Antinoos and Hadrian

by R G Berube

I grew fond of this bird and it seldom left my side. Perched on my arm, I came to speak to it as though it understood me. Indeed, even with its head hooded, it would listen and follow my voice. Only once did I see it kill; its hooked beak tore into a hare and expertly ripped it so that it had the animals heart consumed before I could bring it away. The sight made me vow that it would not do so again. Hadrian chided me for my reaction and advised that I should allow nature its course. But I was never able to harden to the abuse of animals.

  Nights were often difficult. Hadrian would come to me exhausted from a day of continuous work, filled with anxiety, his face haggard and body grown thin and more sickly. It took great discipline to contain my shock and tears! He would lie in my arms and cling to me like a child. I listened when he chose to speak and held him when he was silent. Sometimes in our love-making he would attack me in the most aggressive way. Afterward, Hadrian would be calmed, less tense and prone to anger, and would remain so for some days. Then the cycle would begin anew.

  Slowly the weeks became months and a new order began to be seen in Antioch. Hadrian's efforts appeared to bear fruit as evidenced by the Legion's renewed allegiance. The populace grew less vociferous with complaints. That this was an effect of the purge and fear or of coming to know that the Emperor had honorable intentions, I was not sure. Peace and calm returned to the city. Lucius reassured Hadrian all would be well, and urged him to take leave, for he knew it was what needed to be done. Lucius was to remain in Antioch until all was stable. Then he would join us in Judaea or Egypt.

  “I have never seen the Eastern outreaches!” Hadrian sounded as though he were seeking my approval, his tone almost beseeching.

  “Then we must go,” I responded, sure that he was worried I would not be willing. “Antioch holds as much for me as it does for you; I will miss it to the same degree! What is our destination?”

  “It will seem like Athens again,” he said. His tone could not hide the excitement he was beginning to feel.

  “We will follow the caravan routes across the desert to the trading city of Palmyra, in Arabia. It is an ancient place, Antinoos; a most beautiful city filled with riches. Silks, jewels, perfumes, pearls, and incense brought from lands beyond the eastern borders, pass through it. Greeks have settled there and I am told they have turned it into another Hellas. We have done well to bring the region into our fold!”

  The Roman Empire had been extended by careful overthrow of kingdoms that had become too weak and of those that had sought Rome's protection in exchange for some degree of autonomy of rule. Others were directly annexed because of their value. One such Roman acquisition was Arabia, a vast land of fertile fields open to opportunity. The bonds between these two powers were fragile and Hadrian thought it wise to secure political ties.

  “I have already sent word. All has been made ready and we leave in two days!”

  We were standing near the watchman's post atop the palace ramparts. It was early evening. Beyond the city, the Orontes twisted between its banks and broke from the rifted valley and flowed into the Mediterranean. The Orontes was as resistant to navigation as Antioch's population was to direction, opposing control and coursing on its own path, unyielding! At twilight I was moved by the muted hues that shaded the distant hills and softened the harshness of what had become a distasteful place. The streets had become quiet and the evening lamps flickered like fireflies. Only the sound of vagrant children who roamed the streets in search of food, disturbed the solitude.

  We walked along the parapet, his arm across my shoulder. I recalled a time when we had strolled in similar fashion in the palace garden on the Palatine. He had stood two heads above me, then. Now we were almost of equal height.

  “How do you feel,” I asked, thinking him in good humor and wanting to give him opportunity to speak of his illness.

  “You seem in better spirits. Your color returns.”

  “This business has taken its toll, Antinoos. I had thought, some years ago when I had made

  the appointments of posts here in Antioch, that the delegates were well selected. Some indeed were.

  Too many failed! I have had to take grave action against some for whom I have affection; friends of many years. My mind has little rest.

  “I look forward to Egypt! It is a land long in the tradition of preserving the dead. There are cult-priests said to have knowledge superior to any known elsewhere. We will go to Canopus. There, like Delphi, the gods speak through men. I shall seek out one who is said to have great power.”

  The theme of death had become more of a preoccupation. He had scrolls of books on the subject left scattered about his quarters. The Book of the Dead, a papyrus requested by him and recently delivered from an Alexandria emissary, had become the focus of his reading.

  “What do you hope to gain that is not yet known?” I asked.

  “I wish to have made clear what was prophesied at Delphi. The incident on Mount Casius has raised doubts. I must know more!”

  Athenoseos' words, overheard between Marulla and Balbilla, came to mind as I wondered if her words had reached his ears through Sabina?

  “The poetess is known to have the power of foreseeing. Have you consulted her?”

  Hadrian looked as though I had asked a foolish question. “Do you wish me to open a tidal-gate and allow the flood? She would never cease her advice if I asked once for it!”

  “You need not ask. Consult with the Empress. Surely they speak of you.”

  “That they speak of me, I have no doubt! But there is no mandate that demands my ear. I would choose more discreet sources for what I seek. The woman would soon have all of Rome know what the Emperor had asked of her.”

  His words concerned me, for I had thought to approach her to inquire of myself.

  The Party departed for Palmyra before arrangements could be made for me to meet with Julia Balbilla. I decided to seek her out when I could. My curiosity was too great to ignore. But all would have to wait until we reunited with Sabina's party, for she was to journey south to Judaea and would wait for us at Jerusalem.

  Word had reached Hadrian that all was not well there. The Jews were already preparing to demonstrate for the Emperor's benefit, hoping to put forth causes in their usual aggressive and demanding manner. For this reason Lucius would soon follow after having secured safety and control in Antioch, to insure the same for Sabina and her party in Jerusalem.

  Mark Anthony, Caesar Augustus, Tiberius, Trajan, all had sought to bring Syria into Rome's sphere of influence and interest. Palmyra had been the most independent of Syria's cities due to its being the major trade connection with the East. Caravans provided high stores of wealth for the empire and as long as the ruling families of that city continued paying taxes and tributes, law and governing was left in their hands.

  Hadrian wanted to expand Palmyra's capabilities. Not satisfied to let it stand as a trading center, he bestowed the title of Hadriana to the city's name, thereby insuring it status and all that would be needed to make it a center of culture that would rival Alexandria.

  Built on a flat plain, Palmyra was a city of grand colonnades, temples, and theaters. In the distance palms marked the ancient oasis and could be seen rising above the great Temple of Bel. From this place the city had grown irregularly, each precinct the result of a pre-Roman settlement and availability of a water source. It had sprung and blossomed from the desert sands as had the springs that offered succor from scorching heat. Caravans had sought its relief for as long as anyone could recall.

  Hadrian had endowed Palmyra with generous gifts of money and had been receiving reports of its progress. Now it was time to see for himself what had been wrought!

  As in so many other cities that had received the Emperor's party, Palmyra had prepared itself for his arrival with a great feast and celebration. The city hailed him as Hadrian the God, a title not unknown to him but one that was timely to his recent apprehensions.

  I was preoccupied with somber thoughts and no amount of splendor or
excitement could penetrate my mood. Only vaguely aware, I perceived events as one experiences a dream, and failed to truly appreciate the wonders and beauty of an exotic metropolis filled with the flavors of the distant lands of the Orient. Hadrian's mood improved as mine became more withdrawn. Where I had applied myself in trying to lift him from his depression, he now became the one who sought to make me smile and laugh and I resisted.

  The temptation of the delights Palmyra offered could not dissuade me from my state of mind! Athenoseos showed concern, thinking me ill from travel. Marulla was sent by Hadrian to examine me, and pronounced me physically fit but suffering from melancholia.

  Antipas would arrive each morning to take up my studies but soon gave up the effort. He concentrated on Athenoseos, who through my urging, had begun learn to read and write. I was left alone and found comfort in the arrangement. Avoiding all familiar faces and opportunities for social interactions, I sought my own counsel and often walked the hidden alleys of the city, dressed in an ungainly manner to blend with the rabble, achieving obscurity among a sea of races. Brooding thoughts filled my mind and my imagination gave rise to bizarre plans that I soon came to think of as my sole salvation.

  Little needed to be done but review all the projects in progress and consult with engineers on the newly commissioned public baths and grain storage units which would hold ten-fold their previous capacity. Of particular interest to Hadrian was an arch in the manner of the one he had erected at Athens. Commissioned within the year, it already stood higher and broader and was more imposing than its counterpart. Certainly the essence of the city, its exotic flavor as a crossroads gave import and significance to the edifice. Hadrian had the structure placed at the head of a broad avenue lined with columns, and this location became the main gate to the city of Palmyra, announcing without words to all who arrived from points throughout the Empire as well as places still little known to Rome, that truly this city was of consequence and one blessed by the gods!

  Once done, Hadrian looked again to his favorite pastime and sought to organize a hunt when he learned a lioness, injured and dangerous, had been stalking a local village and had already killed several inhabitants. But I objected, recalling the Delphi Oracle's words, Do not tempt the gods with your life!

  “Do not the Priests of Zeus assure me that they mean me no ill will? My reign, according to the Pythia, is far from its end. I have no fear of this animal. It will be good for us to ride hard and see some of the countryside. We will also be giving a service to the villages that have been so threatened and disrupted.

  “You mood needs changing, Antinoos! Your blood is too phlegmatic. Will you not tell me what bothers you? Do you wish to return to Rome?”

  The thought repulsed me. After Greece, no other place could give me peace or fill me with what my soul required. I wished only to return to Athens and experience once more the sound of wind as it sweeps across the valley from the sea. To hear the banter of voices that fill the forum and agora where Greeks gather to debate everything of consequence. To see the stone-cutter's hammer chipping until forms of grace and beauty emerge from the marble, to adorn the city's parks and courtyards. To smell the sickled hay from the surrounding hills when it fills the early evening air with its wonderfully sweet aroma. No, Rome held nothing for me!

  “It is the last thing I wish! So much has happened. So many thoughts go through my head when I recall what we have seen and heard, together. I seek only to make peace with myself and discover my path. I have reason and cause to question my part.”

  “And what have you discovered your path to be, Antinoos? Is it not to serve and love me?”

  Should I dare to reveal what had been taking form in my mind?

  “It is as you say, Lord.”

  “Then it is my wish that you make light and bring back those radiant eyes and let me again hear your laughter. Come, Bithynian, shed your clothing and let me take pleasure in you. You rival any of those Greek sculptures of which you are so fond!”

  Forcing myself, I moved away and took a provocative pose, untying the cincture of my garment and letting it drop to the floor. Stepping from my breechcloth, I stood before him naked. Seeing his eyes pass over me and seeing his excitement ignited my own passion. I became aroused. I once would have been embarrassed for displaying myself in such a manner, but now I took pleasure in it.

  As he led me away, I wondered how long I could continue to excite him? How much longer would he desire me?

  The lioness had been wounded in an attempt to protect her cub from capture. Deprived of her young, it had begun to menace the village. Four had been killed while bathing in a nearby river, and two had been attacked within the village. The animal had become a threat to travelers, making the nearby caravan route a liability.

  Armed with bow and javelins, we were escorted by a tribal chieftain who knew the region well and promised to lead us to the prey. Anxious to see the falcon Hadrian had given me display its skill, I took it. The bird rode perched upon my arm, its powerful claws firmly grasped about the leather sleeve. With the hood in place, the bird made no attempt to leave. As soon as the hood was lifted, the falcon quickly glanced about as I raised my arm; its signal for flight, and flew off.

  Rising high above our heads and after having circled several times with no prey in sight, it returned to rest upon my upraised arm. The falcon eagerly received the bit of meat I offered as reward, then settled when I covered its head again. It got no prey that day. It was not for some weeks after that I finally got to see the bird make a kill. The sight so repulsed me that I resolved to keep it only as a pet!

  Hadrian was in good spirits. His mood was uplifted by the excitement and I found myself so inclined, forgetting for the moment my troublesome thoughts. We rode for much of the morning, enjoying a semblance of our happier days in Hellas. Athenoseos rode behind, and Hadrian praised him for his recently acquired skill in riding and me, as his teacher. I had feared Hadrian's jealousy when he had found us naked together, but little more was said after his apology, and it was evident that he held no suspicion or anger. He showed Athenoseos kindness and responded to him less as a slave and more as if the boy was my companion. Hadrian had the ability to ignore the harsh distinctions between the classes and often treated subjects as equals. This was an attribute I had always admired and one that endeared him to his people.

  We arrived within the area ranged by the lioness. The animal had been wounded and could no longer hunt for itself effectively. It had taken to killing the easiest prey it could find. That its cub had been taken surely must have intensified its hate for human scent and perhaps it was also seeking revenge. Once having tasted human flesh, it sought nothing else and all the villages around had become target.

  Hadrian understood that no wayfarer was safe. No child could be left unattended. No animal or livestock could be left unguarded until the beast was found and destroyed. But there was a deeper reason. He intended to place himself in danger to test his invincibility. He tempted the gods!

  Not until sunset did we detect the first traces of the lioness. The animal's tracks led to a rocky outcropping on the edge of the highlands that bordered the desert. It was believed that the cat knew it was being followed and had sought this vantage to observe us. I saw the prints left in the dust as it had begun its ascent, and judging from their size, the animal was formidable! I knew that should it become trapped with no escape from the rear, the lioness would charge. Coming from above us, there would be little defense and a cause for grave danger.

  My muscles tensed and my hearing attuned to any noise that would give the beast's whereabouts away. I should have been filled with fear. Instead, I found myself highly stimulated and akin to the excitement I felt when sexually aroused.

  “Look,” I pointed.

  “It is not unusual, Antinoos. I have seen gladiators and victims of the games in full erection. If the time was not so pressing I would bring you relief. Go urinate, it may help!”

  I took his suggestion but f
ound that I could not. With a sharp flick of my finger, the condition corrected itself.

  We made our way carefully up the sheer face of a ledge as others approached from the other side, with the intention of forcing the animal out of hiding and into our direction. Bows would be useless in such terrain. The javelins were carried in readiness.

  Reaching the top, no trace of the lioness could be seen. We were met by the advancing party, stunned to realize that somehow, the animal had eluded us. Hadrian led the search in the diminishing light, already too dark to be able to distinguish anything of value. Signs of prints were impossible to find on the rocky ground.

  “So much for your apprehensions, Antinoos!. It seems this beast was not meant to be ours.”

  “It pleases me, Lord.”

  “You feared it, then?”

  His tone told me he was disappointed.

  “Not for myself! Will we pursue it at daybreak?”

  Hadrian gave the order to return to the mounts.

  “This hunt has ended, Antinoos. We cannot take more time. We depart for Judaea in two days. Perhaps the gods have interceded!”

  There had been no mistaking his tone of voice. Hadrian was as relieved as I, that the hunt had ended. He had experienced fear! I felt myself drawn even closer to him for this frailty and loved him more for having shared it.

  Word reached us on the following day that the lioness had been found dead. The news spread with speed throughout the area that the Emperor and his godly powers had eliminated the feared animal without having seen it; that his presence alone had been enough to slay it. Palmyra welcomed him, celebrating his accomplishment for two days with proclamations and festivities.

  I stood beside him as he received homage from the dignitaries of all the surrounding communities. Village elders and high priests prostrated before him. Hadrian sent enough stores and provisions to the settlement that had suffered the loss, for all to partake of the celebration. His name was sung in praise and he was called The Lion. His spirit rose as he felt a reconfirmation of his powers and of the thought that he had not been abandoned by the gods.