Into the Fire

by T A. McKay

  They were in my office with me for about forty minutes before they left, diagnosing me with a severe panic attack. They’d found nothing wrong with my heart and all other vitals were normal. The only thing that wasn’t normal was my blood pressure, which was slightly high, but I was told that was to be expected. After refusing to go to the hospital they left me with instructions to go see my doctor. I felt so stupid, bringing them all the way here for a fucking panic attack, but I’d genuinely been terrified. I can only imagine how Rocco felt when he had his crash, knowing that no matter what he wasn't going to walk away unhurt. That moment of praying that he would still be breathing after it.

  I rub my hands over my face, trying to clear the fatigue that the memory of that night always brings. I can't believe that I’ve walked right back into what I was trying to escape from. Nothing has changed. I take a deep breath and step from my car, needing sleep now more than ever. I don't even have the energy to park my car in the garage, so it will just have to stay out here in the driveway all night.

  I walk up the front steps and through the front door. I'm met with laughter as soon as I enter the foyer and I groan inwardly. I can't believe she has people over. I stop where I am and actually contemplate leaving again. Just going and finding a hotel to stay in for the night, texting Judi to say I'm staying at the office to catch up. I take a deep breath, knowing I can't do that. I place my keys on the table inside the door, trying to be as quiet as possible. Maybe if they don't see me I can sneak past and go to bed, meaning I don’t have to put on a fake smile to entertain.

  I’m nearing the living room when I realise that other than the laughter from a minute ago, I can't hear anyone now. If I know one thing it’s that Judi’s friends aren't quiet. As I get closer I stop and listen, surprised that I can only hear two quiet voices. One of them I recognise as Judi’s. The other, a male, is one that is all too familiar to me, after all I hear it at work every day.

  I push open the door, the hinges squeaking as they moves. I just stand there and take in everything that is happening. Adam and Judi are sitting on the main sofa, he has his hand on the back of her neck and she is leaning in very close to him. When they hear the door, they jump apart, looking guilty as sin. Judi has a blush on her cheeks and I wonder how she will try to get out of this, because lets be honest, this will be my fault. She gets up and walks over to me quickly, wrapping her arms around my waist, obviously putting on a show.

  “Noah, you’re home. I didn't expect you home so early.” I look over to the couch where Adam is sitting with his eyes glued to Judi. Why have I never seen this before? I always thought he was just friendly towards her, but now I see that maybe there is something else. I wonder how long this has been going on?

  “Yeah, so I see. Adam, I thought you said you were going home? You know, when you left me in the office hours ago.” He finally looks at me and I can see the colour draining from his face, not knowing what to say to me. It’s Judi that finally gives him his excuse.

  “That’s my fault. I asked him to come over to discuss an opportunity my father has for him. He’s looking for another senior executive and I thought Adam was perfect. I know it means he will move out of your office but I'm sure Mr Tate won’t mind him changing to daddy’s company. ” She gives me a huge smile, one that doesn't seem to reach her eyes and I nod my head. She is obviously grooming her next potential husband, since I don't seem to be living up to her standards. Adam would be the perfect fit into her dad’s company, filling a job I had turned down. I took the job with Tate, Callum and Rose over her dad’s offer, and I have always been happy I did. I look between them both, knowing that their lies are so transparent, if there had been a job she would have tried to push me into it again.

  I wonder if they are sleeping together already and then notice that there is no jealousy, no anger. I really need to get out of this relationship. I slip out of her hold, moving back towards the door I entered through.

  “Yeah, Adam would be perfect. As long as he isn't trying to get anything that’s mine.” I look at him, giving him a look that tells him I know what he’s up to. At least he has the decency to look embarrassed this time, getting my meaning very clearly. Even though I’m losing any feeling I have for Judi, I won’t let him take what’s mine without making him fight for it.

  “I'm going to bed.” With those parting words I leave them both in the living room and head up to my bedroom. I just want a shower and then to sleep. It’s been a long fucking day and as it is, I'm only going to get about five hours sleep before I need to get back to the office.

  After showering I grab a pair of boxer shorts from my drawer and pull them on. I debate on putting a t-shirt on but I just don't even have the energy to do that. I climb into bed as Judi opens the bedroom door. I look over at her as I settle onto my pillow. I know it won't be long until my eyes close, I feel more tired than I ever have been.

  “How was your first day back?” I don't have the energy to be pissed at her so I answer her question, hoping that it will move things along quicker.

  “It was busy. Too much work to get caught up on and not enough time to get it all done.” She nods and makes her way to the bathroom. I turn off the light that is next to my bed, lying on my side facing away from Judi’s side of the bed.

  It feels like seconds later when I'm awoken from my sleep, feeling the bed next to me dip. Cold hands make their way over my stomach and up my chest, lips grazing the back of my neck as she pushes her body into my back. I can feel the press of her breasts against me, squished between our bodies, and the heat from her pussy on my arse, through my boxer shorts. Normally this would be enough to get my body reacting to her, to harden under her hands, but tonight I just don't want her touching me. I still her hand as it moves below my belly button, not letting her move any lower. I don’t know why, but the thought of being with her just feels wrong.

  “We haven't been together in a long time. I want you, Noah.” The words are whispered into my ear in a seductive way. I lie there and wait for my body to have a reaction, any reaction, but there’s nothing. No hardening, no feelings of lust. Just fatigue and a need to sleep.

  “Not tonight, Judi. It’s late and I need to get up early to go into work. So maybe tomorrow?” I know tomorrow will be the same, the feelings that she always brought out in me have been fading for a while now, taking me longer to finish when I'm with her. Not that I have been with her much recently, between work and the stress, I just haven't been in the mood. Nothing gets me in the mood, or at least that’s what I thought before I saw Madison. One look at her and my dick had been straining against the zipper of my jeans begging for release. A look, a simple touch, just being with her was enough to get me hard. I hear her sigh behind me and I hope this argument doesn't last long. I really want to sleep. She unwraps her arms from around me and moves over to her side of the bed.

  “Did you sleep with her?” I close my eyes. Every time I see Madison I get the same questions, it’s starting to get old. No matter how much I want Madison, there is no way I would ever have sex with her while I was engaged, I'm not that kind of guy.

  “For the one hundredth time, Judi. No, I didn't sleep with Madison. Madison is my friend and nothing more. I would never cheat on you. When I put that ring on your finger I meant I would be faithful.” I’m telling her the truth, I would never cheat on her, but I won’t tell her that the only thing I can think about is getting back inside Madison’s body, to feel her heat as she pulls me in. My dick starts to harden with these thoughts and I move the blanket so Judi can't see. Shit. So the beautiful woman next to me can't get me hard, but a memory, a simple thought of Madison has me wanting to explode?

  “I honestly need to sleep, Judi. Can we talk about this tomorrow when I get home from work? Goodnight.” I close my eyes, hoping she will take the hint and just leave me alone. I don't like the Noah I am when I come back to London, but there isn't anything I can do, this is what this place does to me. I hear her sighing but she doesn’t talk to
me, she just leaves me to go to sleep. I'm thankful for small mercies and close my eyes, waiting for sleep to take me.

  Chapter Six

  Madison

  It’s nearly time! When I walk out of the salon doors at seven o’clock, it will only be a few hours until Noah’s back. He’s back for Rocco’s stag night, the big event is tomorrow night. They’re having it early because Mason’s wife, Niamh, is due their baby in a few weeks and Mason doesn't want to get drunk when she is too close to the her due date.

  I’ve been smiling all day just thinking about him and even now my heart skips a beat. He’s going to stay at my place again to save booking a hotel, so he’s going to be all mine until Monday when he leaves, well all mine apart from the stag night. I have to work tomorrow but I’m finishing half day, then I don't need to be back until Tuesday so I can spend all my time with him. I’ve missed him like crazy this time, I don't know if it’s because I know how unhappy he is, or if it’s just because my heart has a harder time letting him go each time he leaves.

  Tash walks over to where I’m washing out the bowls from my last client.

  “So, have you had to change your knickers yet?” I look at her with wide eyes, shocked at what she just asked me.

  “Oh god, Tash. What are you on about?” I can feel my face redden and I look around to see if anyone is listening.

  “Oh don't act all innocent, I know that lover boy is coming into town tonight. You can't tell me that you aren’t dying to get out of here.” One of these days I'm going to stop telling her things.

  “Yes he arrives soon, but no,” I look around again, making sure we’re alone.

  “My knickers don't need to be changed. God, Tash, you’re so crude sometimes.” She laughs at my comment, getting too much pleasure from my discomfort. It’s not that I’m shy, I'm pretty much anything but shy, but we’re at work. Some things shouldn't be discussed here.

  “If it’s just sometimes, I need to work on it. Oh look, I think you’re blushing.” She blows me a kiss before walking away. She always makes me blush without trying, it’s a skill she mastered a long time ago. I laugh at her retreating form, I really can't be angry because she is right, I can't wait to get out of this place and see Noah. My stomach starts doing somersaults at the thought of him being here, at the thought of touching him.

  Yeah, I might need to change my knickers when I get home.

  I got home a few hours ago and I’ve been sitting on the couch, waiting very impatiently for Noah to arrive. He texted about an hour ago saying he wasn't far away and he would see me soon. Now I feel like he is taking too long, I just want him here. I’ve tried to keep myself busy, to get caught up on all the jobs that I am behind on. I think I did well, and only spent half the time I’ve been home watching out the front window. I don’t like to think of it as stalking, just taking an interest in his arrival time. I laugh when I think of the excuses I'm making.

  I hear a bang at the door and a voice swearing from the other side. I rush over and open the door. The vision I'm met with on the other side has me laughing. Noah is kneeling on the floor surrounded by a puddle of something, his suitcase is open with his clothes all over the hall floor and he is trying to gather up flowers that are all over the place. He looks up at me as he hears my giggle.

  “You know what would be great, Angel? If you stand there and laugh at me while I try to clean up all this shit on the floor.” His crabby attitude has me laughing even harder, making me grab my sides as I struggle to breathe. He gets up from his knees, leaving everything on the floor where it lies and stalks towards me. I start to back up, not trusting the look he has on his face right now.

  “Noah, what are you doing? You can't leave all that mess out there.” He gives me a pleasant smile, a smile that I don't trust at all. He lunges for me but he isn't quick enough as I turn and run. I don't know where I’m heading but I know I can't let him catch me.

  I run as fast as I can down the hall towards my bathroom, if I can just get in there then I can lock myself away until he calms down. I grab the edge of the door as I rush past it, my feet slipping on the tiled floor. I manage to right myself and turn before he reaches the door. I slam it quickly and lock it. I hear his footsteps on the other side of the door, even over my heavy breaths.

  “You can't hide in there all night little girl.” I know he’s challenging me, trying to get me to open the door. I hate it when he calls me little girl, it was his nickname for me in school, even after we started dating.

  “Said the big bad wolf. What big teeth you have.” I hear his laughter from the other side of the door. I wonder how long this stand-off will last. We’ve had a few of these over the years and I’ve never really come out best in any of them, so pissing him off maybe isn't the best idea.

  “All the better to eat you with.” I know it’s the answer to give, a stupid kids story. I started it, but when he says those words my heart stutters. The thought of his mouth on me, all over my body, biting and licking, its just too much. My body temperature rises and I'm glad he is locked on the other side of the door, unable to see the effect he’s having on me.

  I put my back to the door and slide down until I feel the floor under me. I lean my head back and take deep breaths, the same mantra going through my head on repeat. He didn't mean it like that. He didn't mean it like that. I suddenly realise that it’s gone quiet on the other side of the door. I try to work out in my head how long I’ve been in here, but with my inner turmoil it could be any length of time. I press my ear to the door, trying to hear anything that’s going on, but there is nothing. Getting to my feet I move past the door, I put my hand on the lock and take a deep breath. If he is out there I will never be able to get the door closed quickly enough. I unlock the door and slowly turn the handle. My heart is racing and I feel like I’m in some cheap horror movie. Placing my foot behind the door so he can't push it open fully, I slowly pull it open. He isn't there, but I take a minute just listening, trying to hear where he is. Nothing. I edge the door open more and move out into the hall slowly, keeping as quiet as possible. He must have went back out to the front door to clean up the mess he made, he couldn't leave it there all night. The thought of everything all over the floor makes a small laugh escape, I can't help it. I walk past my dark bedroom and I realise my mistake when I’m grabbed from behind by a strong pair of arms. I can't believe he was hiding and I can't believe I fell for it. A scream leaves my throat as Noah’s arms tighten around my waist and he lifts me off the floor.

  “Got you now, little girl. Whatcha gonna do about it?” The words are spoken close to my ear, his breath fanning over my face. I'm torn between being scared of what's about to happen and being more turned on than ever before, but my decision is made when I feel him moving towards ... the bathroom I think? I try to pry his hands off me but I know it’s going to be useless.

  “Noah, what are you doing? This is silly. Lets just call a truce and go tidy up the hall? You don't want anything to be stolen. This is a bad neighbourhood.” I feel his body vibrate and his laughter reaches my ear before he speaks.

  “Nice try, Angel. That’s all tidied up, your door is locked … it’s just you and me.” How the hell had he cleaned up so quickly? I must have been trying to calm down longer than I thought.

  He turns our bodies around and I see we’re in the bathroom. He’s moving me towards the bathtub and I start to realise what his plans are. No, no, no. He wouldn't? I struggle harder but he’s just too strong to fight against.

  “Noah, don't you dare. I swear if you do this I will make you suffer. It won't be worth it. Noah, no!” He doesn't stop moving, my pleas falling on deaf ears as he moves me under the showerhead and reaches his hand out for the cold tap.

  “Noah, please. I'm sorry okay? I promise never to laugh at you, no matter what epically stupid thing you do.”

  “Wrong answer.” He turns the tap and within seconds freezing cold water is spraying over me, drenching through my clothes and making my breath catch in my ch
est. I let a scream out, the coldness of the water almost painful against my skin. His arms loosen from around my waist and he backs away from me. Oh no he doesn't. There is no way he isn't getting wet after he did this to me. I turn around quickly and grab him by the shirt, pulling him against my body.

  “Fuck, that’s cold.” The words are said on a gasp as the water soaks him through. Serves him right, this is a shitty thing to do, no matter how much I laughed at him. I make to walk past him, trying to escape the cold that is seeping through my body. He grabs me this time, pulling me back in and pushing my body against the wall. His body presses against mine, keeping me pinned. I can feel the entire length of his body against mine. His hard muscles flexing against my softer ones, his leg pushing between my thighs, rubbing intimately against me. I wonder if he knows what he’s doing. I wonder if he realises the effect he’s having on my body. I try to compose myself, needing to pretend that this isn't affecting me at all.

  “Welcome back.” I can't help but laugh. We must be an interesting sight, both of us standing under the shower fully dressed. He kisses me on the nose and I feel my face flush a little, the kiss along with his thigh rubbing is doing strange things to my body. The kiss was an innocent gesture, but an intimate one, and my body is reacting to that. I can feel my heart rate pick up and heat flooding between my legs, where I can feel my heart throb. I’m suddenly getting too hot in here, even under the cold water, I need to escape. I look up into his eyes and I realise my mistake too late.