by Gail Haris
Taking my phone, I swipe the screen and snap a selfie. I send it to Alice.
Alice: RACHEL! Did you cut your own hair?
Me: U don’t like it?
Alice: It doesn’t matter what you’re going through, you NEVER cut your own hair.
Alice: But, it is cute.
Alice: However, I can’t see the back…
Me: LOL! Me neither.
Alice: Oh lord…
I tap my hands against my thighs. It’s Saturday, and I took the day off. One, I needed a break, and two, well, it’s my birthday. I’m eighteen. Alice has a soccer game that’s out of town today, and she felt bad for leaving me. I told her we can celebrate tonight when she gets back. It’s really not that big of a deal. I don’t want to spend my birthday in my room, so I grab my wallet with my ID and room keys. The cool October breeze feels amazing since I feel like I’m always sweating. I’m looking forward to Thanksgiving break next month. I can’t wait to have a few days of relaxation.
When I make it to the park, I walk along the edge of the pond. The birds chirp and a few ducks land on the water. It’s a beautiful day. My phone vibrates, and I pull it out to see Trent’s name.
“Hello?”
“Hey. Where are you? I came by your dorm.”
“Oh, I wanted to get out and enjoy some fresh air. I’m at the park.”
“Be there in five.”
“Oh, um, okay.”
I make another full circle around the pond. It’s taken Trent longer than five minutes. Idly, I wonder what happened to him. Just when I’m about to give up, I see his truck pull up in the parking lot. He gets out and comes walking toward the pond, with a large pizza box.
“Since you said you were at the park, I figured we’d just have a little birthday picnic.”
“Oh yeah?” My heart beats faster that he remembered my birthday.
He stands toe to toe with me and opens the box. “Italian sausage with pineapple.”
I notice only half the pizza has pineapple. “Half pineapple?”
“Well, I didn’t want to say anything, because it’s your birthday, but you’re disgusting. I feel like I’m going above and beyond here, just by ruining half a pizza.”
“How’d you know I like pineapple on my pizza?”
He raises an eyebrow and sits down on the bench. He hands me a slice covered in pineapple. With a wrinkled nose, he says, “Really? You say that like we’ve never shared a pizza before? Don’t be weird. Mom always ordered pineapple for you.”
“I’m just surprised you noticed.”
He groans and shakes his head. Instead of answering, he takes a bite of his pizza. I smile and take a bite of my slice. We eat and watch the ducks on the water. I hear children laughing in the distance and can’t help wondering what it will be like in a few years. Will I be sitting here watching my child and hearing him laugh?
It’s weird to think about, but also exciting. Trent nudges my leg with his. He holds up his half-eaten slice of pizza. “Good?”
“Mm-hhmm. Thanks.”
“Any big birthday plans?”
“No. Might go out to eat with Alice.”
“We could do something?” I want to, but I’m not ready. When I don’t answer, he releases a heavy sigh. “Or maybe some other time.”
When he has to leave for his next class, I’m surprised when I feel his lips on my forehead. “Call me if you change your mind,” he whispers, above my head. “I’ll be there in five minutes.” He kisses my forehead again and hurries off to his truck. I watch him leave with my heart in my throat.
As I walk out of the park, I pass the trash can, and there, at the top, on its side, is a half-open pizza box. I smile when I see a lonely piece of pineapple sticking to the box. Trent hates pineapple. He doesn’t even like the smell. It really grosses him out, but he remembered I loved it. It’s not like he made some huge sacrifice, but…it’s significant to me.
I don’t call Trent, but I do go out with Bexley and Alice for my birthday. It doesn’t mean I don’t think about him half the night. Part of me knows I’m being ridiculous. The thing is, when you’ve wanted something for so long, and then it finally happens, it’s almost hard to believe it’s really happening. I keep waiting for the rug to be pulled out from under me again. After we finish our meal at a nice restaurant, Bexley decides it’s been too boring of a night.
“Sorry to have bored you,” Alice jokes as we stand outside the restaurant.
“No ladies. You’re not boring, but there’s no way we’re settling for just dinner on your eighteenth birthday.” Bexley takes in our surroundings and then smiles at me. “This is an important one. You’re officially an adult.”
“So, what are you suggesting we do?” I cross my arms and tap my foot.
Dramatically, Bexley extends her arms in the direction of a karaoke bar across the street. “We’re going to sing about it! Sing our hearts out that it’s your birthday and you’re an adult! You are officially in charge, dammit!”
Alice bursts out laughing. “That’s your grand plan?”
Bexley drops her arms and looks at Alice. “Do you have something better in mind? She’s pregnant. I can’t exactly suggest we go to a Frat party and have her chug a keg. Besides,” she raises her brows at me, “I hear you’re an amazing singer.”
I do love karaoke.
The bouncer checks our IDs. Of course, we have to get huge ugly X’s over our hands. Bexley wastes no time going up to the DJ and putting our names down.
“What song did you request?” I yell over the music.
Bexley shrugs. “You’ll see.”
The DJ calls our names, and we go up to the stage. People are scattered all over, some sitting at tables, others sitting at the bar, and quite a few playing pool and darts.
The music begins, and I immediately recognize the song, before reading the prompter. It’s Shania Twain’s “Man! I Feel Like A Woman!” This seems so Bexley. We laugh, at first, but before long, we’re into it and the crowd is cheering us on. When the song finishes, the DJ congratulates us on a job well done.
“Next up, we have Trent Randall.”
My heart stops. No way I heard that correctly. I turn to the stage to see Trent step up to the microphone. I turn to Bexley and Alice. “Did you two know he was going to be here?”
Their over-the-top wide-eyed expressions and shrugs are less than convincing. Sneaky bitches. A few women whistle, and Trent blushes. “Thank you. This song is dedicated to a very special birthday girl. We’re going through something, and I just want her to know that, ‘we’ll make it, I swear.’ So, thank y’all for allowing me to sing this to her on her birthday.”
Bon Jovi’s hit “Livin’ on a Prayer” begins. I’ve never heard Trent sing, and boy, have I been missing out. His voice is low and raspy. He doesn’t take his eyes off me, except when he closes them, while belting out a note. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised he can actually sing, because there really isn’t anything Trent can’t do.
When he finishes, all the women erupt in cheers and cat-calls. He smiles and winks at me. “Happy birthday, Beautiful.” He steps off the stage, but I don’t see where he goes. And, I don’t see him for the rest of the night.
Ring. Ring. Maybe he isn’t going to answer. Ring. Ring. I can hang up now and know that I tried. Do I leave a message if he doesn’t answer? Rin—“Rachel?”
Shit.
“Trent. Hey,” I squeak out.
“Hey. Wow, this is a surprise. Wait? Is everything…”
“Everything is fine. More than, actually. I really wanted to tell you thank you for the song last night.”
“I didn’t embarrass you, did I?”
“I loved it.”
“Maybe for my birthday you can sing for me? Naked?”
“I regret calling you now.”
“I don’t.”
“Would you like to, I don’t know…”
“Yes. I’d love to.”
“You don’t even know what I was going to say.�
�� I giggle.
“I already know I’m game for it. Count me in. For whatever.”
“Well, maybe, we could go see a movie?”
“Rachel Abernathy, are you asking me out on a date?”
“Maaaybe. After all, I’m eighteen. I’m plenty old enough.”
“That you are.”
We’ve had a wonderful time at the movies, and now we’re standing in front of my room’s door. Trent follows me inside the dark room.
“Did you ever think maybe we’re really meant to be together. Maybe that’s why we’re having this baby.”
With a half-hearted smile, I say, “Maybe it’s getting late.” I’m ready to take the next step with him, but I’m also extremely nervous. There’s been a lot thrown at me, lately. It’s not even been a full year, and I’ve lost my best friend, moved, gotten into the biggest fight with my parents, been assaulted, Trent’s confessed his love for me, and oh, I’m pregnant.
He takes another step closer. The heat radiating from him and his scent overwhelm me with a mix of emotions. I rush to the bathroom to splash water on my face and try to sort through my feelings. I know I love him. I most likely will always love him. Here he is, in my room, giving himself to me, but I have too much self-doubt to believe this can work. I hear a light tap on the door. I open it and a brooding Trent holds up my phone. “Your phone keeps beeping and ringing. Must be important.” He hands it to me. “I’ll see myself out.”
Three missed text messages and a missed call from Jonah. That explains Trent’s annoyed tone. I hear the door shut and hurry out of the bathroom. I rush to the door and throw it open. I call out to Trent. He turns around and holds his hands up. “I can take a hint. You wanted me to leave before he showed up. Text back the coast is clear.”
He walks around the corner, and I rush out of my room. He presses the button for the elevator. I place a hand on his bicep and stand between him and the elevator. “That’s not it. I had no idea he was planning on calling or if he’s even planning to come over. Jonah is a friend. He’s probably just checking on me.”
When he speaks, his tone is void of any emotions. “He wants more.”
“I can’t help what he wants,” I defend.
He searches my face, and then focuses on just my eyes. Finally, in a calm voice he asks, “Do you want more with him?”
I shake my head. “No. I like him only as a friend.”
“I want more.”
I drop my hand from his bicep and take a step back from him. “I don’t think you know what you want. If you wanted more with me, then why weren’t you with me before?”
He runs his large hand over his face and groans. “This again?”
“Yes, again! Because I’m struggling to wrap my head around everything.”
“You’ve had my attention since you were in junior high and I was in high school. I didn’t want to come off as a pervert. Also, did it ever occur to you that I thought my brother had a thing for you? You were the only girl he was always with, always talking about, and affectionate with. I was afraid that maybe he loved you, but you had him shoved in the friend-zone.”
“Landon did love me. I loved him. Nothing like the love I’ve had for you.”
“Even when I did suspect, otherwise, you were still in high school, Rachel.”
“You didn’t have any problem sleeping with me when I was in high school.”
“That was a mis-” He groans. “You’re right. But it didn’t make it right. Rachel, us being together was illegal. And again, I kept my distance to let you at least get to fully experience high school, without a long-distance relationship. I also wanted you to fully experience college, before settling into a serious relationship. Because that’s what I’ve always wanted with you, a serious relationship.”
I shake my head and point my finger at him. I can’t stop the laugh that erupts. “You couldn’t date me while I was in high school, but you could screw me? You wanted me to experience college, before settling down, so you knocked me up? Now what?” My voice turns hard. “Afraid Jonah might help me get over my ‘crush?’ Originally, that’s what you said I should do.”
“I’ll admit I was wrong. I was wrong on so many accounts. Let’s move past the past. We’re having a baby together, Rachel!” The elevator dings, but we ignore it. The doors slide open and then close. “You know what else? I was curious if you were just a crush for me, as well. Forbidden fruit. That maybe once we got it out of our systems, we’d move on. But you’re not a crush, far from it!”
I shake my head. “I’ve made my feelings clear from the beginning. You didn’t. I still can’t shake the notion you’re only doing this out of obligation. This baby changes everything.”
He throws his hands up in the air. “Of course, the baby does. I think about our son every day. I think about how you’re the mother of my child, every day, too. I think about how great it would be if the baby got your hair color with my eyes. My height with your nose and lips.” He takes a step closer toward me. “I thank God every night that, even if I don’t get to have you, I’ll have a child that’s part of you. And I pray my son gets your spirit and heart.”
We are standing mere inches apart from each other. His eyes bore into mine, and I can almost feel the rise and fall of his chest. He wears a pained expression. His voice comes out hoarse, as he asks, “What do you want from me, Rachel?” He tentatively places my hand on his panting chest. I feel the heat from his body through his shirt. He places his hand over my heart and steps even closer. My ears strain to hear him whisper, “You already have my heart. What else? What else do you want from me? Can you feel how hard it’s beating? For you.”
I nod, and my lips part. He takes it as an invitation and presses his lips to mine. Despite all my reservations, I open my mouth wider and tilt my head to give him better access. He lifts me up and carries me back to my room, as though I weigh nothing. When we enter my room, I hear my phone ringing again. So, does Trent.
Gently, he places me on the bed and looks toward my phone. He picks it up and answers, “Hello.” I stare at him, horrified that he answered it, without asking me first. I listen, as he continues speaking, “She’s fine. She’s…in bed.” He gives me a smug grin. “I’ll tell her you called and were concerned. I’m afraid not. She’s unable to speak as she’s…Well, Josh, this really isn’t a good time, if you catch my drift. I’m sorry what was that? Oh, I’m sorry about that John. Still, not right? My mistake Jonah. Listen, she’s really busy and preoccupied at the moment. And I think our girl is gonna need to rest afterward. She’ll call you first thing in the morning. Bye now.”
“How dare you answer my phone!”
“He wasn’t going to stop. It didn’t seem as though you were going to answer.”
“That doesn’t make it okay. You just wanted to, I don’t know, mark your territory.”
Trent sits my phone down on my desk. Slowly, he stalks toward my bed. He crawls onto the bed, until he’s leaning over me and forcing my body to lay down. His eyes are dark, and his jaw is set. I can see the muscles in his biceps strain to hold his weight up and not crush me.
“He should know that I’m here. He needs to know that we’re together. You’re mine. You’ve always been mine.” He gives me a gentle peck on the lips. He pulls back to look me in the eyes. “Just like I’ve always been yours.”
He brushes his lips against mine. All the times I’ve been with Trent, he’s never acted this possessive. My chest rises and falls against his. Trent doesn’t move for a moment. It seems like an eternity, before he gently kisses me. We both moan and touch each other’s faces. When he pulls back, he says, “I won’t apologize for being a dick to him. He’s after what’s mine.” I see the vulnerability shine in his eyes. “You are mine, aren’t you?”
“Yes.”
Frantically, we begin removing our clothes. I gasp when I feel him against my thighs, and then he thrusts forward, with such force, that I cry out. Immediately, he releases me and pulls back, a look of pure horr
or on his face. “I’m sorry! I’m so sorry. Rachel? I got caught up in the moment. Is everything okay? Do we need to go to the hospital?”
“I’d be a lot better if you’d do that again. We’re both okay, I promise.”
I watch him fight some inner turmoil. “Is this safe? We’ve never been this rough with each other, and I don’t feel like now is the time. I don’t want to hurt you or dragon.”
“My doctor gave the okay for sex.” He still isn’t moving. “If you don’t move in the next five seconds, we will be going to the hospital…but it won’t be for me.”
His eyes darken, and a slow, devious smile spreads. “Got some pent-up energy there that needs to be released? By all means…” he rolls over onto his back, “…do your worst.” He positions me on top of him. “Give it to me. Don’t hold back.”
I bite his ear and growl, “same goes for you,” as I yank his hair again. He hisses, but then groans.
Trent is holding back, but I refuse. I have so many emotions and frustrations built up that I take it all out on his body.
When we’re finished, we lay in bed entwined in each other’s arms. As my eyes are drifting shut, Trent begins speaking softly. “I’m sorry. For everything. Especially Maggie. It wasn’t serious for me. We only had sex once. I’ve been with others, and I regret all of them. You’re the only one who has ever meant something.”