The Vampire Blog

by Pete Johnson

  ‘Vampire,’ I said at once. I couldn’t help feeling a certain family loyalty, despite everything.

  ‘Good choice,’ said Joel. ‘I nearly chose that one too but I saw Shaun of the Dead again last night – and there’s no denying that zombies have a charm all of their own.’

  We cut through Brent Woods. The air had a chill to it and a dark, damp mist was rolling in. ‘Just the right weather for a M.I.S. meeting,’ said Joel cheerfully. ‘And do me a favour tonight, mate.’

  ‘What’s that?’ I asked.

  ‘However weird Tallulah gets … don’t try and make me laugh.’ Of course we both immediately started rolling about laughing. ‘No, come on,’ said Joel, ‘serious face now, and we cankill ourselveslaughingat her afterwards.’

  As we left Brent Woods, the common stretched ahead of us and beyond that was the cricket pavilion. ‘So how did Tallulah get permission to use this?’ I asked.

  ‘She didn’t,’ said Joel. ‘She said it would be lying empty until the spring so she just broke in.’

  We did the secret knock, said the password and then the door edged open very slowly. It was quite dark inside, save for a couple of candles flickering away. Spiders and bats hung down from the ceiling as, very weirdly, did some small coffins. There were fold-up chairs stacked in the corner but no one was sitting down. Instead, everyone was standing around in their masks holding bright-red drinks in little paper cups.

  ‘This is like a cocktail party for freaks,’ I whispered to Joel.

  ‘You should feel right at home then,’ he whispered back, ‘and remember, don’t say anything at all funny – or you’ll get us both chucked out. Now, drink up your blood.’

  ‘What are you talking about?’ I cried, startled.

  ‘The glass of blood you’re holding in your hot little hand, of course,’ said Joel. ‘What did you think I meant?’

  Of course, it wasn’t blood. It was a fizzy lemonade-style drink. Only it did look a tiny bit like blood. And I thought, What a shame it isn’t the real thing.

  That idea just popped into my head. But immediately I was alarmed. Was I getting another craving? No, I’d had my quota for today – two. There was no chance of any more, was there? I couldn’t be sure though. Maybe the cravings were going to get worse tonight. Was that why my parents weren’t letting me out? Did they know something they hadn’t told me? It is decreed on the fourth day that the cravings will multiply?

  What if I had another mad thirst here? What if I suddenly attacked someone – leaped onto their neck and let my teeth sink into … ? NO, NO, NO. I was thinking total rubbish. I’D NEVER LET MYSELF DO THAT.

  Then Tallulah, wearing a vampire mask quite similar to the one I’d borrowed from Joel, took a chair and sat down on it. Everyone gathered around her on the floor. She gazed down at us like some VIP vampire and said, ‘Ghouls, welcome to the dark side. Tonight we have a possible new member.’

  ‘Hi, everyone,’ I said. ‘And it’s great to be with so many creeps – I mean creepy people.’

  Tallulah said, ‘Your task … your first task—’

  ‘Excuse me, but how many tasks will I have to do?’ I interrupted.

  ‘It depends,’ said Tallulah.

  ‘On what?’ I asked.

  ‘On me, mainly,’ she said. ‘Now, your first task is to tell us a story filled with blood-chilled terror. Good luck,’ she added.

  ‘Thanks a million. Well, it’s great to be here at Ghouls Towers … it really is.’ Then I smiled nervously. The truth was, I still hadn’t properly thought out what I was going to say. No, I’d been far too busy drinking blood and arguing with my parents. Joel had given me a few suggestions on the way here, but they’d all vanished from my head.

  Nine masked faces peeredat me expectantly.

  ‘It was a dark and gloomy night,’ I began.

  ‘Boring,’ muttered a zombie.

  ‘No heckling, please,’ I said, ‘or I’ll forget where I was …’

  ‘It was a dark and gloomy night,’ prompted Tallulah.

  ‘Thanks, and it sure was. A bit like tonight actually, where there’s a thick mist creeping in and out between the trees.’

  ‘Oooh, I’m so scared,’ called a mocking voice.

  ‘Just be patient,’ I began. Then I decided to be honest. ‘The thing is, although this story was a major priority, I’ve had a few problems at home.’

  Someone started to sob loudly.

  ‘All right, spare me the sarcasm,’ I said. ‘So I wondered if I could have a bit more time – I promise you all that I’ll have such a brilliant tale to tell you for the next meeting.’

  ‘No, you’ve got to tell it tonight,’ said Tallulah firmly. ‘That was the deal, but you can hear a few more stories first, which might give you some ideas. I will start.’ She lowered her voice. ‘His head fell forward to the ground, covered in blood. A look of mortal terror was frozen on his dead face …’

  And that was the most cheerful part of her story. How could I possibly match that?

  9.15 p.m.

  Something TRULY TERRIBLE has just happened.

  I was waiting to tell my story, and pizza was being passed around and it was – although Tallulah would kill me for saying this – kind of cosy sitting there hearing ghoulish tales.

  So I sat there enjoying a huge slice of pizza. Funny, it was one thing we’d never had at our house. But it was really tasty. Meatball Feast, it was called. And I’ll never forget that name!

  Then it was my turn to tell a story again. ‘Right, well, there had been thunder and lightning all night.’

  ‘All night – that’s impossible,’ called out a voice.

  ‘Not in my story, it isn’t. You see, this is set in the future—’

  ‘How far in the future?’ asked someone.

  ‘Well, if you’ll stop interrupting I’ll tell you. I can’t say a line without someone butting in. Now—’ And I let out a really husky gasp.

  ‘Good sound effect,’ said a voice.

  Only it wasn’t, because my throat felt as if it had suddenly burst into flames: it was scorching me. I started to cough. ‘Water,’ I quavered and then my voice just died out.

  Joel got up and grabbed, not water, but that red drink we’d all had earlier.

  ‘Stop fooling about,’ said an angry voice.

  ‘He’s not,’ said Joel, pouring some of the red liquid down my burning hot throat. ‘I can tell.’

  ‘Both his ears have gone bright red,’ said someone else.

  Tallulah had got up from her throne and half whispered to me, ‘What’s the matter?’

  I couldn’t answer. All I could do was make this weird wheezing sound. I was very embarrassed and very, very scared. What was happening to me?

  ‘Air,’ I managed to gasp at last. I stumbled for the door but then my legs buckled. Joel had to half carry me outside. Everyone else followed.

  ‘It’s all right, he doesn’t want to have an audience,’ said Tallulah. ‘Come back inside when you can,’ she said to me and they all returned inside the pavilion, except Joel and me.

  ‘You’ll be all right,’ said Joel. ‘That pizza was quite strong – especially the garlic sausage.’

  For a second I stopped coughing. I nearly stoppedbreathing. Garlic – but that’s extremely bad for vampires, isn’t it? It’s like their deadliest enemy and I’d just eaten a great chunkof garlic sausage. What was going to happen to me now? Was I suddenly going to start decomposing? Well, if so that was something I really wanted to do alone, as decomposing is a very private activity, isn’t it? So I said, ‘I’ll be all right, Joel, you go back, I’m going home.’

  ‘But you can’t go on your own, not in the state you’re in,’ Joel replied.

  ‘No, no, I don’t want to ruin your night,’ I stuttered. ‘I’ll be fine.’ And from somewhere I found the energy to run. I raced away from Joel just as fast I could.

  But he came after me calling my name really loudly and saying, ‘Don’t be silly, mate. I’ll see you
home.’

  He’s a surprisingly fast runner too and would soon catch up. But in the end I managed to get away from him and climb up a tree. Then I wriggled my way along a wide branch.

  And that’s where I am now, waiting to see what happens to me next.

  CHAPTER TEN

  Friday 19 October

  9.45 a.m.

  Sorry, blog, not to have been in contact any earlier. But so much has happened to me since my last correspondence – at the top of that tree.

  I sat up in the tree for ages and ages, actually. I still had a really bad case of the gripes. But that’s all. I hadn’t crumbled away to dust or anything. So that was a bit of good news, I suppose. And feeling surprisingly cheerful, I finally clambered down the tree and decided to stagger home.

  The mist seemed to hang over everything now. In fact, I thought if I stood still long enough it would start wrapping itself over me. So I stumbled forward, not quite sure where I was going.

  The woods were deathly quiet too, as if everything had gone into a trance. But through the mist I could hear the odd noise like birds rustling and shifting about in the trees.

  And then I heard something else: the sound of a human crunching their way through all the dead leaves. Was it Joel checking I was all right? Or had my parents come looking for me? No, they hadn’t a clue where I was, unless Joel had told them. Of course it could be Joel and my parents, all searching for me together.

  But somehow I didn’t think it was. It was someone else. I tried to move faster. But the quicker I ran, the sicker I felt. Then quite suddenly I tripped over something – couldn’t see what it was – and went sprawling onto the ground.

  A bird rose into the air with a sharp, warning cry. It sounded quite near me too. I decided to swallow my pride, ring my parents and tell them I was lost in the woods. I mean, how pathetic is that? I sounded about three. But I was ill and could hardly walk and I felt something edging closer to me. Something that filled me with fear, even if I didn’t know who or what it was.

  I needed reinforcements urgently.

  So I fumbled about in my pocket for my mobile. Where was it? I was still searching for it when I heard the whisper of a wing right above my head. It must be a very inquisitive bird, I thought, come to see this strange creature lying on the ground.

  But then I felt something touch my neck. It didn’t feel like teeth or anything though. No, it was like being suddenly hit by a dart.

  A poison dart.

  Something started burning into my neck, while everything around me began slipping away. It was as if a black tide of sleep was rushing up my body. ‘Help …’ I managed to cry out. ‘Help.’

  The black tide was speeding up my chest towards my neck now. Then, just as it was clutching at my throat, I saw someone: I could hardly make them out at all – it was just the startling red eyes I noticed and a horrible sour smell. Then I must have passed out. So the next thing I knew, a torch was beamed right into my face. Blearily I made out someone – their eyes wide with horror. It was Tallulah.

  I gaped at her, unsure if this was a dream or if she really was there. ‘Get help,’ I gasped. ‘Been att … attacked.’ After this dazzling piece of conversation, the black tide rolled right over me again and I passed out.

  The next thing I actually remember is sitting up in bed, surrounded by my parents and the doctor.

  ‘Well,’ said the doctor, ‘you’ve had quite a night, haven’t you?’

  ‘We won’t be cross,’ said Mum. ‘But you’ve been eating garlic, haven’t you?’

  I nodded gravely.

  ‘Oh, Marcus,’ she cried. ‘Eating garlic won’t stop you being a half-vampire.’

  ‘I never thought it would,’ I said. ‘I ate the garlic by accident.’

  Three disbelieving faces stared down at me.

  ‘No, honestly, I was just munching a pizza when I started to feel very ill. Then I found out I’d eaten a garlic sausage.’ Mum let out a low moan. ‘Oh, my poor boy.’

  ‘Garlic is bad for vampires – and half-vampires – isn’t it?’ I said.

  ‘You know it is,’ said Dad.

  ‘Well, you never actually told me,’ I said.

  ‘Of course we did,’ said Dad. ‘It’s in the manual – to be sure and warn you.’

  ‘Dad, you didn’t,’ I hissed.

  Guilt jumped into my parents’ faces. They stared at each other. ‘I was sure we said something,’ said Mum.

  ‘Oh, well,’ interrupted the doctor, ‘there’s so much information to impart at this time it’s not surprising details get omitted. The thing about garlic, young man, is that half-vampires are highly allergic to it. And we always have a bad reaction. I expect you felt very sick afterwards.’

  ‘I certainly did.’

  ‘And all your energy seemed to have drained away and you had difficulty in concentrating,’ went on the doctor. ‘Sometimes it even gives us little hallucinations.’

  I sat up in bed. ‘Say more, Doc.’

  ‘Oh well, it gets you imagining all sorts of things. Is that what happened to you?’

  I nodded. ‘Scared myself, like you wouldn’t believe.’

  ‘All courtesy of the garlic you’d consumed,’ said the doctor.

  So all that stuff about me being attacked by a strange dart and then seeing those piercing red eyes had just been my garlic-fuelled imagination. I let out a huge sigh of relief.

  And another one.

  Mum was looking at me all anxiously again. ‘Are you all right?’

  ‘Never better, Mum. Well, no, that’s not true of course, but tons better than I was … How exactly did I get here?’

  ‘You were very foolish last night, running off without a word to your father or me,’ said Mum.

  ‘Have you any idea how worried we were when we found you’d gone?’ said Dad.

  ‘I’d hang my head in shame,’ I said, ‘if I could move it.’

  ‘When we found you’d gone,’ Mum went on, ‘we guessed you’d disobeyed us and gone to the Monsters in School meeting. But we didn’t know where the meeting was. Then Joel turned up, wanting to check if you’d got home safely. When he told us you’d been taken ill, we were frantic with worry. We were searching in the woods when this girl came flying up to us.’

  ‘Tallulah,’ I murmured.

  ‘That’s right,’ said Mum.

  So I hadn’t dreamed that part – Tallulah really had found me.

  ‘She was most concerned about you too. Well, she showed us where you were and then your father and I carried you off to the car. We offered to drive her home but she said something about the woods being her real home and tore off again.’

  ‘That sounds like Tallulah,’ I muttered.

  ‘Now, I hope lessons have been learned, you young blighter,’ said the doctor. ‘Notably, when your parents give you instructions, it’s for a very good reason. You’ll feel unwell for a few more hours yet – but no real harm done, provided you listen to me now. I want you to stay in bed for the rest of tomorrow – and keep this room quite dark too. Is that clear?’

  ‘Totally,’ I said.

  ‘Ah well, I suppose we all have to try garlic once,’ said the doctor. ‘We rarely return to it a second time.’ Then he turned his tiny left hand into a fist and shook it at me in mock anger. ‘The next time I see you, Ved, I want you to have changed over successfully into a half-vampire. Is that clear?’

  ‘I’ll do my best.’

  Right then I was so relieved to be home and safe that I’d have agreed to anything.

  11.30 a.m.

  This might sound like a really stupid question – but have you ever lost your reflection? Well, I have.

  I’d just had a little breakfast when I noticed how itchy my neck felt. So I tumbled out of bed to check out what was happening.

  I peeked into the mirror, only to discover I wasn’t there.

  I’d completely vanished.

  I mean, I was there just as I’m here now. But somehow my reflection wasn’t.


  11.34 a.m.

  Just had a second look in the mirror, and still no sign of me, which is kind of worrying, actually. The undead don’t cast any reflections either, do they? This thought doesn’t exactly cheer me up. But I’m not panicking (much) as there’s got to be a perfectly rational explanation for all this. Maybe it’s just a reaction to eating garlic. Yeah, that could be it, couldn’t it?

  11.36 a.m.

  I’m now wondering how long my reflection will stay away. You do get sort of used to having it around, don’t you?

  12.05 a.m.

  I just casually mentioned to my mum that I didn’t appear to have a reflection right now, hoping she’d say something highly reassuring like, ‘Oh, those things are always going missing.’ But instead she gave a little shriek and jumped right up into the air, which wasn’t reassuring at all.

  Then I told her about my neck being itchy. She looked even more alarmed (if that was possible) and asked if she could have a look at it.

  ‘Yeah sure, feel free,’ I said, but my heart was racing.

  Then Mum gave a sharp gasp and said, in a very shocked voice, ‘Your vampire jab.’

  ‘What about it?’

  ‘It looks different: bigger somehow and much redder, as if’ – she said the next few words very slowly – ‘you had a second bite there. But you weren’t attacked last night, were you?’

  ‘Yes and no,’ I said. ‘I mean, I do remember something flying towards me and biting my neck.’ Mum gave another gasp. ‘And I thought I saw someone with red eyes too, but then I figured it was just one of those hallucinations the doc mentioned. And I’d only imagined it all.’

  Mum sat down on the bed. ‘Tell me exactly what happened last night.’

  So I did and she got more and more agitated. In the end, she shook her head at me and moaned, ‘Oh, my poor Ved, if only you’d stayed in last night. If only.’ And she looked as if she was about to burst into tears. This was not good.

  ‘Er, Mum, do you think I really was attacked last night?’

  ‘Yes,’ she half whispered.

  ‘By what?’

  She immediately looked away.

  ‘Mum, do you know what it was?’

  ‘I think I do, yes,’ said Mum, in a voice so quiet I could hardly hear her.