The Vampire Blog

by Pete Johnson

  ‘So what was it?’ I asked.

  She looked away again.

  ‘I don’t want to appear nosy, but I would like to know,’ I said.

  Mum got up and went to the door.

  ‘Oh no, don’t run away, please … tell me.’

  ‘I will, but I want to tell you properly,’ said Mum. ‘That’s why I must call your father. He’ll explain what’s happened much better than me. And we’ll need the doctor as well. I’ll be back soon – so don’t worry.’

  Don’t worry! My reflection had gone AWOL and I’d been attacked by something that’s so terrible Mum couldn’t talk about it on her own.

  I’ll tell you something, blog. I’d rather be a werewolf than a half-vampire any day. Actually, when it’s not a full moon, werewolves have it dead easy. And anyway, turning a bit hairy and going on a rampage every now and again would be nothing compared to what I’m going through. It’s just one sensationally awful thing after another, isn’t it?

  And right now I’m wondering just what my parents are going to tell me next.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  Friday 19 October

  2.45 p.m.

  Normally when your local doc pops in, he informs you that you’re suffering from mumps or measles, or a nasty attack of skiving. This afternoon, it was totally different and the doctor told me … well I’m still reeling, if you really want to know.

  Mum and Dad had been waiting so anxiously for him to arrive, continually peering out of the window, not wanting to say anything until he’d examined me. And when the doc’s car finally pulled up, Dad just tore down the stairs.

  But the doctor strolled in, smiling as usual. ‘Well, here we are again,’ he said breezily.

  ‘We sure are,’ I replied.

  He got out a sort of two-way mirror and peered through it. Then he frowned.

  ‘You can’t see me either, can you?’ I said.

  ‘No, I’m afraid I can’t,’ he replied, looking up at Mum and Dad, who were clustered round us. ‘And I don’t like cases like this,’ he said. ‘To steal someone’s reflection seems such a colossal cheek. And we half-vampires, contrary to popular myth, like to keep our reflections close by.’

  ‘Someone has stolen it then,’ I said.

  ‘I’m afraid they have, yes,’ said the doctor.

  ‘Who?’ I asked.

  The doctor looked up at Mum and Dad as if to ask permission to say something serious. Dad nodded gravely. ‘Well, it’s time I told you a few facts, Ved,’ said the doctor. ‘Your parents have tried to spare you this – as they didn’t want to worry you unnecessarily.’

  ‘We hoped you’d never have to know,’ said Mum quickly.

  ‘Look, don’t worry about me, I’m brave. Hey, what am I saying? The Tooth Fairy gave me nightmares.’

  ‘We don’t want to give you any more nightmares,’ said Dr Jasper smoothly. ‘Now, did you know we half-vampires have only been around for about three hundred and fifty years?’

  ‘So we’re just babies really,’ I muttered.

  ‘But vampires have walked this earth for thousands of years.’

  I gave a little gulp. ‘You’re talking real vampires now.’

  ‘Oh yes, but don’t believe everything you’ve read about them. Just as wolves – despite the myths – rarely attack humans, the same is true of vampires. They are much more likely to gain their supply of blood from cows or sheep. How often have you read about such animals being attacked by a mystery predator? That’s when you see vampires at work. In fact, vampires don’t even like human blood very much.’

  ‘But all the stories—’ I began.

  He chuckled. ‘All highly inaccurate. In reality, human blood doesn’t suit vampires at all. To them, it tastes like very sour milk. But I’m afraid there’s one exception.’ He paused for a moment. ‘Half-vampires, when they are going through their changeover – now, their blood is very attractive to vampires indeed.’

  ‘Well, that news has really cheered me up,’ I said, as a shudder ran through me.

  The doc continued. ‘And vampires can easily pick up the scent of half-vampires during their changeover … and then, well, they can’t help gravitating towards you.’

  ‘That’s why,’ burst out Mum, ‘we wanted you to change over quickly. Some children turn into half-vampires really swiftly and are never bothered after that.’

  ‘Because,’ said Dr Jasper, ‘half-vampires’ blood is as unappetizing to a vampire as human blood. It is only in the phase that you are in now that you are a prime target.’

  ‘This is a lot to take in, isn’t it?’ said Dad. ‘Are you all right?’

  ‘Oh yeah, I’ve swallowed my tongue with shock,’ I said, ‘but otherwise I’m groovy. So it was a vampire who attacked me last night?’

  Both Mum and Dad turned away as if they couldn’t bear to answer. ‘Yes, Ved, I’m afraid it was,’ said Dr Jasper at last. ‘The vampire had been tracking you for a while.’

  So when I thought someone was close by last night it wasn’t just me imagining stuff. My friendly local vampire really was hovering nearby, just waiting for the right moment to strike.

  The doctor went on, ‘All vampires can transform themselves into bats. That much of the legend is true. Well, half-vampires can too, actually. And vampires often prefer to strike first in the form of a bat.’

  ‘So when I felt that dart on my neck …’ I began.

  Dr Jasper looked at my parents as if to say – You’d better tell him the next bit.

  And then Dad said briskly, ‘Yes, it really was the bat, Marcus. One tiny bite would be enough to knock you out. Then the vampire assumes its normal form.’

  I thought again of those huge, red eyes which I’d just glimpsed for a second. ‘But why didn’t it just kill me? Not that I’m complaining or anything.’

  Dr Jasper smiled at me and my parents. ‘Again you are allowing yourself to be too influenced by the wild excesses of the cinema. Vampires won’t kill you but they will take away something of you, such as your strength and—’

  ‘Your reflection,’ I interrupted. ‘And will that vampire be back for me again?’

  The doctor sighed. ‘That is the most distressing part. I’m afraid it is close by – even now waiting for its moment to strike once more. And if it does it will take even more of you.’

  ‘And I can’t spare a single molecule. So how do we fight it?’

  ‘The vampire’s power is much greater than ours,’ said the doctor apologetically.

  ‘So whichever way you look at it, us half-vampires are pretty pathetic really,’ I said.

  ‘Now now,’ said Dr Jasper. ‘It is this bad attitude which has got you into all this trouble. The moment you turn into a half-vampire you will instantly cease to be of any interest to our local vampire.’

  ‘But until then it could attack me at any time?’ I asked.

  ‘Unlikely in the day. Vampires are usually perfectly respectable people, unsuspected by anyone. By the way, all the old stories about vampires turning into dust by day are nonsense. Vampires are merely wary of the sun and usually very well wrapped up if they have to go out in it. One more fact: your attacker is almost certainly someone you have already met.’

  ‘Like a headmaster,’ I said at once.

  ‘Well, it could be, I suppose,’ said the doctor. He went on, ‘Vampires have this strange code of etiquette: they only like to feed off someone they have met before. Ideally they will be invited into their house. But a vampire might just be someone who stops to talk to you in the street. Some vampires – especially very hungry ones – will count that as making your acquaintance. But they are very careful about breaking their cover. Also, they are far more powerful when it gets dark, and if the vampire strikes again, it will almost certainly be at night. So no more nocturnal adventures, young man. Until you change over to a half-vampire you are “in season” and in grave danger.’

  ‘We’ll never let you out of our sight again,’ said Mum.

  I tried hard to look
grateful, but actually, I thought, never being out of my parents’ sight was nearly as bad as being attacked by a vampire.

  ‘And you must stay in bed until your reflection comes back fully,’ said the doctor. ‘It will return – this time. The first sign of this is you will start to become very thirsty and want to drink gallons of water.’ He got up. ‘And don’t be down-hearted, as I’ve a piece of good news for you.’

  ‘What’s that?’ I ask.

  ‘I think your cravings have stopped,’ he said.

  ‘Perhaps they took off with my reflection,’ I replied.

  4.30 p.m.

  Still missing: one reflection of a cheeky-looking boy with thick black hair and a big red bite on his neck. If found, please return to owner as soon as possible.

  4.45 p.m.

  A text from Joel asking how I am. Wouldn’t he get the shock of his life if I answered that question honestly? He also said that Tallulah has been asking about me and sent her regards. Her regards … that’s what bank managers send you.

  But here’s a very odd thing: it was Tallulah who found me and went speeding off to get help, but she can’t have said one word about this to Joel. Or surely he’d have mentioned it. Why wouldn’t she tell him?

  And seeing the state I was in last night, would it have killed her to send me a text message herself, just to check I’m still alive?

  And yes, I know I should be grateful to Tallulah for finding my parents and all that stuff. And I am. But I’m also— Oh, I don’t know why I’m rabbiting on about her. I do have a few other things to worry about right now. Like a vampire who at the moment is probably lurking outside my house craving some more of my high-powered blood.

  That’s a nice, cheerful thought, blog, isn’t it?

  4.55 p.m.

  Do you know what I’d like more than anything else right now? Not to be a millionaire or a world-class footballer. Not even to be a professional chocolate-taster. I just want to go back to being a normal human being again. If I could do that, I wouldn’t ever ask for anything else.

  But it’s the one thing I can never do. No, I either stay like this, watching out all the time for any vampires passing who might be stalking me (and vampires can smell me hundreds of miles away apparently, I knew I was using the wrong deodorant!) or I change over into a half-vampire. That’s it; there aren’t any other choices for me.

  And I’ll always have this huge, stinking secret right in the middle of my life. A secret which I can never escape from. My life is tilted towards deeply weird for good.

  Just writing that last sentence has made me feel a whole lot worse. So I’ll stop now.

  6.30 p.m.

  I’ve reached a decision. I’m going to give it a shot, and try my hardest to become a half-vampire.

  Did the news that there’s a vampire hanging about with my name on its fangs affect my decision at all? Me? I laugh in the face of danger – then run like mad.

  So, yes!

  Yes! Yes!

  6.50 p.m.

  My parents come into my bedroom, both looking truly awful. I know I’ve given them a mountain of stress and do have a small pang of guilt about that (even though it was their rubbish genetics which has landed me in all this) but I tell them of my decision.

  Instantly they look so happy and relieved. ‘You won’t regret this,’ says Dad. Then he rather shyly digs out of my wardrobe one very neglected vampire cape. Looking at it again, I can see it’s pretty impressive in its bizarre way. Dad places it around my shoulders, but I put it on properly. This makes my parents whoop and cheer. They’re so easily pleased.

  Then I announce, ‘I am a half-vampire.’

  They clap their hands in ecstasy.

  ‘Now I know for certain,’ says Dad, ‘you will be a half-vampire very soon. And make us very proud of you.’

  ‘Not that we aren’t already,’ lied Mum.

  9.50 p.m.

  For the first time in ages, I shan’t say ‘I am not a half-vampire’ before I go to sleep, because what’s the point? I’m in my parents’ world of vampires and half-vampires. And nothing I can do will stop that.

  But here’s what’s bothering me: what if for some reason I can’t cross over into being a half-vampire, or what if I’m not cut out to be one?

  Does that mean I’m stuck like this for ever?

  10.45 p.m.

  I’m more and more certain I know who the vampire is: it’s Townley. Well, he’s angry enough to be one – and he’s got absolutely no sense of humour. I can just picture him slurping blood too. And he’s always going on about how he’s watching me. I bet every time I walk past him he takes a deep appreciative sniff, as the scent of my half-vampire blood floats into his nostrils. Oh, it’d be so great if it was him. I’d love to expose him – the Vampire Headmaster. Any other suspects?

  Well, I remember a car pulling up the other day after school and a man in very thick glasses asking me for directions. He was very chatty too. Could that have been the vampire introducing himself to me?

  No, it’s Townley. Got to be.

  11.05 p.m.

  My parents are checking on me – yet again. Yeah, it’s good of them to be so bothered but it also reminds me that the vampire is watching, waiting out there. Then Dad whispers that he has a great surprise for me tomorrow.

  Saturday 20 October

  9.45 a.m.

  I’ve just found out what the surprise is. And it’s not great at all. In fact, it’s absolutely terrible.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  Saturday 20 October

  9.55 a.m.

  Next to being chased by a vampire, what’s the very worst thing that could happen to me?

  That’s right, having Cousin Karl slither back into my world. And get this: he is to be my very own bodyguard and coach. So he isn’t just dropping by for a visit. No, he’ll be with me practically night and day – until I change over. So if I don’t ever change over, does that mean I’ll never be free of him? My parents actually think I’ll be pleased by this news.

  ‘But you got on so well,’ said Mum.

  ‘No, we didn’t,’ I answered.

  ‘But he’s very keen,’ went on Mum. ‘He rang up especially to hear how you’re getting on and he really thinks he can help.’

  ‘Cancel him,’ I cried. ‘I’m begging you.’

  ‘But he’s on his way,’ said Mum. ‘We’ve even worked out where he can stay: up in the attic. He’ll be very comfortable there.’

  11.15 a.m.

  Hell’s teeth, he’s here.

  He came blustering into my bedroom, looking even more pleased with himself than usual (if that’s possible). Then he said, rubbing his hands together, ‘You’re in the deepest danger of your whole life – and you haven’t got any reflection. Now, what on earth is that like? I couldn’t imagine looking into a mirror and not seeing myself there.’

  ‘It’s great actually,’ I said, ‘because now I

  never have to worry what I look like.’

  ‘Well, you do,’ said Karl, ‘because we can all still see you …’

  ‘Oh no,’ I said. ‘I never realized that. So you can see me now?’

  Karl looked at me for a moment. ‘I’ve come here to help you, Ved, with all your tons of problems. So what would you like me to do first?’

  ‘Disappear?’ I said hopefully.

  ‘It’s great you can make jokes – even at a time like this.’

  ‘That wasn’t a joke,’ I murmured.

  ‘Now, how about if we get you thinking vampire by practising some roars. I’ll do one first,’ he added eagerly.

  He did, and of course it was brilliant. Yawn! Yawn!

  ‘Now try and copy me,’ he continued.

  So I did and it was just pitiful. Nowhere near as good as that roar I did at school. The one Tallulah overheard.

  ‘I think you’re putting me off,’ I said.

  ‘I can see that,’ he said. ‘You’re worried you can’t roar as well as me. And you probably can’t. But don’t worry, you
can still be a perfectly good roarer – if not a world-class one. Shall I go away?’

  ‘Oh, yes please.’

  ‘How far should I go?’ he asked.

  ‘Back home.’

  ‘Always the joker. Look, I’ll just stand outside the door.’

  He listened to my next attempt and then oiled back in, looking very stern. ‘Ved, you can’t just luck into being a half-vampire, you know. You’ve got to at least try.’

  The trouble was, I had been trying.

  Karl let out a big sigh. ‘You’re feeling tense and frustrated, aren’t you?’

  ‘Yes, I am,’ I admitted.

  ‘And how long have you been feeling like this?’

  ‘Since you arrived,’ I said.

  He rubbed his hands together – one of his many annoying habits. ‘You’re going to be my biggest challenge. But don’t worry, I’ll win in the end.’

  I looked up. ‘Will you?’

  ‘Oh yes,’ he said, oozing confidence as usual. ‘I always win.’

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  Saturday 20 October

  2.50 p.m.

  I’ve just had a visitor.

  Mum answered the door and called up, ‘A friend to see you, Marcus.’

  ‘Send Joel up,’ I said, just assuming it would be him.

  ‘It’s Tallulah actually,’ said Mum, sounding a bit excited. And my heart gave a huge thump too. This surprised me.

  ‘Oh, well send her up,’ I said, trying to sound as casual as I could.

  Tallulah chatted to Mum for a few more seconds and next I heard her walk quickly up the stairs. My heart gave another thump. And then Karl had to stick his nose in. I heard him saying to Tallulah at the top of the stairs, ‘You can only stay a few minutes.’

  ‘Rubbish,’ I yelled. ‘You can stay as long as you like. Bring a sleeping bag if you want.’

  Tallulah strolled into my room with Karl right behind her as if he were my butler, bodyguard and dad, all rolled into one.

  ‘So how are you?’ she asked.

  Before I could reply Karl declared, ‘He’s not at all well – got a virus.’

  Seeing a look of alarm cross Tallulah’s face, I cut in, ‘But it’s only a tiny, little virus – and not infectious in the slightest. By the way, that guy lurking beside you is a very, very distant relation, but I won’t bother introducing you, as he’s just leaving.’