Tormented

by Jani Kay

  “Ryder doesn’t need to know.” I studied my nails while I organized my thoughts. “I’m a big girl, Jade. I appreciate your concern, but somehow I’m in this whether I like it or not. I’m . . . fuck, I think I’ve fallen for your brother, and I don’t know how to handle it.”

  Jade sucked in a breath. “Don’t get hurt, Eva. Harrison is damaged, and he’s just going to break your heart. I don’t want that to happen to you, even if I love my brother.”

  I spoke my thoughts out loud. “It may be too late already.”

  I’m screwed. So fucking screwed.

  “I care about you. Be careful.”

  “I know, and that means a lot to me. Without you and Ryder to keep me sane, I’d have given up on Harrison a long time ago.”

  Jade managed a smile. “How does that work?”

  I laughed, although it sounded hollow. “Harrison needs help more than any one of us. You and Ryder have one another. I have both of you. Harrison . . . well, he only has himself. I’ve never met a man as complex and damaged as him, and that’s what first drew me to him. I’ve always had this strange urge to try to help fix broken people. So far I haven’t had much luck with him, and I’m starting to wonder if I’m wasting my time.”

  “Oh, Eva. I’m so sorry. Harrison is lucky that you come to his defense in spite of everything.”

  Finishing the last of my coffee, I signaled the waitress for the check. I was tired, and I wanted to go home. I was over shopping and over trying to understand men.

  “I’m okay, don’t worry. Listen, honey, you must be really tired. I know how exhausted I am. So how about we go home?”

  “Yeah, I’m totally drained. Harrison is so damn intense. But I have a better idea. Let’s go for a manicure and pedicure. I can’t reach my feet these days, and I really just need to relax and be pampered.” Jade surprised me with her answer. I expected her to want to go and put her feet up at home, and I was pleased that she wasn’t abandoning me. My spirits lifted and I was ready for the next round. Pampering sounded exactly like what we needed.

  “Okay, but it’s my treat. I know just the place to go. They have massage chairs and champagne . . . not that you can have any, but they have orange juice too. Sound good?”

  “Oh yeah. What’s a girl’s day out without some pampering?” She wrinkled her nose. “But what about your dress? You need one by the weekend, right?”

  “I do, but maybe I’ll go online tonight and check it out. I love shopping in my pajamas.”

  I paid the check and left a generous tip. Grabbing our purses, Jade and I pushed to our feet to leave. I couldn’t wait to get out of the place.

  We hopped into my car and I drove us to a little place I’d frequented since my mother had introduced me to pampering sessions as a teenager. The staff were friendly, and because they’d known me for years, they always squeezed me in regardless of how busy they were.

  Monica welcomed us with a smile. Luckily her salon wasn’t that packed so I didn’t feel too guilty showing up without an appointment. I’d called her on the drive over and she’d assured me she could do our nails.

  “Oh this is heaven.” Jade sank back into the leather massage chair and closed her eyes.

  “Hmmm, this is the time I’m glad I’m a woman.” I sipped my champagne and reran the whole lunch episode through my head. Two glasses of champagne later, and I was finally able to relax enough to enjoy the treat.

  I chuckled when I looked over at Jade. She’d fallen asleep with her feet in the water bath and was even snoring softly. I indicated for Monica to let her just rest for a while before she chose her nail color.

  Monica and I chatted while she did my nails. She loved catching up with my life and never failed to ask me the one question I was dreading.

  “So how’s your love life these days?” She winked at me. “Still seeing the sexy cop?”

  I’d shown her pictures of Harrison and me at a barbeque, and she’d drooled over how good-looking he was.

  I shrugged and took another sip of champagne. “That is a question I can’t really answer. The sex is off the charts hot and yeah, I’m still seeing him . . . but I honestly don’t have a clue where it will end up. Harrison is so damn unpredictable. Just when I think I understand him, he goes and makes me doubt everything.”

  “Oh, sweetheart, men usually say women are hard to understand, but let me tell you—I talk to a lot of women daily and the male species, while simple in many respects, are complicated as anything. They run hot and cold and everything in between. It’s as if they don’t know what to do with their feelings.”

  “You’re a wise woman, Monica,” I said, laughing out loud. Monica always managed to lift my spirits, regardless of how I felt when I walked into her salon.

  “That may be because I’m on husband number five. And I’m still none the wiser sometimes. Men confuse the crap out of me.”

  “Me too,” I said, as I held my glass for a refill.

  “That’s your third glass, Eva. Will Jade drive you home?”

  On hearing her name, Jade stirred. Moments later, her eyes popped open. “I’m sorry. I’m so damn tired all the time.” She sat upright and looked around the salon before leaning back into the chair again. “I haven’t been sleeping all that great and this chair is freaking magic.”

  Monica laughed. “Those chairs are the best investment I made in my business. I can’t tell you how many women have fallen asleep in them, especially when we get to the foot massage part, so don’t apologize at all. I take it as a compliment.”

  “That’s good to know. I was feeling a bit foolish.”

  Handing Jade a glass of orange juice, Monica said, “Choose a color from the swatches. We’ll have you feeling pretty in no time.”

  I loved how my old friend could make anyone feel at ease.

  “Thanks.” Jade pointed to a hot pink. “I like that color. It’s pretty and reminds me of happy times.”

  Poor, sweet Jade. I wanted to kill Harrison. And maybe I would.

  Chapter 7 — Eva

  A full bottle of champagne later and I was buzzed and certainly in a better mood. I kissed Monica goodbye on both cheeks and promised to bring Jade back soon.

  As soon as we hit the sidewalk, Jade held out her hand.

  “Hand me the car keys, missy. I’m driving us to my place, and you can have dinner with Ryder and me. You can either sleep over or we’ll drive you home later.”

  Stupid tears built up behind my eyelids and made my vision blurry. Jade’s kindness hit me right in the heart.

  “Thank you. I’d love that.” I found the keys in my purse and handed them to Jade, grateful that I didn’t have to take a taxi home and spend the rest of the evening alone.

  Jade made a quick call to let Ryder know of our plans and from what I could make out, he seemed happy that I was coming over.

  Half an hour later, as Jade drove up the driveway, Ryder came out to greet us with a gigantic grin on his face.

  “Hey,” he said, as he came toward us.

  Jade and I both greeted him at the same time. He folded Jade into his arms and kissed her as if he hadn’t seen her for a month. When he pulled away, he searched her face with a concerned expression. “You okay, baby?”

  “Yeah, I’m fine. I had a lovely day with Eva.”

  He kissed her forehead before letting go of Jade and embracing me, hugging the crap out of me.

  “I figured you’d both be tired so I ordered some food in. I hope you’re okay with Thai food, ’cause I just got a mix of vegetarian and some with chicken for the two of us,” Ryder said as we walked up the path to the front door and went inside.

  “Perfect. I love Thai cuisine. Especially the green chicken curry,” I said.

  Ryder closed the door and locked it.

  “Me too, and while Jade can’t handle red meat, she does allow me to have chicken some days. Man, I was glad when I heard you were coming over and I had a good enough reason to order in.”

  Jade laughed. “I’m
sorry, baby.” She rubbed his back in a sympathetic gesture.

  “I’m not complaining. It’s far worse for you than for me. I’m just glad to spend some time with my sister too. Just the three of us.”

  Jade and I looked at one another and rolled our eyes. Those men.

  “I’ve already opened a bottle of wine for you, Eva, and I’m boiling water for tea for you, Jade.”

  “You know how to make tea?” I said with wide eyes.

  “I’ve become pretty domesticated since we moved to the house. Jade had to housetrain me at first, but I’ve learned a few skills.”

  I flopped down into a comfortable chair and took the glass of red wine Ryder handed me. I swirled the contents, sniffed and then took a sip. “Hmmm, delicious.”

  “He’s fun to train. So much smarter than a puppy,” Jade said with a wink.

  Ryder wiggled his eyebrows at her. “And the rewards when I do good are so worth it.”

  Jade sat on the couch and kicked off her shoes. “Oh, and his foot-massaging skills are amazing.”

  Ryder sat down beside her and leaned down to kiss her belly. Jade giggled with delight as she stroked his hair. Leaning back into the sofa, he lifted her feet onto his lap and kneaded her soles with his thumbs while she laid back and sighed contently.

  God, I loved being around those two. Love poured from their hearts, and they were so in tune with one another’s needs that it seemed effortless.

  I want that.

  To be adored and worshiped by my man.

  Not long after, the doorbell rang and our food arrived. We sat in the kitchen at the large table, chatting and laughing and eating. I consumed two more glasses of wine with my food.

  When my plate was clean, I pushed it back and stretched while patting my stomach. “Wow, guys, I don’t know about you, but I’m going to burst if I eat or drink anything more. Ryder, you ordered enough food to feed ten people.”

  He shrugged and smiled sheepishly. “I wasn’t sure how hungry you were or what you liked, so I ordered some of everything. And what’s left over will be devoured by the guys at the club tomorrow. So nothing is wasted.”

  Jade nodded. “Yeah, Razor will be a happy man. He loves Thai food, especially the hot and spicy dishes.”

  Ryder took another sip of beer before he turned to me. “Are you staying over tonight? The guest room is ready.”

  I shook my head. “I’m just going to catch a taxi home and tomorrow evening after work I’ll ask someone to drop me off here to collect my car. I have a huge meeting midmorning and still need to get some work done before we start, so I’ll need to get to the office really early.”

  As much as I loved spending time with those two lovebirds, just watching how they were together accentuated how empty my life was. It wasn’t that I needed a man to complete me—I was independent and confident and perfectly capable of taking care of myself—it was more that I wanted someone special to share my life with.

  My thoughts turned to Harrison, but I was still pissed that he’d just left so abruptly. I didn’t want to think about him, and yet he was the first person I pictured when I let my mind wander.

  Could I ever have what Ryder and Jade had with a man like Harrison? I doubted he was able or willing to handle that level of commitment. He only needed me when he wanted sex, and it broke my heart that I’d never have more from him.

  I called a taxi and said my goodbyes, promising to catch up with the couple again soon. Jade and I still had a lot to discuss about their wedding, as well as shopping and preparing the nursery for the new addition to the family. And Ryder was more than keen to go out for a steak, so I promised to call and make a date for the week after he and Jade returned from their business trip to New York.

  It was with mixed feelings that I climbed into the back of the taxi and waved goodbye. As much as I’d enjoyed spending time with Jade and Ryder, I was thankful that the day was finally over. I yawned as I glanced at my watch. It was past ten already, and I was so ready to crawl into my bed and just sleep.

  Chapter 8 — Eva

  I sucked in a deep breath as I exited the elevator and found none other than Harrison leaning against the door of my apartment. He glanced at his watch, then crossed his arms.

  “Where have you been? It’s late, and it’s dark outside.” His jaw worked as he clenched his teeth.

  I lifted my chin. “I’m perfectly aware that it’s night time. And I don’t need to give you any explanations. Now please move out of my way. I want to get into my apartment.”

  I was tired, tipsy, and not in the mood for Harrison’s bullshit.

  He stared at me without moving. “First, answer my damn question. I’ve been worried about you.”

  “Is that right? Did you file a missing person’s report on me?”

  “Eva, don’t test me.”

  Taking a step closer, I poked a finger into his chest. “Are you serious right now?”

  “Fuck, you’ve been drinking. Don’t tell me you’ve been driving under the influence—”

  “Why? Is the big, bad cop going to arrest me? Or tie me up with his handcuffs?”

  His jaw set tight. “That’s not a bad idea. I think you need a spanking too, and my hands are itching to connect to your ass.”

  “Oh, it’s tough cop tonight.” I jabbed his chest again. “But let me tell you, I’m not afraid of you. You’re a coward—”

  He gritted his teeth. “Ouch. That hurt, little darling. I’m definitely pulling you over my lap for that comment.”

  I narrowed my eyes at him. “No, you’re not. I’m going to bed. Alone. You’re not coming in. I don’t like you—” I lashed out, trying my best to hurt him the way he’d hurt me earlier.

  Harrison grabbed both my wrists in his hand and before I knew it, he had me pinned against the door with his mouth sealed over mine. He kissed me with such brutal force that my body went limp against his, forgetting to fight him as desire swept through me.

  “Bed. Hmmm, I like,” he said as he waggled his eyebrows at me.

  God, I wish I were immune to him. I wish he didn’t have this mind-numbing effect of me. I was like putty in his hands, my anger dissolving the minute he touched me.

  But not tonight.

  I pushed against his chest with all my strength. I wasn’t going to be that easy or let him get away with hurting me; I was going to ignore the lust and desire unfurling in my body and show him that he did not own me.

  Famous last words.

  “Eva, I’m sorry. I’m a jackass who is incapable of being a decent human being. You should hate me. In fact, you should run as far away from me as you can.” His lips brushed over my ear. “I get it. I don’t deserve a woman like you.” His hot breath sent goosebumps scattering over my skin.

  “Yes, I should. You’re so bad for me, Harrison. You make me forget that I deserve so much better.”

  “I do?”

  Oh God, I’d had way too much to drink, and I was too tired for mind games. For any games. And my resistance was crumbling way too fast.

  “Let me go.” I wriggled against him. “Go home, Harrison. I didn’t invite you over.” I shoved hard, but he didn’t move an inch. Just as I was about to try again, he suddenly let me go and took a step backward. I nearly stumbled forward and face-planted, but luckily I gripped the door handle to stop myself from keeling over. Why was it that when he actually listened I hated it even more?

  “I guess I’m not worth saving, huh? Just as I thought. You talk a good game, Eva.”

  Shit.

  He turned to walk away.

  Shit, shit, shit.

  Pressing the elevator button, he leaned against the wall with his back to me, his shoulders slumped forward and his head down.

  What was I to do? If I had all the answers I’d be the Dali Lama and not plain Eva Ryder.

  It’s better if he leaves. It’s what I want, right?

  With trembling hands, I fished for my front door key and tried to insert it into the keyhole. My vision had gone
blurry from the tears that had welled up, and I blinked fast so I could see more clearly. Instead, my keys dropped from my hands and landed on the concrete floor with a heavy thud. I took a step forward to retrieve them, but in my haste, I tripped over, and this time I landed on my ass.

  How fucking embarrassing.

  Not to mention that it hurt like hell. I tried to get up before Harrison noticed, but I didn’t have the strength. Instead, I buried my face in my hands and just sat there, letting the tears pour down my cheeks.

  Harrison swung around and closed the distance between us. “Baby! Are you okay?”

  Um . . . no, I’m not. Not even close.

  I just cried harder. This wasn’t how I wanted this day to end. I was strong, independent, confident, yet I couldn’t control the flow of tears.

  “I’m going to take you inside, okay?” His voice was low and gruff.

  Strong arms lifted me off the ground, and I leaned into his chest. God, it felt so, so, so damn good. His heartbeat was nearly as fast as mine, and I couldn’t help the small smile that broke through.

  My breath hitched. “Okay,” I said in a shaky voice.

  The sense of relief that washed over me in that moment when I just gave myself to Harrison and let him take over stunned me. In the strangest of ways, it was liberating to not always want to be in control and to just allow a man to take care of me.

  Harrison inserted the key and opened the door without any of the trouble I seemed to have experienced. Maybe I was just too tired and drank too much red wine so that the smallest thing had become difficult and overwhelming.

  He carried me inside and straight to my bedroom. He inspected the grazed palms I’d used to break my fall and then gently brought them to his lips one by one and kissed them.

  “I know it hurts, but you’ll live,” he said, his eyes warm and kind.

  That look completely undid me. Gruff and moody Harrison I could deal with. But when he showed his caring side, I did what I always did and threw caution to the wind.