I Know the Plans

by Melissa Wardwell

  Brad squeezed Tiffany’s hand as they watched Jill wipe her eyes. “If I could, I would say the same,” he whispered. “I remember us and I want to see us get back to that. Can we do that?”

  CHAPTER 22

  EVERY CARE, EVERY worry, every doubt that plagued her since December was blown away with three words - “I remember us”.

  When Brad walked over to her, she struggled to hold back the ugly crying that pushed to be released. The look of love in his eyes broke the barriers between them. She was looking into the eyes of the husband she knew. When he took her hand, peace washed over her like a healing oil. She couldn’t explain it, but she knew before he uttered those three words that her husband finally returned home.

  “Can we get back to being us?” he asked. She couldn’t help but chuckle with pure joy.

  For fear of drawing even more attention from Mike and Jill, she squeezed his hand in return and whispered, “Yes.”

  As the ceremony continued, Tiffany struggled to listen and pay attention. Thank you, God, for bringing him back kept repeating over and over in her mind and heart. God restored part of what the locusts had stolen from them. If she recalled her Bible reading, more was to come. First things first, she couldn’t wait to find a little secret corner and kiss her husband as well, if not better, than Mike was kissing Jill at the moment.

  Tiffany released his hand to join in the rest of the congregation in celebrating the union of the new Mr. and Mrs. Michael Emerson. The newlyweds locked arms and made their way down the makeshift aisle. Ryan and Emma followed at a slower pace. Tiffany couldn’t help but hook her arm through Brad’s and press herself into his side. This was right where she loved to be more than any other place in the world.

  During pictures, her joy at what had not so secretly transpired between her and Brad shown on her face, maybe a little too much. The photographer kept asking for smaller smiles. How could anyone ask such a thing on a day like this? Her best friend married her high school sweetheart and she and Brad were together again. Well, almost.

  Tiffany felt heat creep up her neck at the thought and couldn’t push it back quick enough.

  “What are you thinking about?” Brad whispered in her ear causing the wisps of hair on her neck to tickle. His soft, buttery voice wrapped around her like a warm blanket. “You are turning a stunning shade of pink and the trail it is leaving is tempting.”

  She couldn’t help but giggle like a schoolgirl in her total loss of words. “Behave yourself, Sergeant Jones.” Just like that, the teasing stopped.

  “I guess it is more like Mr. Jones now,” his somber tone reminding her that he had been honorably discharged earlier in the week. Her soldier was now a civilian.

  They walked to the side as the photographer asked the party to step away but not to go far.

  “We hadn’t talked about that yet. The week has been so crazy. Are you okay with the army’s decision?”

  “Yeah, I’m fine with that. I just hate that I can’t remember that part now. What happened while I was missing?”

  “Maybe those answers will come. For now, let’s just enjoy our time together.”

  Brad laced his fingers with hers, pulled her hand to his lips, and placed a kiss in the middle of the back of her hand. “I have no problems with doing that. Hey, ask me some questions about us. The memories came so fast, I want to see if I remember as much as I think I do.”

  The boyish smile made her laugh, “You love this game, don’t you?”

  “Yes, now ask away.”

  “When is our anniversary?”

  “I heard that a man only married a short time can’t remember that. But it is August, um, sixteenth.”

  “Correct. Can you remember the year?”

  He thought for a moment, looking up to the top of the tree they stood under. “Two thousand eight.”

  “That’s right. How about…”

  “Wait! That’s in almost a month.” Awe at the revelation of the milestone anniversary flashed on his face. “We’ve been married for ten years?”

  “We have. Looks like you came back to me just in time, Mr. Jones.”

  Awe turned to mischief in the blink of an eye as he took a step closer to her, placing a hand over her shoulder and on the tree she now leaned against.

  “I guess so, Mrs. Jones.” He bent low, kissing just below the lobe of her ear. “I’m sorry I kept you waiting.” He moved his lips to her jaw. “I promise to make it up to you.” Then he kissed her cheek, each of her breaths becoming more staggered. “With all the kisses you can handle.” He hovered centimeters from her lips, “You just have to say the word.”

  Unable to hold back any longer, his teasing driving her mad with every breath, she wrapped her arms around his waist. “Word.” She then rose to her toes and pressed her lips to his.

  Unable to get close enough with her arms around him like they were, she pulled back enough to reposition them to around his neck. His lips met hers with fervency, pressing her to him so that there was no telling where one ended and the other began. Each shallow breath was matched with deepened kisses.

  “Boy, maybe we should give them our room key?”

  “Yuck, that’s my sister you’re talking about.”

  Their presence, and the realization that they were giving the guests a show, was like cold water on their long hidden passion. Tiffany buried her face in Brad’s chest to hide her embarrassment.

  “I think it’s beautiful. Leave them alone,” Emma defended with a laugh.

  “Well, they can’t bring that back to our house.” Her brother’s disgust at their display made the rest of the group break out in blissful laughter.

  “Don’t worry, we are sending the newlyweds home with you,” Brad quipped.

  “Oh, I don’t think so,” Mike was quick to rebuff. “They get the girls. I’m taking my bride home.” He looked to Jill, wiggling his brow with a teasing grin on his face.

  Ryan wrapped his arm around Emma, “Why do we always get stuck with the extra kids? Just once, I want someone to take our crew so I can make goo-goo eyes at you and then crash in exhaustion.”

  “Because, my love, our kids are crazy and, well, Ami still needs her mama.”

  The group laughed as Ryan rolled his eyes, “I can’t wait for that to be over as well.”

  Brad leaned low so only Tiffany could hear him, “Maybe we can talk about kids after we have had some time.”

  Having been so caught up in their bliss, thoughts of the future had held back, until now. The pain of what was missing still lingered, in her body and in her heart. She knew she would heal from it all one day, but she wasn’t ready to think about adoption. She gave him a weak smile. If she spoke, the tears would fall and dampen the happiness around them. No, she wanted to keep living in this moment. Just for a little while longer.

  Brad tossed a stone across the river, watching the ripples it created in the water. One tiny stone caused a chain reaction that only grew as seconds passed. No indication if it was right or wrong, but it brought change in its wake.

  That’s what he did with one phrase. He didn’t mean for the ripples to be as damaging as they were, but he could feel and then see Tiffany pull away from him as soon as he said it. “You idiot,” he scolded himself silently.

  The sun began to set, casting its fading light over the horizon. He would do anything just to make her smile again or to lean into his embrace like before. If only he kept his mouth shut.

  Sitting on the bench behind him, he placed his elbows on his knees and leaned over into his hands. “How can I fix this, God?”

  “You can’t,” a familiar voice replied. “Of course, I’m not God.”

  “I thought you left a while ago.”

  Pastor Cross sat down next to him, the exhaustion of the festivities showing on his face. “I did, but the missus left her handbag here. I was just headed back to the car when I saw you down here. You looked like a man with the weight of the world on his shoulders. So, I came down.”

 
“Well, I appreciate it.”

  “It looks like you two had a blissful day today as well. It was hard not to watch you two reconnect in your little way while trying to perform the wedding. I would say God orchestrated a double wedding of sorts today. And that kiss by the tree?” Pastor Cross slapped a hand down on Brad’s shoulder, “Displays of affection like that are for indoors. You remember that much, right?”

  The sixty-year-old pastor had a way of making a down trodden man laugh. “Yes, sir. I know. That was not meant for other’s eyes.”

  “What changed between that moment and now?”

  “I said something dumb and the switch flipped. She wasn’t rude or mean, she just pulled back. I could almost sense it the moment I suggested talking about kids.”

  Cross’s face winced, “Son, that wasn’t good. It’s only been a few weeks. You need to let that heal first.”

  “I know. I was meaning down the line. I guess she is still raw from all she has lost. I hurt for her, I do.”

  “But you’re ready to look to the future for the two of you…”

  “And she is still cleaning her battle wounds.”

  “Brad, for all the tough act Tiffany puts on, she has deep wounds. I’m not sure what has happened in your past, besides the last seven or eight months, but those things that have happened to her are still holding on. With each missing child, she still feels the pain of that little, empty space it filled. Now that everything is gone, it’s like a gaping hole. There isn’t enough thread in the world to put that back together again, unless she lets God do some healing. Once that happens, she will be ready to talk about the future. For now, it is just one day at a time.”

  “I suppose you’re right.”

  “Just keep praying for her. Treat her like the precious gem she is to you. Make the choice to love her, even if she pushes you away.”

  “I think I can do that.”

  “Well, this old man is ready to go home. My bride waits for me.” Cross took Brad’s hand, “You take care of her.”

  “Will do, sir.” The two men began the track to the limestone stairs. Brad pondered the pastor’s words when a question came to mind. “Pastor, you seem to know what she is going through, like you went through it yourself. “

  When they reached the top step, Cross turned to Brad, “That’s because I do. My darling wife had a similar thing happen to her decades ago. Only difference is she had no issue voicing how she was feeling. She was in a dark place at the time. The darkest I have ever seen in that angel face. But God did a work in her and pulled her through. All I could do was hold her when she needed me, and pray incessantly.”

  “Huh, I refer to Tiffany as angel when I think about her too.”

  “Maybe it’s because they are our lifelines when us soldiers are sitting in the trenches. Their love for us reaches across the seas and deserts and holds on to us when we are in some pretty dark places. They rescue us, so to speak, like angels.”

  A picture of her face looking back at him, curls cascading down her shoulders appeared to him. The white dress and lace veil draped over her giving her an angelic glow. The picture was watered and worn, like he held on to it for years. No, it was in my breast pocket or in my hand at all times. “I would look at her picture at the end of a long day roaming the mountains. Sometimes, I’d take it out and kiss it before a mission. Having that picture was like having her with me. I think it might have been a wedding photo.”

  Pastor Cross just looked at him and smiled. He patted Brad on the shoulder and walked to the car. No more words.

  Like a small, smooth stone hitting him in the middle of the head, he caught Pastor’s meaning. She needed him to be her angel right now. He didn’t know how, but he would do that. For her, he’d do whatever it takes.

  CHAPTER 23

  THE QUIET HALLS gave the house an eerie, ghost-like feel. After two weeks of constant noise and laughter, the silence only burned into her mind that someone was waiting for her. He was waiting for an answer of some kind. Tiffany wanted nothing more than to leap into his arms and welcome him back into her heart. If only there was a heart to give.

  When she told Emma all Brad had said at the wedding, her response was an instant, “Girl, what are you waiting for?” What was she waiting for?

  The sound of Brad yelling at the news channel in the other room broke her concentration. His incessant and sudden need to know what was going on in the world was beginning to drive her mad. He told her he was looking for hints. She didn’t have the heart to tell him he wouldn’t find them there.

  A word she had not heard in many months echoed from the suite followed with an apology. He was trying to do better, to change habits. Right now, all she needed was quiet.

  She made her way to the kitchen, took hold of her favorite iced tea glass, and filled it with her latest batch of sun tea. The ridges in the purple glass design made it easier for her to hold on to. Every time she held it, her mind took her back to one of their vacations in North Carolina, when life still had hope.

  Hope. That was what she was missing. Hope for the future. Was there any hope left for her?

  Without notifying Brad, Tiffany made the long trek to the river. Down the limestone steps and across the yard that once held a horse racing track in the late eighteen hundreds. She focused on the birdsong or the cicadas buzzing, whatever it took to clear her mind of all the noise that plagued her.

  At last, she found her way to the bench, sat in the same spot as always, and pulled her feet up so she could hug her legs. The questions assaulted her with brute force.

  What do you want?

  Why can’t you be happy?

  Isn’t this what you prayed for?

  Her answers sounded something like … I don’t know.

  She couldn’t ask for a better man. Even when he was still trying to figure things out, he was watchful and attentive to her. The last month, he had done nothing but wait on her. Now, she left him waiting for a reply and avoided him as much as possible.

  “It was easier when he couldn’t remember all the plans we made that never came to pass. It was a clean slate for the both of us.”

  “Would you like me to come back?” The sound of Emma’s voice startled her, causing most of her tea to spill on the grass.

  “No. Come sit,” Tiffany replied as she brushed off excess tea that splashed onto her leg.

  “How’s it going?” Emma asked. “Sounds like you’re a bit confused.”

  “Duh. You think?” Tiffany laughed, more at how stupid she felt over her struggle than her lame attempt to lighten her mood.

  “Is it something you want to talk about?”

  “I am probably overthinking things.”

  “Knowing you, I would have to agree.” Emma placed her hand on Tiffany’s knee, “He’s here, right in front of you, ready to love you and take care of you. What is the problem?”

  “I became comfortable with him not remembering, I guess. He has such hope in his eyes. I am worried that I will not be able to meet his expectations. In fact, I know I can’t. It just isn’t fair to him.”

  “Are you serious?” If Tiffany didn’t know her sister-in-law as well as she did, the look of irritation on her face would be offensive. “He knows exactly what is going on, and he still adores you. The man couldn’t hide if he tried.

  “I think what you are really afraid of is losing him again. He can’t reenlist. No one is going to take him away. But, you could push him away.”

  Pushing him away was the last thing she wanted to do. No matter how inadequate she felt, not having Brad in her life was something she was not willing to endure.

  “You’re right, Sis. I am being silly.” A stirring built in her stomach that reminded her of those early feelings of excitement at the prospect of something new. A giggle escaped her lips at the thought. “We get a fresh start. How could I overlook that? We can make new dreams.”

  Emma joined in her joyful laughter, “You sure can. Who knows what else God has in store for you two? Th
ey may not be the things you planned on, but I have a feeling you will enjoy them all the same.”

  The sound of the gas-powered weed eater starting up echoed, mingling with their laughter. The women looked in the direction of the house to see Brad, shirtless, sporting headphones perched on his head, moving the yard trimming device back and forth along the side of the driveway. He caught their eyes, waved, then went back to work.

  “My, he surely doesn’t seem to have suffered too much under your watchful care. It’s like he didn’t miss a beat with his workout regimen.”

  Emma’s observation made Tiffany laugh. The woman had no problem getting straight to the point. Her forwardness at one time bothered her, but now she welcomed her honesty; even if they were admiring God’s handiwork.

  “He has been very diligent. When he is stressed, confused, or just completely bored out of his mind, he does some kind of exercise; more so as of late. I heard him grunting out his chin up counts late last night. Then, a little while later, I heard thumping overhead followed with a louder than necessary clap. Something had him uptight and it kept me up part of the night.”

  “Wait, you still sleep in separate rooms?”

  Emma’s question made Tiffany pause for a moment. “Well, yeah. We just haven’t switched rooms back after the doctor told me no stairs after surgery. Why do you look so puzzled?”

  She waited as her sister-in-law made several attempts to reply. “Well, you’re still married to the man even though you have been his caretaker for the last few months. I thought after Jill and Mike’s wedding, you would have let him move back into your room with you. I mean, you two could not keep your hands, and lips, off each other when you stayed at our place. So I naturally assumed that, well, that …”

  It immediately dawned on Tiffany what Emma was alluding to, “that we had continued on and become more intimate?”

  “Well, yeah. What’s the hold up?”

  What was the hold up? Why was she keeping it just at the kisses? It had been obvious as of late that he was ready to get back to normal, so to speak.