by R G Berube
Hadrian placed a finger on my lips.
"Do not be anxious, for I will answer this concern without your need to state it. Dear Antinoos, a time will come when this responsibility of governing the most powerful nation on earth Sabina has taken precautions to deny me a son, she has done me a service!
"For this reason, I have looked toward filling the throne with someone worthy of the responsibility. Lucius Commodus is that person. I love him like a son. I once loved him as a lover. But that particular time in our relationship was when we were both much younger and blithe of spirit in our emotions. It was a relationship of two friends who loved with their bodies only when the occasion demanded satisfaction of those needs. We relieved each other!
"Lucius has always understood this. I believe he had hoped that my feelings for him would have run more deeply; and deeply they did run, but Lucius could not understand the subtleties of them. He has a brilliant mind and he has been devoted to me, but not without objective. Lucius seeks power, and I do not mind handing him what he seeks. I believe he could live up to the weight of the purple."
Hadrian had spoken slowly, placing emphasis on many words so that I would take note of them. He continued to hold me gently. I lost myself in his expressive face, filled with expectancy of the unknown and the intensity of his eyes,
"And you, little Bithynian...." he continued, "...wonder how much o f my heart I share between the both of you. Let me tell you that this is also a concern shared by Lucius Commodus, and it bothers him seriously. It is the reason for his jealousy; a trait I had hoped not to see, but one I must allow as a part of his determination.
"You must be patient with all of us, Antinoos. In you, we see many things. You disturb us, my precious."
"I mean no harm," I offered.
"It is not the harm he might perceive in you as much as the passion he witnesses in me, that makes him fear his status. I have tried to reassure him, but once again words have little force and only time will confirm my devotion to him."
I heard sincerity in his voice as he spoke about Lucius, and I understood that the love he felt for him was of a different nature than that which he felt for me, and felt some eases with the confirmation. Yet, this did not solve the problem that existed between Lucius and me. I did not have a solution other than the one offered by Hadrian, of allowing time to prove my behavior. I hoped Lucius would come to see that I had no pretense or design for his position.
"Lord, reassure him that I mean him no harm. My purpose is to render you service and give you love and obedience. I would prefer the shadows, to the prominence of a more obvious position. Public scrutiny makes me uneasy."
"Adjust yourself to it, Antinoos. It has been chosen for you. The very nature of who and what we are to each other, subjects us to criticism. Romans, unlike you Greeks, do not condone quite so readily the kind of relationship we share. Yet, it is pure. I mean you no harm and do not command your love. This, you must understand! It must always be given freely and without reserve! Many will wonder at my attraction. They will believe you a slave to my passions. Although I do admit to passion, for you stir that in me, I want nothing but your willingness, in it. This is imperative! It will require your vigilance. What road we will travel together remains to be seen. Allow me to share myself with you; my age will add to your knowledge and your youth will keep my mind agile. There is much we can bring to each other!"
His words confirmed my thoughts that Hadrian had plans for me. I realized that it was becoming more difficult to remain eclipsed by his shadow. In my mind I beheld the fleeting image of Icharus as he strove to fly closer to the sun.
Chapter Seventeen
On The Via Tiburnia Winter 127-128 A.D.
The month of November was highlighted by a surprise celebration of my birthday. Hadrian suggested that I plan several days at Salvus' villa for the event, but had not told me that numerous friends had also been invited. On the evening of arrival, as we entered the hall to dine, the surprise was exposed and I was overjoyed. Among the guests were a few of the boys from the paedagogium with whom I had maintained contact. Filiniana was there in the company of Gracchus.
I was charmed observing Hadrian's pleasure in having done this for me. He gave me a gift, a miniature model of the part of his villa that was still under construction which held the building in which my quarters were to be housed. He told me he expected the work to be completed by the beginning of the new year. The model had a hinged roof that could be lifted to expose the interior, showing a marvel of tiled floors and wonderful mosaics on the walls. The tiny furnishings had been beautifully crafted, and it brought tears to my eyes. His delight was matched by my own. Although a simple man in his personal needs, Hadrian took pains in the manner in which he expressed his emotion to others. He was sometimes excessive. In effect, I now possessed my own residence.
The following two months were ones in which our spirit and joy for each other were expressed with gifts. In cold December he warmed my heart with a beautiful love poem inscribed on the softest doeskin, tied with a gold clasp set with precious stones. It was Saturnalia, a time of gift-giving, and we celebrated all the happiness and joy associated with the season. In keeping with Hadrian's motif of miniatures and models, I gave him a sardonyx. Upon its surface I had carved a fine portrait of myself, a work well executed by an artisan recommended by Salvus. This gem showed my likeness attired in a chlamys, carrying a walking-staff on my left shoulder. It was meant to represent the activity I loved most, roaming the countryside and byways surrounding Rome.
Hadrian became so fond of this gem that he seldom was without it and often would hold it in his hand as he went about his daily business. It exists still, having come down through the centuries in the possession of many. But this gift of love is now lost to historians and collectors, and it is carefully guarded by its owner who has knowledge of its history and meaning. It has survived as my love survives, in spite of the trials suffered near the end.
The month of January was marked by games in commemoration of his day of birth. A full week was given to shows in the amphitheater, where the great colossus stood. There were readings of poetry at the temples of Campus Martius and recitals of sagas as well as contests of strength in the genre of the Greek games. The Emperor dispensed coins and food to the public. The entire proceedings were paid for by him as was the custom. Never have so many received so much and complained so loudly over so little! The inhabitants of Rome were well supplied, even spoiled in the amount of festival time they were given to celebrate. The average working Roman spent little more than half the year in toil. The remainder of his time was passed at numerous official and unofficial celebrations. But still they seemed disgruntled and continuously on the verge of revolt. This was the underlying feeling even in the best of times such as the years of Hadrian's reign.
For my part I chose to attend the plays and avoid the ravages and carnage so necessary to keep the plebes content. With the celebrations over and the city back to work, Hadrian quickly dispensed with duties and took several days in the countryside to rest. It was my first journey to his villa and I was anxious to see my belated gift.
We rode through cultivated lowlands toward the Sabine Hills, some still topped with snow. My mare, Catapult, had been brought from Villa Pacé and now, well trained and as gentle with me as I could expect, she gave me a sense of exhilaration as I rode her.
The crisp air made my ears ache. The countryside smelled of smoke from the burning farm brush, and a layer of it floated slightly above ground level, like a lace mantle. The colors of winter had their own charm, not unlike those of my own country. A leaden-gray sky threatened rain. We rode swiftly in hopes of reaching shelter before the skies opened, pressed by fast approaching storm clouds. Our breath exhaled as vapor in the cold air, and we munched on chestnuts which had been roasted and kept warm in skins at our sides.
Hadrian brought us to a stop at a small roadside inn. He was in the merriest of moods and his spirit was infectious as we drank mu
lled wine and chewed slices of cured venison. He bantered with the inn-keeper and I saw by the informality, that he had stopped here many times before. I thought myself the happiest of mortals and I overflowed with the same kind of merriment. In the company of soldiers and a small retinue of clerks, I found myself an equal to anyone of them, joining the singing and drinking as though we were just a band of fellows making merry.
We rode through portions of the countryside opened to pits being worked for the marble content. Much of Rome had come from the quarries in this area. One could see by the terrain, a rocky and mountainous area as we went further west, that it was a country rich in soil and stone. Parts through which we rode seemed primitive and untouched. Cascades spilled over high falls into gorges, filling the air with the sound of the powerful run-off. The trees, mostly conifers, clung precariously against steep and rocky cliffs, watered by the mist sent skyward from the turbulence below.
I saw the majestic forms of the villa from a distance. On the side of a gently sloping hill it looked like a small village, albeit one of grand style. It was obvious by its expanse of construction, just how grand was his vision. There were buildings and various structures which I assumed to be temples and shrines, partially completed. I saw ponds, pools, and a magnificent shallow lake that reflected its surroundings like a mirror. This was the site of which he had spoken, the place near which I was to have my residence. I looked to where he pointed, beyond a copse of cedars and saw a small compound, a villa unto itself, beautifully landscaped. It was a blend of lines that made it appear fluid as though the stones had been put into motion then stopped when they had attained the desired contours, preserving a harmony with the flow of the hills and valleys of the area.
There was such a prevailing sense of peace about the place that I wondered why he had not come more often or brought me there before. After some time, I came to see just how many slaves, civil servants, soldiers and a variety of others were necessary for the proper function of what was, essentially, the second palace. Although much of the activity was conducted below ground through a system of tunnels, it was not the peaceful and reclusive environment found at Salvus' villa!
I remembered his earlier caution about our need for discretion. The fact that we were here together seemed to mark a new phase in our relationship. It was a public acknowledgment of my being! The Praetorian Guards who accompanied us, and who always accompanied the Emperor, broke away for their own quarters and we were left alone.
I followed him as he rode slowly, following the lanes that led about a maze of paths, each obviously planned to bring the wanderer into gardens or enclosures within which were a multitude of fountains, cascades such as we had seen along the Via Tiburnia, and shrines dedicated to various gods, many of which were Greek. It was a place of fantasy peopled by forceful and graceful figures that stood guard along the paths; many hidden among the trees and shrubbery, these statues of white and pink marble seemed to be everywhere.
Hadrian turned to see my reaction to his beautiful dream, and saw that I was in awe. He reined Borysthenes and waited for me to come along side and take his outstretched hand.
"You like it?" He asked, the question seeming so simple, as though asked by a little child finished with a lesson well performed and seeking approval. I had to smile.
"How could I not like it, my Lord. It is magnificent! It is a dreamland set amid countryside formed by the gods.
He looked at me with a startled expression.
"Have I said something to offend you?
Hadrian nodded negatively as he squeezed my hand. The glove I wore absorbed what otherwise would have been a painful hold. His emotions shook him.
"You have mouthed the very thought I held in my own mind when I first saw these hills, ten years ago. I decided to purchase this land for my dreams. I too, was struck by the beauty and simplicity here. Being with you, now, this beauty is enhanced by your own. It is where you truly belong. Come my sweet, I see how you shiver. You are cold. A fire awaits you at your home."
In the following months much of my time was to be spent between Villa Adriana and Villa Pacé. I returned to the Palatine only when necessary. Sometimes it was on Hadrian's request under the guise of his needing my help for some project. I often acted as a courier with messages, even though he relied mostly on his aids, my presence was a comfort to him. But unless in journey, I chose to remain at the villa. By this time it had become public knowledge that the Emperor was keeping steady company with a young Greek. I felt the less I was seen in Rome, the better for each of us. It was not his outlook or his choice. He left that up to me. In fact whenever we were together at a public function in the city, he took particular care to have me close, as though he were announcing my presence and challenging anyone to object.
I paid heed to those around me who gave me consul. Salvus often advised me through Gracchus. He was of great service to me and I respected him. Also at my side was Antipas, my tutor. Surrounded by these people who loved us and sought to protect us, I still felt the pull of influence from those who continued to use me as an ear to the Emperor.
My own apartment at Villa Adriana became a nest in which I escaped the noises and bustle of Rome. At first, the city had been a wonderful and exotic place in which I could indulge my senses, but it soon ceased to be so. My decision to stay at Tibur was one made only after the suggestion was voiced by Hadrian. He knew how discontent I felt. He was also aware of the insults being directed at me for my position in our relationship, and he wanted to spare me as much pain as possible. Tibur was not so far away that, given a bout of loneliness, either of us could travel to the other. Sabina offered no objection when told that my services would no longer be available to her. In fact, she sent word that she wished me well. I suppose in a way, being out of Rome was being out of mind!
Days were spent in studies during the morning hours. Each day Antipas had lessons prepared. We read poets and philosophers, mathematicians and mystics. He had knowledge of rhetoric and trained me for those times when I would come to hold my own in conversations of the court.
At mid-day I would mount Catapult and ride into the countryside, having been instructed never to ride alone. Each time I went outside the villa I was accompanied by one of the Praetorians. There were several with which I grew friendly, but there always remained a defined separation between us. For two hours we would ride, seeking new places not seen before. I came to know the territory for miles, like the palm of my hand. I would then spend time walking the mare, combing her out, then feed her. After a small meal, I set aside another hour's time for personal correspondence. I did not let a week pass without writing to my mother. I was informed by her that they had received a large sum of money from the Emperor, to be used in their retirement.
Mother understood my role in the imperial association. She withheld all traces of criticism and often told me how pleased she was that I was well and in good hands. My father's silence was a continued reminder of his initial resistance. He somehow looked at my departure as an abandonment of them. Hadrian sent invitations for them to visit and each time, they refused.
I responded to let her know we were about to embark on a tour of the Eastern Provinces. The Emperor planned to come to Claudiopolis, and I would therefore see them again. But it was not so fated. How little I knew in the days of my youth, of her daily pain for my absence. I shall exist through eternity with two monumental heart aches; that I did not share glory withmy mother, and by my final show of love, brought Hadrian eight years of deep sadness and pain.
I shall never know what might otherwise have been!
Chapter Eighteen
Distant Thunder
He had risen to the throne with none of the turmoil that had once accompanied such elevations in the past. History was marked with blood baths of such transitions and they were easily forgotten so that his ascension could not be appreciated for its temperance. Expecting the drastic measures taken by his Praetorian Prefect to rid the Senate of suspected potential in
surrectionists at the start of his reign, the ten years that followed were ones marked by prosperity, calm in the provinces, and an ever increasing order given to the business of government.
Hadrian initiated policies which streamlined the law. He swept out all freedmen from the secretariat positions and allowed them to equestrians only. The old requirement that some military service with the legions should be a preliminary to public service was greatly modified. He realized that efficiency demanded a degree of specialization and in appointing to various important posts, he was willing to waive military qualifications.
The ship of state sailed on calm waters. Only the rumors of some dissatisfaction among certain groups of Jews regarding the Emperor's insistence on a unified empire tainted an otherwise peaceful period. Certain factions in Israel resisted Roman rule. Certain others broke from their traditional Jewish heritage and sought to establish other sects based on the belief of their scriptures that they would be liberated and Rome would be brought down by a "messiah". Vespasian had waged a pitted battle against a particularly aggressive group of zealots at Masada. All had chosen suicide rather than surrender. Hadrian had sought to allow all, their own choice of gods, thereby reducing the reasons for revolt. But the Jews would not have it. They constantly initiated discord and agitation to the extent that it could not be ignored.
Aside from the Jewish flea, the empire was more stable and he was not above pride in realizing that his efforts were proving his abilities. Titles from the Senate and the provinces were showered on him. Those coming from Greece were the most prized. He had been named "Archon" because of the infusion of new life that had been brought to that ancient land. He was hailed by many as the "New Dionysos" and "The New Herakles". With such profound success Hadrian saw within himself a power and energy that, to him, could only come from the gods. It was not without precedent that those in the past who had come to the throne had come to be hailed as gods themselves!