Shattered Dreams

by Laura Landon

  Elly stiffened. She usually sensed his presence, but she’d been so lost in thought he’d surprised her. She readied her emotions for the jolt of seeing him, then turned around.

  She thought she was prepared, but she wasn’t. Her heart did a somersault.

  He was as magnificently handsome as ever, and the expression in his eyes when he looked at her caused every nerve in her body to tingle. But tonight there was something serious in his expression. A look she’d only seen once before, and that had been when Waverley held her at the top of the stairs.

  She swallowed hard.

  It was the same look he’d had when he thought he might lose her.

  “Your brother tells me you’re leaving London in a few days.”

  “Yes. I’m going to The Down. I like it much better in the country.”

  “So do I. In fact, my staff is packing right now.”

  Elly couldn’t hide her surprise. “You can’t.”

  “Really?” He arched his brows. “Why ever not? I enjoy the country better than London, too. There are no matchmaking mamas there to try to trap me into relieving them of their daughter.”

  Elly smiled.

  “My horses are there.”

  The smile stayed on her face.

  “And no one is there to watch me nurse my broken heart.”

  Her smile died.

  He crossed the room as if he weren’t in any hurry and came to a halt at the other end of the fireplace. He propped one elbow on the mantel and faced her. “I came in search of you because there’s something I need to tell you.”

  “Brent, plea—”

  “Hear me out, Elly, and please, just this once, let me have my say.”

  Her stomach churned with unrelenting nervousness and she gripped the handle of her cane tighter.

  “For the past several weeks, I’ve tried to cajole you into forgiving me. I thought if I used the charm I’d perfected since I was a green lad, I could make you forget how much I’d hurt you and how angry you were with me. But I was wrong.” He slid one of the miniatures on the mantel from one spot to another, “You’ve left me no choice but to bare my soul.”

  He dropped his hands to his side and faced her. “I love you Elly. I’ll never love anyone but you. I always dreamed I’d find the perfect woman – a woman to love, to have children with, and grow old with. But that was in my dreams. I never expected to find her in real life.”

  He pushed back his open jacket and eased his hands in his pockets. “Then I met you.” He smiled a hollow grin. “It was as if you walked out of my dreams and appeared before me in real life.

  “Oh, there was that silly agreement I made with your brother, but I didn’t once consider you’d take exception to it. There wasn’t a reason for you to find out what I’d agreed to, and if you did, I assumed you’d love me so much you’d brush it aside the same as I had.” He paused. “But you didn’t.”

  Elly took his moment of silence to gain control of her emotions. She couldn’t do this. Refusing him was so much easier when he teased her and tried to make her see the humor in what had happened. Hearing him seriously admit he loved her and was afraid he’d lose her tore her heart in two.

  “I’ve done everything I know to do to convince you that I love you. That I want to spend my life with you. That I want you to be the mother of my children. There’s nothing more I can say or do.” He laughed. “I certainly can’t force you to marry me. So, I have decided there is only one option left me.”

  A stabbing of fear raced through her.

  Brent paced the floor from the fireplace to her father’s massive oak desk, then back again. “This is your brother’s night. I will stay until his engagement is announced. Then, before I leave, I will ask you one final time to marry me. Whatever your answer, I will accept it.”

  Elly wanted to say something. She opened her mouth but couldn’t find the words. Even if she found them, they wouldn’t have done any good. Brent held out his hand to stop her from speaking.

  “Please, don’t give me your answer yet. I want to enjoy the evening with you. I want to walk with you through the crowded room and show you and everyone here how proud I am to have you at my side. I want to keep you close to me all night long so if this is the—”

  He paused. “Well,” he said, “I just want to have this one night with you.”

  Tears filled her eyes. When she blinked away the wetness, she realized with clarity the real reason she rejected him. It wasn’t because of the agreement he’d made with Harrison. Oh, it had hurt when she’d first discovered what they’d done, but eventually the pain wore off enough to admit that Harrison had formed his plan to save her from being hurt. And Brent had agreed to play his part because of the prize at the end. After all, he’d never met her. He had no idea they were going to fall in love.

  Her breath caught in her throat. Yes, Brent loved her. Somewhere deep inside her she’d known it for a long, long time. Perhaps since the first day she challenged him to race. If not then, soon after.

  She was the problem. She was the one who was afraid to let herself accept his love. She was the one who couldn’t trust that anyone could love her because of her limp. She was the one who was at fault but she couldn’t change what she knew would happen if she accepted his marriage proposal. As his wife, she’d be expected to attend functions like this and she’d be an embarrassment to him. Because of her, people would wonder why the magnificently perfect Earl of Charfield chose such a flawed wife. And eventually he’d hate her because of her imperfection.

  Elly looked up at him as the first tear spilled over her lashes.

  He stepped up to her and brushed the tears from her cheeks. “Don’t cry, sweetheart. I know I haven’t given you much to love.” He leaned down and kissed her on the cheek. “I’m sorry.”

  He took her in his arms and held her.

  She didn’t have the courage to step away from him. She wrapped her arms around him and for the first time, wondered if she could be brave enough to face her life with him. Wondered if she could overcome her fears and doubts and find the joy and happiness she knew she’d find as his wife. Wondered if—

  But if she couldn’t and this was their last night together, she wanted it to be a night she would always remember.

  “Will you give me this one night, Elly?”

  A myriad of doubts and fears raced through her. She wasn’t sure she was brave enough to expose herself to the crowd of onlookers. And yet...to be held in his arms this one night. To have this one last gathering of memories to cherish forever. To know that for one perfect night she’d been loved.

  She hesitated.

  Just this one night.

  Then held out her hand for him to take.

  The broad smile on Brent’s face was blinding.

  He reached for her and tucked her close. “Thank you, sweetheart.”

  Together, they walked across the room. His gait matched hers perfectly, as if they were two halves of a whole, as if he was the support she needed to be perfect.

  He wrapped his arm around her waist to be her anchor and kept her close to him.

  The din of conversation grew louder as they reached the entrance to the ballroom. Her heart beat faster, blood thundered in her head. They would see her now. The crowd of onlookers would watch her enter the room on the arm of the Earl of Charfield. Everyone would focus on them as they walked toward them and—

  She looked upward and met Brent’s gaze. She wasn’t sure what she expected to see, but the overflowing love and adoration she saw stole her breath.

  “Smile, sweetheart. I want everyone here to know how perfect we are for each other.”

  She gave him a smile she prayed indicated the depth of her love.

  His smile broadened and he lifted her hand to his mouth. “Come, my love. I want the world to know you’re mine.”

  Elly searched for an emotion to describe how she felt and the only word that came to mind was...perfect. For the first time in her adult life, she felt perfect. A
nd Brent was the reason.

  Because of his love and support, she was whole again.

  She was loved.

  ___

  The atmosphere in the ballroom was the same as every other social function but tonight was like nothing he’d ever experienced before. Tonight Elly was at his side.

  Brent smiled at everyone they met and wanted to laugh out loud at the confused expressions on their faces. Elly had been right. She told him no one would believe he could love her and he could see they didn’t. How blind they were. He could tell they didn’t see Elly’s strengths. They didn’t realize how deserving she was of his love and how undeserving he was of hers.

  He wanted to stand on the dais the Duke of Sheridan had erected to make the announcement of Harrison’s engagement and shout to the world that he’d finally found the woman of his dreams. That he’d finally discovered the woman with whom he wanted to spend the rest of his life. But most of all, he wanted to tell everyone how much he loved her.

  He looked at Elly as they made their way around the room. Her family was the first to make their way to her side to greet her. Brent could see by the excitement in their gazes they were overjoyed that Elly was part of the gathering instead of sitting in the shadows against the wall.

  “You look beautiful,” Cassie said, giving Elly a gentle hug. “So beautiful, in fact, that Lord Charfield pales in comparison.”

  Brent laughed. “Your assessment is perfect, my lady. Lady Elyssa far outshines me.”

  Brent gathered Elly closer. This was where she belonged – on his arm, at his side. As his wife.

  They visited with her family a little longer, then made their way through the crowd. He knew the stares and whispers made her nervous. Her grip on his arm tightened each time someone new came up to them. When they reached the open doors that led outside, he stepped with her onto the cool terrace.

  “Are you getting tired?” he asked when they were alone.

  “Not really. I’m just...”

  “Overwhelmed?” he asked, finishing her sentence for her.

  “Perhaps a little.”

  She smiled, but there was a hint of unease in her eyes. A flash of terror identical to the fear he’d seen that first night when her brother suggested Brent escort her in to dinner. She wasn’t comfortable with so much attention. “You’re doing marvelously, sweetheart.”

  “That’s because I haven’t made a spectacle of myself - yet.”

  “You won’t. And if you do, we’ll shrug it off tonight and laugh about it in the morning.”

  Her eyes opened wide as if what he suggested was impossible. “Come here,” he said and tucked her near. He took the cane from her arm and leaned it against the railing, then wrapped his arms around her. “I love you, Elly.

  “You—”

  He pressed his finger to her lips to silence her.

  “Nothing is important but you and me. Anything else can be ignored.”

  “But it can’t, Brent. It’s only a matter of time until something happens. You’ve seen the look in people’s eyes when they look at me – the pity. You’ve seen them stare at my clumsiness when I walk through the room.”

  “That’s because they don’t know you. They don’t love you like I do.”

  She smiled. “And I love you. But love isn’t enough. My brothers love me, but every time I attempt something and fail, I see the pity in their eyes, the guilt and regret on their faces. The day will come when you’ll wear that same look and I can’t bear to see it.”

  “So what’s the alternative? We both live our lives alone and lonely because you aren’t brave enough to take the risk that I won’t fail you? Are you really willing to throw away the thousands of ways we can prove the love we have for each other because of the few moments of embarrassment?”

  He brushed his fingers down her cheek. “Elly, those few times will be insignificant. Our love is all that’s important. Living our lives together is all that’s important. Loving each other and the children we will have together is all that’s important.”

  He stopped and cupped his hands on each side of her face. “Please, trust me. Do you think I’m not afraid you might come to resent me when I ask you to take risks you aren’t willing to take?”

  He pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead. “There are risks for both of us but I’m willing to take them. And I hope you are too because I can’t continue like this. I love you. I want to spend my life with you. But I need you to want the same thing.” He took a deep breath and prepared to issue the ultimatum that might destroy a future with her.

  “I told you I’d stay until Harrison’s engagement is announced. After your father announces Harrison’s engagement, I will ask you one final time to marry me. Whatever your answer, I will accept it. If you say no, I’ll walk out of your life and never come back.”

  He pulled her into his arms and held her. “But please think long and hard about what you’ll force both of us to give up if your answer is no.”

  “Brent, I—”

  “Shh,” he whispered. He kissed her once more, then lifted his head. “Listen. They’re playing a waltz.”

  She shook her head. “No, Brent. I can’t. Not here. People will see us.”

  “You can, Elly. You have me to rely on.”

  He saw the question in her eye, the doubts, the fear. But he’d issued a challenge, now he prayed her pride wouldn’t allow her to back down. “No one will see us.” He held out his hand and waited.

  She looked to the open doorway. “My brothers are watching right now.”

  “George?”

  She smiled. “Spence.”

  “Good. I want him to see what a remarkable feat you’ve accomplished.”

  She looked into his eyes, then lifted her trembling hands, slid them up the front of his jacket and wound them around his neck.

  He pulled her close to allow her to anchor herself like she’d done before and wrapped his arms around her waist.

  He held her scandalously close, then slowly moved to the music.

  She turned her gaze to where her brother stood. “Jules is watching, too.”

  “Don’t look at them,” he whispered. “No one matters except you and me.”

  She lifted her chin and locked her gaze with his.

  He held her close and moved to the music.

  “Are they still there?” she asked after a few turns.

  He smiled. “Yes, and so are your parents and the twins.”

  She looked to where her family stood.

  Perhaps if he had realized that the awe-filled looks of amazement on her siblings’ faces would have such an affect on her he might have tightened his grip. Perhaps if he hadn’t been so lost in the deep richness of her eyes, he would have anticipated that the sight of her mother swiping tears from her eyes would break her concentration. But he’d been so consumed with emotions he couldn’t explain, he didn’t realize what was about to happen until it was too late. Elly lost her footing and stumbled forward.

  He caught her, but not before she’d nearly fallen to the ground.

  Her arms flailed in desperation as she struggled to regain her balance, but her lame foot was no good to her.

  Brent reached for her and lifted her into his arms. “Are you all right?” he asked, tucking her close to him.

  She looked to the open doorway. Her entire family stood there as well as a large gathering of guests. The expressions on their faces could only be described as embarrassment. The expression on Elly’s was mortification. Her cheeks turned a deep red as she struggled to hide her shame.

  She stood before him. “Are you satisfied, Brent? Is this the performance our guests will come to expect when invited to our home? The Countess of Charfield stumbling clumsily from one room to another?”

  “Elly, no. That’s not at all—”

  Before he could explain, Harrison and George were at her side. Jules and Spence were close behind. They flanked her two on a side and eased her onto the nearest chair.

  Brent wai
ted until her family was assured she was all right, then stepped near her. “Elly?”

  She looked at him, the hurt and embarrassment visible on her face. “I can’t be what you want me to be. Please don’t ask me to be.”

  He stepped near enough to her so she had to look up. “What is that? What do you think I want you to be?”

  “Perfect.” She swiped her hand through the air. “I thought suffering through a Season was the most humiliating time of my life.” She laughed. “Now I know it wasn’t. Pretending I’m as normal as everyone else is a thousand times more embarrassing.”

  “You are embarrassed?” he said loud enough that her family looked at him. “How can being the bravest, most courageous, most desirable woman in the world be embarrassing? How can determination and resolve be humiliating? The person who learned to walk when the doctors said she wouldn’t, and rode when the doctors said she couldn’t, wouldn’t be embarrassed because of a misstep.

  “The woman who trusted me to keep her from falling when she learned to swing a croquet mallet, and relied on me to be her anchor so she could waltz, that woman wouldn’t have allowed something as insignificant as a near fall to affect her. That woman would have laughed in the face of defeat and risen to try again.”

  Elly stared at him with the same shocked expression as her family. Finally, she whispered, “Perhaps I’m not that woman any longer.”

  He looked deep into her eyes. He’d pushed her too far. He’d expected too much from her. But, didn’t she know that with him at her side, there was nothing she couldn’t do. “That would be a shame, my love.”

  She shook her head, then gave her father a frantic look. “Help me inside, Father. Please.”

  Brent watched her father assist her in rising, then followed behind her family as they surrounded her and took her away. He stopped when he reached the doorway, not sure he could endure the rest of the evening.

  He’d promised to wait until the announcement of Harrison’s engagement, but he wasn’t sure his heart could survive that long.

  ___

  Elly clutched her father’s arm as they walked through the ballroom. Her family had rushed to her side as they always did when she stumbled, but tonight the gesture of kindness made her feel more like a cripple than ever.