Breathe

by Lila Kane

  “Maybe that makes it better.” Paige licked her lips and glanced around, looking like she was debating what to say. “Okay, listen. I don’t like to talk about this, but maybe it’ll help…I don’t know, show you that you can confide in me.” She sipped her coffee and then blurted it all in one long breath. “I was engaged about three years ago, and he was the love of my life—like soulmates and all that. He died in a car accident and that was it. Like my life was over and there was no point in going on.”

  I reached out, my heart aching for her. “Paige, I’m so sorry.”

  “Me too. These things…I don’t know why they happen. But I have to believe there’s a reason for it all. So when they offered me this job here, running the daycare, I thought maybe it was the best thing that could’ve happened. I get to start over.” She smiled gently. “And I have a feeling you’re here to start over, too.”

  Holding my coffee cup between my hands to keep them warm, I gathered my courage and told her, “I was engaged once, too.”

  Paige angled her head. “But not Finnigan Moore.”

  “No. He was my One. My soulmate and…” I sighed. “Well, that’s another story. But after him, I met Mark. Wealthy, powerful, handsome. But mostly—he was nothing like Finn. He didn’t change much until after we got engaged. There was…a lot of emotional abuse.” I stared at my fingers wrapped around my coffee. “And physical. Broken bones. Hospital visits. Uh…yeah, it was bad.”

  When I looked back up, Paige only looked concerned. Not judgmental or in disbelief. Just worried.

  “I ran away once and he found me and threatened my family. So I cut them off. I barely spoke to them anymore anyway. He left them alone, but then he started following me around. Thinking I was seeing someone behind his back.” My throat swelled and I had to force the next words out. “The next time…he almost killed me. I left him again, and he—he couldn’t find me for a while. When he finally did, I was ready. But he swore to me he’d changed, and he didn’t try to hurt me.”

  Paige’s mouth was open in silent protest. “But you didn’t go back to him, right? Please tell me you didn’t, Charlotte.”

  I gave her a small smile. “No, I didn’t. And he didn’t bother me for a while. I’d see him around sometimes—I even thought he might be following me, but I couldn’t prove it. I applied for this job, and even when I found out about Finn, I thought I might be able to handle working with him because this was my chance to start over.”

  Paige nodded. “I completely understand. So what happened today, then?”

  “Someone has been leaving flowers for me outside my apartment and it feels like someone is watching me. There was an incident in the locker room.” I bit my lip, almost afraid someone was listening right now. “I thought I heard a voice—that someone was in there with me, saying my name.”

  Paige’s eyes widened. She shuddered and leaned in as well like she could feel the eyes on us from somewhere. I glanced around, worried about the same thing. Hadn’t John told me there were cameras everywhere? Even if someone wasn’t following me physically, they could see me on the cameras. But how would Mark have access to those?

  I looked back at Paige and explained what happened in the locker room and how Finn was there for that and the rose as well. How he was angry and ready to do something.

  “But he doesn’t understand,” I told Paige. “He can’t just go confront Mark. What if something happens to my family—or one of my friends?” I covered my mouth with my hand. “I shouldn’t even be talking to you. I don’t want anything to happen—”

  “Don’t even go there,” Paige said, reaching out to put a comforting hand over mine. “You can’t live like a hermit and not have any friends. I’m here for you, and you don’t have to worry about me. I’ve already been through hell and back. I see where you’re coming from but I see where Finn is coming from, too.”

  “He can’t get involved like that, but I can’t make him stop.”

  She tapped her finger on her lip. “I don’t see how you’re going to get him to leave this alone. He wants to take care of you. And I know you’ve been spending time together. It’s a guy thing—they want to take care of what’s theirs. And it’s just normal human nature to protect the things we care about.”

  I shook my head. “It’s not going to be a problem anymore because I can’t stay here. I quit.”

  “Wait, what? You quit? Like, your job? The thing that was supposed to give you a chance to start over?”

  “I had to.”

  “No, you didn’t.” Paige sat back in her seat, eyes wide. “You can’t leave. You’re strong enough to face this, Charlotte.”

  “I know I am.” My fingers curled into my palms, and I set my jaw. “I know I am. But I have to do it on my terms.”

  “It is on your terms. It is,” she insisted, leaning in again. “You’re where you want to be, right?”

  I swallowed and nodded.

  “You’re starting your life over like you wanted. This is on your terms. You can’t let some asshole chase you away from that.”

  “But Finn—”

  “He doesn’t understand, right?” she asked.

  I nodded.

  “Then make him understand. Make him. If he won’t listen, then I understand you have to take more drastic measures, but that doesn’t mean leaving. This is your home—the first one you’ve actually wanted, from what it sounds like. Fight for it.”

  Tears burned my eyes, one escaping and running the length of my face. Paige’s smile blurred before me.

  “I’ll help you,” Paige promised. “I will. You have me. It sounds like you have Finn, and I bet if you reach out to them, you have your family, too.”

  More tears rolled down, and I swiped at them. Paige was right. I had more help now than I’d ever had before. But how was I supposed to protect them and my family? How was I supposed to stop Mark?

  Paige stood. “I’m sorry, I have to get back, but why don’t you hang out for a bit so you don’t have to be alone? I’ll show you around the daycare and you can decide if you really want to leave all this.”

  I laughed, reaching out to hug her. “Thank you, Paige.”

  “Of course. You’re my only friend here. We have to stick together.”

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  When I turned my phone back on, I had two more missed calls and a text. One from Tucker and the other two from Finn. I read Finn’s message as I rode the elevator to my apartment after lunch with Paige.

  Please don’t leave without giving me the chance to see you. I’m here for you.

  Shit. He was trying. The fact that he hadn’t come after me—that he’d given me space—showed that. He was letting me figure this out on my own as much as he could. I had to give him credit for that.

  I stepped off the elevator and froze when I saw someone standing outside my apartment. Then I relaxed when I recognized the familiar lean and dark hair and walked toward him.

  Finn straightened when he saw me, dozens of emotions crossing his face before he shut them all off. His hair looked like he’d run his hand through it over and over and his tie was loose.

  I stopped a few feet away and said, “Hi.”

  “Hi,” he returned.

  “Why aren’t you at work?” It was still early afternoon. If he had anywhere near the amount of work I had to do, he wasn’t done for the day yet.

  A muscle jumped in his jaw. “I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

  “I’m okay.” I leaned against the wall a few feet from him. Giving him space as much as myself. “Are you mad?”

  His laugh came out harsh, and he dropped his chin to stare at his shoes. “I’m…angry, yes. And worried. And frustrated. But most of all, I’m relieved you’re still here.”

  The vulnerability in his gaze when his lifted his head again nearly undid me. It took away years between us. Brought me back to college, when I would have done anything to be with Finn. And now…he wanted to be with me.

  Swallowing down my emotion, I w
alked to him and touched his cheek. “I’m still here.”

  He reached up to take my hand, showing restraint I kept forgetting he had, and stared at it in his palm for a long moment. “Are you leaving?”

  My stomach twisted. “I don’t know. I feel like leaving would be letting him win. But—”

  Finn hauled me into his arms, his restraint snapping. I gasped as he buried his face in my shoulder. His breath was warm on my neck. “Don’t let him win. Stay.”

  I held on, squeezing my eyes tight to keep control of my emotions. I could feel how much Finn cared in his embrace. Feel it in his arms, his cheek against mine, and especially in his words when he spoke again.

  “Stay,” Finn repeated. “Charlotte, I need this second chance. And you do, too.”

  He wasn’t saying the rest. That he needed to know the whole story about Mark. About my past. But he wasn’t pushing me, and I appreciated that.

  “I’m sorry I kept you from work.” I eased back from Finn’s embrace and reached in my purse for my key card.

  “I took off early. I’m not going back.”

  “But…don’t you have things you need to do?”

  “They can wait. This is more important. I think…” He frowned as he followed me inside the apartment.

  “What?”

  “Okay, don’t get mad at me for saying this, but I think it might be smart for you to stay somewhere else tonight. You can stay at my place, or your neighbor’s. Or I can find somewhere for you. Just…” He sighed before meeting my eyes. “Somewhere safe.”

  I dropped my purse on the table by the door and pulled off my shoes, losing a couple of inches. “Is that okay if I stay with you?”

  His eyebrows shot up. “Really? You sure?”

  “If that’s okay. Just for tonight, or—”

  “You can stay as long as you want,” he broke in. My heart twisted at the hope I saw there. “There’s plenty of room.”

  “Are you sure you don’t need to go back to work? I could meet you at your place later.”

  Finn took my hand, and it was the simple gesture that had me melting. “No. Come now.”

  I smiled at him, tipping my chin to meet his eyes. “I’ll pack a few things.”

  Thirty minutes later, Finn led me into his apartment with my bag over his shoulder. When I stepped inside, my stomach grumbled. The space was filled with the smell of something warm, juicy, and homemade.

  “What is that?” I asked.

  Finn glanced to the kitchen, squinting his eyes like he was trying to remember. “Pot roast? Tammy said she’d put something in for dinner.”

  I ventured farther into the apartment, glancing around. “Is she here?”

  “No, she left early to give us space.”

  Smiling at him, I said, “I haven’t had pot roast since…my mom made some on a visit to see her.”

  The thought sobered me, so I walked to the window and stared out at the view just like Finn always did. I couldn’t see water today, just clouds and smog. It suited my mood perfectly.

  “How long has it been?” Finn asked.

  I glanced over when I heard his voice close to me. He was standing just behind me, hands clasped at his back. Part of me wanted him to keep his distance and the other part wanted him to take over. To take care of this. Or even just to hold me and make me forget.

  “Since what?” I asked.

  “Since you saw her.”

  I shivered and wrapped my arms around myself. “Two years.”

  Two long years, and I hated every moment of it. But it was better this way. The less she knew the better. If she wasn’t in my life, she couldn’t get hurt. But I missed her. And I missed my sister. We’d been close, even after things ended with Finn. It was Mark that had drawn us apart.

  “How about I show you your room?” Finn asked.

  I followed him to the other side of the living room, down a hallway opposite the one that led to his bedroom. There were other doors, some that were shut. Another led to a study. An additional spare room.

  Finn stopped at the one on the end and stepped back to let me walk in. “I figured this one would be the most comfortable for you. It’ll give you the most space, too. But there are others if you’d like something different. The view is best from here, though.”

  It was spacious. Larger than the master in my own apartment. This one also had a bank of windows with a view to the south and west, and a window seat lined with plush pillows. Someone, probably Tammy, had set a basket of toiletries on the bed even though I’d packed my own.

  I skimmed my fingers across the handle, brushing the soft bow. “Nice touch.”

  “Short notice,” Finn said.

  Turning, I met his gaze. “No, really, Finn. You didn’t have to be so understanding about today, and you were. And now you’re letting me stay in your apartment like I didn’t just walk out on my job.”

  He didn’t answer, only lowered my bag to the floor and walked over to the window. He stared out for a long moment, then sat, elbows propped on his knees. “I’m trying to understand what’s going on here, Charlotte. You quitting threw me off, and then I worried you wouldn’t even return to your apartment. I’m handling this as well as I can right now, which is checking my temper even though I want to yell at you.”

  I walked over and stood in front of him. I tucked my hands into the ends of my sweater sleeves, one I’d thrown on over my work shirt before I came because I was chilly. “You can yell at me if you want.”

  He glanced up, baffled. “You want me to yell at you?”

  “No. I want you to feel better. I want you to know I see where you’re coming from and I’d probably be acting the same way if I were in your position.” I spread my arms. “So you can yell at me if you need to.”

  “Shit, Charlotte.” Finn shook his head. “No, I’m not going to yell at you. And sorry, but you don’t know what it feels like not being able to help you. To know how he treated you—how he laid his hands on you—and—”

  He broke off, swallowed, and shoved his hand through his hair. I stepped closer. When he didn’t move, I nudged my knee between his legs so he’d let me in. He straightened and shifted so I could step between his thighs.

  I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and cradled his head against my chest. “You wouldn’t ever do that to me.”

  “I wouldn’t,” Finn said, and his voice sounded choked. “Never. Charlotte, tell me you know that.”

  Looking down at his face, I nodded. I brushed my knuckles on his jaw, catching on the short spray of stubble. His eyes were troubled, and all I could think was that I’d brought all this into his life. It wasn’t just me in it anymore, Finn was involved too if I stayed. Maybe even if I didn’t.

  “I know,” I whispered. “I know that more than anything else about you. You wouldn’t hurt me like that.”

  “But I hurt you in other ways.”

  I closed my eyes, suddenly weary of the whole thing. “I already forgave you for that.”

  Finn squeezed his arms around my waist. “I still love you, you know.”

  My breath caught. My eyes flashed open.

  “Don’t be scared,” Finn said cautiously.

  Setting my hands on his shoulders, I opened my mouth, trying to find the words. “I’m not—I mean, yes, I’m scared. But I’m surprised, too. You never said that to me before. Not even when I said it to you.”

  “And I should have,” Finn returned. He took my hand and set it against his cheek. It was cool against his warm skin. He closed his eyes just briefly, reveling in the touch. “I love you.”

  Stunned, I couldn’t move. I couldn’t even think of anything to say. It meant a lot for him to tell me how he felt—especially when part of our breakup before was because he hadn’t been able to reciprocate my love.

  My whole body flooding with affection for him. With growing love as well as an echo of the love I’d had before. It squeezed my heart in a tight cocoon of safeness. At that moment, I believed there could be something m
ore between me and Finn.

  “You don’t have to say anything,” Finn told me, even though I could see he wanted it.

  “I’m sorry. I can’t gather my thoughts. This is…a big deal.”

  He smiled up at me, and I was surprised when it looked genuine. “It’s kind of nice being the one to say it first.”

  I kissed him, just a soft brush of my lips against his. “God, Finn…you’re so different. I wish…”

  “I wish it would have been different then, too. But I hope it’s not too late now.”

  I couldn’t assure him of anything right now. It was all up in the air. But I knew I had feelings for Finn. He still had a place in my heart and right now, I didn’t want to miss any moment with him.

  Bending my head, I kissed him again, my tongue sweeping his lips. He groaned and squeezed his arms around me. I responded by running my fingers through his hair in the back and then pulling just slightly so he was forced to look up at me.

  His eyes met mine. “Maybe we should, uh”—he cleared his throat—“unpack your things.”

  “I don’t want to unpack,” I said quietly. My body thrummed with need for him. What I wanted right now was to lose myself in Finn. To take a little pleasure from a world that often tried to cause me so much pain.

  His gaze dipped to my lips, and then returned to my eyes. “What do you want to do?”

  “Use my new room for something productive.”

  “Charlotte.” He stood, his breath hissing out. “Are you sure? I’m afraid you might run out on me if you’re not ready.”

  I blinked, my stomach twisting at the words. They surprised me, and I deserved the little flicker of hurt. “I’m not going to run out on you.”

  “You quit your job today.”

  “Because I’m scared of what you’re going to do. I’m afraid you’re going to make it worse,” I said, defense lacing my tone. I stepped away, suddenly warm in my sweater. “Finn—damn it. I don’t want to fight with you.”

  “I’m not trying to start a fight,” he said. “I just don’t want to go too fast and ruin this. Us.”

  Yanking off my sweater, I tossed it on the bed in an agitated gesture. “I shouldn’t have quit like that, okay? But you don’t understand.”