Surrendered

by Jennifer Sienes

  I tighten my hands until my knuckles hurt. I can’t leave it like this. Whatever it is, it’s eating away at her. “What are you afraid of, Tess?”

  Fingers pressed to her eyes, she sighs. “Telling you won’t change anything.”

  “You don’t know that.”

  She drops her hands. “You’re right. It might change things, but not for the better. I know we don’t have a great relationship.” She glances at me, licks her lips. “I mean, we barely tolerate each other.”

  I force levity into my tone. “It’s not as bad as that, is it?”

  “I suppose not.” A glimmer of a smile. “But I haven’t told anyone. Not my parents, not Julia. No one.”

  How could she have told her parents? “Wait. I don’t understand. I’m asking about something that happened a couple days ago.”

  She drops her head, red hair cascading forward, hiding her face. “Ten years ago.”

  My heart drops with a ker-thunk. Whatever this is, it’s tied to why she quit school. And if my instincts are correct… “You were raped.”

  Without raising her head, she nods.

  “But the other night…?”

  “I saw him.”

  My nails bite into my palms. I relax them. “Where?”

  She combs her fingers through her hair and raises her head but doesn’t look at me. “On campus.”

  Heat surges through me. “A student?”

  A sound escapes her lips—laugh to sob. “Teacher.” Lines form between her brows. “And I checked. Before I enrolled, I checked. He wasn’t—”

  “Teacher?” I push off of the couch. The space, it’s too confining. “You’re telling me a professor attacked you, and they still let him teach? Why isn’t he behind bars?”

  “I didn’t…I mean, I couldn’t…” Shoulders hunched, she hangs her head again. “I never turned him in.”

  “Why not?” I look at her, curled up like a beaten puppy, and lower my voice. Getting angry won’t help. “How could you let him get away with it?”

  She folds her arms across her stomach. “It wasn’t all his fault.”

  Sounds like a line she was fed. “Yeah? How so?”

  “I…I should have known better. It’s not like there weren’t signs.”

  “Signs?”

  “You know.” Her eyes dart to me and away again. “It’s not like I couldn’t tell he was attracted. I shouldn’t have agreed to meet him alone.”

  “Attracted?” I drop onto my knees next to her, squeezing the arm of her chair. “Rape is about power. It’s about control. It’s definitely not about attraction or love or even lust.”

  “Still. I should have known better.”

  I fist my hands to keep from shaking her. “I don’t care if you stripped down and paraded in front of him naked. No one has the right to do that, Tess. Why didn’t you tell anyone?”

  She swipes at her eyes. “It was his word against mine. I couldn’t prove—”

  “A rape kit would have been proof.”

  “Of what? He’d just say it was consensual.”

  I stand again, shoving my hand through my hair. “What about bruises?”

  “He said no one would believe me.”

  “He lied.” I press a hand to the ache in my chest. “Sean would have believed you.”

  “Dad would have killed him. I couldn’t take that chance.”

  I have half a mind to go after him myself. “So now what? You quit school again?”

  The whoosh of the kitchen door draws our attention. Katie, mug in hand, stands there. “Are you dropping out, Tess?”

  I look at Tess, check her reaction. She gives me a pointed look—pleads with me not to say anything. About what? School? The rape?

  Doesn’t matter. I’m done being silent.

  * * *

  Tess

  Jake’s question, echoed by Katie, bounces around in my head like a runaway racquet ball. The same question I’ve been asking myself since late Thursday night. How can I possibly walk on campus now, never knowing if I’ll run into him again? And if he remembers me…well, he knows I know.

  What was I thinking, telling Jake everything? I must seem like some kind of freak to him. Crazy, naive Tess. Hid herself away for years because she couldn’t face her shame. Maybe Julia’s right—I’ll grow old living alone, surrounded by cats.

  “Tess?” Katie stares at me like I’ve grown horns. “Are you?”

  My brain is sludge. “Am I what?”

  She sighs and looks at Jake, as if he’ll give her an answer.

  “Of course not.” Jake shifts, blocking Katie from my view. “Why would she quit school?”

  “But you just said—”

  “You misunderstood.”

  Yet another reason I shouldn’t have told Jake. He butts in where he doesn’t belong. “If you don’t mind, Jake, I’ll speak for myself.”

  He turns, hands in his pockets and shrugs. “No problem. Tell her.”

  I glare at him. He shifts from sympathetic to obnoxious as quick as a sneeze. “I need to talk to Katie. Alone.”

  I wait until he’s out of the room before pointing to the couch. “Have a seat.”

  Katie rolls her bloodshot eyes before easing onto the couch with the tentativeness of someone in pain. “If this is a lecture about last night, can it wait? I’ve got a monster headache.”

  “You don’t really expect me to be sympathetic, do you?”

  “A girl can hope.”

  “Hope away, but not a chance.”

  “I already know what you’re going to say, so can we just forgo the lecture?”

  “Afraid not.” She thinks she’s so smart. I wasn’t much different at her age. “Were you with Tony?”

  Mug to her lips, she just glares at me.

  “After I forbade you to see him?”

  “It’s no big deal, Tess. He took me to a party, is all.”

  “Oh, is that all.” I want to wipe the smug expression from her face. “A party. Drinking, even though you’re not old enough to be doing so. Hanging out with guys who’d take advantage of you in a heartbeat.”

  She scowls. “Jeez, Tess. You make it sound like I was hanging out in the ‘hood or something. It was just a college party.”

  Heat rushes to my face, cutting off my brain. How do I reach her? “Do you have any idea what could have happened to you? Not just at the party, but what about coming home? You both could have been in an accident. How would you have felt if you hurt or killed someone else because of your self-centered, immature behavior?”

  She places her coffee mug on the table. “Tony…he was…he was careful.” Not so quick with the answers now, and her hands are trembling.

  “If he had even one drink and drove you home, he wasn’t careful.”

  She hooks her hair behind her ear, eyes down. “Nothing happened.”

  “This time. You have your whole life ahead of you, Kitkat. What’s the big rush?”

  She shrugs. “Tony’s fun. He’s…he’s not like the guys at school.”

  “He’s too old for you. And if you see him again, I’ll fire him.”

  Her head snaps up. “You can’t do that.”

  “Try me.”

  “You have no right—”

  “I have every right. You may think you’re old enough to fit in with the college crowd, but you’re wrong. It takes one mistake. Just one and”—I snap my fingers— “your life is ruined. One car accident, one guy who takes advantage, whatever, and you’re wondering where it all went wrong.”

  Her eyes widen and she shifts to the edge of the couch. “Hey, Tess. It’s okay.”

  I swipe at my cheek. Tears? Great. She must think I’m a loon. Swallowing, I take a deep breath. “You’re on restriction.” I stand and pick the blanket up off the floor. “For the next month, you go nowhere but school and the restaurant. Understand?”

  “You can’t be serious. You’re treating me like I’m ten or something.”

  “You’re acting like you’re ten.” Ho
w I wish she was. It was so much easier then.

  Katie turns on the puppy dog eyes. “What if I promise not to go to anymore parties?”

  Unbelievable. I drop the blanket onto the chair and throw my arms up. “I restrict you and you counter with that?”

  “You really expect me to come home after school? When you’re not here to police me?” She’s got a point. “And if I don’t, then what?”

  “I…” What? I’ve no leverage over her. What would Dad do? “You’re not to see Tony.” I whisk my empty mug off the table. “Or I will fire him.” That much I can do.

  “This is stupid, Tess. In two years, I’ll be in college.”

  “Then in two years, you can date college boys.”

  “This is so unfair.” Katie continues to mumble, but I tune her out.

  I’m halfway to the kitchen and a rush of heat stops me. Katie in college. Possibly on the same campus. With Professor Fields.

  My gut clenches, and I make a bee-line for the bathroom. I’m going to throw up. Again.

  Chapter 21

  Tess

  Indian-summer sun filters through the towering trees, dappling the campus pathway in moving shadows. But it doesn’t penetrate the bone deep clamminess that fills me whenever I’m here now. For a brief time, I experienced a sense of hope—even if it was a false hope—walking through the campus without looking over my shoulder. To be free of the low-level anxiety residing just beneath the surface. To believe I can live a somewhat normal life. All of it gone in a moment.

  And I want it back.

  More than that, I want to eliminate the threat of Professor Fields’ evil presence. What if Katie decides to attend this school? Could I live with myself if he got to her? And how many other victims have there been since me or before me? Had I put a stop to it…

  Jake was right. Someone would have believed me. And even if they didn’t, I wouldn’t be living with the shame of silence. And I won’t live with it any longer.

  Once the fog cleared the other day, a couple things penetrated my muddled brain. When I saw Stephen Fields, he was talking to a young woman with more familiarity than a teacher-student relationship warranted. And I recognized her from one of my classes.

  Stephanie something sits in the front row of Theoretical Foundations, always attentive and prepared. She reminds me of what I used to be like. Eager, and pretty enough to draw the attention of a certain perverted professor.

  After class, I hang back until she leaves and then follow her out of the building. I split my attention between her and keeping an eye out for Fields. It’s a huge campus, but I’m not taking any chances. Stephanie hangs a right, and I side-step a body to keep up.

  “Tess.”

  Fingers grasping my arm shoots a rush of adrenaline through me. Heart kicking into my throat, I spin, ready to fight. But instead, an embarrassed laugh escapes. “Carol.” Hand to chest, I swallow down the fear. “You scared the life out of me. What’re you doing here?”

  Eyebrows drawn together, she tilts her head. “We were supposed to meet. Remember?”

  “Oh yeah.” Did I lose Stephanie? Stepping around Carol, I search in the direction the girl was heading. Yes. There she is. “There’s something I have to do first.”

  “Can’t it wait?”

  “What?” With a quick glance at Carol, I continue following Stephanie. “No. Sorry.”

  But rather than being deterred, she joins me. “I’m worried about you, Tess. Last week—”

  “I told you then it was nothing.” Stephanie steps into the parking lot. If I don’t catch her now… “Give me ten minutes. I’ll meet you at our bench, okay?” I don’t wait for a response, and I don’t look back. If I lose my nerve now, I might not find it again.

  I jog to catch up, my pack, slung over one shoulder, knocking against my back. “Stephanie.”

  She glances toward me but doesn’t slow down. Wondering who the crazy woman is following her?

  “Stephanie. Do you have a minute?”

  She turns, her steps slowing. “Do I know you?” Confusion clouds her eyes.

  My heart thumping in my throat makes it tough to breathe. I don’t even know how to approach this. “I’m in your Theoretical Foundations class.”

  Eyes clearing, she offers a smile and swipes her bangs back. “Oh yeah. I remember now.”

  “Do you mind if I walk with you a minute?”

  “Sure.”

  I glance at her as we walk. Blonde, tan, fit. She seems so young—or maybe it’s just I’m so old, as Mikaela pointed out on my first day in the classroom. Then again, I wasn’t much older than Stephanie when the attack occurred.

  “The class is tough, don’t you think?” She shifts her purse and reaches inside. Probably collecting her keys so she can be ready to bolt as soon as we reach her car.

  I tighten the hold on my pack. “I saw you talking to Professor Fields last week.”

  Is it my imagination or did her step falter? “He’s…” She clears her throat. “So?”

  “How well do you know him?”

  She stops and turns to me, straightening her shoulders. “What is this?”

  “You don’t know me, obviously, but I’m concerned about you.”

  Her eyes narrow and she takes a step back. “Concerned? Because Stephen—I mean, Professor Fields—talked to me?” She presses a hand to her chest. “What are you trying to say?” There’s an edge to her tone—defensive. Of him or herself?

  I could walk away from this. Right now. At least I’ve raised some suspicion. Maybe it’s enough.

  “He’s not who you think he is.” The sun in my eyes makes it difficult to assess her reaction.

  “Are the two of you having a thing? Is that what this is all about? Because I can assure you—”

  I hold up a hand and swallow the bile that rises. “Stop right there. We’re not having a thing. He’s…he’s dangerous.”

  She shakes her head, lips pinched, eyes glaring. “You have no right to slander his name. If this is some kind of sick payback…” She throws her hands up and steps away.

  Dear God! Did I just push her closer to him? “Wait, Stephanie. You need to listen.”

  “Stay away from me.” Head down, she speed-walks away.

  Now what? With a sigh, I turn and freeze.

  Not twenty feet away is Carol, hands on hips, that mother-look staring me down. “You want to tell me what that was all about?”

  “Why not? By next week, it just might be all over campus.”

  * * *

  Jake

  I do a slow drive-by of the house, checking the address against the one I nabbed from Anthony’s personnel file. He’s been avoiding me for three days. Aside from sleeping at the restaurant to wait for him to show, this is my only option.

  After parking the car around the corner, I hoof it back to his place. Or, more accurately, his mom’s place. If I remember something Katie said correctly, his dad hasn’t been in his life for some time. It explains a lot.

  Rock music blares out the windows. His mom must not be home. Climbing the few steps to the front porch, I check out the yard. Well kept. Anthony strikes me as the kind of kid who’d look out for his mom. The kind of kid who does the yard work and chips in on the housework. There’s hope for him.

  I knock on the door and wait. Nothing. Probably can’t be heard above the bass. With hands cupped around my eyes, I peer through a window to the right of the door and have a clear shot of the kitchen at the back of the house. Anthony’s got his head buried in the fridge. Between that and the music, there’s no way he’ll hear me.

  I head for the back of the house and check the yard for a guard dog before opening the gate. The back door has a window on the upper half, like the one at Tess’s place. Perfect. I don’t have to knock. Anthony spots me the minute I get to the top of the landing. If the fear in his eyes and hesitation in his step is any indicator, he’s not too thrilled I’m here.

  Opening the door, he gives me a tentative smile. “Hey, Jake.�
� Can’t hear the words, but I lip read.

  I raise my voice above the din. “We need to talk.”

  Leaving the door open, the kid half jogs, half walks into the other room, where I lose sight of him. Better not be running. When the noise stops, the silence is deafening. He comes back, places one hand on the edge of the door, and waves me in with the other.

  I step into the kitchen. “There should be a noise ordinance. You have any idea what that’ll do to your hearing?” Makings of a sandwich are on the counter, but otherwise, spotless.

  “How’d you know where I live?”

  “I have access to the personnel files.”

  He nods.

  “You’ve been avoiding me.”

  He crosses his arms, tucks his hands in tight across an over-sized red t-shirt. “Why would I do that?” Lowered eyes and shuffling steps give him away.

  I lean against the counter. “You usually show up before closing.”

  A shrug.

  “Probably best anyway. Took me this much time to cool down.”

  His eyes flick my way then down again. Scared.

  Good.

  “You have anything to say?”

  Another shrug. The kid’s a chatterbox.

  “We had the talk, you and me. Then I catch you groping Katie in the alley.”

  His head sinks lower.

  “Tess has a talk with Katie. Forbids her to see you. And now this.”

  He flicks a glance my way, worry lines between the eyes. “I didn’t know.”

  “Huh.” I pin him with a glare. “You didn’t know what?”

  “About Tess. Talking to Katie.”

  I push away from the counter to pace the kitchen. Not enough room to work up a good mad. “But you did know we’d talked.” I point from him to me and back to him. “Unless I was having that conversation with myself.”

  “No.”

  “What’d I say?”

  “That Katie…well, she’s too young for me. But you…you know…said you couldn’t stop us from seeing each other,” he mumbles to his shoes.

  “That’s all you got out of that conversation? You mean to tell me you missed the whole point of responsibility?”