Tormented

by Jani Kay

  “Sounds like a great idea,” I said, glimpsing at my watch and noting that it was close to lunchtime already. I gave her a warm smile. “We’ll do lunch after this, I promise.”

  Jade grinned back at me when I mentioned food. She was so damn adorable; no wonder my brother had fallen so hard for this chick. I was glad that we could be friends, even though our brothers didn’t see eye to eye. I couldn’t help noticing how she’d changed. Her snobby attitude had completely disappeared and she was as down-to-earth as my brother.

  Love changes people. My mother always said that, but I never understood what she meant until now. Jade was living proof that it was indeed possible. A sliver of hope that Harrison could change too filled my heart.

  I flicked through the racks, nothing really catching my eye.

  Jade looked up from her phone. “Are you going to be long?”

  “No, why?”

  “Two reasons. One, I’m freaking starving, and two, Harrison is on his way. He just messaged me.”

  I sucked in a breath. So Harrison had persuaded Jade to let him come. I couldn’t deny that it made my heart beat a little faster and butterflies swarm my stomach. I’d purposely not asked Jade about it, and we’d been so busy talking about her pregnancy and the wedding in between shopping, that Harrison hadn’t come up until now. Besides, a small part of me would have been disappointed if he didn’t come, and I simply didn’t want to think about that.

  Empty-handed, I smiled politely at the shop attendant. “I’ll be back later. Maybe after lunch.”

  I could see she wanted to roll her eyes, because she’d probably heard that a few more times than she may have wanted to, especially since I’d seen the price tags on the dresses, but instead she just gave me a weak smile. “Of course, Miss Ryder.”

  “Come. Let’s go feed that voracious bump of yours,” I said, smiling at my friend. “Luckily the restaurant is just around the corner.”

  *****

  Twenty minutes later, I was sipping a freshly blended fruit smoothie as I perused the menu. There was just something about the cool jazz music rising above the chatter that made me tap my foot to the rhythm. A group of hip young mothers and their babies, all dressed in the latest fashion, sat to our right and on our left we had three babes with banging bodies squeezed into the latest neon colored fitness gear drinking revolting looking green stuff.

  I wasn’t a fan of tofu and couldn’t understand how people could eat that stuff. Running my finger down the list I found an interesting item with goat’s cheese and baby beets and candied walnuts that sounded yummy.

  “I think I found something,” I said to Jade, after I’d complained about how damn healthy everything was. Shopping was hard work, and I needed something more than lettuce leaves.

  “Great. I’m having the quinoa with pumpkin. I love that.”

  From the corner of my eye, I saw Harrison entering the room. The second I lifted my head to look directly at him, all of my senses honed in on the man as if he were the only person in the whole restaurant. Hell—the whole universe.

  The noisy buzz filtered out and all I became aware of was how incredibly good looking, strong and masculine the man was. Harrison in a uniform was hot and sexy as hell.

  His gaze fixed on mine. With a cocky grin spread across his face and a confident swagger he owned completely, he crossed the room to where we sat. He didn’t take his eyes off me, yet I was aware how the women at the tables around us had stopped talking and all focused their attention on the man.

  Reaching Jade first, he leaned over to kiss her forehead. Still holding my gaze over her head, he winked at me. Playful Harrison had showed up today, and he could be naughty as sin given half a chance. My own grin grew wider the closer he got to me until my face was practically bursting.

  I tilted my face upward for a kiss, but Harrison pulled me up from my chair and pressed me against his chest, then kissed the fuck out of me in front of everyone. I closed my eyes as heat spread from between my legs up to my chest and higher till it reached my cheeks. I wouldn’t be surprised if I was the envy of every woman in the room.

  “Hello, gorgeous.” His voice was warm and sexy, a lethal combination.

  Harrison sat down and waved the waitress over. Not that he needed to, because she was hovering just a few yards away, her mouth open as she gawked at us. He ordered a salad wrap and green vegetable juice, as if he were completely at home and the furthest thing from an omnivore.

  “Wearing a uniform today, big brother? You haven’t worn one of those since you were promoted. You said you hated wearing it—”

  A sheepish grin spread over Harrison’s face. “Wearing a uniform is optional. I just wanted to see if mine still fit me.”

  Jade laughed, holding her belly as her body shook. “Is that right? I think it’s so that you can see women swooning over you.”

  Harrison chuckled. “Is it working?” He looked directly at me, waiting for my answer.

  “Hmmm. I think most of these women wouldn’t mind if you arrested them.”

  Covering my hand with his, Harrison smiled. “I’m not asking about the other women. I want to know if it’s working for you.”

  Suddenly it was hot in the room, so I took a sip of my smoothie to buy time. Thankfully, the waitress saved me from embarrassing myself by bringing our food to the table. I couldn’t help noticing how she practically had her breasts in Harrison’s face, and Jade and I made big eyes at one another. I stifled a giggle.

  “You should wear your uniform more often. The girls like it,” I said, avoiding his question. If I had to be honest with him, the best part of him wearing a uniform would be that I’d get to take it off, but I wasn’t going to tell him that.

  We made small talk as we ate. It was enlightening to see the relationship between Jade and Harrison when Ryder wasn’t around to piss the cop off. It was clear to me that he loved his sister very much and had always been her protector from the stories they shared. I’d never realized just how close they had been as children.

  While we waited for our coffee and dessert, Jade pushed to her feet. “The pressure on my bladder is terrible today. I need to go pee again.” Harrison pulled her chair back, and we both watched as she disappeared into the ladies bathroom.

  “I hope this pregnancy goes smoothly.” Harrison’s face was serious, and he wore a small frown between his brows. Just like that, his mood had flipped. “I couldn’t bear if something happened to her again. This time I’m going to be a better brother.”

  Silence fell between us before he turned to me and grabbed hold of my hand, catching me off guard with the sadness clear on his face and in his eyes. “Will you help me, Eva?”

  His plea was simple yet so genuine that my heart squeezed as it ached for him. How could I refuse such a heartfelt request?

  “You have to help yourself first.”

  He looked at me with a perplexed expression. “How?”

  Twisting a lock of hair between my fingers, I thought for a long moment before I answered. This wasn’t easy, and I wasn’t really sure exactly how I could help. I pulled my hand form under his and laced my fingers together on my lap.

  “I always wished for siblings. It’s tough being an only child with two parents who worked as hard as mine did. It hit me especially hard when my mother died.” I paused, thinking about my losses. My heart still ached whenever I let my mind wander to my past. “You and Jade are lucky to have one another, and I was lucky to gain a new brother, even though it didn’t happen during my childhood, when having a brother would have been amazing.”

  “I know I don’t always show it, but family is the most important thing to me. But when my darkness overwhelms me, I become a little crazy. I don’t know if I’ll ever forgive myself for what happened to Jade’s baby.”

  I let out a long, slow breath before I spoke. “It was Ryder’s baby, too. I will help you, but only if you can be mature enough to accept that they are a couple, and that you hating Ryder kills your sister.” My mouth we
nt dry, but now that I’d started I couldn’t stop talking. “That stress alone is bad for her. If you can handle me telling you the truth and then do something about it, I can help you. Otherwise I’m afraid you may just repeat the pattern. Maybe not in the exact same way, but as long as there is tension, it poses a risk to Jade and her pregnancy.”

  Harrison brushed his hand through his hair. “What you say makes perfect sense. I never thought of it like that. Fuck, I’m a mess.”

  I smiled at him. “I wouldn’t go that far . . . there is hope for you. Just being aware of the problem and looking for a solution is a great start.”

  “You’re a smart woman, Eva Ryder.”

  “Most of the time. Sometimes I can do dumb things too, just like everyone else.”

  “It takes a brave person to admit that.”

  I chuckled and took a long sip of my smoothie. “How did this conversation become about me? I thought we were talking about you.”

  “Ahhh, I’d much rather talk about you. You are far more interesting.”

  Jade returned to the table, rubbing her hand over her stomach as she sat down. “That feels better. Now I have room for the next course.”

  Chapter 5 — Harrison

  Eva was the smartest and sexiest woman I’d ever met. She wasn’t afraid to speak her mind, and she didn’t sugarcoat her opinions, either. The fact that she could pinpoint my problem so accurately didn’t really surprise me, although her words hit me hard.

  How I was going to make peace with Ryder being a part of my future and family was a problem tougher than I was willing to admit. It wasn’t a switch I could just turn on at will. Granted I didn’t hate him as vehemently as when I just met him, but it was unlikely I’d ever become friends with the biker. We were just too fucking different.

  “I turn my back and you become all serious again.” Jade was sharp. As usual, she could read me pretty well. There wasn’t much I could hide from her.

  “We were just discussing something important.”

  “What? Is it about me? I noticed how you both went quiet when I returned to the table. That’s usually a dead giveaway that people were talking about you.”

  Eva quickly spoke up. “Oh no, it’s nothing like that. Harrison just asked my opinion on something and I—”

  God, this woman was more than amazing. She was trying to bail me out, and I loved her for it, but it was time to tell Jade the truth. I cleared my throat before I started. “Sis, I worry about you. I don’t know where to begin to apologize for what happened before.” I choked on the words, so I took both her hands in mine while I composed myself. Rubbing circles on her icy-cold hands, I was aware of her shallow breathing as she sat frozen.

  It was at that moment the waitress brought our coffees and desserts to the table. Dropping Jade’s hand, I sat back and waited for the girl to set it all down in front of us. She must have sensed that something was going on because she didn’t flirt with me like she had done before. I thanked her and gave her a small smile. The tension at our table was thick, and I couldn’t wait for her to leave so I could talk to Jade.

  Why I’d chosen this moment to apologize I wasn’t sure. I only knew I couldn’t let another minute pass without at least trying to fix things between us. Although Jade had always been polite since she’d lost her baby, she was definitely more reserved when she was in my company and certainly a little cautious. It dawned on me that when Ryder was around, she made a point of hiding from me and placing him between us.

  Christ, was I that much of a monster that my own sister was wary of me? How had that happened? Her adoration had turned into fear, and I hadn’t even realized it until this moment because I was too fucking wrapped up in my own head.

  “Jade, I know words are empty and hardly adequate to express how sorry I am for all the pain I caused you.” I caught a glimpse of Eva’s face. She wasn’t happy with me either. Fuck.

  “And?” Eva said, her voice nearly a whisper. At first I didn’t understand what she meant. I stared into her stormy eyes for a long moment.

  I got it. Finally.

  “And for the pain I caused Ryder losing his daughter.”

  Jade’s eyes filled with tears that brimmed on the edges of her lashes. She swallowed hard and blinked a few times, but still didn’t say a word.

  “Can you ever forgive me? I don’t deserve it, but for your own wellbeing, if you could find it in your heart to forgive me . . .”

  Jade sat motionless, hardly breathing. Was I getting through to her? I’d never seen her like this—unresponsive and cold. Panic set in, making my gut roil as my heart sank into my shoes.

  Eva spoke softly, her voice vibrating with emotion. “Jade, honey, I can attest to how much Harrison regrets what happened. It’s eating him alive. But he’s a stubborn asshole and until today he hasn’t been able to admit it out loud. You don’t have to say anything right now. But I can assure you it comes from a good place.”

  Jesus, fuck. Eva cut right to the core of it.

  I nodded. “It’s from the heart, Sis. If I could undo it, trust me I would. I don’t know what else to say other than I’m deeply sorry and regret being so . . . um, such an asshole, as Eva put it.”

  Tears streamed down Jade’s cheeks. Fuck, I hadn’t meant to make her cry. One hand rubbed her stomach and the other the space above her heart. I hated that I was making it worse.

  “I love you so much it hurts. I’m so sorry I’m such a prick.” I swallowed the thick lump in my own throat.

  Through her fresh avalanche of tears, a small smile twisted Jade’s lips. She placed her hand on my arm and studied my face for a long moment. I held my breath, praying to God that she’d understand where I was coming from. I wasn’t used to apologizing, and I wasn’t sure my words were enough.

  How can simple words undo all the pain I’ve caused?

  Yet I had to try. Try, because it was important to me and Jade and Eva.

  Jade’s bottom lip trembled when she spoke, yet her voice was strong and filled with love. “It was an accident. I’ve known you all my life, and in my heart I’m convinced you’d never do such a thing purposely. The past can’t be undone. All we can do is learn from it and move forward—wiser and with more compassion.”

  My gaze flitted from Jade to Eva and then back to Jade again. How did I deserve two such strong and extraordinary people in my life? It could only be my angels looking after me. I wasn’t a religious man, yet I could be convinced otherwise just by the virtue of these two women.

  I pulled Jade into a hug and rubbed her back while closing my eyes. I sensed that most of the people in the restaurant had kinda stopped talking so they could observe the craziness going on at our table, but frankly I didn’t give two fucks about what they thought.

  This was what Jade and I needed, and there was no better time than at that moment. Who knew what the next minute held for all of us? Since Amy’s death, that was the one thing I was acutely aware of. One minute we breathed, we lived—the next we could be bleeding and dying, our lives ripped from us. There were no fucking guarantees, and I wasn’t taking chances any longer with Jade.

  When I opened my eyes and searched for Eva’s face, her expression blew me away. She’d leaned forward and placed a hand on each of my and Jade’s thighs, smiling through her tears. Eva was as much a part of this cathartic experience as Jade and I.

  God, she’s beautiful.

  Jade leaned back and framed my face with her hands. “I forgive you, Harrison. For the sake of the life I carry inside of me, I think it’s time to move forward and forget the past. Thank you for telling me how you feel. It means more to me than you will ever know.”

  Holy fuck.

  Words turned out to be exactly the right thing. They had the power to heal. With time and a fuckload of help from these amazing women, I might be able to be set free once and for all from the torment that had taken over my life.

  I smiled. The glimmer of hope I’d seen for myself was something I never thought I’d experience.<
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  Eva waved the waitress over. “Our coffees are cold. Can we please have a fresh round?”

  The waitress smiled. “Sure, I’ll be back soon.” She removed our cups and left our table.

  It was the strangest lunch I’d had in my entire life. What had started out as a reason to see more of Eva had turned on its head and given me what I really needed—more time with Jade.

  But I was far from out of the woods. Ryder was still an integral part of this, and I pushed down the uneasy feeling that sooner or later I’d have to face him, too. It was easy to apologize to my sister—after all, I’d always loved her. But Ryder? He was part of the problem and part of the reason I carried hatred and vengeance in my heart.

  I’d lived with rage for so long that it had become part of my DNA. Who I was as a person had been shaped by events beyond my control—I was possibly so damaged that I was beyond saving. I wasn’t sure if I could ever let go on my own.

  I need Eva. I needed her to save me.

  Before the waitress returned with the coffee, I had an overwhelming urge to get out of there. It was as if the walls were closing in on me. My chest tightened as I pushed back my chair and with a quick goodbye, I turned on my heels and left as fast as my legs would carry me.

  Chapter 6 — Eva

  Harrison never failed to surprise me. He was shutting me out, and it hurt more than I cared to admit.

  “Damn it, Harrison,” I cursed under my breath as I watched Jade’s face pale. All the good he’d done was close to being wiped out with his sudden departure. I could fucking strangle him.

  His darkness had won. Again.

  “I’m sorry, honey.” I pushed my dessert away and rubbed my temples. Harrison gave me whiplash with his change of moods. As soon as I thought he’d made a breakthrough, he disappointed the fuck out of me by reverting back to the old Harrison.

  “It’s okay. I’m kinda used to it by now.” Jade placed her hand over mine. “I have no choice but to live with it because he’s my family. And since I’ve moved out of the house, it doesn’t affect me as badly any more. But you . . . Eva, you don’t need to put up with his shit. If Ryder found out, he’d be mad as hell.”