Not Another Vampire Book

by Cassandra Gannon

  She really wished Damien was there.

  Flopping down in the mold to die was beginning to look like a really good option… Then, she noticed the cat. It sat directly in front of her, staring at her with calm Frankenstein green eyes. Rather than run into it, Kara stopped. She doubled over, her hands braced on her knees, trying to slow her breathing.

  Cat.

  Right.

  Kara was a goldfish person, but she knew something about this particular kitty, didn’t she?

  Pure, silvery white with the all-knowing gaze of a prophet.

  “Grandma’s cat.” Kara swallowed, still panting for breath. “You’re Slade’s grandma’s psychic, sometimes dead cat.” What was it called? “Fluffy.” Right. Brilliant name choice, Tanya.

  Fluffy blinked at her and then lazily stood up. Turning, she loped off down a side hall, as if it expected her to follow. Suddenly, Kara was in an episode of Lassie.

  First, Damien’s morbid raven and now a clairvoyant cat. Tanya did love writing in some creepy pets. Was it some kind of literary theme or just a total lack of imagination?

  Did she even have to ask?

  Kara shook her head. Whatever. Taking her chances with the trailblazing feline, she changed directions to follow it. After all, how much more lost could she get? This passageway was even darker than the others, the ceiling lower. It was more like a tunnel. Kara didn’t even see the staircase up ahead, until she tripped over the bottom step.

  “Damn it!” She fell down on her knees, her hands catching her weight on one of the higher steps. Yeah, total smoothness. She got to her feet and glared at Fluffy, who sat a few treads above her. “Thanks for the warning, Fluff.”

  Her white bushy tail gave an arrogant flick.

  “I know you did that deliberately.” Kara muttered, brushing her palms together.

  Green eyes blinked, sphinx like.

  … And now she was arguing with cats.

  Still, at least Fluffy had found a way out of the dungeon. None of the residents of her aquarium would have been that helpful, so maybe the cat did have four legs up on a goldfish. Kara jogged up the stairs, easing open the door at the top.

  On the other side was a garden. Plants and flowers beyond description flourished in a greenhouse four stories high. It was like being dropped into a jungle. A leafy canopy of verdant growth surrounded her on all sides. It was actually… pretty. Kara stood inside the fanciful structure, slowly turning in a circle. Really pretty. Apparently the undead had green thumbs.

  Fluffy trotted a few feet ahead and then turned to look at her. A flash of blue sparkles and then wham! Some new kind of magical blinkyness happened and a white haired woman stood there instead the cat. Fluffy just became a senior citizen in a Grecian toga dress.

  Those same shrewd green eyes pinned Kara haughtily. “I am Dawnyah-Zanabriah.”

  Kara blinked. Once. Twice. “Uh-huh.” What else could she possibly say to that?

  Cat-Woman didn’t resemble Halle Berry, at all. She looked kind of like the old sorceress lady from Willow, in fact. The one who’d been trapped in the body of the ferret for decades and then got transformed back into a human just in time to fight the evil queen at the end.

  No.

  Correction.

  She looked exactly like the old sorceress lady from Willow who’d been trapped in the body of a ferret for decades and then got transformed back into a human just in time to fight the evil queen at the end.

  Because originality, thy name is Tanya.

  Whatever.

  It was George Lucas’ lawyers’ problem. Kara would be happy to testify about mental anguish if they needed some witnesses at the plagiarism trial, though.

  Apparently, Kara’s reaction to the transmogrifying kitty wasn’t suitably amazed enough. The woman frowned at her in annoyance. Honestly, it was hard to tell if granny was a good Witch or a bad Witch, but Kara was just waaay over the ‘OhMyGodItsMagic!!!’ shock and awe by this point. Whatever the woman’s intentions were, Kara wasn’t up to being surprised by the new twist

  “How many letters are in your name?” She asked instead, just because it had to a nightmare to spell. The editor in her was already ticking off about half of them with a red pen.

  “Sixteen.” Old-Lady-With-The-Confusing-Name-That-Kinda-Sounded-Like-‘Dawn-Sangria’ posed exactly the way Slade always did. “My name means ‘grandmother of the great one,’ for mighty King Slade is the son of my son.”

  “Uh-huh.” Maybe Tanya was writing this whole book while high.

  Like her mighty grandson, Dawn-Whozamacallits wasn’t about to let an unreceptive audience stop the show. “I am also a clandestine shape-shifter. It is the legacy of my own grandmother, who was one of the Ware-Creatures from beyond the stars. Until now, I have never revealed my secret identity as my own cat.”

  “Uh-huh.” Was it even worth pointing out how that made no sense? Probably not. Still, it was damn hard to resist. “So, we’ve got aliens being introduced, now. Good. ‘Cause there wasn’t enough stupid supernatural gibberish getting tossed into the pot and stirred around.” Kara sank down onto a garden bench and rested her head in her hands. “Christ. The satisfaction I’ll get from writing the rejection letter for this novel is going to be orgasmic.”

  “I have seen the future in my crystal ball.” Grandma Dawn continued, undaunted. “I know that you will need my help if you are going to defeat my grandson and save the Vampire Isle.”

  “Wait…” Kara lifted her head to squint at her. “You want me to defeat Slade?”

  “No.” The old woman scowled at the interruption. “You must defeat To’kel. My other grandson. The evil one.”

  “Oh. Right.” Well, that made more sense. Or as much sense as any statement uttered by an extraterrestrial shape-shifter who used words like ‘crystal ball,’ ‘Ware-Creatures,’ and ‘secret identity as my own cat’ could make. Whatever. The only thing that really mattered was getting the manuscript back and rescuing Slade and Melessa. “So, let’s cut this short, before I just give up and cry. You’re on my team, right?”

  “Yes. I will aid you in your quest, Kara-Lynn-Don-El-Eee, for I have foreseen alllllll.” A broad and dramatic hand gesture punctuated the words.

  “Good for you. Just to clarify, though, did you –like-- foresee Slade and his Eternal-One getting locked up in Vampire jail? Because I sure coulda used a heads-up on Eugene going Dark Side before he pulled out the gun.”

  “Oh, that was all ordained by fate.” Grandma Dawn sniffed. “Completely beyond my control.”

  “Uh-huh.” As allies, Ware-Cats obviously ranked even lower than Vampires.

  “Do you not believe me? I can prove it to you!” She seized hold of Kara’s arm and pulled her to her feet. “Come with me.”

  Fictional super being or not, Kara wasn’t going to get into a scuffle with someone’s grandmother. Even Slade’s. She allowed herself to be tugged deeper into the lush depths of the greenhouse, batting aside the leaves that slapped into her face as she passed. “Look, we really don’t have a lot of time, so…”

  “Here it is!” Grandma Dawn propelled Kara towards a small round table, covered in a gypsy patterned cloth. On its surface sat a crystal sphere the size of a bowling ball. “This is my window into the universe.” The old lady hurried over to lay her gnarled palms on either side of the clear orb. “In its magical depths, I have seen your destiny and I know you are here to put the world aright. You will get rid of the last Wizard-Warlock and eradicate them from our dimension forever.”

  Maybe it was better that Damien wasn’t here for this part. He’d be laughing his ass off. “Actually, I think I married the last Wizard-Warlock. So, he’s not going anywhere. Not if I have anything to say about it.”

  Grandma Dawn shook her white head. “There is a fog over this world. It has grown thicker of late, controlling far too many of our actions. It wants to achieve something here and it will do anything to meet its goals. Even sacrifice my beloved Slade. We need to be free of its power
and the only way to do that is to be freed from Damien.”

  “This is about To’kel, not Damien. To’kel is to blame for Slade execution.”

  “Yes. My grandson has an evil soul.”

  “Vampires don’t have souls until they mate with their Eternal-One. Keep up with the mythology, grandma.” And Jesus, it was sooo sad that Kara actually remembered the back story.

  Grandma Dawn ignored that. “You must pierce To’kel’s heart with this.” She reached under the tablecloth and pulled out a glowy blue dagger. “It is the only thing that will kill him, now.” She handed it to Kara. “You must stop him before he murders my precious Slade.”

  Kara turned the Crocodile Dundee style knife from side to side. The ruby encrusted hilt felt warm in her hand. “What about the whole death-by-diamond-sword thing? I thought that’s how you killed Vampires.”

  “Oh no. Only blue diamond blades can kill Vampires. Everyone knows that.”

  Kara ground here teeth together at the rewrite. “Okay. Fine. So, I’ll stab To’kel with some blue diamonds, rescue Slade and save the world. Not a problem.”

  “And you must stop the sorcerer.”

  “Listen, you know nothing about Damien and me. If you did, you’d already know that I am one hundred percent on his side about the general suckiness of Vamps. So I’m not going to…

  “I have seen his sister.”

  That cut Kara’s tirade off pretty quick. “Wh-what?” She sputtered. “Amalie? She’s dead.” Visions of zombies danced in her head. Shit! Damien would not like his sister being part of Eugene’s brain-eating army. “Where did you see her? She wasn’t she lurching around, shrieking a lot, was she?”

  “I saw her inside my crystal ball. I have seen her often. That’s how I know that you’re here to save our world from Damien. Amalie had abilities beyond anyone else in this dimension. More than just a member of the Wizard-Warlocks, she was a powerful Witch and she knew much about the future.”

  “Nifty. Another recap. Look, I’ve heard all Amalie before. I’m sure she was great, but what the hell does she have to do with me?”

  Granny Dawn looked exasperated. “Well, who do you think sent you here to find Damien, in the first place?”

  “Wait. You’re saying –What?-- Amalie’s ghost did something to my elevator? She’s the one who dropped me on Melessa’s lawn?”

  “I’m saying Amalie found you for her brother and brought you to his side to be his mate.” Grandma Dawn smiled. “You are his cari. You are the only one who could reach through his haze of revenge and get close to him. The only one who can destroy him. This is all ordained.”

  Kara’s insides slid down to her toes. “I’m not going to destroy Damien!”

  “Of course, you are. You are his doom.” The old lady shrugged, nonchalantly. “It is your destiny.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  “Oh Slade.” Melessa wrapped her arms around his neck and clung to it for the final time before it was severed by the guillotine. “I will miss your head.”

  “Worry not, my gentle flower. I shall be this handsome come the morrow.” Slade petted her soft auburn hair. “I have a plan to stop the sorcerer, before my execution. He is doomed.”

  “Really? That’s good news.”

  “Yes.”

  “So, I may not have to become Damien’s unholy bride, after all?”

  “Hopefully not, dearest heart. In the meantime, let me just hold you against my manly chest. No matter what happens, having you in my arms has made this the best birthday ever.” He sighed. “If only Damien hadn’t stolen my beautiful cake.”

  Eternal Passion at Sunset- Chapter Eighteen

  Damien was pretty good at sneaking into places where he wasn’t welcome and surreptitiously tracking victims. It was kind of second nature, really. Plus, it never took too much effort to outmaneuver the Vampires, especially when they were all distracted with regicide. Once the damn dragons got him to the Vampire Isle, it was fairly easy to get into Slade’s tacky palace and begin his search.

  Damien stalked through the pastel hallways of Castle Dracula, looking for his missing bride. Most of the Vampires seemed to be gathered in the courtyard, so no one tried to stop him as he prowled the corridors. Not that they could have, even if they’d wanted to. Damien would find Karalynn. For centuries he’d plotted out ways to infiltrate Slade’s fortress and now that he’d finally done it, it meant absolutely nothing.

  He didn’t even consider a quick detour to hunt down Slade and kill him before To’kel got the chance. All Damien wanted was Kara back in his arms. The Vampire could live or die on his own. Damien was out of the vengeance business.

  A movement up ahead drew his attention. A concentrated beam of light shone on the floor, so bright it could only be magic.

  …Or Kara’s LED weapon.

  Damien stopped moving, his heart lurching in hope. A second later he heard her voice, alive and well and obviously annoyed. It sounded like music to his frantic heart.

  “Stupid Vampires and their stupid twisty hallways. Stupid Slade for not having stupid electricity in his stupid house. If he gets beheaded before I rescue him, it’s his own stupid fault.”

  Damien closed his eyes in relief. He’d found her and she was safe. It was miracle.

  Now, he was going to kill her.

  Or at least scare her enough that she’d never do anything this reckless, again.

  Damien stepped to the side of the hall, using his magicks to cloak himself in the shadows. He was all but invisible when Kara turned the corner and started towards him, oblivious to everything except her mutter complaints. She was wearing that damnable short skirt again, which just made him more irritated. She’d also seemed to have lost her shoes.

  “Stupid old lady. What do stupid cats know about anything, anyway? I don’t even believe in stupid destiny so… Shit!” Kara let out a shriek of panic as Damien grabbed her.

  He swung her up against the wall, pinning her there. His free hand covered her mouth, stopping her from screaming. For about two seconds, Kara was completely at his mercy. Damien tempered his strength so he wouldn’t hurt her, but it struck him again how fragile she was beneath her never-say-die determination. Karalynn could be harmed so easily, no matter how tough she thought herself. Maybe that would be a lesson for her about why she shouldn’t storm supernatural islands without her much bigger, much more powerful husband on hand.

  Damien wasn’t holding his breath, though. His cari tended to act first and think later.

  If at all.

  He just wanted to show her that –had he been an actual villain-- she’d be in many bloody pieces, all over the floor. Of course, it never paid to underestimate the hidden, vicious streak inside his delicate little mate.

  The LED slammed out towards his eye socket. She wrenched her arm free and struck out like a viper. He’d forgotten that she still had the metal cylinder in her hand. Kara couldn’t even see him, but the girl had a hell of an aim. Damien automatically reared back to avoid losing an eye and, right about then, she slammed her knee into his groin.

  Damien saw stars. “Shit.” His voice was probably three octaves higher than usual.

  “Vlad?” Kara stopped fighting. Which was a good thing for Damien, because she was kicking his ass. “Is that you?”

  “Yes.” He cleared his throat and tried to concentrate on something besides agonizing pain. “If we ever have children after this, it will be a medical marvel, Kara Lynn.”

  The tension left her body when she realized it was him. “Oh thank God.” She tugged against his loosened grip and he released her. “Thank God, you’re okay.”

  “I’m not okay. You nearly killed me.” Damien wasn’t sure what reaction he’d expected next, but it wasn’t for her to throw her arms around his neck before he was even visible, again.

  “Not that. I mean, you’re alive.” Kara clung to him like she was trying to absorb him right into her body. “You’re an asshole scaring me and for coming here when I told you not to. You d
eserved to almost get castrated. But, I am so glad to see you, right now. Or almost see you, anyway. I’m having such a bad day.”

  “Really? Did your cari run off to fight Vampires, without even a wave good-bye?” Damien tried to sound sarcastic, but it was hard to be suitably pissed-off when she smelled so good. He removed his cloaking spell so she could at least tell when he glowered at her. “Because that kind of abandonment would just be a nightmare, I’ll bet.”

  “I didn’t abandon you. I left you a note saying I’d be right back. Don’t be so dramatic.” She lifted a hand to touch his face. “Now, are you really alright? You don’t feel –like-- doomed or anything, right?”

  “What?”

  “I just…” Kara looked frazzled, her words coming out too fast. “It’s going to sound crazy, but I met this old woman, okay? Slade’s grandmother, who’s really a cat. And a fortuneteller. And an alien.”

  Damien sighed. “This really is a terrible book.”

  “I know, but she said that I was…” Kara swallowed. “She said I was going to destroy you.”

  Damien froze.

  “And I really can’t think about anything else now, except how I don’t want to see you dead.” Kara ran a distracted hand through her hair. “I mean, To’kel has the manuscript and Slade’s going to be executed. And Eugene’s turned into the necromancer with an Uzi. But I so don’t care what happens to them, just so you’re alright.” She gazed up at him worriedly. “What if all this stuff I’m doing is somehow leading you to your death?”

  Damien hesitated, choosing his words carefully, so as not to frighten her with the truth. “You are my destiny, Kara Lynn.”

  And she would absolutely be the one to destroy him. He’d known that from the first.