Lexington Black

by Savannah Smythe

  'Rob? Why are you on this phone? You didn't go back to that prick's apartment, did you?'

  I closed my eyes, feeling sick. 'It isn't Rob, Geri. It's Lexington Black.'

  Silence.

  'Are you still there?'

  'Yeah, I'm here. Is he with you? Let me speak to him.'

  'He isn't with me. I'm trying to find him. I don't suppose you'd care to tell me where he is?'

  'Go screw yourself.'

  The line went dead.

  I clenched the phone, willing myself not to throw it across the room. Patience wasn't a virtue I was born with, and neither was a whole lot of humility. I would have to learn how to swallow massive doses of both if I wanted my man back.

  I slipped the phone in my pocket and walked numbly up to my palace in the clouds.

  Two hours later, my phone rang. I grabbed for it, thinking it was Rob but it wasn't. I felt sick when I heard the word "hospital." My father had had another stroke.

  It was no good. Rob would have to wait. That night, I flew down to Miami. Some gut instinct told me it might be for the last time.

  When I arrived at his bedside, I kissed his withered cheek and one crepey eye fluttered open. The affects of his latest stroke could clearly be seen. One side of his face seemed to have melted like candle wax. But there was nothing wrong with his brain, and his eyes were sharp.

  'You're sad. Man trouble?' His voice was slurred and weak.

  I could never get over how quickly he could pinpoint the crux of a problem. It was part of what had made him a formidable opponent in the Boardroom. I also felt a wave of affection for him as he had actually acknowledged Rob's existence.

  'Yeah, but I'm here to look after you.' I sat by his bed and took his hand. It felt painfully light and delicate.

  'Huh. What's he like?'

  I was surprised. 'You really want to know?'

  He gave a tiny shrug and gestured slowly with his good hand. 'Pictures?' Talking was difficult. Every word seemed to hurt him.

  'Sure.' I reached for my smartphone and brought the first one on the screen, then held it up. 'Can you see okay?'

  'Uh huh.'

  I swiped through the selfies we had taken over the last few weeks, most of them slightly goofy.

  'That's Caressa. She's my closest friend. Or was.' I pointed her out.

  'Pretty woman.'

  'He'd be pleased to hear that. I was at school with him. He's a drag queen.'

  'Oh.' I sensed his puzzlement but didn't go into any more details. I came to my favourite one. Rob had taken it as we kissed on the balcony of the apartment, the skyline behind us. Holding the phone steady between us, we had locked lips and taken the photo. I felt my father draw breath beside me.

  'Happy,' he said, stroking the image with a trembling finger.

  'Yeah,' I sighed, putting the phone away. 'I was. I mean, I am.' I tried to hide the pain but I knew he could see it. 'It's a long story, if you want to hear it.'

  His breath hitched in a way that could have been a chuckle. 'No choice,' he breathed.

  'Okay. Do you remember years ago, when I was at Melville School? Do you remember the Headmaster, Mr. Martyn?'

  The thin lips tightened on one side. 'Pervert killed himself.'

  'He wasn't a pervert, Dad, he was homosexual, just like me.'

  The old man's eyes glinted. 'There a difference?'

  'Damned right.' I paused. 'Dad, I slept with him six months after I left the school. Someone found out and made it public. That's why he killed himself.'

  My father's old eyes flashed. 'Done is done. Can't look back.'

  Yeah, what's done is done. And because of that, my man was headed back to England with a broken heart, leaving me with the same.

  'The thing is, Dad, I found out who the bastard was who went public with the film. He was running this transport company in London. The Eaves Group, remember? That's why I bought it and broke it up.'

  My father's eyes glinted. 'Uh huh,' he said again, yet I had the feeling the old bastard already knew exactly why I had done it.

  'And while I was there, I met Rob. He's the most wonderful man but he's now walked away because I didn't tell him the truth about me and Mr. Martyn. And the reason I didn't tell him is because he is Mr. Martyn's son, and he thinks I seduced him because of some sick fantasy even though our meeting was pure coincidence.' The words had begun to pour out of me like tears. I couldn't stop them. 'I love him, Dad. I love him more than I love all the money and the power and the flash, cushy job in Manhattan. I'd give all that up for a spoonful of humility, in the vain hope he might forgive me.'

  There was a sound, rather like a gurgling, which stopped me in my tracks. My father's eyes were wide, bulging even, and he clawed at his throat with one hand. The other flailed around.

  Immediately, I jumped up and yelled for a nurse. They rushed in as if they had been listening outside the door. I stood back as they checked his oxygen and the drip. One of them called for the doctor.

  Oh Jesus, what had I done? Panic swept over me as I watched him struggling. I was ushered out of the room whilst the doctors worked on him.

  'I'm sorry,' I whimpered as I watched through the glass. 'For fuck's sake, do something.' The thought that I might lose him before we had a chance to make peace with each other horrified me. Blindly, I let a nurse guide me to a visitor room.

  After an anxious wait, I was joined by the doctor. He looked serious.

  'He's had another stroke, a major one, this time. He can move his arm and hear a little but his functions are failing. I'm sorry, Mr. Black, but it's likely your father won't last the night. '

  I nodded, understanding fully. 'I'll stay with him.'

  The new stroke had fixed his face into a death mask. One eye was frozen, staring at the ceiling, the other fixed on me as I approached the bed. I sat next to him and picked up his hand, unsure whether he knew I was there.

  'Hey, Dad.'

  He blinked but did not speak. I stayed with him, talking at him about Rob, about my mother, about moving him to Manhattan to be with me. In the last few days I had begun to make arrangements to have him transferred back to the apartment so we could be together. Now that would never happen, but I talked about the view from his bedroom window, and the beautiful nurse I had employed to look after him, who looked just like Elizabeth Taylor in her role as Maggie in A Cat On A Hot Tin Roof. I warned him that he would never be short of company, as my drag queen friends were waiting to dance attendance on him. All of it was absolutely true, and I hoped to God he actually believed me. All the while, his good eye was fixed on me, and I knew he could hear what I was saying. I was just grateful that I had heeded that sixth sense which had compelled me to go to his bedside.

  'Dad, it would mean the world to me if you gave your blessing,' I said a while later. 'Being gay isn't an affliction, it's just who I am, and you always told me to believe in myself, didn't you? Rob is a good person. He's fierce and loyal and makes me happy. I don't expect you to, but just squeeze my hand if you're cool about it. I know I'm being selfish, but you're the only person whose opinion I care about right now. I don't...' I couldn't go on. His hand was motionless in mine. He was fading before my eyes, and there was still so much to say.

  'I love you, Dad. I always will, whatever you think of how I live my life.' I kept his hand in mine as I rested my head on the bed next to him.

  Then I felt it. A gentle squeeze. No more than a light twitch of the fingers really, but it was enough. It was what I had been hoping for.

  'Thanks,' I whispered, close to his ear. It was deep into the night, and I was heavy with exhaustion. His breathing slowed, and each breath sounded like his last. The room was quiet apart from the laboured sawing of his breath. He breathed in again, a deep, death rattle, and the outward exhale was barely audible. He lay with his mouth open, his cheeks sunken, his eyes wide as if seeing all the wonders of Heaven waiting for him.

  And then he was gone.

  CHAPTER 18 - Homecoming

 
; 'You're going to be the death of me,' Geri sighed when Rob finally called her.

  'I'm sorry, I've been busy.'

  She was silent whilst he told her why. When he had finished, she exploded.

  'Are you out of your mind? That's all the money you own!'

  'I know. I need to start sorting it out as soon as I hit the ground in London. I'm doing this, Geri. You can't talk me out of it.'

  A big sigh. 'Yeah, okay. Just send me the pictures of this place.'

  'I don't have the iPhone, remember?'

  'So buy a cheap digi-camera, upload the pictures and email them to me. It isn't that hard, bro.'

  Rob laughed out loud, far more relaxed now he had her on-side. 'It is if you're stuck in the 1980's like me.'

  'You sound different. Are you sure that is the place for you? It isn't some knee-jerk reaction to that prick who broke your heart? Who, incidentally, called me late last night?'

  Rob felt his heart skip a beat. 'Lex called you?'

  'Yeah, from the phone you lost. I hung up on him.'

  'What did he say?'

  'He wanted to know where you were. I said you were on Highway Fuck You, headed for the town of You'll Never See Me Again.'

  'You didn't!'

  'No, but I would have done, had I thought of it quick enough. It was more, "screw you" before I put the phone down.'

  'Oh.' Rob thought for a moment. 'You wouldn't have his number, would you?'

  'He called from your phone, dickhead. Now I know you're out of your mind. This is all happening way too fast. You didn't even know you were gay until two months ago! Now you're contemplating moving 3,000 miles away, using every penny you possess, and opening up your heart to a man who obviously was only after one thing! What the hell has got into you?'

  'You sound like our mother.'

  That stopped her. He could sense her fighting for words. 'I don't want you to go,' she said, in a small voice.

  'There isn't anything else for me to stay for, is there?'

  'God, I wish I was over there to shake some sense into you.'

  He laughed again. 'With the best will in the world, sis, I'm glad you're not.'

  Despite her words of warning, when he cut the call, his heart felt strangely light. On trying to analyse his mood, he realised that the overriding feeling was that of purpose. For the first time in a very long while, he knew where he was going, what he wanted to do and how he was going to achieve it.

  *******

  He was greeted effusively by Geri and Simon as he walked back through the Arrivals Hall. Cheered by their enthusiastic waving, he pasted a smile on his face and walked into Geri's welcoming hug.

  'Well, I'd like to say you look fantastic after your break but in truth, you look like hell,' Geri said when she held him away so she could look at him properly.

  It wasn't quite the reaction he had been hoping for but at least it was honest.

  'Love sucks,' he said, and hugged her again so she could not see the strain on his face.

  Sara's Big Day loomed like a confetti-strewn tsunami on the horizon. September was just around the corner and everyone was getting sucked into the excitement, even Geri, who already had three outfits on standby according to the weather conditions.

  Rob was still in two minds about going. He wasn't welcome, as Sara had made that very clear in an email following their last disastrous family lunch. He wasn't looking forward to coming face to face with Sandy either, but there was a sense of unfinished business, and he wanted to draw a line under it before he turned his back on them for good.

  By the day of the wedding, he was in possession of a lighthouse in Connecticut. The legal documents took an age to sort out and endless inspections had to be made. He had potential plans drawn up and they had been submitted to the Historical Society, then the planning department, for approval.

  And in the meantime, he had read the long emails sent from Lex. He hadn't replied to any of them, as he was still too angry with him to respond with any civility, but late at night, he stared at the impassioned words Lex had written, and he remembered how deliriously happy they had been before it all went wrong. He couldn't imagine feeling that complete with any other person.

  Geri had suggested that he ask Lex to sponsor him for a Green Card as a way of making up for all the hurt he had caused, but Rob could not bring himself to do that. He thought about approaching Peter, but he seemed the type of person to try and engineer things between him and Lex, to assuage his own sense of guilt. Rob didn't want any more interference. Right then he just needed friends without issues or agendas.

  In the end, it was his brother Roger who came good and helped expedite Rob's permanent move to the US. It was largely thanks to him and Christopher that he was able to buy the lighthouse in the first place. He did not know what he had done to deserve their help, but Christopher was full of surprises. Since finding out Rob was gay, he had been a lot more sympathetic towards him. One day, Rob resolved to ask him why. After all, it wasn't as if his sexuality was some kind of terminal illness.

  He crossed the Atlantic a couple of times before the wedding to see his new purchase, and every time, it felt like going home. There were legal and immigration documents to sign and work on the lighthouse to organise. If he had known how complicated it was going to be, he would have been daunted by the task, but Roger was a massive help, always cheerful and patient. They were communicating purely by email and phone, so it would be strange to actually meet him face to face at the wedding.

  He had handed in his notice at Radleys the first day after returning from England. Paul did not seem surprised. He also had some news of his own. Both he and his wife were past retirement age, so he had finally decided to sell the business so they could enjoy their freedom whilst they were still strong and healthy. Rob's job was safe if he wanted it, but when he told them his plans, they promptly made him redundant, with a totally unexpected pay off of £100,000. To off-set the tax, they had paid the money into a company registered in Switzerland, under Rob's name.

  He protested. They needed that money for their retirement. Paul pointed out that Lex had been ridiculously generous when he had paid them for Rob's time, and even without that, they had all the money they needed. Besides, his wages hadn't been exactly high over the last few years. It was time they showed him how much he meant to them.

  Rob was still reeling from his unexpected windfall as he drove from New York to Freehaven. When he pulled up outside the old lighthouse and saw that the FOR SALE notice had been replaced with one saying SOLD, he took a picture of it and sent it to Geri with the caption "I'm home."

  And it really felt like it. He walked back to Teresa's office, where she was waiting with the keys. They hugged tightly as she handed them over.

  'I'm so glad you're here,' she said warmly. They too had been exchanging emails, and it felt as if he already had friends in the town.

  The other person he wanted to visit was Pearl, the cranky owner of the coffee shop. Her wrinkled face broke into a smile as he walked in. After another perfumed kiss on the cheek, and a free coffee and Danish to celebrate his purchase, he walked back to his new home, with her voice ringing in his ears.

  'That's the last freebie from me, you hear? Next time you pay!'

  He blew her a kiss as he walked out the door.

  It was tempting not to fly back to England. Sara's wedding promised to push all his reserves of patience and restraint to the limit, especially once he came face to face with Sandy, but that sense of unfinished business remained, so whilst he was still recovering from jetlag, he boarded a flight from Newark back to Heathrow.

  But he wasn't alone. On impulse he had called Peter at the gallery and Caressa joined him in the First Class cabin, wearing the same gleeful look she had when Rob asked her to go with him to the wedding. With them were three queens, Ruby, Suki and their new friend Gemma, all immaculate in red tailored suits, stockings and scarlet lipstick. It was a lively flight, with much drinking of champagne. At one point, Caress
a had most of the First Class passengers singing New York, New York before she was asked politely to sit down and let everyone get some sleep.

  On the day of the wedding, there was nothing for Rob to do but put on a suit and head to the church to see his little sister get married. He wore the clothes the queens had bought for him in Manhattan, a black diamond stud in his ear. He had also swapped the tortoiseshell spectacles for Elvis Costello black ones.

  He had left strict instructions for the others to behave themselves whilst he and Peter were at the wedding. Peter had gone for the full Caressa, in Gloria Swanson green emerald dress and matching turban, accessorised with iridescent stuffed birds. Heads had turned when Rob had escorted her into the church, her arm through his. Her heels made her tower above him and everyone else.

  His mother had stopped when she saw them, and gave them a full wattage glare.

  'You were told not to come here,' she said loudly.

  'I want to see Sara get married.' He kept his voice quiet.

  'You're a disgrace to this family! How dare you walk in here with ... that!' She motioned to Caressa.

  'That?' Caressa's voice was strident. 'That? I'm more of a lady than you are, honey.'

  Christopher came up and took his mother's arm. He gave Rob and Caressa a sympathetic look as he led her away.

  'Sorry. I didn't think it would be that rough,' Rob said to her.

  Caressa waved his apology away. 'She's just given me the perfect excuse.'

  'To do what?'

  'Behave incorrigibly,' Caressa whispered, and winked.

  Soon, Geri and Simon joined them and introductions were made, Geri apologising ahead of Simon saying something inappropriate, which would inevitably happen sooner or later. As they took their seats, Rob noticed two men, one of whom looked vaguely familiar. He smiled absently at them and ushered Caressa into the pew behind them.

  'You don't recognise me, do you, Rob?'