A small laugh bubbles out of my mouth. It slowly builds until I’m cracking up hysterically. Is this some kind of sick joke? Are we talking about the same Kayleigh Jacobs? The girl who barely drank as of a couple months ago? Jordan watches as I get my laughter under control.
“Sorry, man, but you’ve got your information twisted. There is no way in hell she’s doing that shit.”
“I don’t think I do.”
Okay, this is getting old, fast. “And how would you even know that?”
“I deal to one of her friends.”
My eyes widen. I had no idea Jordan dealt drugs. I mean, I knew he ran with some of the wrong kinds of people, but I didn’t know he was the same way. Making a mental note to distance myself from him, I shake my head.
“Well, still. I can’t control who she’s friends with, but I do know my girlfriend and I know she’s not the kind of person for that shit.”
“Holden, I saw –”
“Enough.” I cut him off angrily. “She’s not. You’re wrong. Now get the fuck out of my car. I have places I need to be.”
He rolls his eyes. “Alright. Don’t say I didn’t try to warn you.”
The door slams shut after he steps out. Fucking dick. Who does he think he is? If anyone would know if Kayleigh was doing drugs, it would be me. She’s not. She’s perfect.
A FEW DAYS LATER, I’m sitting in the kitchen when Caleb comes in. He grabs a beer from the fridge and sits down across from me. I click off my phone, not wanting to be rude.
“Hey. Is everything okay with you and Kay?”
My eyes narrow on him. “Yes, why?”
“Just asking. She’s not around as much as she used to be and I just figured with you two being official now, that it would be the opposite.”
“We’re fine.” I tell him, a little too dismissively to sound nonchalant.
He gives me a look but nods anyway. “Okay. Well, let me know if you need anything.”
With that, he gets up and leaves me alone again in the large room. Jordan’s words replay in my head. Is it possible that Kayleigh picked something up the night she went to that party? It’s not like she wouldn’t have had access to it. Besides, she said she met a new friend when she went out. Maybe she got her into the stuff.
I shake my head to rid myself of these thoughts. That’s ridiculous. Kayleigh would never do something like that. She’s too smart for it. I mean honestly, she hadn’t even smoked pot before she came home with me for Thanksgiving break. She may be acting a little differently lately, but she knows better than to get into something like cocaine.
MY PROFESSOR’S VOICE BOOMS through the room, but I can’t be bothered to listen. On my way to class, I had seen Kayleigh walking with some girl, but as soon as she noticed me, she whispered something to her friend and they separated. All I keep wondering is why she doesn’t want us to meet.
The class lets out without me absorbing a single piece of information. A few girls try to get my attention afterwards but I ignore them. Kayleigh said she would meet me back at my place so we could go out to dinner, and after the way she’s been distant, it’s exactly what I need right now.
I walk in the front door and go straight up to my bedroom. Kayleigh is standing with her back to me but my heart swells when I see her.
“Hey babe.” I make myself known.
She jumps, shutting something before turning around. I notice her locket is clutched in her hand instead of hanging around her neck.
“Hey. You scared me.”
“I see that. Everything okay?” I take a step towards her.
She nods, tossing the necklace onto the bed before wrapping her arms around me and kissing me softly. I sigh into it, missing the way we used to spend every second like this. It’s all I want right now.
“I’m just going to take a quick shower and then we can go, okay?”
I smile. “Of course, baby.”
With one last kiss, she grabs a change of clothes and heads out the door. My eyes immediately go to the locket still lying on the bed. I glance back at the hallway, hearing the bathroom door shut and the water turn on – then I take the small item in my hands. It’s larger than most lockets, but it always looks good on her petite frame.
My fingers struggle to get it open but as soon as I do, my heart sinks. Stuffed inside the piece of jewelry is a small baggie filled with white powder. Jordan was right. Everything feels like it’s crashing down around me, until the sound of someone walking down the hallway rips me back into reality. I shut the locket and toss it back down on the bed just as Kayleigh comes back into the room.
“I forgot my necklace.” Her tone makes it sound as if it’s no big deal.
She picks it up off the bed and presses her lips to my cheek before leaving again. All I can do is stare at the place where she just stood, too shocked to move.
I WAIT FOR KAYLEIGH to fall asleep that night before I lose it, grabbing my phone and heading outside to call Brandon. Everything from the last week and a half is playing through my mind like a movie reel. The way she would wake up irritable, only to leave and come back a little while later in a much better mood. How she keeps going out with some new friend she doesn’t want me to meet. Her tendency to argue with me more. They’ve all been signs that I’ve been too blind to see for myself.
The phone rings and goes to voicemail but I hang up and call again. This is urgent. He’ll understand.
“Hello?” Brandon answers sleepily.
“Bran.”
“H? What’s wrong?” The panic in my voice wakes him up in an instant.
“I-it’s Kayleigh.”
“What happened? Is she okay? What’s going on?”
I groan and throw my head back, sitting on the curb a little ways down from my house. “She’s in some trouble.”
“More trouble? Is this the eating disorder thing again?”
“No. Well, I’m sure it has something to do with it, but no. I think this may be worse.”
“Worse?!” He sounds worried.
I nod even though he can’t see me and take a deep breath. “She’s doing coke.”
He starts to laugh. “Christ, Holden. Don’t scare me like that.” I’m quiet until he realizes I’m not joking. “Wait, you’re serious?!”
“Yeah.”
“How the fuck did that happen?! She was hesitant to try smoking weed not even two months ago.”
“I know, but I got her to try it anyway. That’s what I mean. Is this my fault? Did I start her on another destructive path? Did I do this?!”
“No.” He answers immediately. “Not at all. This wasn’t your doing. You would never allow her to get into something like that.”
He’s right, but it’s harder to convince myself of that. I feel insanely guilty. “What do I do? I’ve had a hard-enough time getting her to listen to me about eating. How can I possibly get her to beat this too?”
Brandon exhales. “That’s tough. Honestly, I would just try to keep a closer eye on her. Get her to avoid doing it as much as you can.”
“Should I tell her I know about it?”
“I wouldn’t. It could cause her to get defensive and push you away. How did you find out?”
I run my fingers through my hair. “Her friend’s dealer is a friend of mine. Well, was at least until I found out what he was doing. He told me and I said he was wrong. Then today, I found some hidden in her locket.”
“Okay.” He says after a moment. “That could be beneficial to you though. Try asking him not to deal to them anymore. Start there. In the meantime, keep Kayleigh away from the girl she’s getting it from as much as possible.”
“That’s a good idea. I’ll try that. Thanks man.”
“Anytime.”
We hang up the phone and I instantly search for Jordan’s contact. When I find it, I send him a text.
Me: Hey man. Don’t deal to Kayleigh’s friend anymore.
His response is almost instantaneous.
Jordan: Finally realized I was
right, eh?
I roll my eyes. I’m in no mood for his cocky ass attitude.
Me: Doesn’t matter. I mean it, just stop
dealing to her. I don’t give a fuck what
you do with anyone else, but keep it
away from her.
He doesn’t answer but I don’t expect him to. I go back inside and climb into bed, cuddling up next to my girlfriend who melts into my touch and moves closer to me. I kiss her head, allowing my lips to linger a bit longer than necessary. Anyone else would walk away when faced with an addiction on top of her eating disorder, but not me. I couldn’t leave her if I tried.
KAYLEIGH HUNCHES OVER THE toilet, spilling the contents of her stomach into it. I can only assume this is the effects of cocaine withdrawal. My hand rubs over her back while the other holds her hair out of the way. She’s utterly miserable, but while I hate seeing her like this, I know it’s for the best.
“Stop watching me. It’s gross.” She whines.
I chuckle softly. “Baby, you couldn’t be gross if you tried. I’m not going anywhere.”
After she finishes, she washes her face and turns to me – pouting. I coo at how adorable she looks and place a kiss to her forehead.
“I’m tired.”
“Come on.” I tell her. “Let’s get you back in bed.”
A FEW WEEKS LATER, things seem almost back to normal. Kayleigh isn’t throwing up anymore but something still feels off. She’s still just as distant than she was before. I took her out to dinner last night for Valentine’s day. As her present, I gave her a plane ticket to Miami over spring break and invited her to come with my family and me. I thought she would be excited, but instead she looked more panicked than anything. I brushed it off as her anxiety but I still can’t help but wonder what’s making her so closed off.
“Babe, I’ll be back in a little bit, okay?” She catches my attention while I’m in the middle of writing an essay.
I eye her suspiciously but mask it with a smile. “Where are you going?”
“Jade’s. She needs help with an assignment.”
Glancing out the window, I notice the rain pouring down. “How are you getting there? It’s raining.”
“It is?” She turns to look outside and groans. “I was going to walk.”
“I can drive you.” I suggest, closing my computer.
“No. That’s okay. I’ll just see if she can come get me.”
I shake my head. “Nonsense. I’m going to go pick up something for lunch anyway. I’ll drop you off on my way.” She looks unsure but ultimately agrees and thanks me.
The whole car ride to the dorms, Kayleigh sits in the passenger seat, fiddling with her sleeve. It’s clear she’s nervous but I have no idea why. I pull up to the front of the building instead of parking and she sighs in relief.
“Thanks again, babe.” She leans over and kisses me once.
“No problem. Let me know if you need me to pick you up.”
The second she disappears into the dorms, I drive around to the back and park – climbing out of my car and walking back around to the front. I stay completely out of view and watch the doors. It’s not that I want to spy on her like this, but I can feel in my gut something is up. Sure enough, a few minutes later, Kayleigh and the friend she refuses to emerge from the building. What are they up to?
I manage to discreetly follow them, hiding behind cars and trees as much as possible without looking like a total creep. Finally, when they reach their destination, it’s at a car in the back corner of the parking lot – a car I recognize. Kayleigh stands back a little as Jade does what I can only assume is a drug deal. After she’s done, the two of them happily walk away, smiling and laughing about something.
The second she’s out of hearing range, I go up to the car and bang my hand down on the back to stop it from leaving the spot. The driver’s side door opens. I waste no time in ripping Jordan from the car and slamming his back against it.
“Holden, what the fuck?!”
“I thought I told you to stop dealing to them you piece of shit!”
He tries to force me off him but I won’t budge. “I did! Then they went and got it elsewhere and it made them both sick!”
“So, your solution was to fucking start again?!” I swing my fist and punch him hard across the face.
“Don’t you get it?! It doesn’t matter whether they get it from me or not! They’re going to get some regardless. At least you know my shit is clean!”
His words only make me even more livid. I thought I had this situation under control, and here he is telling me my girlfriend is a drug addict and there’s not a damn thing I can do about it. My knee flies up and into his stomach, then I punch him across the face a few more times before throwing him onto the ground – leaving him groaning in pain on the concrete.
“If I catch you near her again, I’ll turn you in to the authorities. I swear to fucking God, Jordan. I’m not messing around!” I turn around to see a few people watching us with their jaws dropped. “The fuck are you looking at?!” I growl and watch as they scatter.
What am I going to do now?!
Chapter Twenty Seven
The weeks leading up to spring break are chaotic to say the least. I make countless attempts to distract Kayleigh and keep her from going to see Jade. I’ve tried everything I can think of, from fighting with her and begging her not to go out to being overly clingy and romantic. Nothing seems to work. I’m forced to either leave or watch her ruin herself right in front of my face, and neither of those options make me happy. What happened to the innocent freshman I met at the beginning of the year? She may have hated my guts but she was so pure. I don’t even know who this version of Kayleigh is, but I know the girl I fell in love with is in there somewhere.
Suddenly, an idea pops in my head. Telling her I love her – that’s one thing I haven’t tried yet. Maybe if she knows what she means to me, she’ll realize how dangerous her actions are. It’s a long shot but the only other thing I can think of is sending her to rehab, and I’d like to avoid that if possible. She almost hated me for telling Dawson about her eating disorder. I can only imagine what she would do to me if I have her locked up somewhere and forced into treatment.
It’s finally the night before our flight and we’re standing in my bedroom, packing clothes into our suitcases. She has enough of her belongings here to where she doesn’t need to go to her dorm – something I’m grateful for since I don’t know if that’s where she’d really be.
I get done first, watching as Kayleigh finishes shortly after. She’s definitely on edge but I know better than to question it. She’s probably starting to sober up or thinking about how she’s going to manage to get away with doing it on vacation. Still, she looks beautiful as she places her suitcase next to mine.
“Are you excited?”
She nods. “Yeah, it should be fun.”
I grin, stepping closer and wrapping my arms around her waist. “What have you done to me?”
“What do you mean?” A little crease forms in her forehead as her eyes meet mine.
“I’ve never brought a girl home, but I brought you. I’ve never brought a girl on vacation, but I’m bringing you.” I pause for a second, then force myself to continue. “I’ve never said I…”
The door flies open and slams against the wall, killing the moment entirely. I glare at the intruder. Fucking Jason. He laughs softly as he apologizes.
“Holden, Jesse wants to talk to you for a minute.”
The request catches me a little off guard. It isn’t like Jesse to have Jason relay the message. He’d normally just come to me himself. I give Kayleigh one more kiss before I excuse myself and follow Jason into the hallway. Just before we reach the bedroom at the end of the hall, he stops me.
“Dude, were you about to say what I think you were in there?”
I roll my eyes. “Way to eavesdrop, asshole.”
He chuckles. “I’m sorry, I just figured you waited this long, what’s anot
her day?”
“What do you mean?”
“You’re going to be in Miami tomorrow. Wouldn’t it be better to say it there rather than in the middle of your bedroom?”
Crap. Why didn’t I think of that?
“Yeah, you’re right. Thanks Jase.” I pat him on the back and walk into Jesse’s room. “You wanted to see me?”
He’s currently packing his own bag when he turns to me. “Hey H. Yeah, come sit.” He zips up the bag and places it on the floor so there is enough room on his bed. “I, uh, saw Kayleigh today.”
My stomach twists. I’ve been trying to make sure no one else finds out about this. “Oh yeah?”
He nods. “She was hanging out with Asher Bane’s girlfriend.”
So that’s who she is. Asher is the president of Phi Sigma Alpha. No wonder Kayleigh hasn’t wanted me to meet her.
“Yeah, I know. They have a class together and have to work on a project with each other.” I mentally pat myself on the back for coming up with that on the spot.
“You sure?”
“Definitely. No worries man. I’ve got it all under control.”
Thankfully, he doesn’t question it further and the conversation turns to one about how this room is going to be mine next year. He made the official announcement a few weeks ago, letting everyone know that I will be next year’s President of Kappa Delta Phi. Caleb was disappointed but congratulated me anyway. I just hope I still have Kayleigh to enjoy it with.
WE TAKE A FLIGHT from Maine to Philadelphia. From there, we meet my parents, Brandon, and Josephine, and get on another plane to Florida. Halfway through the second flight, I notice Kayleigh isn’t wearing her locket. My chest fills with hope. If she left it home, maybe that means she’ll be drug free during this vacation. I’d do anything to have the old Kayleigh back in my arms and her not being high is exactly what it takes.
Her head rests against my shoulder as she sleeps soundly. Brandon is sitting on the other side of the aisle with Jo. He motions to me, asking if I’m okay with hand signals. I nod and smile. He may be a pain in my ass sometimes, but I couldn’t ask for a better best friend.
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