favorite thing I think. He won it for me when the fair came to town. “

  “I don’t mean that stuff, midget.” Mace sat up a bit straighter and clutched a manila envelope in his hand. “A lawyer stopped by yesterday. Dropped off some paperwork for you.”

  I was completely confused by that point. Dylan had never mentioned anything to me. We hadn’t even talked about what he wanted me to do with his truck.

  “What do you mean?” I wrung my hands in my lap, an uneasy feeling blanketing me.

  “Here. This is for you. I’ll give you some space to read through it. We’ll all be out here if you need us.” Mace handed the manila folder to me and dropped a kiss on the top of my head. Pushing off the bed, he slipped out the bedroom door.

  I must have sat there for a solid ten minutes holding that folder in my hand. Staring at it while it all but burned a hole in my hand. I wasn’t sure I could open it. Everything that was left of Dylan was contained in this one thin piece of cardboard. Everything except my memories.

  Dear Haven,

  I should start this off with the usual ‘If you’re reading this …’ But that would be obvious.

  I have asked my lawyer to deliver a few papers for you, including this letter after my time is up. While we had a little time, it still didn’t feel like enough to tell you all the things I need you to know.

  Haven, you came into my life in my darkest hour. In the days before I met you, I was setting myself up to leave this world. My tire blew on my trip to nowhere and you, beautiful girl, were like a shining beacon calling to me on every level. You saved me. Had I never met you, my journey would’ve ended long ago without ever knowing the true meaning of love. You gave me hope in an otherwise scary and desolate time. I never thought for a second I’d fall in love with anyone in my much too short lifetime.

  Even as I write this letter, it doesn’t feel like enough. You, Haven, are my Angel. You were exactly what I needed and never knew I wanted.

  I consider myself the luckiest man in the world to have known your love.

  Can you still see the page? I know, by now, enough time has passed for you to hopefully be healing. I want you to know, I love you. I love your strength, your zest for life, your spunky little attitude. I could go on and on about even the little things…

  The way your hair smells like raspberries and vanilla. I loved burying my nose in the side of your neck, just below your ear. It was always the strongest there; as if your conditioner wasn’t always rinsed away. I loved the feel of your butter-soft skin, which always looked sun kissed. It made me want to kiss you all over. I was jealous of what the sun was able to touch, and I couldn’t get enough of.

  To look at you. Damn, looking into your eyes when they first opened in the morning was like stargazing. I wanted to count the sparkles, my sparkles. The ones I knew were just for me.

  And your laugh, that tinkling sound that would start and drop into a full-out belly laugh over some of the most ridiculous things. You thought I was funny. I can’t tell you, sugar, how much that meant to me. We both know I’m not funny, but with you, I felt like it was me bringing all of those beautiful smiles to your lips.

  And lastly, your kisses. I could spend hours kissing you, tasting you, loving you. How do you think I came to call you sugar? I couldn’t think of any other name that would fit just how delicious you tasted to me. You are my sweetness in a bitter world. You are the sweet nectar that bees would be envious of. I couldn’t get enough. And no matter how many days, weeks, months, years, have gone by, don’t ever doubt my love for you.

  I went home knowing I had the love of my life by my side, my sugar. It was the best way to go, and I have loved every minute of every day with you. So, thank you for being mine. Thank you for showing me what true love is, and thank you for being brave enough to love me when you knew it wasn’t forever.

  I’ll never forget the way you made me feel and I’ll be waiting for you when the day comes for us to be together again.

  In the meantime…live.

  Live for me, live for us, but most of all, live for love.

  You’ll find it again, and when you do, never let go. You get another chance, sugar.

  Love enough for the both of us.

  With all my heart, forever.

  Dylan.

  His signature at the bottom was mottled from the severity of my tears. I couldn’t breathe. My hand clasped to my chest in an effort to pull life back into my lungs.

  I wiped the page, hoping I didn’t take the ink away with my fingertips. This was my last string to Dylan, his words, his name, his last everything; and it was in my hands. I didn’t know when he had time to write it, but I couldn’t have asked for a more perfect ending to our love story.

  Even from the grave, he was still remembering me, loving me, and he had shown me every day while he was alive. With his letter, he put his love down in words.

  Words I would cherish forever.

  Pulling myself together, I focused on the stack of papers laying on the bed. I lifted the first form from the pile.

  LAST WILL AND TESTAMENT OF

  Dylan Highsmith.

  I, Dylan Highsmith, being of sound mind, declare this to be my Last Will and Testament. I revoke all wills and codicils previously made by me.

  ARTICLE I

  I appoint Bing and Dumont Solicitors as my Personal Representative to administer this Will, and ask that he/she be permitted to serve without court supervision and without posting bond.

  ARTICLE II

  I direct my Personal Representative to pay out of my residuary estate all of the expenses of my last illness, administration expenses, all legally enforceable creditor claims, all Federal estate taxes, state inheritance taxes, and all other governmental charges imposed by reason of my death, without seeking reimbursement from or charging any person for any part of the taxes and charges paid.

  ARTICLE III

  I devise, bequeath, and give my 2014 Silverado to Haven Torres.

  I devise, bequeath, and give my personal belongings to Haven Torres.

  ARTICLE IV

  I devise, bequeath, and give all of the rest and remainder of my residuary estate as follows:

  100% of my savings in the total amount of $1,657,954.77 to Haven Torres.

  The rest of the form became one big blur as I dropped the paper in my hand onto the waiting stack sitting on the bed. My hands came up to my mouth in shock. I flicked back the duvet causing papers to flurry into the air and ran to the bathroom losing what little bit of lunch I had managed to get down.

  Jude

  I couldn’t take the sound of her grief any longer. I wanted nothing more than to burst in her bathroom and take her into my arms. I knew she had read his letter; her sobs ricocheted around her tiny apartment like they were broadcast over a loudspeaker.

  “Hey, I need to get out of here.” I tapped Mace on the shoulder and nodded toward the door. “Think she’ll mind if I take off for a bit? I won’t go far. I could use some fresh air.”

  Ma
ce looked me up and down, taking in my disheveled appearance. “Yeah, man, take all the time you need. We are gonna hang here for when Haven comes out. She’ll understa—”

  I didn’t let him finish. “No, I want to be here when she comes out.” I ran my hand through my unwashed mess of hair. “Just text me, okay? I’ll be close by.”

  Mace nodded again, Scarlett leaning against his shoulder.

  “Will do, brother. Thanks.” He stood, and held out his hand. I took it and gave him a firm shake.

  Scarlett reached past him and embraced me. “Don’t give up, Jude. You knew this would take time,” she whispered.

  “Yeah. I know.” I turned on my heel to get the hell out of there. My mind was wheeling with conflicted thoughts of needing to go to her and wanting to give her space. My head knew what I needed to do, but convincing my heart was another story.

  I didn’t know how much more either part of me could take.

  Jude

  “Can you gift wrap that please?” I asked the sales lady behind the glass counter.

  It had taken me three full weeks to leave Haven’s apartment for the first time, not counting the brief stints I spent outside; both gathering my thoughts and fighting claustrophobia from being caged inside her itty-bitty home. I had my staff taking care of the garage, and the boys had spent their time between Teeny, Scarlett and Ma, on top of visiting with Haven and me at her apartment in the afternoons. I had still been a little afraid to leave her completely alone, but she was starting to function. Now, five months after she had said goodbye to the man she loved, she was doing much better. Or at least she was trying. She was out of bed almost all day now, eating, drinking and being semi social. The first few weeks had been hard on her; however, she had gone back to work and was learning to live her life for the best again. I didn’t think she was ever going to be that sweet, innocent-yet-broken woman I fell in love with, but the stronger being that emerged from her sorrow just made me love her all the more.

  “Absolutely, sir,” she replied, taking out some soft pink tissue paper looking stuff and a bunch of ribbon.

  I slid my cellphone out of my back pocket and swiped across the screen, checking it again in case Haven had called and I’d not heard it. Never mind the fact that I had only checked it a dozen times in the ten minutes I’d been standing in the jewelry store.

  “Here you go.” The sales assistant slid a neatly wrapped box toward me and placed her hands on the counter. “A very lucky lady to receive that one.”

  “Yeah, she’s pretty special, but I’m the lucky one, ma’am.” I nodded to her and took the box, hoping my clammy palms wouldn’t ruin the wrapping. I made the quick ten-minute walk back to Haven’s apartment and headed up the stairs. Her gift clutched tightly in hand.

  She’d slowly started to open up to me over the last few weeks. I felt as though she may give me a chance to love her again. I was hoping, actually. And maybe this gift would be the start of something new and unwavering; just maybe we could build something amazing on the ruins of our hearts.

  “Haven?” I called out once I unlocked the door with the key Mace had given me months ago, and slipped inside. I registered the sounds of water hitting tile and the squeal of the taps just before it was shut off.

  “Be out in a minute,” Haven called, a cloud of steam escaping when the bathroom door opened. The smell of her body wash permeated the air. Fresh berries with a hint of vanilla. It was a scent I’d never get tired of. A few minutes later, while I was still pacing the living room, Haven stepped out of her room looking stunning as usual. A pair of those stretchy yoga type pants fitted her in all the right spots and her loose shirt hung just off one creamy shoulder. What I wouldn’t give to be either of those items of clothing.

  “What’s going on? Why’re you nervous?” Haven stopped walking and tipped her head to the side, examining my body language. She had always been observant.

  “I’m not nervous,” I fibbed, halting my rigorous pace. “I do need to talk to you though.” I indicated to the sofa, silently asking her to sit with me, to which she obliged. She tucked her legs neatly up under herself and hugged her knees loosely. Still trying as she might to hold herself together, or at least create a barrier between her and me. I didn’t dwell. I knew she was still working through the mess of her heart.

  “Out with it, Jude,” she pushed, waiting for me to sit down beside her; instead, I took a seat on the large oak coffee table just inches away from her curled up legs. Her toes hung off the edge of the sofa. My fingers from my free hand found them, and I brushed each digit gently. She was wearing a dark blue polish that had chipped on the ends.

  Her eyes never left mine as she wiggled her toes, welcoming my touch. I could tell she was still curious as to why she was even before me in this manner. “Jude?” she inquired simply.

  I held out the long, slender box, letting it rest on my palm. What felt like minutes ticked by before she reached out and touched it. The entire time my heart racing like I’d just run a marathon.

  “What’s this?” Her eyes flicked up from the box to mine, her fingertips still lingering on the ribbon.

  “Take it. It’s for you.” I lay my other hand on top of hers and curled her fingers around the box.

  I could see the look of hope spread briefly across her features. If I wasn’t paying attention, I might have missed it. Did she think it could be from anyone but me? I felt the need to clarify. “I saw this and knew it would be perfect for you.” I stammered through my words. “If you don’t like it, or whatever, I can take it ba—”

  Haven held up her hand to stop my stuttered words. “Shh, Jude. It’s fine. Please.”

  She slowly withdrew her hand, holding the thin rectangle gently, like it was made of glass, as she pulled on the ribbon, letting it fall to her lap. Then, she removed the paper and all that was left was to open the lid, which she did ever so smoothly. The light overhead caught the diamond, reflecting it’s light around the room.

  “Jude.” She sighed. “It’s beautiful.” She pulled the bracelet from its black velvet bed and held it up.

  “There’s a diamond heart that represents your heart, delicate and beautiful but stronger than anything in the world. There’s a teddy bear, ‘cause you like those, a handbag… Well, we’ve all seen how many of those you have. There’s a daddy’s girl charm for the obvious and a letter D charm, for Dylan.” I pointed to each charm her as eyes studied each one closely. She looked up at me with tears beginning to form. “Don’t cry, princess. I didn’t mean to make you cry.”

  She threw herself off the sofa and right into my arms, hugging me tightly. “Thank you, Jude. It’s perfect.” Pulling back too soon, she wiped her eyes and held the bracelet out to me. “Could you put it on for me, please?”

  I took it from her hand and wrapped it around her wrist, fiddling with the tiny clasp while she watched. When I looked up, her eyes were glued to me.

  “Jude? Why are you here? I mean, why are you still here, rather?” She grunted with frustration, her words not coming out like she wanted them to. “Why did you stay? This couldn’t have been easy for you.”

  “Haven…” I struggled to find the right words, so I moved to what I had to show her instead. This was the moment. The one I’d been waiting for. I stood and pulled my cell from my back pocket, tapping the screen until I found what I was looking for. “You need to hear something.” I looked up at her sparkling hazel eyes.

  “First and the most important reason, I love you, Haven. That won’t ever change for me. Even if it’s not returned—and I understand if you can’t return it. I do. I love you with everything I have. And I was a fool for not fighting for you in the first place.” I took a deep breath and let it out steadily, waiting for her to throw me out like she’d had every right to do. When I realized she wasn’t saying a word, just looking at me curiously, I continued, “And this.” I tapped the screen on my phone one more time and let the saved message play into the quiet room. Praying to all that was holy, she woul
dn’t fall apart again. Or worse, hate me forever.

  Haven

  The moment his voice filled the air, my heart stuttered and another little piece splintered off, stabbing me in the chest. I missed his voice so much it physically hurt.

  “Jude, Haven doesn’t know I’m calling you, but I need a favor. I’ve never lied to her or kept anything from her, but I’m breaking that promise right now.

  “She’s gonna need someone when I’m gone and she’s too stubborn to admit that. I’m telling you, I want it to be you. I need it to be you…she needs it to be you. Please, take care of our girl.

  “Haven still loves you, Jude. Be the man she needs you to be. Take care of her.”

  I buried my face in my hands and closed my eyes, remembering that dying wish he made. Remembering him asking me to promise…

  “Play it again, please,” I asked Jude from behind my hands. He did as I asked and Dylan’s sweet voice played out again. I could hear the moments where he was struggling for breath, but all of that was obscured by just hearing him again.

  Even in death, Dylan made sure I was cared for. He chose the one person I refused to let in and forced me to accept his one last wish.

  I felt my face flush with a brief flash of anger and hurt. He broke a promise to me, one that he swore he’d never break. He kept a secret, a secret that put Jude back in my life when I deserved nothing but the opposite. I had been so cruel to him, breaking his heart as he did mine.

  But I couldn’t erase the past; the black marring would forever be a part of me. But Dylan loved all of me; he put my aching, broken heart back together with tenderness and love. He also taught me a valuable lesson about forgiveness. I needed to forgive Jude.

  I needed to forgive myself.

  After all, if it weren’t for him, I would have never have met Dylan. Jude saved my life so that I may be in Dylan’s. And despite losing him, I was deeply loved by him. I was finally able to accept that I was deserving of love. Dylan’s love. Jude’s love. And my own love.