Blessings

by Kim Vogel Sawyer

  “Trina.” The single word managed to convey disapproval.

  “Dad.” Trina sat down at the other end of the sofa.

  He straightened in the seat, lifting the paper. “Is the party over?”

  “Yes.”

  “Where are your brother and mother?”

  “Tony’s cleaning up the café, and Mama went over to Uncle Henry’s.”

  Dad’s eyebrows rose. “Oh?”

  “I asked her to.”

  His brows came down. “Oh.”

  Trina scooted a little closer. “Dad, can we talk?”

  Dad shook the paper, turning his frowning gaze to the printed pages. “About what?”

  Trina reached out and pushed the newspaper back into his lap. “About me. And college. And you.” Despite her determination not to let emotion get in the way, tears pricked her eyes. “Please, Dad. You’re tearing me in two.”

  Dad set his jaw, his eyes straight ahead. “You obviously don’t need my approval, Trina. You’re going on without it, so I don’t see why—”

  “Because I love you.” Trina spoke quietly, her gaze never wavering from her father’s face even if he refused to return it. “Because your approval is important to me. You were so supportive when I asked to work for Dr. Groening. I know I should have been completely honest about why I wanted to work for him, but I’ve asked you to forgive me for that. I guess I’m asking again, because until you truly forgive me, I don’t think we’ll ever be able to get past your anger.”

  “I’m not angry!”

  In spite of herself, Trina smiled. “Your tone says otherwise.”

  “Trina. . .” Dad sighed, dropping his head as if he carried a great burden. “It comes out as anger, but I’m not as much angry as worried. Worried for you. Worried for Tony. Worried for the fellowship as a whole.”

  Trina tipped her head. “Why?” Finally Dad looked at her. She saw the concern in his eyes, and her heart melted, her frustration with him washing away. “Please tell me why.”

  “You’re young, Trina. You haven’t seen what change can do to the community. When I was just a young boy and my father was a deacon, the fellowship split when the deacons agreed to allow members to have electricity in their homes. Those who disagreed with the decision moved to southeast Kansas—among them, some cousins I miss to this day. My life was never the same. Relationships were never the same.”

  Dad flipped one hand outward, grimacing. “Oh, over time, the furor settled down, but there was always a hole where those people used to be. And that hole has never been filled.” He snorted. “The benefit of electricity can’t take the place of people in a person’s heart.”

  Trina nodded. Being able to pursue her dream had created a rift in several relationships. Even though she hadn’t been separated from those people physically, there was an emotional separation that was just as wide. “I understand.”

  “I don’t think you do.” Dad leaned his elbows on his knees. He linked his fingers then stared at his joined hands. “What you’re doing—going to college—has the potential to divide the fellowship again. Already I’ve heard rumblings that one of our members plans to leave with his children. Others could follow. Even if it doesn’t divide the entire fellowship, it’s dividing our family. Things haven’t been the same under this roof ever since you woke your mother and me up in the middle of the night.”

  Trina could have argued it was her father’s choice to divide the family—with his acceptance, things could return to normal. But she kept her thought to herself, allowing him to fully express his views without interruption.

  “Now your brother is talking about college.” He blew out a noisy breath. “What would he do in college? He wants to be a farmer, like me. Like his grandfathers. All college would do for him is to take him away from the fellowship and put him with worldly people who could distort his faith. No good could come of that.”

  Dad angled his head to peer at her. His lowered brows turned his eyes into slits of distrust. “By giving you permission to attend college, the deacons have opened the door for all of our young people to leave the community. Some will do it just because they can, not because—as you’ve claimed—God put a desire in their hearts. And some will get caught up in the world and never come back. Leaving holes, Trina.”

  Trina swallowed, seeking words to offer reassurance. She wanted to promise that what her father feared wouldn’t come to pass, yet she knew words would be futile. And she couldn’t make promises that might not be able to be kept. How could she predict what might happen in the future?

  “I wish I could say you’re wrong, Dad, and that only good will come of my being allowed to become a veterinarian. But I don’t know what others will do. I keep praying things will be okay, that everyone will accept it as God’s will. Some will, eventually, and others may not. All I know for sure is I can’t ignore it. When I wasn’t preparing to walk where God called, I was miserable.”

  Dad’s head slowly bobbed in a single nod.

  “I sure don’t want to make others feel miserable—especially you, because I love you so much—and a part of me still aches because of the unhappiness I’ve created. But now that I’m studying again, I feel. . .” She sought a word to describe what following her dream meant, and she settled on one: “Whole. I have to do what God asks me to do. Can you try to understand that?”

  Dad drew in a deep, slow breath and held it for several long seconds. The breath expelled in a rush, and he puckered his lips into a thoughtful scowl, staring straight ahead. Finally he looked at her and shook his head. “No guarantees, Trina, but I’ll try to understand. And I’ll try not to let my worries turn into anger.”

  Trina squeezed his knee. “Thank you. I can promise one thing, Dad. I won’t be pulled into the world permanently. When I’m done with college, I’m coming back. I want to be a veterinarian right here in Sommerfeld. My heart is in this community, in this fellowship, in this family. That won’t change.”

  Dad pushed to his feet. He looked down at her, his face resigned. “All right.” He glanced toward the window. “It’s a pretty day. I think I’ll take a walk.”

  “Do you want me to come with you?”

  “No.” He softened the negative reply with a sad smile. “Sometimes it’s good for a man to be alone with his thoughts.”

  “Okay.” Trina rose and stepped up to hug her father, wrapping her arms around his middle and pressing her face into the familiar curve of his shoulder. “I love you, Dad.”

  His hands chafed her upper arms, and then he set her aside. “I love you, too, daughter.”

  Trina’s heart thrilled to the words. She watched him stride out the door with his hands in his pockets and his head hanging low. His dejected pose brought a rush of pity to the surface, and she closed her eyes. Lord, please give Dad the same peace You gave me. Not so I can do what I want to, but so he can rest in You.

  Although Dad never mentioned where he’d gone or what he’d done on his walk, the next week was peaceful in the house. The blanket of anger was gone, replaced by a respectful if resigned acceptance far preferable to the gloom of previous days. Trina rejoiced constantly in the change and trusted full acceptance would one day come when her father realized she intended to keep her promise of remaining rooted in the fellowship.

  She missed Graham tremendously in the evenings, since she had to spend her after-work hours studying. But she consoled herself with the knowledge that soon she would be his wife. They would reside together in the upstairs of his parents’ home, and she would study at a table in the kitchen, where Graham would sit on the opposite side and read a book each evening. Even if they were quiet together, they would be together.

  They enjoyed their brief minutes when Graham transported her to and from Dr. Groening’s clinic each day. Graham began stealing kisses as he let her out of the car, and those tender moments made her long for the day when they could express their affection openly within the privacy of their own rooms.

  On Friday, Graham’s kiss
lengthened, and Trina giggled as she gently pushed him away. “I have to go in.”

  He groaned, grinning. “I know. How many more days?”

  “One hundred and twenty.” They had chosen the second Saturday in February as their wedding day, one week after Walt and Michelle’s.

  “Then I need one more kiss to make it that long.”

  She laughed but obliged, then scooted across the seat. “I’ll see you after work.”

  “I love you! Have a good day!” he called as he pulled away.

  Still smiling, basking in the warmth of Graham’s love, Trina bounded up the stairs and entered the clinic. “Good morning, Mrs. Penner. Do you have—” She stopped when she noticed a tall, well-dressed man leaning on the counter. As she spoke, he straightened and turned to face her, a smile lighting his narrow face.

  “Oh!” Trina smoothed her hands over her work apron. “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize anyone else was here already. I’ll just go get started—”

  “Trina, wait.” Mrs. Penner’s voice stopped Trina from dashing to the back room. “I want you to meet Marc Royer.”

  Trina offered a shy nod at the tall stranger. He held out his hand, and Trina took it, giving it a slight shake. Then she grabbed her apron again. She couldn’t explain why, but the man intimidated her.

  Mrs. Penner went on. “Marc was born in Hillsboro, but his family moved away when he was in junior high.”

  Trina finally found her voice. “Are you visiting friends?”

  Marc Royer flicked his smile to Mrs. Penner then back to Trina. “Not exactly. I’m here to shadow Dr. Groening.”

  Confused, Trina looked from one to the other. “ ‘Shadow’?”

  “Follow him around today.” Mrs. Penner beamed. “Marc graduated last May as a doctor of veterinary medicine and has come back to his hometown in the hopes of opening a practice.”

  Trina’s dreams crumbled at her feet.

  TWENTY-TWO

  Trina stumbled through the day, hardly able to function. If that man—Marc Royer—already had his degree, then surely Dr. Groening would choose to let him purchase the clinic. He would have no need to wait five years for Trina.

  Oh God, her thoughts groaned, what am I to do? Why did he have to come now?

  She managed to complete her tasks with efficiency, keeping her fears to herself until Graham showed up at the end of the day. The moment she slammed the passenger door closed, she covered her face with her hands and let loose a torrent of confused tears.

  “Trina!” Graham slid across the seat and embraced her, pulling her head into the curve of his neck. “What is it? What’s wrong?” Trina took great, shuddering breaths to bring herself under control. But when she looked into his worried face, she fell apart again.

  He gently set her in her seat and said, “I’ll get you home.”

  All the way, Trina stared at the landscape, tears continuing to fall in torrents down her cheeks. Why, why, why did it have to be so hard for her to achieve her dream? She tortured herself with the question that had no answer.

  When Graham pulled in front of her house, he put the car in Park, turned off the ignition, and shifted on the seat to face her. “Ready to tell me what happened today?”

  Trina sniffed hard and nodded. She shared, haltingly, about Marc Royer’s arrival at the clinic, his educational background, his goals. On a sob, she finished, “So where does that leave me? The clinic won’t be available to me when I finish my schooling.”

  Graham pulled his lips to the side, looking at her in silence. Finally, he asked, “Do you have to take over Dr. Groening’s clinic?”

  Trina huffed, throwing her hands outward. “Graham! It makes so much sense! He has the building, the equipment. People are used to going there. It would have been so perfect! But now. . .”

  “But now maybe God has something else in mind.” Graham caught her hand and carried it to his lips, pressing a kiss to her knuckles. “When God closes a door, there’s usually a reason. Can’t you trust Him with this?”

  “That’s easy for you to say.” Trina’s voice sounded hollow from her stuffed-up nose. She snuffled again and shook her head, turning to stare out the window. “You didn’t just get the rug pulled out from under your feet. All my plans. . .”

  “All your plans?”

  Trina recognized the emphasis. She clamped her teeth together and refused to answer.

  Graham lowered their joined hands to the seat. “Trina, you haven’t been in charge of this from the beginning. Why did you choose to pursue becoming a vet? Because God led you to. Don’t turn it into your plans now, or nothing will work right. You know that.”

  Shamed, she knew he was right. But the pain of finding a degreed doctor ready and able to assume responsibility for the clinic was still too fresh. She stared out the window and refused to answer.

  After a long while, Graham spoke in a reasonable tone. “Look at the obstacles you’ve had to overcome to get this far. You had to convince me and your family that it was right, you had to convince the fellowship leaders it was right, you had to prepare to be accepted into a college. Look at everything you’ve accomplished so far.”

  “Look at how many mountains I had to climb already,” she shot back.

  “All of which God helped you climb,” he returned calmly.

  Her frustration grew. Why did he have to be sensible? “Maybe I’m tired of climbing, Graham!”

  “Then maybe you aren’t cut out to be a veterinarian.”

  At his soft statement, Trina whirled to face him, her mouth dropping open. “What?”

  He met her gaze squarely. No hint of a smile showed on his lips. “If you get a case with an animal that’s hard to solve—an illness you can’t figure out at first—will you just quit and let the animal die?”

  “Of course not!” How dare he even suggest something like that?

  “What you’re facing right now isn’t much different, Trina. It’s a challenge. So this Marc somebody—”

  “Royer.”

  “—Royer is here, ready to take over. Sure, it works better for Dr. Groening, so he’ll probably let him take over. But that doesn’t mean there will never be room for you. It just means you’ve got some competition. A challenge. The question is, are you going to meet it or be defeated by it?”

  Trina thought about Graham’s words. She wanted to rise to the challenge, to let everyone know nothing or nobody would hold her back from walking where God directed her to walk, but at the moment she felt spent. She didn’t have the energy to form a response, let alone rise to a challenge.

  And then her greatest fear struck—the one that had festered in the far corner of her mind all day. The one she hadn’t wanted to bring out and examine but knew must be addressed. She swallowed, took a breath, and whispered, “But. . .what if this is God’s way of telling me I’ve been going the wrong way?”

  Graham lowered his brows, his expression thoughtful. “Are you thinking He doesn’t want you to be a veterinarian, after all?”

  “Do you think it might be possible?” Trina held her breath, thoughts tumbling through her mind. What if this whole idea was her own fanciful flight rather than God’s will? If she gave up the dream, things would be much simpler. Her father could relax, the fellowship would return to normal, Graham wouldn’t have to sell his house.. . .

  She stared at him, waiting, while her heart beat in fear—or hope?— that he would agree with her statement.

  Suddenly he shook his head, his fingers clamping hard around her hand. “I don’t believe that, Trina. I’ve had too much peace about it to think it’s wrong. And I’ve seen too much evidence of growth and peace in you to think it’s wrong. You’re meant to be given the work of your hands as a caregiver for animals.”

  Trina released her breath on a lengthy sigh. Having his confirmation helped eliminate the mighty worry. Yet another one remained, nearly as sizable as the first. “But do you think I’ll still be able to be a veterinarian in Sommerfeld? In all the years Dr. Groening has pr
acticed veterinary medicine, he’s handled it alone. If Marc Royer takes his place, then—”

  “Then we’ll figure something out.” Graham rested his head briefly against the seat. When he looked at her again, conviction burned in his eyes. “God never said we wouldn’t face hardship in life. He only promised to walk with us. He’s been your companion along this journey so far. He’s even managed to convince several people to walk along beside you as your encouragers. I don’t know why this other man has shown up now, but I do know you can’t quit. You can’t quit, Trina.”

  “You can’t quit, Trina.” Those words carried Trina through the week. She deliberately called upon them as she studied and completed assignments. She pulled them out and let them be her encouragement when faced with an unpleasant task at the clinic. She whispered them to herself when Marc Royer returned for a second day of shadowing Dr. Groening. And she nearly chanted them aloud when Dr. Groening took her aside on Friday to talk.

  By the look on his face, she knew what he was going to say before he opened his mouth. “Trina, I know you hoped to be able to take over the clinic when you get through school, and it pains me to disappoint you, but—”

  Trina nodded. “You’re going to sell it to Marc Royer.”

  Dr. Groening sighed, sympathy in his lined eyes. “Yes. After the first of the year, we’ll make it official. In the meantime, he’ll be working with me, familiarizing himself with the area and gaining the trust of the folks who live around here.”

  Trina crossed her arms, trying to press away the ache that filled her middle. “But there must be other places he could work—other cities. Why here?” Why my town?

  “Since he lived in Hillsboro when he was a youngster, he feels at home in this area. He’s eager to stay.”

  Trina blinked hard, determined not to cry. But the doctor must have seen the presence of tears, because he put his warm hand on her shoulder.

  “Your job is secure. Even Marc acknowledges your assistance is needed. As long as you want to, you can still help out here. And when you have your degree, maybe you and Marc can work together—a partnership.”