by Kaylee, Katy
His jaw tightened and he stood. “He’s not a knight in shining armor.”
“He’s better than us,” I quipped.
When he left the room, I held Hannah close.
“Mommy?”
“Yes, baby?”
“When will I see my daddy again?”
I kissed her head. “Soon. Maybe tomorrow.”
“Can I call him daddy?”
My heart ached at the beauty and sadness of our situation. “I think he’d love that.”
I held her for a few minutes more until she was nearly asleep. Then I put her to bed and went to the kitchen. Ben was drinking a cup of coffee from the pot I’d made when I hoped Ash and would stay to talk things out.
“What happens now?” he asked looking up at me.
“I don’t know.”
“The house is sold. Maybe you should go live with him,” he said. I wondered if maybe Ash taking care of me was what he wanted. It would be one less burden on him.
“What?”
“Yep. Full price. Some LLC,” he said.
“Pretty expensive investment property, but at least it’s sold and covers the outstanding mortgage.”
He looked up at me and I saw another completely broken man. “It’s very strange to be excited about having zero money.”
“It’s better than owing.” I sat across from him. “What are you going to do?’
“Right now, we’ve still got the office building so I can stay there until the bankruptcy is done. Then I don’t know. What about you? Now that he knows, he’ll provide for you. You can have your happily ever after.”
I shook my head, and sadness swept through me again.
“Hey.” He put his hand on mine. “Did he hurt you?”
“No, Ben. I hurt him. I hurt him beyond repair. I know he’ll provide for Hannah, but I killed whatever feelings he had for me.” I let out a cry. “He said he loved me. Oh God… and I never said it back. Ben, I’m the worst person.” I wept again.
He got out of his chair and came to me. “No, Beth. You’re a mom who was focused on her child. If he loves you, he’ll realize that.”
“Why would he bother? I kept his child from him. You hate him and tried to beat him up. He has no reason.”
“He has Hannah.”
I nodded. “Right.” I sniffed, working to get my crying under control. “How much time do we have to pack up and move?”
He shrugged. “We weren’t given a time. I hope to find out tomorrow.” He squeezed my hands. “I hate him, Beth, but I won’t deny that it’s some relief to know at the very least you and Hannah will be taken care of.”
“Hannah will be.”
“As her mother, you will be too. Even if things don’t work out with you two, he’ll provide for you because you’re Hannah’s mom.”
“I’m worried about you, Ben.”
“I know.” He looked down. I could see that he hated what he’d become as well. But he wasn’t able to overcome his demons. “Dad would be disappointed.”
“Dad would have no right to be. He created this. The business troubles and my life with Ash. I find it hard to forgive him for what he’s turned us into.”
“Too bad he’s not here for us to tell him.” He stood. “I’m heading up to bed. Are you going to be okay?”
I nodded. I was sure I’d live the rest of my life regretting how I’d treated Ash, but at least Hannah now had him. And he had Hannah. I’d have to settle for being happy with that.
27
Ash – Monday
I woke up early feeling hungover even though I hadn’t been drinking. I was emotionally wiped out. Beth had completely blindsided and broken me with her betrayal. My father had been complicit. Maybe he didn’t know Hannah was mine, but he separated me from Beth and had prevented us from contacting each other. Perhaps her father had done the same with my attempts to reach her.
Today was a new day. I’d quit Raven Industries, so there was no reason to go there. I had Jet, and my investments, so money wasn’t an issue. They could all go a day without me lurking about. Instead, I needed to get to know my daughter.
I rose, and was going to take a shower when there was a knock on my door. It wasn’t even seven in the morning yet. Who’d be here? I wondered if it was Beth, and a part of my heart jumped at the idea. That was until my mind reminded it what she’d done. Everything I thought about who she was and who she thought I was, was wrong. It was a difficult pill to swallow just how off-base I was.
I put my robe on and went to the door.
“Hunter. Grace. What are you doing here? Oh wait… did dad or Kade call you?” I asked as I remembered how I stormed over to my dad’s place the night before.
“Kade,” Hunter replied.
“Well I’m not in the mood—”
“I haven’t seen your place yet,” Grace said pushing her way in.
I looked at Hunter who shrugged.
“Wow, look at that view,” she said as she reached the living room. “Honey, why don’t you make some coffee? Ash looks like he could use it.”
“Good idea.” Hunter leaned closer to me. “I find it’s worthwhile to go with her on these things.”
“Since you’re marrying her, I guess so.”
“No, I meant you.” He nodded to Grace, who was now on the terrace. “You just have to listen.”
I didn’t want to listen, but I couldn’t find the strength to kick them out.
“I’ll get coffee.”
I went out on to the terrace and sat in a chair. Had things gone better, I would have been having coffee with Beth out here. Boy how wrong I’d been about that.
Grace turned and came to sit in the chair next to me. “This is truly amazing. All you Raven boys have spectacular homes, but this, this has to beat the rest. You can see everything.”
“I like it. Although I may have to sell it.”
“What, why?”
Hunter joined us on the terrace. “Can you smell Jersey from here?” He sat next to Grace. “Coffee is brewing.”
“Ash says he might sell it.”
“Would be perfect for a couple such as yourselves,” I said.
“Why sell?” Hunter asked.
“I’ll probably need to downsize my life a little. I quit last night.”
“We heard. I wish I’d seen it.”
“Hunter,” Grace chastised. She turned to me. “We’re here for you, Ash.”
“I’m not really in the mood to talk about it.”
She shrugged and sat back in her chair. “So, we’ll sit.”
I looked at Hunter. He grinned. “I think it’s part of her training. She’s got the patience of a saint. Let me get the coffee.” He stood and went inside.
“You’re just going to sit here and not make me talk?”
“Yep.”
“Why?” I liked Grace a lot for what she’d done for Hunter, but I wasn’t interested in being one of her clients.
“Because even not talking, you’ll know we’re here for you,” she said.
“Ash is the most introverted of us,” Hunter said, carrying a tray of three coffees and handing them out. “He doesn’t say much.”
“You’re the one that always communicated via scowls,” I said, inhaling the scent of the dark brew and then taking a big sip, needing the jolt.
“I don’t like to talk much either.”
Grace pursed her lips together. “You were pretty chatty when I met you. I think you focused on your sexual exploits and my breasts.”
Hunter’s cheeks turned red. “Passive-aggressive.”
“Me or you?” Grace quipped.
“Both, baby, both.” He leaned over and gave her a kiss. How I envied them. Last night, I thought I had that. Now I had nothing. No, not nothing. I had a daughter. My heart flipped in my chest. I loved that little girl instantly.
Next to me, they were quiet until Grace sighed and said, “You should really keep this place.”
“Why do you even want to sell it?” Hunter
asked.
“Like I said, I should probably cut back.”
“Jet is doing gangbusters. You have other investments.”
I looked over at them, not wanting to talk and yet, I did want to know what they knew. “What did Kade tell you?”
“You accosted dad demanding if he knew about Beth’s kid.” Hunter’s sharp eyes looked at me. “Your kid.”
Grace put her hand on mine. “You didn’t know?”
I shook my head, and swallowed the emotions that threatened to overwhelm me from how much had been taken from me.
“What are you going to do?” Hunter asked. Grace gave him a look like that wasn’t the right question, but I’d rather answer that than delve into my feelings.
“I’m going to be a dad. I’m going to see if I can visit her today.” I shook my head and closed my eyes as fear stabbed me in the gut.
“What’s going on?” Grace said quietly.
“What if she doesn’t like me? I’m her dad and she doesn’t even know me.”
“I think you’ll find that kids are very open people. And I suspect she’ll be very excited to have a dad,” Grace said.
“Beth wasn’t ever going to tell me.” That was the crux of my pain, I realized. I’d been ready to give everything I had, everything I was, to Beth, but she’d planned the whole time to skip town and never let me know I was a father. I looked at Grace, who had the most insight into people of anyone I’d ever met. “What is it about me that would have her think I wasn’t good enough?”
“It’s bullshit,” Hunter said sharply, earning him another look from Grace.
She turned back to me. “I doubt her decision had much to do with you, Ash. Mothers can be fiercely protective—”
“I would never hurt her.” I bristled at her insinuation.
“I know, and they can be selfish. She’s had five years to raise the child alone, believing things about you—”
“That weren’t true. I get that. I can even forgive that. But we’ve been seeing each other for weeks and she didn’t say anything. Hell, she hadn’t even let on she was a mom. I found out by accident.”
“I don’t know Beth, but I suspect she was afraid,” Grace explained.
“Of me?”
“Of what could happen. Would you reject the child? Would you take the child from her?”
“See,” I pointed a finger at Grace. “What is it about me that makes you think I’d do either of those things?”
“Nothing, man,” Hunter said.
“It’s not about you,” Grace continued. “It’s about her fears. About her wanting to protect her child.”
“Well, she’d going to have to learn to share, because there’s nothing that will keep me from that little girl.” I reminded myself that I needed to contact a lawyer. I wanted to protect my rights, and I wanted her to have my name.
Grace had a sweet smile as she looked at me. “What is she like?”
Immediately, I felt the tension dissipate as I thought of Hannah. “She’s like an angel. She favors Beth in looks, but she’s got the shape of my eyes. Oh, and a little dent in her chin like mine,” I pressed my finger into my chin.
“I can’t wait to meet her,” Grace said. “Not to get too psychological on you, but take your time with her. She’ll likely be excited to have a father, but as you said she doesn’t know you. She might need time to adjust, not just to you, but to the family.”
I nodded. “I understand.”
“When do you see her again?” Hunter asked.
“I’m going to text Beth to see if I can visit today. Now that I’m unemployed.”
Hunter shook his head. “We’ll see how long that lasts. Chase, Kade, and I are supposed to meet about the McAdams thing. Under the circumstances, do you want to let that go?”
The petty part of me wanted to let Beth and Ben suffer the consequences of their behavior, but they were Hannah’s family. And I wasn’t a very petty person. “No. I stand by it being a good deal.”
“You’re a better man than me,” Hunter said.
“That’s not true,” Grace said, clearly not liking Hunter putting himself down. She turned to me. “But most men wouldn’t want to help the people who’d brought so pain to them.”
“I’m not most men, I guess.”
“The Raven men are in a class all their own.” Grace stood. “Shall we get to the office so Ash can go have a playdate with his daughter?”
Hunter stood. “Absolutely.”
When they left, I did feel better and wondered how Grace had done that. No wonder Hunter was calmer these days.
I texted Beth, asking if I could see Hannah.
Yes. When and where? Her response was so quick, I wondered if she’d been waiting for me to contact her.
Does she like the park?
There was so much I didn’t know about my daughter and it made me feel guilty, even though my lack of knowledge wasn’t my fault.
She loves the park. We can meet you at the Balto statue.
I wasn’t sure where that was but knew I could find it on a map. I texted that I’d be there in an hour. There was a slightly longer delay, but then a text came in.
I told her about you, Ash. She’s very excited to know her daddy.
My heart swelled and the emotions forced me to sit down. She knew I was her father and was happy about it. I felt tears well in my eyes. It seemed amazing that a child could cause such intense emotion.
Finally, I texted back.
I’m very excited to know my daughter.
An hour later, I stood by the Balto statue feeling nervous and excited. I kept Grace’s words in my head about being patient and not overwhelming her. She didn’t know me.
“There he is, Mommy!” I heard. I snapped my head in that direction and saw Beth walking toward me holding Hannah’s hand. She was tugging on Beth’s hand and pointing at me.
I inhaled a deep breath, as once again emotion nearly brought me nearly to my knees. This was my daughter.
Hannah pulled her hand free and hurried toward me until she got about twenty feet from me. Then she slowed down and her expression turned nervous.
I started to panic. Was I doing something to scare her?
I squatted down to her level and tried to throw on an easy smile. “Hi, Hannah.”
“Hi.” She continued to walk toward me, but she was moving pretty slowly.
“It’s okay baby,” Beth said, keeping a few steps behind Hannah.
Finally, Hannah was close enough that I could hug her, but I didn’t.
“My mommy says you’re my daddy.”
I nodded until I could find words. “Yes. I can’t tell you how happy I was to learn about you.”
“You didn’t know? That’s why you were gone.”
“I didn’t know otherwise I’d have been there every day of your life. I’d have never missed any of it.” I glanced up at Beth, trying to keep my anger about that from showing on my face. I looked back at Hannah. “I’m going to try and make up for all I missed if you’ll let me.”
Hannah nodded as she reached out and pressed her little hands to my cheeks. “Can I call you Daddy?”
Good Christ, could my heart handle any more intensity of emotion? “I’d love it if you called me Daddy.”
She grinned and launched herself into my arms. I wrapped her up and made a silent vow to never let her go.
“Daddy?”
I choked back the tears that threatened at hearing her call me that. “Yes, honey.”
“Can we go to the zoo?”
“Anything you want.” I was going to give her the whole fucking world. I stood and clasped the little hand that she put in mine.
Beth wiped a tear from her cheek. “Well… you two look all settled. You can text me when you’re done.”
Wait, what? She was leaving me alone? “I’d prefer it if you’d stay. In case she needs something or misses you.”
Beth let out a shuddering breath. “I was so wrong.”
I frowned.
“Of course, you’d put her first. You’d think of her needs. I was wrong to be afraid you’d take her.”
Hell yeah.
She inhaled to gather herself. “I’d be happy to tag along.”
“Yay!” Hannah cheered next to me.
As we walked toward the zoo, I leaned closer to Beth. “There is one thing I ask… that I demand.”
Beth stiffened. “What’s that?”
“She takes my name.”
28
Beth – Monday
Ash’s demand was a reminder to me that I was letting old fears impact my judgment of him. All morning, I’d been worrying that he’d leave again. It would be one thing to abandon me, but to leave Hannah would be unthinkable. But Ash was on time to our meeting, and was now insisting on being a father, not just with his attention, but legally as well. I needed to do better at recognizing what a wonderful man he was. I needed to be better in who I was.
I planned to let him have her alone not because I didn’t want to be with them, but I knew I’d hurt him so deeply and I didn’t want that to intrude on his time with Hannah. But Ash, being insightful not only about his lack of experience with children but about the fact Hannah didn’t know him, and asked me to tag along.
We walked to the zoo and my heart swelled watching Hannah and Ash walk hand-in-hand. She chatted away about her love of mermaids.
“What’s your favorite food?” Ash asked her.
“I like hotdogs and macaroni and cheese.”
“Maybe we can get a dog later for lunch,” he said.
“Will I stay at your house sometimes?” Hannah asked him.
He glanced at me, before answering her. “I’d like that if you feel comfortable.”
“You can’t make me shrimpies. They make me sick.”
“How about we stick to hot dogs and macaroni and cheese?”
“Yeah. And ice cream. I loooooooovvvvve ice cream,” Hannah gushed.
“You know what, I do too. Maybe we can get some after out hot dogs.”
“Yay. Mommy, did you hear that?”