Another Stupid Trilogy

by Bill Ricardi

  Rick shared his plan with us, and we plotted out the fine details together. We would pit them against each other. Then when their forces were as depleted as possible, we would try to finish both sides. Ames’ highly detailed map came in handy, allowing us to incorporate exact distances and sources of cover into our plans.

  We decided that Toby and Will would focus on the elementalist, Ames and myself would focus on the necromancer, and Rick would fill in the gaps as needed. It wasn’t ideal. Toby would prefer to be fighting the undead of course, but Ames wasn’t really built to do damage to the salt elementals if the need arose.

  After another rest session to prepare the spells that we would need for tonight, Will, Toby, and Ames made a trip back to the surface. They wanted to make sure that the escape route was still clear, that the map was accurate, and while they were at it they could gather fresh packed snow. That way we could conserve our water supply.

  That left Rick and I to set up stuff and things for dinner. As I set the magical pot down on the stone desk, the tall human spoke to me in quiet tones.

  “Sorch. I just wanted to thank you.”

  I replied as I was taking out the dried herbs and peas to add to the soup. “Thank me for what?”

  The human rubbed the back of his neck as he considered the most polite way to answer. “You wouldn’t be considered the most seasoned adventurer around. Your experience with the world outside of the swamp is all rather recent. And yet, you’ve pitched in for your share and much more, time and again. I don’t think I’ll have any trouble convincing these guys to bump you up to full share on the next run.”

  I grinned toothily. “Thank you. You have my friend and mentor to thank for that. Shaman.”

  Rick asked, “Yeah? I’ve heard you talk about Shaman. How did he help you become a good adventurer?”

  I took out a couple of strips of jerky meat and my dagger. As I was cutting, I explained. “Shaman was an adventurer himself for a few years. Too curious for his own good. He would tell me stories of his travels all over the southeast, right up to the edge of the elven lands. His tales prepared me for this. And he pushed me out of the nest, so to speak.”

  The human smiled. “Good for him. I hope we all get to meet him one day.”

  I pushed back a little bit of homesickness so that I could reply, “I hope so too.”

  The trio were back with a sack of compressed snow. They reported no problems with the escape route. Confident that we had done our due diligence, I fired up the pot and melted most of the snow for dinner. Toby had an onion that he wanted to use before it went bad, so that was chopped up and added to the herbs, peas, and jerky. All said, it was a fine soup. I boiled up the rest of the snow for tea, and then we took turns behind the hanging blanket, watching through the porthole.

  As it happened, it was my turn to be the one who saw something. Undead figures were starting to gather on the left hand side of the large room. As in if on cue, hulking shapes started to gather on the right. I gave a running count as the forces started to marshal for both sides.

  “So in total I have four… yes, I think it’s four salt elementals. And about twenty of the undead. No sign of either mage yet.”

  Behind me, on the other side of the blanket, I heard Ames say, “I’m glad we didn’t try a head on attack.”

  Will said, “Fight smarter not deader.”

  Toby commented, “That’s an awful phrase.”

  I was more focused on the impending clash of forces than the banter in the room. Each side was standing close to their respective walls. It was almost like a game board. I called over my shoulder, “What happens to these armies if they lose their leader?”

  Toby answered. “Depending on how strong the enchantments are, they will either fall apart or go rogue. I wouldn’t count on the former, but it will be a happy day if killing the controller kills the beasts. Needless to say, let them pound on each other as much as possible.”

  My shift ended before anything more interesting developed. I jotted down some notes in my journal as Ames used their keen eyes to monitor the situation. Once I finished writing, I closed my eyes and did my best to relax.

  “It’s happening.”

  The tense feline rumble jolted all of us to full awareness. Weapons were readied, gear stowed, and boots laced as the were-cat explained the situation.

  “Salt appeared first, and the elementals started to shamble forward. Then the necromancer, who could be Salt’s twin brother for all I know - they certainly look alike - emerged from his passage. The undead are moving to meet them in the center of the room. They’re both casting spells and-”

  Ames never finished that sentence. At the same time, the thunderous sound of a Lightning Bolt and the rumble of what sounded like an earthquake shook the room.

  “Okay.” the cat’s voice was shaking a bit. “Two of the elementals were hit by lightning, they were damaged. Some of the undead were just impaled by an eruption of stalagmites and stalactites. They’re clashing now. Salt just conjured and hurled a bunch of stones the size of my fist at the simulacrums. Some of the fallen zombies just got back up, the necromancer reanimated them.”

  Rick said, “Okay Ames, get out of there and get ready. Listen for whatever the next volley is, and we go right after. Take the wide route, stay out of the main melee. Our goal is to kill the mages, not the pawns.”

  Toby cracked the door open a fraction so that we could just push through when the time came. We didn’t have to wait long. Over the din of melee we heard a kind of shattering explosion, presumably Salt turning a slab of rock into deadly shrapnel. Whatever the necromancer did was lost under that wave of pressure and noise.

  Ames and myself lost sight of the others almost immediately. We sprinted down the ramp past the entryway. The pair of us charged south, hugging the wall as tightly as possible. One of the undead that was serving as a rear guard did notice us, however. The simulacrum pointed towards us and opened their half rotted jaw in a silent cry of alarm. Apparently the necromancer ‘heard’ his creation, and he spun to face the two of us.

  I skidded to a halt and started casting quickly, having already palmed the component from my pouch as we ran. The bolts of acid struck the undead fiend along the chest and pelvis. It quickly shambled towards me as some of the frozen flesh and brittle bone started to melt away. The way was clear for Ames. As the cat nimbly kicked off the wall to change direction, a Fireball blossomed somewhere behind us and to the right. That was either Will or Rick, or both.

  The necromancer was calmly casting as Ames changed direction and made a beeline towards him. He finished with the were-cat less than ten paces away. There was a sudden bolt of darkness that seemed to pass right through my feline companion. Ames crumpled, as in if all of the cat’s bones had turned to rubber.

  I screamed, “No!” Rather than sidestep the charging zombie, I stepped forwards as I ducked. It’s sword was uselessly high, and the stupid creature tumbled over my back as I straightened to my full height. With a disdainful glare over my shoulder, I cast a Force Bolt at it. The frigid simulacrum’s chest caved in, and it stopped moving. I stalked towards my living foe, hatred in my eyes.

  Ames had manage to crawl up to the spellcaster and grab at a boot. The evil mage launched a sharp kick at the were-cat’s leather clad ribcage, sending my friend rolling away with a weak wince of pain. We started casting at the same time, him holding a skeletal doll of some sort, and myself bare handed. His gestures were elaborate and foreboding, while mine were tight and jabbing. It came down the choice of spell. Simple was generally shorter.

  My tactic was very simple.

  The sphere of Silence struck a target who was quite willing to give up all resistance. Ames was the epicenter of the spell that literally struck the necromancer speechless. There was a moment of confusion in the elf’s pale eyes as his casting fizzled.

  I was already quite drained, not able to reason at the highest levels, but my next move was still calculated. The necromancer couldn’t hear
the bellow of rage as I charged him. But he certainly felt the force of an orc tackle, forced to absorb the impact of someone nearly one and a half times his own weight.

  I didn’t let the eerie silence bother me as my right hook shattered the elf’s nose. I didn’t allow the pain of bruised knuckles to stop me from punching the bastard right in the throat. But the bleeding, gasping fiend did stop me. With a strength that was completely unnatural for such a frail body, the necromancer grasped my wrists. He forced my arms up and back, slowly. I bellowed into the silence and tried to surge forward again, but only managed a stalemate. Eventually my spell would wear off and he would be able to summon help. I cast my gaze about, looking for some way to get free, to end this quickly.

  The blade that slipped into the elven mage’s arm surprised us both. Ames, stretched out to full extension on their belly, had landed a blow. It was a weak thrust, and a minor wound at best. The gouge to the upper shoulder didn’t even cause him to loosen his grasp on my wrists.

  But it did deliver the poison.

  Slowly the necromancer’s features twisted, as the pain and fever overtook his body. Already somewhat dazed from my blows to the head, he wasn’t mentally or physically ready to fight that venom. Muscles spasmed, and my hands were released. A haymaker to the jaw sent the evil creature into the realm of unconsciousness. A slow, deliberate sword thrust from my prone companion pierced the ancient elf’s neck, sending him at last to the land of the dead.

  I rolled to my feet as the Silence upon Ames expired. Looking behind us, I saw only chaos. The salt elementals were half melted, half rubble. Much of the undead army was either destroyed, or scorched and useless from all of the missing limbs. I reached in my pouch for some spider silk when I noticed two of the ice zombies staggering through the smoke and the phosphorescent glow of moss. My Web pinned them to a stalagmite. The remainder of my excess intellect was drained away. I was a creature of instinct now.

  By instinct, I hurried to my companion’s side, and carefully helped Ames with whatever they were doing; in this case sheathing the poisoned sword. Then I half dragged, half carried the feline to the eastern wall and hoped that the rest of the group had fared well. A minute later, three figures stalked through the smoke, laying to waste the remainder of the crippled undead army with Magic Missiles, Fans of Flame, and the flash of a broadsword.

  I called, “Toby! Help!”

  The largest of the three figures pivoted towards my voice. He lumbered over quickly. The very mortal blood staining his weapon told me all I needed to know about the fate of Salt.

  “Dark bolt. Ames weak.”

  I helped to hold the semi-comatose cat upright as the minotaur examined them in the moss-light. The lack of physical wounds and my primitive description of what happened told the paladin all he needed to know.

  A giant golden brown furred hand grasped my shoulder. “I can do a little, but not much. Ames will need time to recover. It was negative energy, the tool of necromancers.”

  At the time, the words danced through my head and seemed to fall out without much traction. I watched, mutely, as the big man set down his sword and invoked the minor divine healing spell, calling upon the grace of Aro-Remset. Then he did it again, channeling the rest of the power that the day would grant him. Ames managed to murmur something to our horned friend. He nodded, and fished a couple of coca leaves from the cat’s belt pouch. He popped them into the were-cat’s maw, where they were slowly pulverised by those sharp teeth.

  In the back of my mind, I knew that the paladin could invoke the laying of hands tomorrow morning, and that was likely to have a greater effect. But that didn’t stop me from clutching Ames’ back to my chest tightly, and refusing to let go. Toby just nodded at me, picked up his sword, and then rejoined our human companions to secure the area.

  I don’t remember the gathering of loot from both Salt’s cavern lair and the necromancer’s chamber. I guess that they left me to guard the weakened Ames rather than press me into duty. I vaguely remember retreating to the large room on the first floor to enjoy the taller human’s magically invoked zone of comfort and bed down for the night. I remember the irritation I felt when Will and Rick urged me to prepare a full suite of enhancement spells the next morning, making use of my amulet to kickstart the process. It meant being dragged away from Ames, but Toby promised to keep watch over the feline and invoke all of his healing.

  The ritual of sacrificing copper, and eventually silver, brought my mind back from the brink. By the time I had rejoined my companions, Ames was sitting up and joking around with Toby. Relief washed through my body and mind, like cool aloe vera flowing over a sunburn. I smiled broadly. “Welcome back.”

  The were-cat stuck their tongue out at me. “Not all the way back yet. You have to carry me.”

  Rick clarified, “We all have to carry some of Ames’ gear, and the loot. There were plenty of materials to rig a litter, which you and Toby will help to slide. If our shelter survived, we’ll have an easy day. If not, we’ll need to push a few hours into the night. I’m sorry folks, but there are food considerations. We’d be cutting it close if we spent an extra day here, and then ran into yet another emergency on the trip back to Ice House.”

  The tall human then turned to me and murmured, “I know skipping our midday rest will slow your recovery as well. I promise, by tomorrow we’ll be back on track.”

  I shrugged it off. “I’m more worried about choking down cold jerky for lunch.” As long as I was at a certain threshold of intellect, things were more than bearable. Ames was on the road to recovery, and that was what mattered most to me at that moment.

  As the sun was setting, we reached our destination. Our tough little shelter had survived, and looked none the worse for wear. After a day of laying on their back, Ames insisted on making their own way down. There was a little uncontrolled sliding, and landing heavily on a slightly bruised feline rump. But the were-cat was pleased to have made it down via their own efforts. The rest of us joined the cat, and took up familiar positions for the night.

  One of the most important adventuring rituals took place before we went to bed: The counting of the loot.

  Both spellbooks had been recovered, though the necromancy book wasn’t of any use to our party. The only two spells that didn’t involve the dark arts were ones that Will and Rick already knew, and could teach me when I was ready. Salt’s book was more interesting, but I had to admit that much of it was above my head. Theories and techniques were discussed that I hadn’t mastered yet. But there was one spell that I would ask about, once we were done with the counting.

  There was plenty of coin to go around, as well as a pair of ornate golden goblets. Salt’s black staff had been shattered under Toby’s vicious assault, sadly. My interest was particularly piqued when a magic ring was discussed. But Will quickly mentioned, “Toby thinks it’s evil, and I would have to agree. It’s likely a necromancy aide of some kind.”

  Rick said, “However, that means we get a bounty. We’ll likely be paid for both the ring and the necromancy book. They’re considered forbidden arts by the University, and their return will earn us a hefty reward.”

  I raised my brows. “So that means soon after we return…”

  The tall human nodded. “We all get free passage to the Arcane University, and we’ll be their guests for the week. I say the week, because I assume that you’ll want to take your entrance interview and assessment. There is a small group of hopefuls looking to take the entrance exam in a few days. You’re alright with the timing?”

  I answered without hesitation. “Yes.”

  Toby glanced at Ames. “If you have other things to do, we can arrange to meet you back in Ice House.”

  The feline shook their head. “I assume that the teleportation will take a couple of days to arrange. As long as we can split what we earned already, two days will be enough for me to settle up all of my debts and place orders for the next month.”

  I nodded, “And enough time to arrange for
tithing.” Toby and I shared a glance. As we had discussed, a portion of his treasure went back to his Order, and a portion of mine would be sent to Shaman. The paladin promised to help me find a way to get the money back securely, understanding the solemn weight of this kind of an obligation.

  Will smiled. “Excellent. Nobody will be disappointed in the final figure, I assure you. Let’s get some rest.”

  Ames popped three more coca leaves into their muzzle, to boost their recovery and help numb the pain and weakness. Before I joined the feline in a tightly wrapped blanket, I caught Rick’s attention. “I’d like to be the one to carry Salt’s book on the trip back. There’s a spell in it I want to try to master. It’s advanced, but after tomorrow’s morning rituals, I think I can make the attempt.”

  The human tilted his head. “One that we don’t have available? Which spell is it?”

  “Stone Shape.”

  Rick laughed a little. “Sorch Stonebender. Of course. It explains the block of clay that we found in his material components. I’ll hand it over to you and you can start working on it when next we camp.”

  We all tucked in for the night. Under the blankets, Ames started to kiss me. At first I was surprised that the feline wanted to fool around. But their intent was actually to share some of the crushed coca leaves by sliding their tongue into my maw. I suckled gently until that raspy feline organ withdrew. I swallowed. The taste of coca was overwhelmingly bitter, but with a gentle numbness that wasn’t unpleasant. The were-cat explained that it would be a few hours before I would feel any effects, and the two of us fell asleep quickly. I had to admit, in the morning I was feeling none of the usual aches and pains from combat and travel. I had renewed energy. Ames knew their pharmaceuticals.

  Thankfully, there were no more disasters on the long trip home. Ames was walking again by the end of the second day. On the night that we arrived back at the Spastic Vole, I had managed to cast my first Stone Shape spell. I turned a large polished stone into a granite ring, which just happened to fit Ames perfectly. The gift was well received, if our subsequent nocturnal activities were any indication.