Another Stupid Trilogy

by Bill Ricardi

  Chapter 13

  I just had to clarify, “So Toby, you’re saying that I can send my share back on the caravan with The Magic Shop’s return shipment.”

  “Yes.”

  “And they’ll take it to Joel at The Deviated Course in Limt.”

  “Indeed.”

  “Who will give it to his orc ship captain friend…”

  “Correct.”

  “And within a month it will end up in the hands of Shaman, without anyone else in the tribe knowing?”

  “Yup!”

  “And this costs me…”

  “Twenty percent of whatever you’re sending, minimum of fifty gold sent.”

  I considered. “My share right now is around 83 gold, but we expect that the bounties will be fairly lucrative. If I just keep three gold worth of copper and silver, and send 80 back, 64 will get into Shaman’s hands. All within a month.”

  Toby nodded. “That’s about the size of it. So?”

  The numbers worked. That much gold could make real improvements back home, as long as Shaman was careful and kept the Chief out of the loop.

  “Done.”

  Toby made the arrangements, and I silently bid goodbye to my profits. I was gambling on the generosity of the Arcane University now. The necromantic bounties that they were offering were supposedly quite lucrative. But if they turned the bounty down, the legitimate market for necromantic items was rather small. It could be a while before we saw any profit. I was alright with that.

  We had gone our separate ways for the last two days, only regrouping to have dinner and share progress reports.

  Will was working on finding out who, if anyone, owned the mine. He said that in the worst case scenario, we would get nothing more from our efforts. In the best case scenario, the government would ask us to make a salvage claim on the mines, and we could potentially own them. Not that any of us knew what to do with a mine, but it was an interesting concept.

  Rick was being boring. He finished up The Magic Shop’s business and arranged for the return shipment of the orders that he had placed in Ice House. He also packed up and shipped the expedition’s remaining treasures. The minor magical items would stock the shop’s shelves, which is how the humans turned a profit after absorbing all of the up front costs.

  Toby had spent time with his fellow Paladins within the Order of the Snow, made his tithe, and started to go over plans for the upcoming one hundredth anniversary celebration of the opening of the Arcane University. There would be parades and magical demonstrations in every major city in the world. There was a lot of work to be done, but Toby was happy to help.

  In addition to ordering stock for the Vole, Ames had debts to pay. Some of those were not repayments of money, but rather… physical favors. It was a busy and exhausting two days for the feline. I made myself scarce so as to avoid any potentially awkward or jealous moments.

  But I did get to see the were-cat pose for Hierophant Petrinoth’s painting. It was beautiful, tasteful. And the feline looked spectacular in those orange ceremonial robes.

  The rest of the time, I availed myself of the small public library that Ice House had built a couple of decades ago. It kept me out of Ames’ hair. The first night, the Temple of Aro-Remset was nice enough to offer me a bed, at Toby’s request. The second night, I snuck in to Ames’ room after midnight. The feline was bedraggled and exhausted from all of the… debt repayment. The cat didn’t even stir as I slipped into bed and fell asleep.

  Morning came far too soon. After getting cleaned up, we packed our gear and joined the others for breakfast. Our teleportation had been arranged for mid-morning. Everyone else looked excited as they munched on bread and fried eggs. I was terrified. I had never been to the Arcane University, I hadn’t ever teleported, I had never been judged by masters of magic, and of the handful of elves that I had met up until this point... I had killed two of them. Needless to say, I didn’t eat much.

  As we finished up, I asked Rick what I should bring. He said, “As an adventurer, you should always pack as in if you were going on an adventure. Because you never know when one will pop up.” I took his advice to heart.

  We trekked to the temple of Omi-Suteth as a group. The brief time away from each other really did wonders. There was no snapping at one another, no sarcastic comments. Instead there was joking and camaraderie as we made our way to the rear courtyard of the Temple of Magic.

  A greeter, flanked by two pike wielding guards in chainmail, was waiting for us by the tall iron gate at the rear of the temple. He was quite pale. The man was dressed in a dark blue tunic and cloak, and he had an impeccable black handlebar mustache. To my surprise he looked directly at me and said, “Welcome Sorch Stonebender!”

  I jumped. “Oh, h-hello.”

  There was a long pause. It was uncomfortable for me, but didn’t seem to phase the greeter. In a smooth baritone voice he said, “You’ve been invited to teleport to the Arcane University and bring along four of your companions. Your itinerary is that of an interviewee for future attendance, while they collect a bounty and either relax or attend to school business. Is that accurate?”

  I glanced over my shoulder. Four grins met my gaze. They weren’t going to be any help. “Yes, that sounds accurate. We’ve made preparations for a one week stay.”

  “Then your itinerary matches our perfectly, Sorch Stonebender. Please proceed to the Circle of Transport. Have a lovely time.”

  The back gates swung open suddenly and soundlessly. The guards parted and backpedaled until they were on either side of the rear entryway. Our greeter bowed and stepped out of the way. I didn’t move until Toby’s meaty hand propelled me forward.

  I murmured to Rick, “Why is this Temple of Magic dedicated to Omi-Suteth, when yours in Limt is dedicated to Vinara?”

  Rick murmured back, “Ah. Vinara is one of the New Gods. That suited Will, and eventually suited me. Omi-Suteth is an Old God. More powerful in some ways, but less flexible. The New Gods tend to be about change and progress. The Old Gods tend to be about stability and tradition. Anyway, the Arcane University uses temples of both Omi-Suteth and Vinara in various cities, depending on which is larger.”

  I nodded, then focused on my surroundings as we walked. There wasn’t much to look at, truth be told. A well kept lawn framed the simple stone path that led to only major attraction: An oversized white gazebo. At the center of the painted wooden gazebo was an inlaid copper circle. The circle was covered in runes and sigils. I couldn’t even hazard a guess as to what half of the runes meant. We all stood in the middle of the copper circle and waited.

  After a minute, I cleared my throat and asked, “Am I supposed to say something? Do something?”

  Will shook his head. “No, they see us. As soon as the destination is ready, we’ll be transported.” He pointed off to the side. What I saw nearly made me fall over.

  Just to the east side of the gazebo, there was an eye. Just an eyeball, floating in mid air. It was attached to nothing. It had no blood or veins; in fact there was nothing gory about it at all. It simply existed. This inexplicable lidless eye watched the five of us without any obvious malice. It seemed to be waiting, just like we were.

  I asked, slowly, “Rick. Is that one of those spying eyes?”

  The small human nodded. “If you recall the tale of Sir Rhoaden Belefast, and how the mages attempted to spy on what was left of his kingdom, this eye is the exact same thing that they used. It transfers an image of what it sees directly back to the caster’s mind, from any distance. But it travels the same speed as a man would on foot. Handy to be able to cast the scrying spell here, then teleport home to monitor things in safety and comfort.”

  I was about to reply, but we were no longer there.

  Reality flickered. One moment I was standing under a gazebo on a chilly day in Ice House, and the next moment I was standing in a large reception hall. There was no feeling of sickness in the pit of my stomach, no lightheadedness, none of the symptoms that I had feared. I was
simply elsewhere.

  This particular ‘elsewhere’ was awe inspiring. I allowed myself to be ushered off of the huge inlaid copper plate and the elevated marble teleportation platform. After walking down a short ramp, I was allowed to gawk at my surroundings... like the tourist that I actually was.

  The reception hall was three stories tall and seventy five paces across. On the ground level there were stalls surrounding the central platform. To the right seemed to be official University stalls: Information booths, recruitment for extra curricular activities, booths for organizing volunteers and internships, and the like. On my left there were sponsored merchants selling everything from books, to magical trinkets, to clothing, to snacks.

  I expected the atmosphere to be somber and stuffy, but it was just the opposite. There was an infectious energy about the place. All three floors seemed to be bustling with students, parents, representatives of religions and governments, staff members, merchants, and entertainers. People were celebrating their participation in magical education.

  Will explained, speaking loudly to be heard above the din, “This is the reception hall and central meeting place. As you can see it’s open to all sorts. Anyone who has official business or a University sponsorship is welcome. Public administration manages all this. The theory is that students should be allowed to interact with normal people in order to be ready for the real world after graduation.”

  We dodged a group of halfling children on a field trip. They were being chased by their poor bedraggled teacher, who seemed to be way out of her element.

  Will chuckled, and then continued. “The four wings of the Arcane University are restricted to those with educational or internal interests. The South Wing is where we’re heading now. It’s the dormitory area: Beds, kitchens, cafeteria, baths and the like. The North Wing is the staff wing: Meeting halls, high ritual chambers, offices. The East Wing is the apprentice section: Classrooms for new students, unrestricted libraries. And the West Wing is the advanced students section: Classrooms meant to contain more powerful magics, restricted libraries, and what have you.”

  I nodded to Will. At this point I was just following the group, who seemed to know where they were going. We stopped by the Applicants booth to pick up my identification. It was an ankle chain made of silver. The young were-wolf lass who was manning the booth asked if everyone else remembered to bring theirs, and everyone responded in the affirmative. I never even noticed, but I suppose I wasn’t in the room when Ames got dressed this morning and we were all wearing boots that would hide such jewelry. Even Toby had boots on, despite his disdain for footwear. I took off my left boot, and the purple robed canid attached the ankle chain. I slipped my footwear back on and then laced back up. The were-wolf attendant said, “You’re all set mister Stonebender. If you have any questions, come see me again.” I swore that the buxom lupine winked at me. Maybe it was just wishful thinking.

  We left the open area, walking south through broad granite hallways. Every twenty paces or so there was a ‘torch’, but the light wasn’t magical as I expected. Nor was it lit like a normal torch. I sniffed as I passed one, and for a moment I thought I was back in the swamp. “How do they keep them lit? I don’t see any wood or pitch.”

  Rick pointed at the sconce. “There is a vast store of natural gas under the mountain. For the lighting, the tubes bringing it in are very thin to avoid any kind of incident. Gas illuminates the public area, provides flame for water and cooking, and keeps the place heated.”

  I had expected all manner of magical details and trappings in the Arcane University, but for some reason I was unprepared for this clever use of natural resources. It dawned on me that this place was a huge daily undertaking for hundreds of people, many of whom were not using magic at all. Feeling a bit humbled, I followed my friends down the hallway.

  We arrived at the checkpoint to the South Wing. There were both mundane and magic-using guards sitting in a stone shack next to a thick iron gate that blocked forward progress. One of the purple robed humans greeted us through a small window in the shack. “Hello folks, welcome back. Just a moment I see that we have a new applicant.” He seemed to stare off into space for a moment. “Ah, and you would be Sorch Stonebender! Welcome, and best of luck to you. Might I say that your visit is a historical one. You are the first of your race to apply to the University. There are those who have shifted shape or otherwise polymorphed into an orc, but you are our first true orc. Once you’re settled in, Headmaster Hemitath will be ready to receive you. Just let us know and we’ll announce you in advance.”

  I had a score of questions, but after the mage’s grand greeting, it didn’t seem like the right time. “Thank you sir, I’ll do my best to meet the high standards of the University.” I kept things simple and friendly, hoping that there was no ritual that I was missing.

  My reply brought a smile to the mage’s lips. “Good day folks.” was the only reply he made. Then the iron gate slid into a recessed area in the adjoining wall, and we were allowed to pass.

  I poked Rick. “How did he know all of that?”

  The tall human explained, “The anklets that we wear have auras that contain enough information about you to make an identification and security determinations. Any locations that can read those auras could tell, for example, which areas you’re cleared to enter. Security checkpoints, the campus bank, the student union, even the teleportation system makes use of that information.”

  I nodded my thanks for the explanation as we moved deeper into the South Wing. The decor was simple, almost humble. Although the walls were granite, there were no ostentatious trappings or decorations in the halls. Simple wooden signs helped to direct people to the dining room or the stairways leading to the bedrooms. A large slate hung outside of the kitchen, and the meals available for the day were written in chalk. I had expected everything to run on magic here, but the reality is that they used magic with a measure of respect and restraint. At least in the more public areas.

  We walked up one of the stone staircases. On the first landing, I was given a little shove by Toby that made me stagger forward a couple of steps. “This is your stop.”

  I turned back and blinked at my companions. “We aren’t staying in the same place?”

  Rick waved me off, pretending to be dismissive. “You are an applying student! We are alumni and honored guests. Go meet your roommate and leave the adults to their business.”

  I looked to Ames. “But I thought…”

  The were-cat padded over to give my cheek a nuzzle. “If you do well, you can come visit me later. If not, don’t bother!”

  Well, that was motivation.

  Will waved at me before turning to proceed upstairs. “You’re in room 214. Best of luck.” The rest of the group echoed the sentiment, then headed up to the next landing.

  I walked up the hallway. Each wooden door looked the same as the last, save for the numbering. The odd numbers were on the left, even on the right, and they incremented as I walked up the hall. I approached a T-junction and read the sign on the wall. Having passed the first ten rooms, I learned that there were fifty more on the left, and fifty on the right. Luckily, my room was just a couple more doors down on the right.

  I paused outside of 214 and took a deep breath. Will said I’d be sharing the room. I expected my roommate to be someone young, and smart, and probably not expecting an orc to walk through the door. I mentally prepared myself for a range of different receptions, and the opened the door to enter my quarters.

  I wasn’t prepared for the big bearhug that I got.

  “Leeson!” I exclaimed, surprised but not displeased. I returned the warm embrace.

  “Sorch, you survived your trip! Too bad, I wanted to see if I would be in your will.”

  I made a mental note: Write a will. Leave Leeson out of it.

  I closed the door behind us with my foot, then shifted my grip to the shoulders of the raven haired young man. I gave him a little shake. “So I guess this means you did well on
the Youth Magic Exams.”

  The pale human was grinning from ear to ear as he wobbled from my shaking. “Yup! Top of my class. So I guess we’re here for the same reason. Well, almost.”

  I let the lad go so that I could shrug out of my backpack and start to put my stuff away. “Almost?”

  He shrugged. “I can’t imagine you’d come in as a first year. I don’t know if you’d go right into the senior programs, but I’m guessing that you’ll be skipping ahead of me.”

  The truth was, I never even entertained the possibility that I would be coming in as anything other than a novice. But I suppose most novices don’t hurl bolts of acid into the torsos of monsters. “It’s possible, but I don’t know anything about the place. So I won’t presume. If I get in at all, I’ll be ecstatic.”

  Leeson told me everything he knew. He arrived last night and took a quick tour of the facilities. He had an interview with the Headmaster in a few hours, and then he would learn the details of his Practical Exam. “I don’t know how complex it is, but it’s supposed to take the rest of the week. So it’s lengthy if nothing else.”

  I stretched and sighed in relief. It felt like I weighed half as much with all of my gear stowed. “I’m supposed to see her as soon as I’m done here.”

  The young man stared at me for a moment. “Go. Go! Gosh, Sorch, you don’t keep someone like that waiting.”

  I chuckled. “They said she was doing other things, but they would call ahead as I trekked over. If anyone will be waiting, it will be me. But yes, I’ll head over now.”

  I walked over and gave Leeson a hug. “Good to see you, I hope it all goes well, for both of us.”

  He hugged back, and then took a seat on his bed. “I’ll see you soon, we’ll get lunch together.”

  As I opened the door to leave, I mentioned, “Oh, I’ve been taking notes on my travels and the expedition if that interests you. The book is on the bed.”