I Know the Plans

by Melissa Wardwell

  The pain may have left the body, but her heart still ached of the loss. Unwilling to let the floodgates open over something so private, she pulled her hand away, almost dumping her own chilled, sweet cream coffee. Fleeing the place was next on her list.

  “What do you want, Ryder? Shouldn’t you be on tour right now?”

  “Actually, I am. We have a gig here at the car show this weekend.” Great, she would be hearing his music during the wedding and reception. “Don’t worry though. We play tonight and tomorrow night. I could see the gears turning, Tiff.

  “But I want you to know, I didn’t track you down. This is a chance thing. A God thing I guess you would say.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Well, after that incident, I went for a ride. I found myself at this little, white, country church west of here. There was a car in the lot, so I went in. I’m not sure what pulled me there, that was what it felt like, but it was hard to fight it. Kind of like the truck had a mind of its own.

  “Anyway, I go inside and there is this old guy at the front, kneeling over the altar. I thought something was wrong so I rushed up to check on him. Come to find out, he was praying. I would say pretty heavily too. He didn’t hear me call out to him or feel me touch him. I was so intrigued that I sat in the pew behind him and watched until he was finished. When he was done, he stood up and saw me sitting there. He didn't ask my name or why I had stopped, but he pointed his finger at my chest and said, ‘This thing you have done, you must seek forgiveness’ I asked him to explain and he said he couldn’t, but that the Lord told him I would come and showed him the things I had in my heart. He was right, and it freaked me out.”

  “What was his name?” Ryder’s description of the church and its locale was all too familiar to her. She kept a tight lip on what was said and done that day between the three of them. She only gave brief, undefiled versions to Emma and Jill.

  “Pastor Cross, I believe. He said you went there when I told him who I hurt. I thought for sure you would have said something to him, but I guess not.”

  “Nope, not a word.”

  Now was the time. She had a choice to make. Was she willing to forgive him? She knew their friendship would never be the same and there would be no way she would employ him again.

  “So, what do you say, Tiff? Can you forgive me for being a fool?”

  “It hurt to lose our friendship, Ryder. I hope you know we can never go back to that.”

  “I do. Knowing I hurt you keeps me up at night. Then I have the nightmares of what Brad might do if I ever meet him in a dark alley.” Ryder’s nervous laughter spoke more to her than his words. Brad did more than just knock him to the floor. The young man was terrified.

  “I forgive you, Ryder but you need to talk to Brad as well.”

  “I will, just not yet.”

  Another young man, dressed in similar clothing as Ryder approached the table. A crochet cap holding what looked to be some rather long hair in place adorned his head. “Hey man, we gotta go.”

  “I’ll be right there.

  “He’s right, I need to get going. I saw you and well, I just had to … never mind.” He stood from his chair, bent over her, and kissed her on the top of her head. “Thank you, Tiff. I still love you.”

  Before she could rebuff, he was out the door and around the corner. “Love you too, bud.”

  Sweat poured from his body, down his face and into his eyes as he worked in one of the many new flower beds along the side of the driveway. The heat of the afternoon sun was enough for any sane man to plead to God for rain. He didn’t want to see all the decorations get wet, but the relief a good rain offered would make things cooler tomorrow.

  Of course, he was feeling a whole different kind of heat every time he caught a glimpse of a pretty brunette with wild, curly hair and piercing blue eyes, sporting a little tank top and shorts short enough to show off just the right amount of leg and still be decent while working in the yard.

  “No! Don’t bring out the decorations yet,” her melodious voice called from down the hill. He looked up to find a group of workers hauling chairs out of the garage. “I think we may have to rush to set up tomorrow. It is supposed to rain tonight until about six in the morning. I would hate for guests to sit in wet seats.”

  Tiffany made her way up the limestone steps in a slow motion fashion. She brushed sweat from her furrowed brow. The heat was getting to her too. He stood to meet her as she came to his side.

  “I think we need to take a break. You can’t overdo it like that, Tiffany.”

  “I know, but there is so much yard work to be done.”

  What she didn’t know was he was about to plant the last flower. “No, I think we will have more than enough time. Let me plant this and then we can go in.”

  They worked together, planting and cleaning up the tools and fertilizer. He loved these moments. Words were not necessary. Just being near her, he had the honor to know her at a more personal level. That is why he could tell something was off since her return from the coffee shop. Her lack of eye contact, her stiff movement, and the way she drew her hand from his when they reached for the same tool clued him in.

  They began to make their way toward the garage when he asked, “Is everything okay? Are you in pain?”

  They put tools away as he gave her space to decide how she wanted to respond.

  As they entered the house but were still secluded from prying eyes, he stretched his arms out to her.

  “I know I stink, but I have two arms that are aching to hold you, even for a moment.”

  Without hesitance, she entered his embrace. She let out several deep breaths. He just soaked in the feel of her.

  “Ryder was there.”

  Every happy, and maybe slightly naughty, thought he had froze. The mention of that name made the blood in his veins turn cold.

  “What did he want?”

  “Forgiveness,” she stated plainly as she left his arms. Soft pools looked to him for reassurance that he wasn’t as mad as he felt.

  “That’s it?”

  “Yup. And I gave it.”

  Betrayal, confusion, and loathing hit him all at once. “You did what?”

  She walked up the steps to the kitchen and he was quick on her heels.

  “He said he talked with Pastor Cross who told him he needed to clean up this mess he made.

  “It also reminded me that we can’t move forward until we let go of the past. He is only a small part, but it did quite a bit of damage. I had to forgive him.”

  Something suspended in the air between his anger at the man who tried to take her from him and a sliver of hope that he needed to know that she still saw a future for them.

  “Move forward? Like the two of us?”

  She placed her dirt encrusted hand on his cheek, tears gathering in her eyes. Her tenderness broke through the walls of anger, frustration, and insecurity that he felt since he woke up in that hospital in Ann Arbor. Wait, I woke up before that. It had rocky walls and the doctors weren’t doctors. But their faces were covered.

  Before he could dig deeper into his memory bank, Tiffany’s voice broke through.

  “Brad, did you think we were still on shaky ground? You have always been it for me. No matter the struggle, it has been only you. I have just been waiting for you to come back to me; at least enough to figure out what we were going to do.”

  Relieved by her words, he pulled her to him and held her tight. He knew he needed to say something, but the confusion at the memory stopped him from enjoying the moment entirely.

  “Brad, are you okay? You seem tense.”

  Tiffany leaned back from his embrace, studying him with those angel eyes of hers. What did he tell her? He didn’t even know what he saw.

  “Yeah, I’m fine. I just, um … never mind. I am here now and that is all that matters. I love you and I don’t want to think about the past anymore; only our future.”

  Her smile was a ray of sunshine that spread its
warmth through to the cold dark places in him. Never again would he put her through the hell she had been through. The gift she was giving him was too great to squander.

  CHAPTER 21

  HE LOVED HER. He said it. From the look in his eyes, Tiffany knew he meant it.

  She stood on the deck with a cup of cold brew coffee in her hand surveying the newly decorated lawn for the first of what she hoped to be many weddings at the bed and breakfast, while the hope he offered rejuvenated her for the day. The last week of grueling hard work took a toll on her body. She knew she overdid things, but for Jill and Mike, and for Brad, she would run a marathon fresh off the operating table to make this day happen.

  She watched as the crew placed the final detail on the last chair. A small cluster of white chairs were perfectly centered on the grassy valley facing the river. Bouquets of various wildflowers had been attached to each chair, lining the path Jill would walk in a few hours. At the end of the aisle stood an arch adorned with more flowers and greenery. A tiny table off to the right, draped in a white cloth, held the pieces of what will be their unity cross. The base, a cross frame, a decorative cross, and three pins to hold it all together would take the place of the unity candle. Each member in the family was to put it all together with Mike placing the final pin.

  A gentle breeze blew through the trees, causing the white banners that stood at attention around the lawn to move in their own dance. Off to the left of the seating area, and closer to the limestone steps, the crew began to arrange the large round tables for the guests. At the top of the steps, the caterer set up tables that would be loaded with food in a few hours.

  Inside the house, she could hear the laughter of Mike, Jill, and some of the guests. Not ones to follow tradition, the couple decided that their marriage and making their guests welcome was more important than whether or not he saw her before the wedding. He did make it very clear that he didn’t want to see her in her dress before the wedding. “I want the full effect,” he declared during one of their many planning dinners.

  No matter what they decided, Tiffany was sure they would remember this day for the rest of their lives. She still remembered her wedding day, as small of an affair as it was. She would never forget. They never tried to have the big party or an even bigger wedding for a vow renewal. It was just them, their parents, Emma and the kids, and a couple other close friends.

  If they do it again, the occasion would look much different than it did a decade ago. Maybe not an elaborate event, but just having her brother there would be the greatest change. And the best.

  The motion of the sliding glass door caught her attention. Her heart began to flutter in hopeful anticipation that Brad was seeking her out. She’d left Ryan and Emma’s before anyone woke. There was too much left to do.

  “This is stunning, Tiff.” The strong male voice was all too familiar, though not the one she longed to hear.

  “Thanks, Daddy.” Tiffany turned to give her dad a hug. Since Jill, Emma, and Tiffany were close, her parents were some of the must-have people on the guest list.

  “I saw Brad in there. He was looking all over the place for you. I knew where you were, but I wanted a moment with you to myself.”

  “I’m okay with that. I’ve missed you and mom. Is she up yet?”

  “Yup. She is keeping Brad, Mike, and your brother occupied. The woman is a force,” he said as he squeezed her one more time before letting her go. “much like her daughter.”

  “Daddy, I am nothing like Mom. I try though.”

  “Yeah, she would say you are more trying than others.” His playful wink made her laugh. “So, how ya doing, kiddo? You look to have a bit of a twinkle back; more than a bit, actually. Are things are getting better between you and Brad?”

  Tiffany guided him to the deck chairs and proceeded to fill him in on the things that were happening, the conversations she and Brad were having, and the memories he told her about. Although, she had a feeling he was recalling more than he told her.

  “That’s good, pumpkin. And have you two decided what to do from this point on? I mean, if you love each other, what’s next?”

  “I don’t know, Daddy. It isn’t like there is a code of ethics for rekindling a love that one of you forgot, not for lack of chemistry.”

  “You’re not going to tell me about it, are you?”

  His frightened, uneasy look made her laugh, “No, Daddy. I wouldn’t go into details.

  “We know we want to keep moving forward, we’re just not sure what to do next. I mean, we are married, but for me, knowing he has no full memory of our wedding kind of makes this feel like we are playing house without the perks.”

  “Hmm, I see what you’re saying. I imagine it can feel a little awkward. Tell you what, let’s pray about it. Maybe God will shed some light on the situation.”

  Without waiting for her to respond, her dad took her hand and they bowed their heads. He was firm believer in praying immediately when the need arises. Don’t just tell a person you will pray about it, put it into action, was what he tried to practice.

  “Father, you said in your word that once you bring two people together, that no one will be able to keep them apart. You proved that in the miracle of my son and daughter-in-law, I ask you do the same for my daughter and son-in-law. There is nothing you cannot repair and we are asking you to guide both these young people to do what is right and not be hindered by confusion as they move forward. You have plan for them, and I believe it is above and beyond what they ever could imagine. In your holy name, Amen.”

  Amen!

  Brad searched for Tiffany all morning with little success. He woke this morning and the longing to see her and hold her moved him through his routine. Hiding the disappointment he felt when Ryan told him she left before sunrise became more difficult as the day wore on. When the photographer told them they were getting some photos out of the way before the wedding, he thought for sure he would see her. Instead, it was just the guys. He did his best to be present and engaged with Ryan and Mike, but it nagged him. He needed to see her.

  Now, here they were, standing in front of a group of people as they watched Emma come down the stairs. The first strains of the chosen bridal song were played by the three piece orchestra. She looked pretty, but the one he wanted to feast his eyes on was next.

  His heart beat wild in his chest as Tiffany came and stood at the top of the stairs. She was more radiant than ever. The sun clothed her in its golden light making her look even more angelic than the first time he saw her. For months, he thought that first meeting was when he woke up in December. Now that he thinks about it, she was younger, thinner, and her hair was even longer.

  He would leave that for later. His angel was coming closer. Nervous tension put his body into motion and he felt himself begin to sway. It took all he had to stay in his spot beside Ryan and Mike. His fingers itched to touch her, to hold her in his arms. As his palms began to sweat, he wondered if he was visibly as anxious as he felt.

  As she reached the front of the congregation, she flashed a quick wink at him before turning to her spot across from him. It would be hard to watch the bride and groom now.

  The tune changed and the guests rose from their seats. Flashes of Ryan and Emma’s wedding a year and a half ago played in his mind like flip cards. Why were all these memories coming now? And so fast? He wanted to savor each one, but his senses were in overdrive. Something about this day was putting him into a hyperdrive of sorts.

  “Dearly beloved…” Pastor Cross began. Brad turned and met Tiffany’s gaze. She mouthed something with concern on her face. He hated seeing that look.

  “….to witness the union of…” As the pastor continued, Tiffany kept mouthing something.

  Finally he caught it. Are you okay? He gave her a slight nod and a wink. He was fine, just distracted.

  As the ceremony went on, Brad kept sneaking glances at Tiffany. Each time, he caught her doing the same. The rosy hue on her cheeks continued to grow brighter, and
it wasn’t from the summer heat. The breeze was cool under the shade of the trees. It made him smile all the more.

  “Love is a choice. Oh, yes, attraction is more uncontrollable and makes a relationship a little more exciting, but to love someone through thick and thin is a choice we make each day. We have to step outside of our selfish desires and think about someone else. It is being kind when you really, really do not like your spouse at the moment. And, like Mike and Jill, it is saying, ‘I don’t need you in my life to make me happy but I want you in my life to share happy and sad moments with.’

  “So, as this couple begins the vows they have written for one another, they invite other married couples here today to take the hand of their spouse, if you can, and remember why you married that person and why you want to continue on with them.”

  He watched as Emma left her post next to Tiffany, walking toward Ryan, love radiating from her face. The way Ryan looked at his wife twisted a knot in Brad. He wanted that; he had a feeling he had that at one time with Tiffany.

  An idea formed in that span of a heartbeat and without warning, his feet carried him to Tiffany. He could hear gasps and whispers around him, but all he saw was the blue ocean in her eyes that began to overflow. Taking hold of her hand, he moved to her side and watched as Mike made his vow, every word resonating in his chest.

  “Jill, the fact that we found each other again after so many years of heartache and trial can only be a miracle performed by our Creator. I am humbled that you choose to love me despite the past and are willing to bind yours and Katie’s lives to mine and Emily’s.

  “I promise to love and care for you, and I will try in every way to be worthy of your love. I will always be honest with you, kind to you, patient and forgiving. I give you my hand and my heart as a sanctuary of warmth and peace and pledge my love, devotion, faith and honor to you and our girls. More importantly, I promise to be the kind of husband God has called me to be for you and let nothing come into our lives that would hurt this gift. I love you.”