Heartbreaker (Filthy Dirty Love #1)

by Stacey Kennedy

  “Yeah, yeah, get me a Heineken,” he called out over the music and voices in the crowd to Timothy, another friend from high school, who was standing at the bar ordering drinks.

  “On it,” Timothy replied, turning back to the bartender, waving a twenty-dollar bill at her.

  Joss snorted and rolled her eyes. It shouldn’t have surprised her that Timothy had dismissed her as if she weren’t even there. Timothy had disowned Joss when she and Nick broke up, going so far as to not say a word to her when he saw her on the street. But, seriously, how and why would someone be such a dick?

  She didn’t miss their friendship back then, and she certainly didn’t now. Hell, staring into Nick’s baby blue eyes now, she realized she wasn’t the same person as when she’d last seen him and his get-along gang. It just so happened she liked the person she was now far more than the woman she’d been with Nick.

  Stronger. Smarter. Sexier.

  She lifted her chin a little higher when he finally looked at her again, giving her that warm smile she used to love so much. “My mom told me that you’re a cop now. Congrats on that.”

  “Yeah, I am. Thanks.” She forced a smile, wondering how his mom knew about her, but she also didn’t doubt that the woman checked in on Joss’s life through others. When the relationship ended, Nick’s nosy mom had seemed more upset than Joss. But wasn’t that the dream? Perfect family. Perfect love. Perfect white-picket fence.

  Before she could barf on Nick’s shiny, fancy shoes, he chuckled, nudging her arm, his eyes twinkling. “To be honest, Jossie, I can’t even picture you in the uniform.”

  She nearly rolled her eyes at him now but refrained. Kicking him off his high horse wasn’t worth her time. He also wasn’t leaving, and this conversation would get back to his mother. She ignored his stupid remark and tried to be kind by asking, “How are things going for you in New York?”

  “Honestly, it’s amazing. I’m the youngest…” He began a string of conversation that Joss had trouble focusing on.

  She narrowed her eyes, trying hard to listen to the words coming from his mouth. It wasn’t that Nick’s dreams didn’t matter to her. She had madly loved this guy, or so she’d thought at the time. She was glad that things had worked out for him. But now, having had some distance from Nick, she found the whole conversation so materialistic, it bored her to death.

  When Nick had finally stopped speaking, Joss smiled. “That’s great. I’m happy things worked out for you.” And even happier I’m no longer yours.

  The song blasting through the speakers switched to something a bit harder, and a man began belting it out behind her, as Nick studied her. “You seem so different.” He crossed his thin arms, giving her a thorough once-over as if she were his to examine. “I can’t tell what it is. Is it your hair?”

  “No.” It’s my body. It’s my soul. “Nope, same old hair, same old me.” And that old her hadn’t been enough for him.

  Now things were different, she guessed. She realized that for a long time, she’d thought maybe she wasn’t enough. That if she’d been better or done things differently, he would’ve been happier with her. She mentally slapped herself upside the head. There wasn’t a damn thing wrong with her.

  Though, as she watched him look at her with a blank expression as if he didn’t know her at all, she realized there wasn’t anything wrong with him either. They were two people who’d once shared a lot in common until their lives took two different paths. She didn’t hate Nick, she discovered. In fact, she found that she felt some tenderness toward him. He’d claimed her innocence, and that would always be special between them. She’d shared her teens and early twenties with him. But there was someone else who’d dominated her mind during her mid-twenties. Year twenty-four to twenty-five to be exact.

  Nick’s mouth began to move, but her mind was stuck elsewhere. On Maddox. He’d altered the course of her life, making her care less about Nick and more about what she needed to be happy. He’d kept his promises. He’d always been upfront with her. He’d helped her explore a new side of herself that she didn’t even know. He accepted her for who she was, and didn’t shame her for all the things she wasn’t.

  Being with him was easy and fun. Uncomplicated.

  She turned, looking for the man who hadn’t ripped her heart apart and tossed her away as if she didn’t matter. By the bar, she found Grey staring at the pub’s front door, drinking his beer and shaking his head, but she couldn’t find Maddox in the crowd.

  “Joss.”

  “Huh?” She snapped her head forward, finding Nick frowning at her.

  “I asked if you’re seeing anyone,” he said.

  “I…” No, I’m not, nearly escaped her mouth but that felt wrong. What she had with Maddox seemed far more intense than what she’d had with Nick, and they were together six years.

  And that was confusing.

  “You what?” Nick asked, waving her on impatiently.

  “I have to go.” She turned and strode away, hearing Nick call out to her. But he wasn’t who mattered. Not anymore.

  She scanned the crowd again, unable to see Maddox anywhere. Instead, she found Emilia and Troy standing near the pool tables by Jeremy Walsh, the man being celebrated tonight. “Where’s Maddox?” she asked Emilia when she reached her.

  “I don’t know,” Emilia said, glancing around. “I haven’t seen him since we first came in here.”

  Being so tall, Troy easily scanned the area. “I don’t see him.”

  Her stomach roiled, and she wasn’t exactly sure why, only knowing that something was very wrong.

  Emilia’s fingers suddenly gripped Joss’s arm. “Are you okay?” she asked.

  The hairs on the back of Joss’s neck stood up, coldness invading her body. “Yeah, yeah, I’m okay. I…I’ll be right back,” she said, and with steps that seemed to take a lifetime, she moved toward Grey at the bar.

  He noticed her approaching and gave her a gentle smile when she reached him, before answering her unasked question, “He’s gone.”

  “Maddox left?” she asked to be sure.

  Grey nodded. “Yup.” He grinned and winked. “Not that I don’t love hanging with cops all the time, but now that Maddox has stood me up, I’ll be on my way, too. Would you like me to send a message to Maddox for you?”

  “Um…” The loud voices carried over her as bodies moved by her in a blur. Sure, it was easy to jump to conclusions about why he’d left. Deep in her heart, a little flutter wanted to believe that Maddox had decided for himself that the rules of the game needed to change. That maybe they could see where this relationship would take them. “Do you know why he left?” she asked.

  “I can’t say for sure,” Greyson said, then took a swig of his beer before turning to face her more fully and giving her a knowing look. “But I would think that seeing you in the arms of another man might have had something to do with it.”

  She blinked. “Why?”

  Grey arched an eyebrow at her. “Why would seeing you with another guy bother him?”

  “Yes, exactly. Why?” she repeated firmly, holding her ground, wanting answers from someone who was clearly close to Maddox.

  Grey took another sip of beer, watching her closely before he put his glass down on the bar and answered her. “To be honest, if I know one thing about Maddox, it’s that he doesn’t share well. Tonight, he had to share you with others in a way he hasn’t since you two reconnected.”

  That didn’t make any sense. “I thought he didn’t date. How can you know that about him?”

  “I wasn’t born yesterday,” Grey said, giving her a grin. “Maddox may not date, but I’ve had personal experience in my life with jealous boyfriends, and if the flare of nostrils wasn’t an indicator that he couldn’t stand seeing you with that guy, I don’t know what is.”

  She gave him a look and folded her arms. “But he’s not my boyfriend, so your theory doesn’t add up.”

  Grey leaned forward, staring at her as if willing her to see something
she couldn’t see yet. “Maybe that’s the problem.” He grabbed his beer and tilted the tip of the glass toward her. “Maybe he should be.”

  * * *

  The pub’s door shut behind him with a bang, and the night was darker than it’d been in a while, mostly due to the cloud cover from the rainy day. Maddox moved toward his car waiting for him in the parking lot. The air felt moist from the obvious rainfall that had happened while he was in the pub, and he wouldn’t have minded some drops of rain to fall on him to cool him off. Since that didn’t happen, he planned to go on a drive to clear his goddamn head.

  Pull it together, Hunt.

  For fuck’s sake, he’d come all too close to removing that guy’s hands off Joss in front of a pub full of cops. An epic fucking disaster, considering he’d get suspended in a heartbeat, and her reputation was on the line. He couldn’t forget that little detail in all this. No matter what lay between them, their jobs were an issue that remained.

  He tilted his head up to the sky and drew in the moist air, trying to get a handle on things. On one hand, he wanted to end this with Joss and put him out of his goddamn misery. Things between them were becoming complicated. Too complicated. At first, his hunger for her had him overlooking how professionally risky she was. Now, she was making him emotional. And that could only lead to him getting suspended, or worse.

  On the other hand, the thought of letting her go and never touching her again gutted him. There was no way he could walk away now. His plan to shed his need for her had failed. He’d become a full-out junkie, and he knew something between them had to change, or he was going to fuck up in a tremendous way.

  He lowered his head, sure the air was thicker and far harder to draw in, when he closed in on his car. Tight and tense, he rolled his shoulders, stretching out the muscles where the stress simmered. He reached into his pocket, taking out his car keys, and right as he pressed the button on his key fob to open the doors, a soft voice broke the silence.

  “Why are you leaving?”

  He planted his feet hard on the ground while he returned his keys to his pocket. Overwhelmed by the hot emotions swirling inside him, he pressed his hands against his car and shut his eyes, letting the coolness of the metal shed some of the heat from within. He didn’t want to face her now. He didn’t trust himself with her, not when she’d want answers.

  Answers that he wasn’t prepared to give her.

  “Maddox.”

  Her soft voice brushed across him again, weaving its way through him to where no woman had ever touched before. She stood right behind him, but he didn’t have to look to see that, he could feel her there. And it fucked with his goddamn head. He wanted her. All of her. Every fucking inch of her until she couldn’t give him any more.

  Everything was wrong, and yet it was also so very right.

  The energy between them pulsed, and it surrounded him in a cloud so thick and heavy, he couldn’t stand it any longer. He spun on his heels and closed the distance between them, hearing her squeak as he thrust his hands into her hair, sealing his lips against hers.

  “Maddox,” she gasped, trying to step away.

  He glanced toward the pub, seeing no one at the door. “We’re alone,” he reassured her, then his lips were on hers, and he grunted as she met him with equal fervor. “That’s right,” he growled against her mouth, placing a hand on her lower back and tugging her into him. “Give me what I need.”

  She did, again and again, until his balls ached and dick hardened to pain.

  Only when her body molded to his did he dare back away. A bad move on his part because once he set his eyes on her, the last strands of his control evaporated. She stood, a breathless mess of beauty, her lips swollen and pink from his rough kiss. He lifted his eyes to hers. “I’m a second away from losing all control.”

  She placed a gentle hand on his face, eyebrows drawn together. “What’s wrong?”

  “I don’t like seeing another man touch you,” he stated the truth harshly, not caring about the ramifications such a statement would deliver to her.

  Her lips parted to respond, but he sealed his mouth across hers again, not letting her say a word. Whatever she said, he wouldn’t like. She didn’t want to be attached as much as he didn’t. Everything she’d told him throughout their time together echoed in his ears, reminding him why it worked between them. They both held dangerous jobs. Neither wanted anything serious.

  As he dove his tongue into her mouth, holding her face in his hands, he knew his jealousy was uncalled for. He didn’t need her to tell him that he was changing the rules of the game. But he was fucking changing the rules, and there was nothing stopping it.

  He moved his lips roughly against hers, not giving her a chance to think or speak or do anything but let him claim her. He ravished her with kisses until she began panting and wiggling against him. That was when he couldn’t take any more. “I need to be inside you.”

  “Yes,” she breathed.

  He snapped his eyes open, pleased that no one was at the pub’s front door, watching them. He wasn’t thinking ramifications as he pulled her into the shadows by the back door of the pub. His cock throbbed in his pants, straining to blow and claim her.

  There, in a dark corner, where he knew it’d be hard for anyone to see them, he eased her into that space. He held onto her arms, pinning them tightly to her body. She gasped, but obviously not a sound of fear or pain at being handled so roughly. She smelled of desire. She tasted of sin. She looked like his.

  With fast and jerky hands, he grabbed his wallet from his back pocket and somehow managed to get the condom out, letting the rest of his wallet fall to the ground. He didn’t look at her when he dropped his pants and applied the latex, nor did he lift his eyes as he yanked her skinny jeans down to her knees. His eyes met hers only when he shoved his thick cock into the small space between her thighs. She stared at him intently, desperation flooding her expression in the seconds before he shifted his hips, finding her slit, and entered her.

  Some nights were for pleasure. Tonight wasn’t about that, and Maddox knew it. Mine echoed in his soul as he pumped his hips, possessing her. Desperate to get closer, he bracketed her face and stole the moan she offered, taking each one as if even those belonged to him.

  She grunted when he fisted his hands in her hair. He gritted his teeth and pounded into her, sliding his mouth to her neck where he bit the skin there. He heard the hitch of her breath and felt her hard tremble, so he bit harder and harder until she was quivering.

  He wanted to mark her, every goddamn inch of her. Holding her tighter to the wall, keeping his body over hers to protect her from anyone who dared to come between them, he shifted his hips harder, sliding up into her until he couldn’t push anymore. She moaned loudly, and he slapped a hand over her mouth, keeping her silent as he took what belonged to him.

  In and out, his cock branded her, exactly as he intended.

  Then he opened his eyes, locking gazes with hers, and the heat, the tension, the adrenaline flooding him eased. There in her eyes, he saw something he never wanted to let go of—dark pleasure. His balls drew up tightly against his body. With her, he couldn’t hold back, he couldn’t wait.

  In his mind, this wasn’t about pleasure, at least it hadn’t started out like that, but the look in those eyes changed everything. Her soul had changed him. She owned him. And there was no going back. He pumped his hips hard and fast and growled an inhuman sound. The sudden rush of endorphins flooding him, feeling her climax rolling into her, all had him slamming his hips forward and grunting his release.

  He dropped a hand to the brick wall behind her, pressing his forehead against hers, giving himself the minute he needed to recover.

  “Maddox,” she whispered.

  When he lifted his head, her worried eyes met his, her hand coming to cup his face again. “Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine,” he said, leaning away, out of her reach. “You should head back inside.”

  “Okay, hold up,�
� she retorted, grabbing her pants and wiggling back into them. “You go from that to asking me to leave with your dick still out? What in the hell is going on with you?”

  “Nothing. I’m fine,” he told her, and himself. “We could get caught out here. That’s something neither of us wants. I’ll be there in a few minutes. Promise.” All lies. Nothing was fine.

  “Okay, I’m going to believe what you’re telling me,” she said gently before rising on her tiptoes to kiss his mouth, softly, intimately.

  It wasn’t a kiss he was used to, and that was what made Joss so different. She held confidence with him. She didn’t shy away from his strong personality. She met it head-on and never let him push her away. She melted into him as if her soul undeniably trusted him, and that’s what kept him coming back for more.

  He couldn’t ever forget her.

  When she’d broken the kiss, he reached for his pants, pulling them up over his hips. Then she said, “Don’t be long, okay? Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, surely we can handle one night of keeping our hands off each other.”

  He faked a smile because she smiled at him. She thought this was passion. She thought he couldn’t control his lust around her, but she was wrong. You are mine, sugar. And that was the fucking problem. Not only because of their jobs and the complication that came with that. But because he didn’t love women. He didn’t need them. Because the second he did, it might make his mother leaving a little more real, a little more raw, a little more of something he had to face and deal with.

  When she slid out from under his arm, he kept his hands pressed against the brick wall, knowing if he didn’t, he’d grab her again and fuck her until she drained him dry. He dropped his head, catching his breath, hearing the clicking of her heels moving off in the distance.

  Below his feet lay his wallet on the damp pavement, wide open and showing his bank and credit cards. He’d known many men who kept a photo of their women in their wallets. He’d never understood that desire before. The need to make sure someone was always with you.