Antinoos and Hadrian

by R G Berube

  Chapter Thirty Seven

  Prophesy, Summer 130 A.D.

  The resolutions at Antioch and the journey to Palmyra significantly affected Hadrian's temperament. For a time, he seemed more pleasant and less prone to anger.

  Judaea lay ahead and Egypt was to follow. I knew something of both territories. My anxiety of forthcoming events was heightened by Hadrian's concern for the Jews and their fanaticism and religious zeal. He viewed them as a recalcitrant group, absolute in their refusal to be assimilated into the Hellenic culture he attempted to promote. In his eyes the Jews were separatists who posed a serious threat to peace.

  In the beginning Hadrian had no intention of playing into their hands by giving them cause for revolt. To the contrary, the Emperor exhibited tolerance. He played host to the leaders of the local tribes as we made our way down the coast to Judaea. Hadrian distributed gold coins and donated food to those who suffered illness or hunger; many of the Jews were herdsmen whose sole sustenance were flocks of sheep and goats. They lived simply and many lived in poverty. He sat in the synagogues and spoke to the rabbis, discussing their beliefs and never passing judgment. He always showed an open mind. To one such priest, Hadrian spoke for

  five hours. He exchanged ideas about the soul and how that most precious element of man surely must live on beyond the body's death. It is from this meeting and the recollection of it on his death-bed, that Hadrian composed the plaintive words of his poem:

  Animulla vagula, blandula,

  Hospes comesque corporis,

  Quae nunc abilis in loca

  Pallidula, rigida, nudula,

  Nec, at soles, dabis jocos.

  Little soul, gentle and wandering, Sharer of my body, To what place will you now go, Pale and ghostly, Unable as you used, to play?

  Until Jerusalem, relations between the Emperor and these Jewish leaders had appeared more synchronous than disharmonious, and so it was a surprise to me when later, Hadrian enforced his will and caused great resentment.

  “Their arrogant ways have led to a passing of laws which, under less restrictive circumstances, would not likely have been imposed,” Hadrian explained when I pressed him about his actions.

  “There is a need to display the authority of the Emperor and make it known that the Roman Empire cannot be compromised!”

  Upon our arrival at Jerusalem Hadrian learned that there had been attacks against two regiments of Legions stationed outside the city's walls. Lucius announced that the non-payment of taxes had been supported by their Sanhedrin, and therefore refused by the Jews. The sum was instead to be used to repair their temple; destroyed in the devastation of the city during the wars of Titus. The Jerusalem Jews claimed the city "holy” and they were outspoken against any control or interference by Rome in their affairs.

  Resentments ran high! To make matters worse, when Hadrian met with this delegation that had been appointed to represent all Jews in the city, he was paid little respect for his position. They had met him with arrogance and disregard for formality. Their spokesman, a man called Simon Bar-Cochba, displayed an attitude that left no question of his contempt of Roman Rule.

  One of Simon Bar-Cochba's first demands was the return of their revered menorah. The seven-branch candlestick had been taken by Titus when he had put down a Jewish revolt by sacking the city. Hadrian refused this demand not because he thought it an unreasonable request, but because the demand had been given as an order. Had the general attitude of the Jews been conciliatory and agreeable, Hadrian would have granted most of their request he found reasonable. But the actions of the Jerusalem Jews were hateful to him.

  There was no doubt that tensions were taking their toll. In Antioch I had witnessed how his words had sharpened; how his body had moved less fluidity, and how his face had seemed ever flushed from the pressure. Hadrian's heart was sometimes weak and seemed strained. Marulla feared the organ would burst or stop suddenly. He used the dry leaves of the nightshade plant to treat these weak moments, when Hadrian would begin to feel the pain in his arm and find his breath suppressed. The medicine was intended to reduce and control his tension. Circumstances seemed destined to test his limits.

  I resented his reproaches in those times when he would forget me for hours or even days. I thought myself used, and questioned my purpose in remaining in his company. It seemed I were more a slave than lover. To soothe my anger I sought the quietude of strangers and the anonymity of hidden quarters of the cities to escape. There, walking the maze of streets and alleys, I observed the humanity of the marketplaces. It was how I regained perspective and realized the hopeless lives to which most had been fated. I would recognize again that my own life was much gifted and that my resentment was nothing more than self pity.

  Although I experienced these depressions and obsessions less than in the past, having become confident of myself and of Hadrian's true affection for me, there still occurred episodes that must have appeared to him as expressions of ungratefulness. Eleusis had taught me that nothing is at it appears. I questioned my past beliefs and prejudices and found that I developed a profound sense of greater purpose. It was this knowledge that rescued me from my resentful and petulant airs, as our journey progressed. One truth was made manifest; Hadrian showed unbounded love and caring. Yet I did not always see it.

  His love and concern for my well-being was a constant reminder of the extent to which my life was in his hands and my continued existence, in his grace. My soul was his! He had claimed it by rescue.

  In this respect historians have misunderstood part in our relationship and were not correct when they called me a slave compelled to be in his service, and a chattel to his whims and urges. I willingly made myself so! Whenever I pledged this service to him to show my love, and I did it often, he would remind me of his words when we first met at Claudiopolis the afternoon I had fallen to my knees and declared myself his property to do with as he wished. He had remonstrated me, saying that I had been born the son of a free man and should therefore feel free to refuse him if I were so inclined. This permission to be my own master was one he never denied me. There are few who can claim to give as much to the ones they profess to love! For, most who enter into relationships, look upon their beloved as something owned; to be molded and sculptured according to expectations. And when these are achieved, they confront a stranger.

  It had been his nature to allow differences of thought, believing men to be the best judges of the needs of their own souls. For this reason, I became exceedingly apprehensive when he spoke of his plan to ban an ancient rite practiced by the Jews. His decision had much less to do with his concern for their welfare and more of enforcing his will. Although I believed in his premise, for the practice of circumcision was not so compelling that it deserved the risk of giving the Jews added reason for further revolt, I felt the interference ill-timed.

  The Jews claimed circumcision as a necessary and compulsory initiatory rite mandated by their god as a symbol of purification. The ritual had been performed for centuries. It had always been considered barbaric by the Greeks and Romans; an unnecessary mutilation of the body associated with primitive cultures of the East.

  “You think me excessive, Antinoos? Let me tell

  you, enforcing my will and rule is not my only purpose for intervening. The empire knows me to be lenient to those who honor gods different from our own. It is my belief that whatever name we give them, the gods all share a common spirit. Be they many, or one as the Jews believe. Name or number is irrelevant. The truth lies in what quality of spirit within each man, these gods bring to life!

  “For my part, no god would require the butchering of children. This is an edict of men! Listen to the cries of the babies when rabbis carry out the rite. I have heard them! let them find some other less brutal sign for setting themselves apart from other men. I will not condone this abuse any longer!”

  “But the Egyptians perform the same ritual. Will you not prevent them as well?”

  “The ban will affect al
l who perform this abomination. Egyptians wait until puberty. The child can at least understand the significance of its pain and may have a say in the matter, but it makes it no less acceptable. It must be ended!”

  Hadrian did not stop at restraining the Jews in their practices, thereby agitating them into resistance. After arriving in Jerusalem and witnessing the catastrophic effect of the war waged by Titus, he further enhanced their ire by deciding to rebuild the city, thinking this a benevolent gift. The new city was not to resemble the old. The ancient capitol of Jewish religion would be transformed into a stunning metropolis, a shining example of Greco-Roman design that would represent all that Hadrian found beautiful in the Hellenic tradition.

  I saw his version take form. I listened as he spoke to the architects. Realizing what he was planning to do, I wondered about the stability of his mind. This man of moderation was giving way to excess. The project of rebuilding Jerusalem displayed a serious disregard for the city's antiquity. He was creating a crisis that, at another time, he would have avoided at all cost. His decision would come to plague him in his later years!

  There were others who shared my concern. I sought the counsel of Lucius Commodus, who had been in Jerusalem for some days before our arrival. He had met with the city's leaders and with those who professed to represent the voice of the Jewish community.

  There had been much speculation among the Jews of Jerusalem, of the reason for the Emperor's visit. Commodus reassured them that Hadrian had no other purpose than to see the extent of the destruction that still existed, and to lay plans for reconstruction. This was what Lucius had been told to say. He had no knowledge of the extent to which Hadrian intended to change the city's essence and flavor. There were bitter words between them when the plan became known. Lucius accused Hadrian of undermining his credibility and respect as the future Emperor.

  Sabina said little, but observed her husband's behavior, realizing her criticism would reduce what little confidence and respect had developed between them. Coming to recognize Hadrian's instability, Sabina took great care to appear supportive. She utilized those around her who had the Emperor's ear to pass on her concerns and recommendations as though they were their own.

  “You have his trust,” she acknowledged to me.

  “ I see him less in command of his mind and health. He worries me, Antinoos!”

  “I share your concerns, Lady. Something presses on him. Marulla believes it is his heart.”

  “You think this?”

  “I am not a physician, my Lady.”

  “And the physician is not his lover! Who would know what troubles him or see his habits more clearly than the one who is by his side day and night?

  “Come, boy. What think you?”

  Sabina's tone was pressing. She had never given me reason to distrust her. Although unable to name the bond between us, I believed one existed. I felt myself drawn to her and was inclined to disclose my thoughts and apprehensions. But there was a strong inner voice that cautioned me to be discreet and hold my tongue on certain issues.

  “The Emperor looks upon his mission as a charge from the gods,” I began, choosing my words carefully. “There have been signs to suggest he holds favored status. Has he not won the respect from those who, before his time, rebelled at Roman? Has he not been honored with divine appellations by a multitude of cities throughout the Empire?

  “Who can refute the fact that there have been no major conflicts or war within his reign? Never has the Empire experienced such good fortune! The Senate honors him by giving no opposition. Hadrian only acknowledged what seems to be a fact accepted by many; that he has divine powers!”

  “Yet his health disputes his divinity! He is torn by contradiction and weighed by worry that he will be denied the fulfillment of his design for a united empire.

  “My Lady, can the gods be so unjust as to place

  a dream within his mind, then deny him its realization?”

  We had been joined by Julia Balbilla. Sabina turned to her with a look of expectancy.

  “The Emperor has been given all that is needed to realize this dream, Antinoos.”

  Julia Balbilla spoke quietly, a marked change from her usual commanding voice.

  “The means by which this is to be accomplished needs only to be realized by those who are to play a part! All is not always what it seems. Your own destiny is written. The answer will be given. You have already begun to understand it, boy. Allow the gods to guide you!”

  There was a compelling exchange of emotion between us, our eyes penetrating deeply into regions of which I could not, at the time, fully understand. Little remained to be said. Balbilla had understood my thoughts; she had known the thing I had been considering since Antioch. For the first time I realized that I had miscalculated her powers and abilities. Quietly and for some moments, I looked to each of them for some direction. Surely I had not been summoned only to discuss my own opinions about the Emperor's health!

  Sabina relieved the tension of silence by disclosing her cause. “I wish for you to continue being what you have been to him. Hadrian trusts you and finds comfort in the stability of your relationship. In this period where so much seems to be in flux, the Emperor needs you for the love you give and also for your political impartiality.

  “Antinoos, you are admired for your circumspection regarding the intrigues of court. Others in your position would have sought personal aggrandizement. I know the Emperor finds comfort in knowing you are fully trustworthy and non-political.

  “Although he is on the best of terms with Lucius Commodus and looks to his as the new emperor, still Lucius is not without a political agenda and is, therefore, prejudiced to certain issues. The recent events here in Judaea are an excellent example!”

  Sabina looked at Julia Balbilla with a knowing glance as she said these words then continued.

  “Having discussed the religious and political climate with Lucius, I know Hadrian's direction is not one which Lucius would have chosen. The Emperor resists his advisors, when once he offered them more consideration.”

  I edged my words. “Do you suggest that I try to influence him, Lady? For surely I would be destroying the very element for which you say he gains comfort!”

  Sabina walked to a window and stood there, thinking for some time. Then she turned and faced me, her eyes looking deeply into mine as though to hold my attention to emphasize that she was telling me more than her words were meant to communicate.

  “Not at all Antinoos! For your part you must continue lending a sympathetic ear. Give your opinions tempered with great caution, when you must. And be his source of love.”

  Sabina exchanged glances with Balbilla then continued. “You must also be attuned to what your mission is in all this, as you have wondered in the past. I think you sense your place. Know that I am here, should you need to speak. I request only that you urge Hadrian to be reserved in his decisions. Encourage him to restraint. The prize will exceed the price! Although we might appear as antagonists to the world, we are allies, Antinoos!”

  I bowed and prepared to leave. “You have made me feel like nothing less, Lady! I remain in your service and am grateful for your kindness.”

  “Judge him not too harshly,” Sabina cautioned. “My agents tell me that you leave him for long periods. You find solace or peace in the streets and market places? Know that your face is known and that doing this places you in danger. You could easily be captured and held for ransom. You could be killed as a way of some crazed faction finding retribution against the Emperor. You could even find yourself charged with any number of crimes that would lend themselves to these lonely excursions.”

  Sabina had leaned closer and looked more intent, not letting me lose the significance of her warning. “These expeditions could be costly to him. I suggest you no longer stray by yourself, but only go in the company of others.”

  I had given little thought to all the possible dangers of my lone sojourns. Hadrian had not reprimanded me. Nor had he
denied me the right to go off by myself. He had assumed the Praetorian Guard assigned to me, offered me protection and had not been told that I had eluded them many times.

  Her words sobered me. From that day, no strange face went unnoticed. I became suspect of everyone I did not know. I took to bringing Athenoseos with me everywhere. But his company, although enjoyable, prevented me the moments of escape I had come to need, having had little since our departure from Athens.

  I missed being able to share more time with Hadrian, but he was preoccupied with work and I chose to continue to maintain my detachment with affairs of state. More than ever I was cognizant of how easily my presence offered opportunity for criticism, for the Jews had little tolerance of love between men, and their laws punished infractions with severe measure.

  Jerusalem produced a more pronounced ambivalence than Antioch, where there had been a large Greek population, the flavor of which had reduced the sense of alienation. Jerusalem was a city torn by factions, still in ruins from the wars and until late, had seemingly accepted its fate or was unable or unwilling to rise and rebuild.

  Hadrian took the matter in his own hands. Before departing for Egypt he ordered the old ruins leveled. Out of the ashes would rise the new city of Aelia Capitolina. Jehovah's city would become the city of Hadrian the God, and the Temple of the Jews would be replaced by the temple of Jupiter-Zeus. It was a decision that would come to cause him more harm than he imagined.

  Chapter Thirty Eight

  Egypt, Late Summer 130 A.D.

  So many images...., so many recollections! I have managed to arrange my thoughts, to sift through the memories and find a commonality, to arrive at the understanding I so earnestly sought throughout my life. It brings me rest at last.