Lexington Black

by Savannah Smythe

  Rob slapped his face, forcing him to look directly at him again. He stared at Rob as if he couldn't believe he had done it, his hand up to the place where Rob had smacked him.

  'Why didn't you tell me?' Rob asked again.

  For the first time, Lex's eyes showed real fear. 'How could I? What the hell was I supposed to say to you? "Hi, I banged your father once and now I want to do the same to you?" What the hell would you have done?'

  'I would have told the truth before I tried to sleep with you!'

  'I doubt it,' Lex spat at him, on the offensive again.

  'Then you don't know me at all, do you? So you'd better have this back.' Rob tugged at the ring and threw it at him. There was a little cry of pain from Peter, standing by the door. His hands fluttered at his mouth and his cheeks were damp with tears.

  'See what you've done?' Lex shouted at him. 'I hope you're fucking satisfied!'

  Peter shook his head, stricken.

  'You tell me what happened then,' Rob said to him.

  'He doesn't know because he wasn't fucking there!' Lex roared. He took a deep breath to keep calm. 'There was a reunion dinner in the January after I left the school. I was staying at the school in the guest wing. I invited your father up to my room for sex and we did it. A lot. He left me early the next morning. No-one saw him arrive or leave. I left for New York the next day.'

  'And two days after that he was dead,' Rob said coldly, putting it all together. 'You killed him, Lex. You bastard!' He hit him again, punching him this time, putting every all the power he possessed behind the blow. His hand hurt like hell but Lex fell to the floor, gasping. Blood from his split lip stained the floor.

  'No, it wasn't like that...'

  'You thought you'd have your kicks by doing both father and son? Or is my likeness to him the reason why I turn you on?'

  Lex crawled painfully to his knees. 'At first, the likeness excited me, I'll admit it. But by the time you fell asleep next to me in the car, I was in love with you. I love you Rob, even when you're trying to kill me.' He spread out his hands, kneeling before Rob like a betraying servant before his king.

  'Why should I believe you? You've lied to me since day one!'

  'I lied because I didn't want to lose you. Yeah, I know. Now I'm saying it out loud it sounds pretty fucking dumb to me as well.'

  'Why did my father kill himself?'

  Lex hesitated a fraction too long. 'I don't know! The police said it was suicide, didn't they?'

  'Yes, but that doesn't mean someone didn't push him over the edge. Did you threaten him? Threaten to tell anyone about you being together?'

  'Hell, no!' Lex jumped to his feet, his eyes flashing. 'He talked to me about how hard it was, living a lie, but he didn't give any clues as to what he was planning. He didn't! He told me he would contact me once I was back at home. And ... he did.'

  'How? He was dead two days later.'

  Lex sagged, defeated. 'He wrote me a letter.'

  'I want to see it.'

  'I don't have it!'

  Rob took a threatening step towards him. 'You're lying again! Show it to me.'

  'Fine! Happy now?' He said bitterly to Peter, still crying quietly by the door. 'Get the fuck out of here. You're no friend of mine, you treacherous piece of shit.'

  Peter's bottom lip quivered again. He turned on his heel and fled from the apartment.

  As Rob waited, he fought the urge to pick up the nearest heavy object and smack Lex with it as soon as he reappeared again. He felt such a fool. A stupid, gullible, blind fool.

  'Here.' Lex muttered, holding out a thick, embossed envelope. Rob flipped it open and drew out the letter. Seeing his father's handwriting made his hands shake. It was incontrovertible proof of Lex's duplicity. Why had Lex received a letter and he had been left with nothing? He sat down, not trusting his legs to hold him up, and began to read.

  Dear Lexington

  I know that by the time you receive this letter, you will already know what has happened. I hope in time you will understand the reasons for my actions. It could not have been any other way. The idealism of youth cannot see it now, but you must understand how it was for me. Please be reassured that YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG. It's important that you know and accept that. The blame is solely with someone else and I will come to that in a short while.

  I tried to fight my natural instincts. I really did. For the sake of my wife, my five children, my career, the pinnacle of which was taking the Headship of Melville Hall. I had so much and I should have been grateful for it, but I was not.

  I hope you never feel as I felt. I hope you embrace your sexuality and stand proud. I was born too early but everything is changing. It is too late for me. I mapped out my life and lived it as I saw fit. This last act of mine is the only honest thing I've done since I hit puberty.

  Please don't mind the things they say about me. They can say what they want. I won't be there to hear them. I am beyond hurt. The Catholic Church will condemn me to hell, but I have lived it for years and I'm used to it. My children may disown me. My wife will wail and wring her hands, then turn to her God. At least she has him to turn to. I have no regrets about what I am about to do, just as I have no regrets about my night with you. Some people will never be as happy as I was when I was with you. For a fleeting moment, I experienced real joy.

  Now for the someone else I was alluding to earlier. You asked me about the boy I saw in London. Seems he knew I was cruising, after all. His name is Ainsley Eaves, and he is currently Head Boy. A complete fool, and a vindictive one. I was compelled to give him the post because he warned me what might happen if I didn't. No outright threats, but enough that I thought it was better to give him what he wanted, in the hope that he would forget our meeting that night. His knowing smile has kept me dangling on a string for months. I hoped that it was a temporary measure until the wretched boy left the school, but it was a vain hope, Lexington. The day after the Old Boys' Dinner, I was confronted with undisputable evidence of our tryst. He had put the camera in your room so he could film you for his personal pleasure later but had, as you might say, hit pay-dirt. By the time I knew about it, so did my wife, the Governors, the Principal of the School. Everyone.

  I cannot deal with the shame about to engulf me. The smirks, the disapproval, the fall from grace. I cannot. My children are better off without me. What good am I to them now? The thought is too painful to bear so I won't. Instead, my last memory will be of you, rampant and sweating in my arms and for a fleeting moment, I will be happy.

  Mr. Martyn

  The letter shook in Rob's hands as he folded it up and stuck it back in the envelope.

  'I was in England for a meeting with the Eaves Group, which is Ainsley Eaves's transport company. I bought the company a few weeks back, and fired him as CEO,' Lex said quietly.

  'Is that supposed to make me feel better? All I've got left of my father is a few pieces of junk from his desk. No photographs, no diaries, no damned suicide note!' Rob threw another punch, this time sending him sprawling across the floor. He tossed the envelope at his prone body and walked out.

  ******

  He felt numb with anger, humiliation and grief. Mechanically he went back down to his suite, locking the door. He should have known that Lex had never been interested in him. All he wanted was to fulfill some ancient, sick fantasy, to prove he could conquer the son as well as the father. Well, he hoped it had been worth it.

  Back in the apartment, he stared at the cardboard tube on his coffee table as if it were some kind of incendiary device. After a long while he picked it up and broke the seal. Might as well get all the pain over with in one fantastic sitting.

  The paper was stiff, the colours crisp as the day the photograph was developed. He scanned the faces again. His father was in the middle, smiling sadly, pride and pain in equal measures. It had been so long ago, but the face was so familiar to him. He saw it every time he looked in the mirror.

  'Hi, Dad,' he murmured, and wished above ev
erything else right then that he had been able to embrace him, to give him a hug and tell him he understood. If only he could have done it! The pain swept over him and he began to sob, the tears falling freely to the floor. The photograph curled itself up again and he did the same on the couch, wailing his grief until he was exhausted with it. Distantly he heard someone knocking at the door but he ignored them. It was more important to let out all the pent-up feelings that had been stored inside him for so long.

  A long while later when he sat up again, the sky outside the apartment was almost dark. He felt empty inside and his face was stiff with dried tears. He reached for the photograph and unraveled it again.

  Charles Martyn was surrounded by boys wearing wide smiles and immaculate suits. As sixth formers, they did not have to wear uniform, but their suits and Graduation robes gave them a look of conformity. On the very top row were two posers with blond quiffs, Blue Steel pouts, arms folded as they struck a pose either side of the tallest boy in the school.

  Dark hair, lopsided smile. Lexington Black.

  The bastard. The manipulative, evil, cocksucking bastard.

  It was no good, he had to get out of that apartment. He didn't want to face Lex or anyone else. In fact, he didn't want to be in New York at all but he had no idea where to go next.

  Packing did not take long. He countered the concierge's querying look by telling him he had to get back to England a few days early. Family trouble, he said, and received a sympathetic smile in return.

  'Have a safe journey, sir,' the man said, and Rob knew that message would get back to Lex within minutes.

  He walked a few blocks and booked into the Central Park Hotel. His room was small and had a good view of the Park. He sat on the edge of the bed and stared at it, his luggage around his feet. He felt safe, but desolate. Why had Lex lied? He would have been shocked at the truth but it would not have changed his feelings for him. Lying changed everything.

  He wanted to talk to Geri, but he remembered his phone was still at the apartment. He didn't want to go back and risk running into Lex or Peter. This was something he would have to tough out on his own. That was fine. At thirty-five he damned well ought to be able to.

  Later that night, he went out and found a quiet bar on 66th Street. Outside, a solitary figure in a grey hoodie played guitar, the case open in front of him. The lilting melody was not unlike the one Philip had been playing at Lex's pool party. He tossed him some change and received murmured thanks in response.

  Inside, several men hung around, drinking and talking quietly. Rob ordered a bourbon and sat at the bar, staring into space. He hoped no-one would try to talk to him. He didn't want chat, just the chance to be with other human beings who didn't want anything from him.

  'Rob?'

  A younger man was approaching him, muscular and tanned. Rob stared at him.

  'Philip? What are you doing here?'

  'I was performing outside. You didn't recognise me! The boss lets me store my guitar here. He's my cousin.' He waved to the bartender who came over and gave him a beer. He nodded to Rob's empty glass.

  'Another?'

  'Keep it coming.'

  'That bad, huh?' Philip said.

  'I'm not great company tonight, Philip. Sorry.'

  'That's your way of saying "leave me alone?"'

  Rob shrugged. He didn't care one way or the other.

  'You want to talk about it?'

  'I can't afford you.'

  'Ah, well, it's Sunday. I don't work on Sundays.' Philip scooped a crucifix out of his sweatshirt and kissed the cross. 'I'm a good Christian.' He smiled gently at Rob, showing all of his gleaming white teeth.

  It's complicated.'

  'Of course, amigo. It always is.' The smile was back, but gentler this time.

  Philip was a good listener. It was probably why he was so successful as an escort. No doubt he thought that Rob was no different to any other of the men he accompanied, spilling their latest sob story before taking the young Mexican to bed.

  Not that he had any desire to sleep with Philip. He just wanted someone to listen, someone who wasn't Peter, who had his own emotional baggage to deal with, or his sister, with her own brand of helpful advice.

  'My mother told us he was in hell because of what he had done. No-one was allowed to talk about him. Not ever. If we dared to, she would beat us with a strap. Beating the sin out of us, she said. She lives her life consumed by bitterness and hatred.'

  'Ah, hatred in the name of God,' Philip said, nodding. 'This is why I worship in my own way. I turned my back on Catholicism a long time ago, much to the distress of my mother. The women seem to like it. It feeds into their natural propensity for feeling guilty about everything.'

  'That's right. Only Sara, my youngest sister, goes to church every Sunday and kisses her rosary each night. The rest of us ...' Rob waved his hand dismissively. 'We don't have time for that. And I guess now, I'm fucked anyway. God won't have a lot of time for me.'

  'Why? Because you're gay? If that's the case, I'm screwed as well yet I don't feel he has abandoned me. I thank him every day for keeping me and my family safe from harm. I do not feel his hatred. It is men and women who hate. It is not God.' Philip motioned to the bartender for two more bourbons.

  All evening they talked, eating large portions of burgers and fries to soak up the alcohol. His roast lunch seemed a long time in the distant past. Around one o'clock, Rob had to get home before he fell asleep in the gutter. As he stood up, he swayed from all the alcohol he had drunk that evening. Philip took his arm and together they went out into the street.

  The cool air refreshed them as they walked to Rob's hotel. There was a sense of inevitability about how the evening would end. Rob had drunk enough to feel horny and reckless. He wanted to screw Lex out of his system and find out what it was like to be with a man apart from him. A man with no strings attached. Philip went up to his room without needing to be asked.

  As soon as the bedroom door was closed, they fell on each other, heated kisses and urgent grinding of flesh against flesh. Rob was hungry for him, remembering how he had looked at the pool, his brown, smooth skin and taut stomach, the meaty, heavy balls now in his hand. Philip peeled off his black weightlifter's singlet and the reality was just as Rob remembered, his cropped black hair and gentle eyes topping a thick neck and bulging muscles. He picked Rob up with ease and slammed him against the wall, their lips locked in a hectic, ravenous kiss.

  'I will make you forget him for tonight,' Philip whispered as he moved down Rob's body, easing his jeans down over his hips, letting his hot breath graze against Rob's tightly encased cock. Rob sagged against the wall, his hips jutting out as Philip peeled his trunks away and enthusiastically licked his balls. Then he had him fully enclosed in his mouth and he was deep-throating him like the expert he was. Rob closed his eyes and encouraged Philip to take more in, his hand on the back of his head. He wanted it to be Lex down there, kneeling before him....

  He felt as if someone had drenched him with ice cold water. Philip was not Lex. He didn't want anyone but Lex. Even though the fucker had betrayed him, he didn't want to do the same. He moved away, tucking himself back into his pants.

  'I'm sorry,' he panted. 'I can't. I just can't. Oh, Jesus...'

  Philip climbed to his feet and pulled up his jeans, fastening them over his prodigious manhood. He pulled Rob into his arms and held him, rocking him gently.

  'You want me to stay?'

  'Just ... hold me for a while.'

  Philip guided him back onto the bed and they curled up together, Rob cradled in his arms. He rested his head on Philip's smooth, muscular chest, taking comfort from the slow beating of his heart.

  'Thanks,' he whispered, and fell into an emotionally exhausted sleep.

  CHAPTER 16 - Risky Behaviour

  He did not hear Philip leave, and in the morning he felt calm. His thoughts were clear. Lex was a spoilt rich boy who thought he could get away with anything. Rob had been a plaything for a w
hile, that was all. Geri was right, in a way. Lex had been using him. And he had used Lex. He had just about finished the first draft of his novel but had decided not to pitch it to agents just yet. The writing of it had been cathartic and had served it's purpose right then. He would put it away and think about it in the future, when his life had calmed down a bit.

  He bought a cheap mobile phone to replace the one he left behind, then took his notepad and found a coffee bar for breakfast. He was still numb with shock at the way Lex had lied to him from the beginning. All that talk about not knowing what you wanted until you saw it. It was bullshit. Lex had planned their meeting from the start. Maybe he thought that Rob was the best substitute for a lover he had never been able to forget. Whatever his reasoning, it sucked. It sucked big time and he would never be able to forgive him for seducing him so ruthlessly.

  And he would never forgive himself for falling in love so recklessly.

  During his second cup of coffee he called Geri, who immediately began berating him for not returning her texts and phone calls.

  'I lost my phone. What's the problem?'

  'The problem is Lexington Black,' she said acidly. 'I've been doing some digging. Were you aware he was at Melville the same year Dad died?'

  Rob sighed. 'Yeah. I found out yesterday.'

  He could feel the wind being taken out of her sails. 'Oh.'

  'And I don't want you to say "I told you so," okay?'

  'Um, why not? I'm your older sister. It's my divine right. Where are you staying? You're not still in his apartment, surely?'

  'I'm in a hotel. It's okay, Geri. I'm fine. I'm writing, drinking coffee. I'm okay.'

  'So why do you sound as if your heart is broken?'

  'Stop it or I'll hang up.'

  'When are you coming home?'

  'Three days time. Strangely, at this moment I'm almost enjoying myself. It's just the annoying "guy I'm in love with is a total douche" situation that I have to deal with when I get back. How are plans for the Big Day going?'